Grasping at straws as I slide into darkness.

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I don't quit, if I have a choice.  Chances?  I let those worry about themselves.  Whatever is wrong with me is a bit lighter today.  My blood pressure is well up into the middle of the old high range, mostly, at 194/117 and my weight is sticking right in the center of the 270s.  I realized, the other day, that my fingers were beginning to feel like sausages.  Having not been on meds for so long, I had forgotten that a bit of tinkering with those might help.  What the finger sensation means is that I am taking on water.  Sometimes that goes to the feet, sometimes the torso, sometimes the hands.  Or at least I feel or otherwise notice water gain in certain parts first, at various times.  So... I doubled my water pill.  I refilled my med-set as well.  If the sensation of having bloated fingers subsides, and I lose "weight", I may cut the doubling down.  If things stay good, I might then again cut the water pill to levels heretofore.  Then again, I may really need a dose and a half, right between what I was taking yesterday and what I am taking now.  I seem to always have trouble at the lower dose, yet the higher dose brings about it's own problems (cramping in the legs, and even lethargy from slight dehydration I think, which can only be overcome by massive fluid intake, which itself is problematic and unsustainable).  Tinker, try, see, and find.  Learn, and... Next!

As I said, today isn't as bad as yesterday.  I didn't get to sleep until 4:30, but I woke just slightly after 9:30, feeling rested.  A crazy dream was in between.  I had this off, incorrect, but humbly foolish thought that I wished to share with Christiandom.  So, at a major rally, I rose and presented my notion, along with a physical representation in the form of a minor show, sort of like what a magician or science class may present to bolster an idea (is there a difference between the two? at least one is honest in that the representation isn't what it seems to present).  Now, either I didn't have the notion correct, or in the... passion of the showing, with the crowd and such, I lost the crux of what I was exposing.  I could no longer fully explain, when it was demanded.  I was called a heretic and stoned.  I realized, in my dying, that my sin was so much smaller than the sins of the body whole, even if I had been incorrect, that it was silly, and sad.  Christiandom, it seemed, was lost to devices and mechanics, much as the Jewish faith, as Christ declared, had been lost to laws.  Oh, in real life, that is something I have queried, and it is a concern.  The dream was just a... presentation piece regarding that notion.  God's children have always, and continue to, disobey, egregiously, daily, even to Moses.  Just... well...

I'll... try to get to some things today.  I simply won't promise a thing.  It is still stormy looking.  It could darken more or lighten up though, I don't attend the weather news save for travel.  I gain more enjoyment just seeing what will happen.  Snow?  Rain?  Sun?  A mix?  Surprise me!  On cooler days I only partly open the drapes in the front room.  It allows some light and yet maintains some bit of insulation.  But the views, from my home, are worth a bit of chill.  Natural lighting, too, is much preferred.  In these overcast days, the light is peacefully quietly subtle, which matches my mood, or state of being.  Even the girls like my sort of window trim.

Ah well.  Have a great day.  Remember the day of the Lord, and to keep it holy.  While I can do little to attend that notion, I keep it in my heart, in my mind, on my tongue, and even here on my fingertips.  I pronounce it.  There is little more I can do, today, with this.  I hope that is pleasing enough.  Good day.