Sleep, good sleep, from time to time.

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Off my feed in all ways, but not totally.  Sometimes I can eat a bit more, sometimes I get good sleep in.  Every third or fourth attempt at sleep, after I am as worn as I think I can become, I go down well.  It doesn't make up for the truly missed sleep, interrupted sleep, and such.  It does make the misery tolerable.  Sort of like, when drowning in a river, having to fight for some surface time, somehow hitting the surface just enough to not die.  Is that good?  Until it can become better, it is damnstraight good enough.  And so it was.  Too much sleep, but like air, at some times, there is no such thing as too much.

With all the givens, that the cats are being kept up on with food, water, and litter box, and I get a shower and some food and sleep, plus I am very aware if not exactly able, always, to do much with it, this is good.  The only bad thing about now being able to be awake, aware, and mobile to some degree when I fall this hard is that I feel the pain.  I realize I have two sorts of native painkillers.  For the real heavy, there was the fog.  I don't know if that is a mental state or the side effects from some of my most intense natural painkillers.  Perhaps a bit of both.  And then there is something milder, if still pretty heavy.  This is more like a local.  It won't make me foggy, but it won't deal with a total body issue.  It helps, but it just won't cut it all.  As I have healed, and of late, the fog... I have fought it's usage, and mostly won, but there is a price.  Today is one of those days I am paying it.  I have been in pretty serious pain for... a while now.  I was on the edge, due to it being high summer.  Then when I messed up with medicine, it went to a heightened state.  Now it goes from diminuendos to crescendos, sometimes at breathtaking speed, but some of it is always there.

Two, I believe normal, vials of insulin arrived today.  That will last me a while at the lower dose.  I should know if I have a new source before breaking into the new stash.  This supply is enough, I hope, to slowly come down off insulin altogether if need be.  Then begin figuring the rest out.  At this point, I really don't, can't, care which way it goes.  It'll just be nice to be on my way in whatever direction.  Imagine, my whole life will be based on whether a doctor will see me for diabetes or not.  That is what America has come... fallen... to.  Remember, your turn is next and it is getting worse.  Later.