Fantasy, fiction, call it what you will.

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Oh, don't worry. I am not plainly insane. Being crippled, and having been so for some time, the mind finds ways of dreaming about being more. Being average doesn't cut it, only being a super type man will do to balance decades of failure. Having a vast imagination makes the endeavor easy. If nothing else, that I have found all men to be too frail to be heroes should be a good sign. Heroes, from my youth, included Mark Twain (Clemens), Albert Einstein, Poe, and Schwarzenegger. As I learned more, I set them aside as just fools who peaked in some specific field but were absolute failures in most other ways. They or their handlers sold them for something they weren't. False advertising became an understood thing. Caveat emptor, indeed.

My friend called today. He wanted me to come in. As I said though, I need some time to figure things out and rest. So I told him I would not be in today, nor tomorrow. Monday will be the day. Further, now that he can come and go as he chooses I will no longer go shooting on the weekend. I absolutely despise competing with every working guy who only gets weekends off and so floods the hills, mountains, shooting spots, and every nook and cranny out there. No, weekdays only. I will, however, finish taking in the last bits of his gun stuff I still hold. He has two rifles, ammunition, and perhaps a few other odds and ends here.

I am going to truly hate this month. Money is so low that I am going to have to squeeze by. I have a few trips to SLC for medical appointments, so I am going to have to be careful to make sure I have the seed gas money to get there. Food, as I said, will have to be 'slim pickin's' special. Beans and rice and bits of meat and veggie for variety. A half a dozen cans of tuna will help a great deal in that. A package of beef and a grouping of chicken thighs and legs too, though not as meals unto themselves. Now, I have money in savings I could pull off. But I am keeping that where it is in case I have some unforeseen expense. If I make it through the month I will be in normal shape next month and will then use the savings as I had intended... to begin putting up food. Oh, yes, it must seem like just a crazy game, but it isn't.

My computer, or modem, keeps putting out a series of beeps. *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*' *beep* *beep* *beep*'... etc. With a little breaks every three beeps, in fast succession. I think three sets of three. I will see if it is the computer, modem, or something else shortly. I also have some sort of constant electrical sounding *buzz*, even when the computer, monitor, television, and all are shut down and even when I turn off the power to those systems. It's coming from under the floor, ugh. The beeping just started today, but I only really heard it after the machines were all on. I have no idea what all this is. The *buzz* may require crawling into the crawl space, the *beep*'s, I don't know since I am not yet sure of the source. Ugh. No, no... Double UGH!

Well, on to other things. Mostly just resting today. The Devil's Advocate is on tv. While a bit fantastical, I do think it... exemplifies some truths, too. Shakespeare to Dante to me, a bit of fantasy, artistic license, and a bit of our understanding all mix into a bit of storytelling that is meant to entertain while... doing just a touch more, perhaps. While we live in a spiritual existence, that is wrapped in quite flawed flesh. Most only every see things of flesh, and for the most part, only partially believe in the real truth. As imaginative fallen men, we come up with things both to help with our own understanding, share some aspect of that understanding, and just... play with ideas. No, I am not saying I am great at it, just that I do it.

Anyway. Have a great day. I will rest and recoup, plan my next week, look for my shoe polish kit, and prepare clothes for my next visit to Church. It is coming. And, in some ways, I do fear it. I always have feared the Church. And I fear the people who go there, for different reasons. What is bravery but going where even angels fear to tread, or visiting their home?

Once again, good day.