So tired still.

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However, that means nothing.  I went to bed between 20:00 and 22:00?  Where in there I can't say.  As I started to come down from events yesterday, and really a build up from the last week, given the weather and else, I didn't just ease down, I began to fall down.  My mind and body just... collapsed.  I made it upstairs, but memory, and thought were gone by the time I rolled up into the blankets for sleep.  Beautiful, in a way.  I love being that tired when going to bed.

I woke just a bit after seven.  I tried to wake earlier, starting at, perhaps, five thirty?  Sassy tried to help.  Though, last night, she slept with me much of the night.  I love the tigger girl.  Enjoy having her up there.  Some nights she is there, often not.  She was named, and rightly, Sassy. It... matches.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  I don't own her, she is a friend.  Usually.

Fed first thing, her litter box reset.  She lives a happy life.  Especially since I have started feeding her six times a day.  No more food, I just spread the can and some treats, throughout the day.  She has lost a lot of weight.  I don't think she can lose the last bit down to thin, like her mom was.  But I think her mom was too thin start to stop, even before she got ill.  So, I am good with her weight.  Not perfect, but she is fixed, middle aged, and a pure homebound girl.  So, it's good.

It got cold.  It is 12, F, out there.  Ugh.  It had gotten up to 34, maybe 36 yesterday?  Some melting happened, if you really can't tell it, save on the driveway, and along the roads a bit.  I was hoping it would be a bit warmer today.  Nope.  Or... not yet.  It... might happen.  Weather in these hereabouts can switch in a minute.  Treacherous, dangerous, beautiful.  Living on the natural edge.

I'll try to get the day going.  Some food cooked.  Eggs and bacon as a start, at some point.  Kefir turned over, and some of the kefir grains put up, in the freezer.  Time and date labeled, so as to keep some track.  Lemons put up, in salt storage, and of course time and date labeled.  Nothing fancy, but... a few things.

And, I am going to look for grass fed, grass finished offal.  I'm not so worried about the protein parts of the animal.  But organs, maybe a bit more concerned.  That is where bad things would collect.  Not terribly worried, but if I am going to have concern, it would be with offal... organ meat.  Would like to see if I could find kidney, liver, heart, even maybe tongue (if tongue has become far too expensive, at least at the store... strange).  Anyway... a few things like that.

I did already take care of some business.  Where I shop online suggested my card was overdrawn.  But... that shouldn't have been.  So I checked that.  Nope.  I wonder if they were just trying to get me to put on another card, for neferious or more nefarious reasons.

I have been suspicious of them, so I have started watching closely, and limited to one card.  And gotten access to what is being put on that card, and keeping it to just that shop.  Don't trust.  No, I still had plenty on that card.  Not sure what that was about.  Could have just been a flaw in their system, but... maybe they want access to other cards.  Who knows how much money they run through systems, legally and not so much, to push and pull things.  Too big to fail, or even be rightly kept in check maybe.  But, yea, I sorted that out already.

You can't live an automated life.  They'll strip you to the bone, steal every penny, and look for anything else they can get.  Being mostly dead is difficult.  Though, I think a lot of people are sleeping with the parasites, being eaten alive, not even realizing they are being robbed, cheated, and else.  A lot of people are being completely cheated out of their income.  It's dark out there.  The government is either not on your side, or conversely the one doing the crimes.  The eunuch wars have begun.  The Chinese know this war.  Even when they won them, the few times, they still lost them.  Bureaucrats equal eunuchs.  Ugh.

Oh... he really talks the talk.  I still have... reservations.  But, this... not every time I go in, especially after this last time, but... the first time I went into the confessional?  Well, and the first Eucharist?  I... worried.  I may not have known the exact cause, but I understood the implications.  I have... wondered, about my nature, since I was a child of four to six.  I began to... understand some things.  About the world.  About people.  About myself.  Dark things.

I really wondered if... I might end up being no more, for doing those things.  Really, really.  Wasn't sure there was much left of me, after those things were released, surrendered.  God... asked me to trust Him, said this was the way.  And, after wrestling with Him for fifteen years?  I... surrendered, finally.  Hell of a gig.  But, yeah, I did worry.  Fear.  Still isn't easy, should improve in time.  Has improved.  And I am still here.  :p

He certainly provides some hope.  Never sure which way things will go.  Do have faith in how things will end.  The path isn't easy, but it is joyful even in the darkest of nights.  Or, so I say, as things stand.  For me.  I will pray for many of his intentions, that's true.  Say a rosary or two for him a month.

I did notice he had suggested that Lucifer was here to divide.  That's... I'll... debate that.  What did Christ say He would do?  Sunder father from son, mother from daughter, etc.  No, Christ is the divider.  Claimed it, took it, does it.  He is against the empire.  Not exactly the Rebel, this... isn't where His kingdom is.  But, He will, does, divide.  And, truly, you really are with Him, or against Him.  There... is no gray area.  Perhaps pergatory, but that isn't even gray.  That is as left as the Righteous may go, and it's a dip into hell, which may be only overcome through the walk of fire.  Don't... kid yourself, or try to kid me.  Amen.

Anyway... Later.