Doing better.

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Sleep is just whack.  I have been trying to direct it, limit it, push here, shove there, get it to line up with something level and singular of direction.  The alarm, when I hear it, simply complicates things.  I can't go to sleep as I would wish.  I keep waking with my neck and shoulders out of place, and often too hot.  Something is off.  It's not the cold, that is gone.  It is simply getting energy reserves back, I really believe.  I will keep at it.  I am sure it will work out soon.  I would like to contact my friend, and also make an appointment with one of my fellow KoC'ers.  I have business with the latter, though consider him a friend as well.  And I want to try to help my friend get his legs under him, as well, after several rough years for him.  I can't quite do that, not yet, as I can't be sure what tomorrow will be like.  Some days I don't seem able to walk, just too tired.  Some days I sleep crazy long hours.  Bleh.

I am hoping, with a bit of help, to work tomorrow.  Nothing fancy, just a bit of straightening and recycling.  Boxes... cleared, broken down, put in the Xterra, and maybe, if that happens well, a trip to town to get rid of those right away.  As well, perhaps a bit of shopping.  I don't want to call and arrange something, as I can't be sure if or when I will be in.  However, if I am sure I will be in, I may then attempt to contact one or the other, of my friends.  While it is wonderful to share company with women, or a woman, man friends are vital too.  Some sort of balance thing.  They aren't pretty, but they can be handy, honorable, sage, and even good enemies.  Hmm?  Oh, my, yes.  A good friend often makes the best enemy, and a good enemy can be your best friend.  Keeps you on your toes or such.  Now, there is a difference between sparring and warring, sometimes a very slim one.  And, yet, it is how men are built, how we work.  Too old to be punching around, but that had it's place at one time in my life, both for kin and friends, and testing, plus some that were none of those things.

I may just attempt sleep.  I don't know if it will work.  I just took a Doom dose of tylenol.  It seems to be becoming less effective.  I may have to shift back to  anacin.  If I can sleep, and I ache when I wake, I will give that a shot.

Oh, still dreaming in the line of fire.  Love, war, the past, the future...  Being consumed, eating...  Sometimes quite terrible.  Even as hard as I am it still hurts to see some things, more knowing that I must play a dark part, in time, and there is no way for me to alter it.  Just as I have dreamed of putting the first nail in Christ's wrist.  Whether I did that or not, the truth of it remains.  Someone did that.  And what will come is just as terrible in it's own way.  And, someone, again, will have to do that.  Such heavy dreams.

Good night.