Bad shape.

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Every time I attempted waking, I was hit by a wall of pain.  I know I haven't been sleeping enough, but it wasn't that.  Kidneys, as if I'd gotten rabbit shots, my sides and forward torso flank as if I'd gotten kneed.  On both sides.  My neck is so out of place, beside the tension headache is nausea and a general looseness in my orientation.  Not THAT orientation.  That may be wonky, but it has been assigned God's settings if it does drift.  No, the literal compass orientation. 

I am a bit wobbly, or could be?  It's odd.  Just because my mind feels wobbly on my feet doesn't mean my body follows suit.  I can go on the most horrific modern roller coaster ride and not feel even a bit moved.  I've tried, through time, the most severe rides.  Nothing.  Though, it's been a while.  Still, usually good on my feet.  And when my mind feels woozy, my body still doesn't.  I don't quite understand it, but it's good to have.

I have been to bed twice.  Finally, after letting the ducks out, I got back to bed a final time.  I called my mother, but she was sitting down to lunch.  By the time she called back I was out like a light.  I think I heard her, or someone, call.  I couldn't even roll to check.  Out. like. a. light.  Even then, as I surfaced to the ringing, I hurt terribly.  I couldn't tell what the pain was, only that there was a wall, engulfing me like river flood waters might an island.  Swamped, under, just holding on... hoping there would be something left when I woke.

So, no calls, no work, and maybe none tonight.  I only woke to shut the ducks safely in.  Then decided to look over the lawn.  The back and one section of the side are still begging for water.  Most of the lawn is starting to look quite good.  A couple of longer passes on the rough areas, then an hour a day on the good hours, just one area per night, for the next few days.  Then I'll leave it alone for a while.  Anyway, now I have to stay up for a while, to finish the watering.

While I can't work, nausea sees to that, I can have a bite and shower, perhaps later a true shave.  If I feel even a tiny better after those, then maybe hit dishes, clear off a few more counters, do a load of laundry, and... yea... that would be max.  If I can get that done, I would go on back to bed as the watering run ends.

It is, was at about twenty hundred... eight p.m.... down to 69° already out there!  Seems fishy.  So I have opened it up.  It was 69° upstairs, 74° in the main, and 78° up front when I woke.  A strange day.  But those are now the regular highs.  It is cooling.  Highs are lower, they aren't as high as long, and cooling is greater in the evenings.  It is almost getting cold.  I had to use four blankets, if that wasn't just a temperature thing.  I was ill today.

Blood sugar is 171 fasting.  I think I will fast today.  As weather cools, faculties will return a bit more.  I am hoping to fast a couple days a week, and return to intermittent fasting.  I doubt if I will go to a single meal a day, but starting with an eight hour eating window, pare that back to a four hour eating window... allowing two to three meals, even.  Not all will be big, and it might just be a series of snacks.  Though one big meal and grazing the rest of the time was common.  Ugh.

I don't think my system allows me to lose weight.  Even when I cut to two thirds of recommended calories for slugs (inactive), I haven't lost weight.  I've tried fewer calories, but that... fails.  Pretty quickly I am like a beast on the hunt, consuming anything and everything in search of... something.  My metabolism just isn't good enough.  My faculties aren't strong enough.  Not even when slowly worked over years.  Still, I think it is better in some ways.  It's just... I should be dead.  Nothing will ever fix that.  Not much I can do over or beside just being alive... unless God says so Himself.  Lord knows I have tried, almost to death.  Surprised that five day fast didn't kill me.  Bleh.

Later.