I know, but I have to try.

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Crippled and down, I have to try to break through the blockade.  I want to at least do the dishes and figure out laundry today.  I am not sure I can do anything.  But there it is.  Well, dishes, laundry, and a shower.  Oh, and I need to get trash out.  Maybe recycling?  I won't even plan anything else because this will be... a minor miracle.  These things are needed because they are in the way of other things... they are the choke points.

With dishes, it isn't these dishes, but dishes in general which have been lagging, blocking use of the shower, and just being a nuisance of nerve and mind.  With laundry it isn't this load, but that adds to it.  It's clean laundry languishing around, keeping all my baskets filled.  Trash has been going out fairly regularly, mostly.  It did have a minor buildup for a bit, but that was broken last week and I'd like to keep it clear.  And I'd just like to shower daily to every other day for a while.  Sometimes it just... it's a wonderful thing.  Then I feel more like doing other things.  Nothing is an action, chore, or duty unto itself.

Sleep was good.  I think part of my problem, lately, is that I have been waking often, far too often, to use the facilities.  While it is keeping water off me, it is also messing up my sleep.  Why I can't take care of this in the day?  Maybe I drink too much as I near bedtime.  I'll think about it.  With a shifting bedtime, and staying awake until exhaustion, concentration in the last hours isn't super.  I'll... keep working on the system arrangements.  I think I really have improved.  Not just to a point, but year over year, a bit at a time, I have opened up more and more.

I have an impossibly long way to go.  On that score, I think I am absolutely not alone.  Look around.  Every one of you.  I have heard some think wealthy men have it done.  They don't.  They are handled like equipment by everyone and everything that lives on them.  If that ever stopped they would be lost.  They are, personally, further behind than I.  They have been turned into wealth taps, doing and able to do, little else.  Never alone, always expected to answer to or for this or that... but on matters that have very little to do with them, other than opening paths of revenue.  The very thought makes me claustrophobic.

The trick?  Having, or seeming, to have lots of money, never spending your own money (even on that), and staying just ahead of the collapses you generate to create the movements upon which you will eventually feed (well, keeping other people's money ahead of that... at least what isn't required to be spent to make the collapse in a previous system).  War of many sorts, nerve, being willing to destroy the old ways to develop the new.  Read about how America prospered because of WWI and WWII, then back it down a notch but keep the ideals in mind.  There you go.  Of course, once you are on top?  Then you have to get the government(s) to keep competition out, when your threats and hostile takeovers don't work.  Big capitalism has to turn to socialism, try to keep that in freefall so it never hits into communism, on a social and political plane.  A nasty business.  I wouldn't want to do it.

Hmm?  Oh... just thinking out loud.  Despicable, I suppose.  But... they are required.  A necessary evil, only slightly different from government itself.  Don't have to like it, should get used to it.  At least if civilization, and some norms, traditions, and such, are a goal.  Man was born dying, is it any wonder he is surrounded by poisons?  Often, the most potent of which, are of his own making?  Curiosity killed the cat.  While you can't pay the debt, if you understand your humble state, and accept the bounty, another has paid.  Satisfaction can bring you back.

Good day.