Long nap.

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I had hoped for a few hours.  I got that and more.  I am still tired.  I showered when I woke, and woke with a lark on my mind.  No, not a bird, mostly, a joke of some sort.  It was a wonderful morning for being an afternoon.  Possible?  More than probable, it simply was the way of it.


Dreams.  Hoodoo, voodoo, four dreams of those things.  There is a difference, if you know what to look for.  I just know that there were elements that seemed more one than the other in half of the things.  No, I wasn't so much involved as debunking... not as a man, though, as a trickster.  Oh... it's a terrible delight to take false beliefs away.  To mix, match, confuse, confound.  Atheist, voodoo, etc.  Anything that is only believable if it is believed is a thing of my former self and grandfather.  It's a trap for the lessor sorts, the limited, the damaged, the ill.  Spiritualism, as a religion, also goes in there, more because it allows you to believe everything and nothing at once.  It is avoiding a strong faith.

In there, somewhere, a hard dream.  A title emerged, as well, for myself or the beings whose eyes become mine.  The Judas General of the Dark Army.  I must lead the damned, of men and other, to their place and destruction.  And, I actually must do it well.  I know it will lose, but is that just me, now?  I also know that I, if I do it right, will bring some of darkness to the light.  And, as a final gestured, will escape the dark myself.  As God has told me, asked of me more, some things, so have I asked things of Him.  He, before, suggested that death, even for these, was not preferred.  That's a hell of a thing to ask the grand Vizier of War!  And, yet, there it was... a request, as well, not a command.  This time I saw where I asked Him for bona fides for the creation/salvation of my soul.  He just chuckled and suggested my faith was easily enough my key.  I told Him that I would have to walk in much darkness, so that my faith would have to be dispersed, or hidden, within much darkness.  How could I be sure?  He was not at all concerned, I have some worry.  The conversations are interesting, and yet terrifying.  Especially if one thinks one's bacon is in the pan and close to being in the fire.  Faith, He says.  So be it.



Other dreams?  Aplenty.  This last sleep cycle, as with several others in the last five days, have been rich in these things.  Up to now, it has mostly been about her.  Just as terrifying in a mortal way, mind you.  It isn't their fault, any more than it is our fault.  The hunger, the fear, the fragility, the goodness, the darkness.  A tumble through time, scratching and fighting to not scratch and fight, hungry for a gentle touch, knowing the price.  Even so.  Yes, dying or running seem better.  Though there may be no need.  Which, in it's own way, is far worse.

Between the various dreams and goings on, I feel like I've been dropped into the pure gravity well, I have stretched as thinly as possible before becoming no more, and yet I haven't hit bottom but might at any moment.  Other than that, it's all good.  Seriously, not too worried.  A bit jazzed, perhaps.  And, yes, that is a mischievous grin you see, as I raise my head from on low.  I would say the devil made me do it, but I have changed bosses.  God doesn't make me do anything, just... requests now.  And, I don't think he minds a friend, loyal sort of son, prodigal spirit son, such as myself, even when I... stray.  So long as I remember, before too long, and return.  I do wonder how many lives it took for Him to finally catch my attention.  The Lord knows, He tried for longer than some planets have existed.

Anyway...  Quite some dreams, quite some notions.  Hopefully health and sleep schedule will get back on track soon enough.  I did get the trash and recycling out.  The bathroom could use a slight bit of care, and the kitchen is becoming closer and closer to being truly put in place.  I am hoping to get, and keep, it in place long enough, at least, to get a plumber in to figure out the kitchen water inlet and drain problem, the tub drain problem, and get that fixed absolutely.  Then figure out the kitchen floor.  Even if I will only be here another year or so, I want these things fixed, just in case I can sell the house.

Memory?  Sometimes I can't, sometimes I don't, sometimes I won't?  Maybe.





I need to get to the grocery store before too long as well.  Perhaps get in for some sort of hair cut.  Begin hiking again, now that health is really back.  Got things to do, kiddos.  Later.