Looking back.

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Every once in a while, someone goes back to look at a post from before the heart diagnosis.  It was apparent then that I was on the edge of death.  It just wasn't realized that is what biological.  I can tell, from responses, that others thought I would be dead soon.  As did I, really.  It was almost a foregone conclusion.  Just... waiting.  Many timed out.  At some point, when death doesn't happen, people who were there as spectators or support simply run out of time and energy.  Or, even, become ill or die themselves.

Funny thing is, when I realized it was the heart?  I then knew I had a long life ahead of me.  Something about it... knowing what the problem was... I was pretty sure my body would beat it.  My doctors still think I should be dead, by now.  Every new doctor I get is sure I will be dead in... what time is it?  Right.  They all try to stuff me with pills that would kill me or cripple me fully, or put me under the knife.  I have to... teach them.  Still, meds help, at the right level, if I can stay on them.

No, I was just amazed.  Reading back, a number of times this last month, following tracks of someone who was curious... an old reader, or new, on any particular track, I could not tell.  Sometimes there is a tie from then to a recent post... or potential tie.  Or something I wrote then that makes sense now more than then.  I wonder if someone(s) have put the blog into a format for word and phrase searches.  I think at least one, though perhaps several, and just maybe many... study my blog.  Probably just messing with logic theory, or psychology, or even a bit more arcane involvements.  I suggest it is in there, I just won't try to explain what it all means.  I might be the game, maybe, at times.  But it still isn't my game.  Riding the lightning doesn't make you electricity, merely electrified.  There is a world of difference.

Oh... just... strange.  Back to waking.