A close by the end of the week sounds possible.

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My broker came by today. I had planned to visit his office, however, he beat me to the punch. I did not wake until 14:30 or so, and was not moving fast then, so beating me off the line was not exactly a heralded event. I signed the form I thought I was going to have to track down myself, and my brokerage is sending that to the appropriated government agency which will complete the tasks, probably, it requires and pass the form the form frees to the agency in primary need for... Argh!1!!!!1134!@ Whatever. Enough. But I think that was the last one. All that remains is a final inspection after all the work has been completed. My broker believes the end of the week will see this done.

A couple of fried ham and cheese sandwiches were needed after my visit. Though the cheese I bought, what I had thought (and was packaged as) chipotla (sp?) cheddar, was horrid. It tasted like American cheese, or as cheese makers actually tried to get it mandated to be called, embalmed cheese (traditional cheese makers really did try to force that name on processed cheeses). The last cheddar cheese slices (this time just plain cheddar) tasted like this as well. I need to find good sliced cheese or a decent block of cheddar and a process by which I can slice my own in small batches while still storing the larger chunk longer term. Blathering, still not awake, but there it is. Just in case you wanted to know what was on my mind.

What else is going on I have no idea. Oh, I need to talk with someone at the local Verizon store. Someone has stolen my old phone or simply my phone number. It is being used for text messaging, phone calls, and has caused problems. I have known about this, if not the extent, for a bit, but I have been busy with business or busy hiding from business, and this is my first real opportunity to begin tending these side issues. I may be contacting a lawyer regarding this. On this matter I might well sue. Especially if it ends up that my phone walked out without being deprogrammed or if I believe any other shenanigans took place.

Well, tha, tha, that's all folks! Bidaba, bidaba, bidaba, good day!

Good, I think this will work.

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The owners are home and I think they were, for the most part, satisfied with my efforts. The lady of the house had a few issues with the kitchen. She prefers her counter spaces open and completely uncluttered. She did most of the work, though I loaned what efforts I could toward that goal. The rest of the place, to my knowledge, passed muster. What a relief.

As well, I was not sure about time here and how to work things. They had probably discussed this on the return and have a pretty good plan. First, the living situation is rather open. Coming and going is not a difficulty, nor is my odd schedule a problem. I may keep my hours, and usual affairs. However, for my part and own good to boot, I will maintain as slim and quiet of a profile as I may. My one thing is cooking. I will do this but I will also have to be more kempt in that affair. I think they will enjoy some of the foods I prepare and will be welcome to any meal. All are welcome and invited guests to my meals, that is just how that goes. I think I got that from my mother. A good woman to be sure. Next is timing. I was not sure how long they would willing allow an intruder in their domain. They also had a plan for that. The suggestion is that if by the end of the month the deal has not gone through, it is time for me to find another place. That is perfect and gives me enough room and a reasonable window to maneuver. I had some ideas, but this is not my house. The offer is generous.

I did leave for a bit, ostensibly to visit my friend. This I did do, however, my real motive was to allow them alone time to get settled, look over the place in my absence, and readjust as they saw fit. And, a little, to shake the nerves about the experience and get out myself. All good. I also took another load to the storage unit. I took one last night, if a little too late for a second trip. But I loaded the vehicle in preparation for another delivery when I returned from last night's trip. We went out to supper, and of course had breakfast. I love all day breakfasts! Then we drove by what may become my new house. It looks like the painting has been completed. It looked like nobody was home. They have two vehicles, neither of which have I ever seen in the garage, and neither of which was in the drive. The lights were off as well, all of them. But the curtains are still up and their cat (owner?) was there, looking out the window.

Tomorrow I get to visit my broker and finish the last pieces of an epic run to home ownership. We will see what we will see. I think everyone has had their doubts, their grumps, their failures, and their successes. It really did take a team to get this going. Successful or not, I would suggest that all, including the V.A. people, did precisely what they were supposed to do. I did my part too. As with, say, a basket ball team, even if everyone does everything they should and could, only one team wins. So too with this. Win or lose, we played the game and hard.

I was pleased to hear the owners of this house suggest that a good side to the house sale not going through is that they would have someone reliable, someone they trust, to live in their house again this winter. And, to be honest, that does not sound bad. I would find a summer rental and figure things out from there. It was nice to hear that they never had a worry about this place because I was here. That DOES say something. These are solid folk. Strange, academic, experienced in the world, propertied beyond their home, and practical in many ways. Yes, I will take that as a compliment.

Well, back to gaming. I am going to enjoy some relaxation time (as much as that is as deep into the inner working of the game as I have 'fallen'). But I love it and it does keep me active, on my toes, thinking, and learning. Cannot knock that. Oh, and it keeps me awake!

Have a great night, morning, or wherever in your day this finds you.

I have done what I could.

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They are set to be home shortly. I am bushed, but told them I would wait up for them. They said there would be no need, that they would be quiet and plan on doing some visiting anyway. I suggested they could tromp around like elephants, I would sleep right through that. Ha! And it is true.

I did pretty much everything I intended to do. Perhaps not perfectly, perhaps not as someone else would have done those things. But I am satisfied that I have done what I am able to do, about what I can see, in the time I had. Still being here was quite a surprise, so adjusting to a changed schedule while figuring out what to do with the time, and having no place to move what I needed to move, all really put a crimp in my planned escape.

I have heard that the situation with the house might work. No details were relayed, and as a phone message I could not ask questions. I am done for the day, so following up on some things they want done (the tax form(s)?), digging into what the message eluded to by calling back, or such, are just not in the plans. I have nothing left. But I am satisfied. Tomorrow will work almost as good as today, further, tomorrow is all I have. There is no more today.

On that note, good day, night, morning, afternoon... ugh... Night night!

Nearly done.

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Nothing is perfect, there is still work to be done, and even when I am finished there is more. I am discussing the preparations for the return of the owners of this house I am staying in. They are returning, to the best of my knowledge, today. I have been sniping the various tasks on a very long list of tasks. Bit by bit, one at a time usually, and over time, I have done most of what I wanted to do. There remain a few jobs which I will be completing before going to sleep. Oh, and I should leave a note so that should they return in my sleep cycle, they will have some options.

I purchased a few gifts for them, replaced an item or two, and of course I have been trying to get the house in presentable shape. I will not win awards on that last, though perhaps they will not be in shock (or at least not in the bad (or worst) way). I am trying to do a little extra for a number of reasons, to include that we will be sharing a house for a while, their house with their rules. It is complicated. I am, well, not kempt in my general ways. I like to clean up from time to time, but my... how to put it... tolerances on the day to day are rather loose. I am not able to overcome that, so it will be interesting. Perhaps if I contain my messes to a few localized areas, it will not gain as much... attention.

In any case, tomorrow is their return date. I will have done most of what I needed and wanted to complete by this time (surprise surprise!). After that, it is all up in the air all over again. If I rise in a reasonable hour tomorrow, I will begin figuring out where to find the form I need to file to have the form sent to the people who will use the form for... something. None of my affair, I suppose. Still, I think most people in this effort have been doing what they can and must. Everyone is scrambling for the goal and their own goals. Those goals, quite by the nature of things, are contrary. My broker, for example, is playing on the needs and wants of the seller, as well as mine. I am playing the brokers against each other, against the seller, and against costs, the price, and the underwriter's notions. The seller has his own situation. It is confrontational, selfish, harsh, and difficult. And, really, that is how it is supposed to be. It is not a flaw in the works, at least in a fallen world, perhaps even in a perfected world the haggle will prove necessity which will grant access? Who knows.

I remember when my brother wanted something of mine. I knew him to always be shy of money, so money was important to him. I also knew that he wanted everything I had. So, to distinguish real want from fake, I would ask for money if he said he really wanted something of mine. If he saved, I knew he was earnest. I would check the progress. Not ever time, otherwise he would have learned the trick and just abused it, I would give it too him when he got to the half way mark of savings (over a couple of weeks of allowance), or sell it to him at half what I had suggested. I like to think, now, that this is a part of all sales... How badly do you really want something? Are you willing to work? Are you willing to do a bunch of useless paperwork, are you able to complete the paperwork? Do you have the money? So be it.

Well, back to work. I have been tinkering as well. A bit of play, a bit of work, a bit more play, and so on. But that has been successful, mostly. Now it's back to work.

Good night, good day, whatever. I want to sleep but I am almost done.

Today and tomorrow.

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That is what I have to finish up my work on and in the house. I think I can get much done, probably all of it. Doing a little at a time, where and when I could, has left me in a decent position to finish out. One thing that bothers me is that it has been a bit too cold to do a decent airing out of the place. I had hoped to have the furnace off and the windows open for a week. And though I am a hot body and can handle the cold, the 30's are even a bit beyond my ken (at least to be in AND work). I suppose I could handle the cold if I did not also need to be more high functioning.

Boxes have still not been moved. That will be a tomorrow thing. As well, I need to find more boxes for what I have here. I also need to gather my items down to the basement room in a retreat from their spaces, while we figure out what is happening with the house or a rental. This is insane, in a way. The house was supposed to be closed April 23rd. Here we are almost midway through May and at a standstill, no further along than we were on the 23rd. Yes, I will take some blame. Up to, say, May 1st. After that, it has been out of my hands. And to that point I was only partially to blame. Then again, blame is not quite the operative word. Things happen, documents and this and that are needed, and the world turns. Blame is overused and incorrectly used too often, it is a lazy man's word. But, there it is, you figure out the proper word?

A bit of coffee, a small list of items needed from the store, a few dishes to knock out (and they are soaking in hot sudsy water) as I start my final offensive on the final tasks, and I am blogging here on my way to work. I hope the day is as fruitful as I intend. Have a great day, or night as the truth is here and may be in your case too. What Ever, Man.

The form.

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I have received correspondence back regarding which form to file in order to get the other form from one government office to the next. Now, where I get this form, whether I have all the pertinent information with which to fill it out correctly, and why it would matter as they have no greater of an idea about who I am from filling out a form than they do from talking to me on the phone is beyond my speculative powers at this point in time. If this was information I was obtaining for my records, sure. But since it is information going from one government office to another, they should be able to skip this. Of course, without layers of bull shit, half the government "workers" would be out of a job. All vital jobs, all the time. Sort of like CNN being US news and colleges being about education. Then again, one might speculate that all of those (public or private schools, through grants, student loans, and whatever else) are government workers too (media obviously, for reasons all their own).

Rambling, bedtime, sleep, good night... morning actually but that is not the point. Ugh.

I do not think so.

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I am getting the feeling that the owners were not working in good faith. Whether they decided not to sell, believe (or actually do) have a better offer, or simply cannot believe the financial situation they are in and the loss of value (perhaps complete loss of all they money they put into the house and used as a down?) and so are going to make it as hard on a buyer as they can, I don't know. But they are not even trying and I feel, now, as if they never really did.

They are going through the motions to make it look like they are selling, but they really are not doing so. Whether that is just about me, whether it would be that way with anyone, I do not know. I am positive that this deal was dead before it started. Maybe I am wrong, but... Having met the owners, I felt as if... something was up. I felt like there was something going on behind the scenes. I could be wrong, I am not without paranoia, still... I got a nagging feeling and it will not go.

I am becoming more and more sure that the deal is dead. I think it started out dead, but whatever. The only left is for the doctor to a final bureaucratic check and then call for the boys at the morgue. And yet, who knows. Perhaps the owners are being forced out by financial and familial situations that make the whole thing simply hard to swallow. It can be difficult to deal openly or nicely when one feels cornered. A buyer to a house they love would, in some small way at least, perhaps seem to be a part of the crowd which cornered them. The economy, perhaps bad (or even good but failed) financial and or business plans, changing family situation(s), and... everyone can seem the enemy. Then pile on the V.A., a seeming slaggard, a pile of paperwork, and the meanness of the real markets. Still, even with that, I sense the deal was never intended to be completed.

So be it, but I am stuck between places until "the doctor" makes the call. It is not my favorite of "places", but it is one which is familiar. At least I am not the one holding a house in a dead market. If I do find a place to rent, it is going to have to allow for a cat. I will get a cat, one way or the other. My one concession to my needs, I think. Stupid cats... women... people! Bah! :P

I've been looking at this...

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and chuckling for some time now. This is what happens when I 'fall down'. People can try to help, pull, push, or whatever... but it just ain't happening... This is me when nothing works.



Or, as I have titled it... getting things done my way.

A troubled proposition.

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My broker called today and suggested that the sale is seeming quite unlikely. The work needed, from a rough quote, could be from $500 to $4,000, and that is just to open a space for further inspection, as well as doing a few required by inspection fixes. The actual quote will cost another $50. Nothing I had not seen coming miles away and already been considering. And, yes, I do have a plan.

The current owners, most likely, will not be able to sell their house without those fixes, at a minimum the need to open a space to allow for a full inspection. What had been lax has become draconian, as far as home sales, inspections, financing, and such. The mood, reality, and financial situation of more and more people do not favor a quick sale, perhaps any kind of sale. So...

If they can allow another month to slip by, bring half of the cost in cash, and perhaps do some of the work with me, I think we can salvage this deal. I have one caveat. If the inspection once the opening is created happens and there is a further outlay required, I will have to be exempt from my half of the payment. At that point, it becomes impossible for me to help more or to lose more. I will be discussing this with my broker this morning, and have it relayed to the owners for a decision.

Barring that, the deal is dead. I will not fork out, or even risk, more than what I am offering, soft as that is. If nothing else, it would put them one step closer to an actual sale, if the inspection ends up worse than expected. On my part, it will mean I did not merely get cold feet. All I will risk, at this point, is some sweat equity, as some are wont to call it. Perhaps that IS sweat off my brow, but it is something I would gladly shed, even if only to help another. Or more precisely, intentionally to help another with no gain to myself. That is never a bad thing. What you lose here, in a good cause, you store where it is important. Though that I have a potential stake in this makes that moot, I think. Then again, God has His own calculator and tabulation tables. Sorry, but I am not privy to those.

Oh, I also need to call the IRS. It seems that the V.A., knowing I am 100% permanent and total in their disability, still needs IRS vindications of some sort or other. So, a phone call, some fibbing (not about my tax situation or for financial gain, mind you), and a chat should deal with that. All, of course, under the notion that this will mean anything in the end.

Well, is that not how life is though? It seems to be happening more often and more harshly now. The banks are going under and the government is doing what it can to help them to do so. It is all a sham, but it always has been, since we failed the first test. We simply have not improved and are not likely to improve, collectively or singly. I suppose we could just up and quit, but... I am not seeing that as any kind of solution. Even God sort of frowns on that. So, on we go, through the nether of our own decay, fault, folly, and seeming irrelevance. I think, in the end, that is our lot. Blind, foolish, lusty, and hungry, we learn.

Live long and prosper.

The cleaning.

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Much is yet to be done, some may not get done, but some has been done. I did a little research and found a vacuum I thought I could trust. It's a Eureka, uses bags, full size (or as much as vacuums get to full size, since they are made for women), and works well. Hepa filter? Meh, it has it but so what? I do not think they make them without it now, do they? Still, at $140 or so after tax, I cannot complain so far. And, yes, it has been taken out of the box, assembled, AND used!

The living room, kitchen, and dining room are pretty much good. The bedrooms need a bit of work and laundry, the bathrooms need a good run through, and I need to get boxes moved. Today was going to be boxes, but I simply could not sleep last night. Why, I cannot say.

I missed an appointment this morning, but it does not matter. They were going to do a blood test for the medicines I am taking, but after ordering them and checking on them, they have failed to arrive in this last 2 to 3 weeks. I will have to order again. I had meant to call, but the lack of sleep just did not allow the simple concentration to do so. Wait, I might still have time!

I am hoping, after a bit of a nap, I will still have time to load one or two loads of boxes over storage. That should be all of the boxes I currently have here. Then, of course, I will need to get more boxes and begin working on the day to day stuff I have around the house. I will leave some food. Some of it replacement for some of their stuff I used, some of it simply in gratitude (things I like that they may not have tried). I do not know how fussy they are, food wise, so may get some of it returned. I plan on offering them a small monetary token of gratitude as well. Perhaps $150 dollars as a thank you. Trust me, having a house, garage, and privacy for the same price as a busy college dormitory (essentially) was worth far more than what I paid.

After the boxes today, tomorrow is bathrooms for sure. Perhaps some yard work as well. The days are getting short for their return, and I am nervous. It is almost like having one's parents return from a visit somewhere for an extended time. Perhaps they know the place will not be perfect, but they will be disappointed if there has not at least been an attempt made to give some credence to their trust in me. Then again, I am a man, a bachelor at that, and disabled on top of it. Still, it would be nice to be surprisingly kempt (seeming). These are people who I think I would like to remain friends with. For their age, and probably any age, they seem alive, interesting, and active. Atheist? Yeah. Academic? Sure. And? Like is sometimes simply chemistry. And perhaps a mutual way that is parallel, if not exactly identical. I may be wrong but I fail to skip the chance at hope. Even in people, maybe especially in people.

Well, let me get to that phone call, get a nap, and then hopefully get more done today. Here is hoping that your and my day ends up with successes. Even the small ones count. Be well, find love, and... I dunno... hush! :P

Update:
I called the V.A. in time, I think, to let the clinic know I would not be arriving and why. Then I had them transfer my call to pharmacy. While waiting, I was disconnected. I called back and after another goodly wait, I did get through. The woman spoke with such a heavy oriental accent that I could not, for the most part, understand her. What I did pick up is that one of my high blood pressure medicines has been discontinued, she will send the Lisinopril, but she will have to speak with my "doctor" before sending the Ritalin. I can guess on that answer. It looks like the gig is up. No Ritalin, no medicine. I simply will not be force to sleep like that, and cannot take my medicines effectively without it anyway.

Another day in a dogs life. From what I am hearing about my brother's "care" at the V.A., I am realizing it really is not me, just me, or about me. It does not matter if it is a back injury suffered in the service or whatever it is that is wrong with me. It is simply a system that is broke, was broken on purpose, and no longer serves the purpose for which it was intended. Thank the Democrats for throwing money at a solution that was meant to fail.

Ouch, or as I like to say now, "Wouch".

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I slept hard. I mean rock hard. I had my alarm set for 10:00. Getting to bed by 2:00 or 2:30 should have seen a wake up at that time as feasible. Not so. I would not give up though. I kept pressing snooze in the mad hopes of being able to arise the next alarm. I finally surrendered at 11:30 or so, turning off the alarm. Waking at 14:00 or a little before or after, I still feel like a rock. Stone cold tired and in some pain. I just will not sleep anymore anyway. Chalk it up to a rough one and call it good.

I have only a week to get the house ready for the owner's to return, the one I am staying in. It is not too bad, but there is some work. To that end, and in preparation to my own home ownership, I think I will investigate vacuum cleaners and buy a good one. The rest after vacuuming is just a bit of neatening, moving a few boxes to storage or the house, a bit of mopping and such, and some airing out of the place (whether the weather agrees or not). A bit each day should see me in good shape, and by God, this time I will do it! I really appreciate staying in this place, a home, rather than in that retched apartment. And, I like these people. Bother that they be academics and atheists, I like them. It is just how it is. I am, sometimes, quite picky about who I like too.

Well, a little tinkering to wake up, a little work, and then on with whatever happens today.

You all have a good day. Remember God too. Beside it being His day (for us, even so, and oddly), understand we are on His mind every day. Do not feel blessed? Perhaps you do not understand. Your very breath is His blessing. If that is not a blessing to you, I dare you to simply stop doing so. But before you do, look around, talk to someone, find someone who cares (there are many of us who do), go have a nice dinner, and fiddle with a project or craft or distraction. Then decide. Maybe even a good nights sleep will get you over a hump. Even my rough one allowed a good control-alt-delete for me.

Be loved!

It is way too late.

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Good night.

*chuckles*

It is a go.

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I finally got an straight answer. They decided, definitively, to have someone in to do the work. The last thing, that I know of, was having the crawlspace enlarged. Of course, the work will have to be done and then it will have to be inspected along with all other work. As well, what can in theory be accessed through the enlarged opening must also be inspected. That is as good as it gets for now. But that is enough that I will take my foot of the brake and go ahead with anything I can do.

Why it took two weeks or more to get a definitive decision on these things in spite of having everyone press ahead ignorantly, I have no idea. Why the conflicting reports of what would and could be done, again, I do not know. I feel like the world merely messes with me from time to time, to see if I will go ahead and jump off a cliff or something. Well, no, I will not. I will not blindly follow someone who has no skin in the game while they set me up for failure. I simply will not do so. Faith in men falls somewhere between lacking and non-existent. Especially business men. And woman are simply business men in skirts and dresses, so no leeway there either.

If my broker and company end up not liking me, I can deal with that. They did a lot of work but they messed up just like the rest of us. Same with the seller, their agent, and the V.A. I really do not think anyone knows what they are collectively doing, to be honest. Or, the way things are usually done is quite... loose. The V.A. and myself seem to be a bit more particular, if in our own ways.

Oh well, if it gets done, and rightly, it is all good. And, yes, I will thank the parties involved and be grateful for their efforts. Mistakes happen. I certainly was not perfect, or even very on the ball. I did what I could, when I could, how I could. And I would guess that is all anyone did, if some were better at staying with it and getting some things right than others.

Well, good night.

Missed a call.

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My broker called while I was otherwise busy. I called him back moments later. No answer. Since I had no information for him I did not leave a message. His "message" only indicated that he wanted to see what was going on. Well, nothing is going on or will go on until the repairs are complete. Repairs I cannot order, financially cover, or handle in any manner. They have had 3 weeks to decide to do or not do these things and they have not done them. As far as I am concerned, the deal is over, the owners simply need to admit it and return my money. Perhaps they will surprise me, though I have great doubts.

I went out to eat tonight. Ribs. Not the best, but okay. And, of course it being a college town, a gay waiter. I despise male servers, but I really despise gay ones. Then again, are there non-gay waiters? I am sure there are a few. Or at least the smart ones do not lisp like they have something in their mouth. Get outta here!

Well, bedtime. I will find out more when I find out more. Perhaps they want me to end the deal so they can keep the $500. It is not going to happen. They will have to admit they are not going to have the work done or the financial deal will just have to time out. I will do nothing more, but I will also not end negotiations, such as they are. I will sleep well and begin looking for a place to rent. Somewhere away from the gayness that is academia. Blah... Good night.

The house.

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The update is that after talking to the owners, my broker, their broker through my broker, and the engineer, I know nothing more than I did before. A simple yes or no would suffice. I have heard the floor and electrical are done, just need inspected. But I have been told the crawl space cannot be expanded, which I do not believe to be true. However, if that is the case or they will not have it expanded, then the deal is a fail. The crawl space needs to be expanded, as what the engineer needs to inspect is both an expanded crawl space and what he needs to see when he is able to get through there (whether there is enough space between the wood of the house and the dirt underneath it).

Why, when they hired an engineer, they did not also fax or email him what they needed him to inspect or wait to hire him for the work to be completed (my broker agency) I have no idea. But that is it, in a nutshell. As I have said, until I know that the work will be done, all of it, I cannot put another nickel, cup of gas, or hour of thought or work into the deal. I am not sure if the sellers realize there are no eligible buyers except the few that trickle through from FHA or VA mortgaging. If one is harsh, I think the other (whichever that is) will be even more strict.

Add to that, their broker has the gall to push for a closure without pushing his clients to complete the work. It is more than a double standard as it is his side holding things up. I cannot order floor work, I cannot call in for the enlargement of the crawl space. I cannot even really do much work without their approval an allowance.

Oh, the painting. I tried to rent scaffolding but could not find a single rental. I made about 7 calls to that end. I can, if I am assured they will get the crawl space enlarged, do two more windows and anything on the garage. I cannot do the eaves or some of the other tricky to get to places. I will not go out on a very thin ladder to do that kind of work. And, I suggested that the $750 quote was quite high and that we needed to get quotes from other painters, not just one.

Who knows, but a close by Friday seems unlikely. Even if everything else goes well, the inspections (the initial inspector has to come back and approve the work and the engineer will obviously have to return) will take more time. They simply do not just show up, taking several days to fit a visit into their schedules. So be it.

Like I said, I know nothing more than I knew before. I know more detail, but not whether the list is going to be completed. They have to know that no inspector will now sign off without them doing the crawl space, as that will be required for even a regular bank loan at this point. Everybody is getting quite particular. And buyers are drying up due to many factors. I wish I could help them, or just pay for it, but I cannot. I am sure they have lost money on the loan, the deal, and such. But they are in line only to lose more. Possibly a lot more. Plus, as I have said, they will have to do everything on that list, and maybe more.

But I am not freaking, panicking, or even terribly bothered. I want this, but it is not the end of the world (probably, or at least not due to a house loan not closing, even this one). I want in, they want out, everyone wants their cut, nobody can or will spend what they do not have to see it happen. Still, the prospect of a rental for a year or three is no fun. I will have mere days to find a place if this falls through. Actually, I should start looking for a decent place to rent now... Ugh... Morz junk to research, negotiate, and such.

Well, have a good one. Bedtime hereabouts.

Weird about the wound.

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It has never hurt. It hurt a bit when they were scrubbing it, but more some burning of the torn skin, not the wound itself. It did not hurt initially, it did not hurt shortly after, it has not hurt since. The nerves are fine, I guess. I can move my fingers and thumb well. I have simply felt no pain from it. And it is quite a rip. I often do not feel pain though, I think. I have some small belief that I am usually in a great deal of physical pain, running from moderate to high, but I simply have no sense of it.

Painkillers usually do nothing for me, except in a few rare and rather extreme situations. Well, except exacerbate my exhaustion. I wonder if the unfelt pain is part of why I am always tired? Yes, that is probably a part of it. Oh well, perhaps someday medicine or science will understand these things. They certainly do not at this time.

Well, good night.

I am starting to doubt.

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After talking with my broker today, I have heard nothing. I suggested that unless I get an itemized update on the requirements for the loan regarding house repairs and that is all positive, I would not put one more minute, dollar, our cup of gas in on the project. I have spoken with the owners, but I have to drag out every discussion about every issue. Without having the list there, I cannot remember every item on the list. And I often get very weak or simply no answers about some of the items I have asked about. If they have bailed on the deal, then we should just be honest and quit the deal.

As I said, I have heard nothing back since this noonish discussion. No email no phone no visit. I am guessing this is bad news. I am sure that someone has spoken to whoever by now. If they are making up their minds, it is a bit late. If they were not in this from the beginning, and I do not think they were, then this has been a huge waste of everybody's time. Perhaps they have just hit the wall. It is a rather harsh time to do that though, two feet from the finish line. I suppose it happens. That they love the house and do not really want to move does not help things.

I guess I simply have to wait for what I am expecting to be bad news. There goes $1,500, a bunch of paperwork, some actual work time, lost sleep, and such. I probably will just skip even looking until next year. Thank God I do not need the V.A.'s approval for rentals. I may look around a bit further afield when I go to rent though. I like Logan, but it is still city. I might find an affordable place a little more rural with access to more of the things I like. I guess time will tell.

The stupid alarm clock is not working.

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I am up in time to do a few tasks and make some decisions, but it is quite annoying to have an alarm fail. No, I am quite sure it failed. It has been doing that a lot lately and inexplicably. So, a replacement is on the list. Maybe two. I need to throw the failures away while I am at it. Some of them, even when you pay a little more money for them, are really cheesy these days. This one was a Timex, as if that matters or seems to anymore. Stupid cheap labor, design, and manufacture offers what we pay for. And no, the wit, logic, and wisdom of Confucius (by the way, he and the study of him is outlawed in China, along with Christianity and others) does not translate into manufacturing. A society whose language is based on poetry is not going to fair well in a modern age.

I will have to talk to the people who did the inspections. They keep forgetting to add in a prospective efficiency rating on the new equipment. I was not there, however, so that is partly my problem. Hitting the 9:00 one would not have worked with my stupid alarm, but the 13:00 one I missed was my fault. Could not get in gear for that one. I was not as motivated since I had already missed one.

Time to make a few calls, collect some quotes, and make a decision. Sardines and crackers for breakfast, but that should do nicely.

Have a great day.

Painting.

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It is more of a chore than I remember. Climbing the ladder, chipping, brushing, sanding, and then schlacking it on thick. I did what I can, if I have only done two windows. I will be seeing about renting scaffolding tomorrow. Barring that I will have to pay someone to do the eaves. I simply cannot do those with what tools I have. The scaffolding has to be light enough for one man to move and set up, cheap enough to be worth it, strong enough to hold 300 pounds (my weight and any tools), and yet fold down so as to fit in the back of my Xterra. Quite a bill, but it's either that or pay someone a fortune to do it, most likely.

I can tell the broker is running out of patience. Which is fine, he can join the rest of us. It feels more like trying to reel in a whale than to merely catch the trout it is. This should be easier and smoother. I think part of it is pure bureaucracy and part of it is a test of will... to ensure I really want to buy this home.

I spoke with the "better half" about the house today. It sounds like she regrets having to move. They really do like their place, but life is pulling them other places. I asked if there was anything that I should know about, privately. Anything I should be prepared to handle. She did not know of anything, she just merely wished that they could stay. I told her it is better to be moving into a loved house that will continue to be loved than to be moving into a house that was hated.

Her husband can and does talk, but it is very much not his strong suit. He is always thinking, though I do not think it is about what is in front of him. His mind is on work, projects, and such. People are sort of there, but not. Yep, I have to think he and D.C. could have a fine not chat. lols I am not sure if these types get along well, though I would guess so. And they probably communicate with far fewer words, once they have laid some basic ground works regarding meanings, depths of understanding, and rules of communication. Just a speculation, and assuming they do personally like each other and have some respect for one another. Otherwise they merely butt heads and disagree and digress?

I will be over to paint again tomorrow. I will find out about a rental then go over and do what I can do, either way. I would like to have it finished by Wednesday afternoon, for the sanity of all. We are due to get snow toward the end of this week, so time is critical. Well, that and the hope to have this close by Friday. What a load of work and hassle, but well worth it if it works. So goes any worthy effort? No risk, no pain, no cost, no value... Yeah, I think so.

Good night. Sleep well, I know I will.

Hmm, that is odd.

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I lowered my blood pressure to 130/83 today. Then dropped it to 90/63. It just took a sacrifice. Namely my hand, or parts of it. We went out shooting today. My friend brought along a .32 acp. He had sold it back when he drank and "needed" the money. He sold it to a friend, of sorts. He was able to buy it back now that he is, for the most part, on the mend. It is a very small pistol.

I had fired one magazine of 6, I think, bullets through the thing. About half way through the second magazine, the slide (it has now been determined) returned and bit well and solidly into my right hand. It sliced right in the crook between thumb and main hand part, anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2 inch deep and about 2 to 3 inches long, a little more if you count the slice as it first entered and then trailed off.

I went into shock, oddly. I became lightheaded, nauseous, and out of sorts. Quite odd, to be honest. I have never had such a bad reaction to so little pain. It still does not hurt. I took a bit of time to collect myself. After about a half an hour or so, I finally was able to drive to the hospital for stitches, four did the trick. When I first arrived, my blood pressure was right at 130/83. Someone came in and cleaned it out. Then there was paperwork. Then someone gave me a tetanus shot. Then I was given some local, and asked to irrigate it, which I did with no problem. I think it was the local that caused me to go back into shock, as irrigating, the cleaning, and the stitching really didn't bother me and there was no pain. That or the tetanus shot? Not sure, but my blood pressure dropped to 90/63.

Anyway, I went and had a hearty meal and feel much better, mostly. Nausea and sweating have come back a time or two since eating, so... I am disappointed in my autonomic responses. Sure, it was traumatic, physically. A gun slide moves very fast, and I think it did shock my system. But I have had much worse and done much better. Oddly I did not curse like a sailor. I used to do that when damaged a bit. I do not know, age, diabetes, high blood pressure, or the medicine I am on have made me quite weak. I might even say fragile. It sucks.

Well, have a good day!

Could not have said it better...

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This and that, an inspection here and there, and the work goes on.

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The structural engineer visited today. The place seems to be in rather good shape. Old, to be certain, but in better shape than many new houses. He pointed out areas which would cause concern, notably the absence of issues was what I saw. No cracks near doorways or windows, the plum being fit (except for one small area in the back porch, though it looks to have been built out of plum and it has not changed since). Everything was in order, though he was not 100% (what engineer works that way anyway?).

I had the first furnace man in for a quote today. It was more than I had hoped, but so be it. At $5350, I will have no extra money for a washer and dryer. Well, maybe a dryer? I may have to use some of the incentive to buy money toward one or both the washer and dryer. It looks like some work will need to be done beyond simple installation, but nothing unreasonable. Things just cost more than the last quotes I had heard from other situations.

The electrical inspection was supposed to be happening today. I have not heard how that went, though I suspect it went well. If it did, that is another thing off the list. The last thing remaining, untended due to weather, is painting the trim. My broker's company has asked for extra time, and to allow the closing to go forward, should the weather not be cooperative. It would be a stupid thing to hold up closing for a lackluster paint job rather than allowing us to do it right and close on time, in a timely fashion anyway.

Not much else is happening. I seem to be functioning much better, making appointments well, and such. So, perhaps it is not stress, or not all stress, being the reason I collapse as I do. Right now it is more complicated and higher stress than before. I am invested of time and money on a project which could still fail quite easily. I might be the cause of that failure. I still have a lot to do, so, like I said, not or not completely stress related.

I am exhausted, but in a good way. Sleep well, I know I will. Good night.

I think, think, the deal has stabalized.

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The current owners and myself both understand the score. He probably will not get a better price, or even a sale, any time soon. Passing up a sale, for him, would be uncomfortably unwise. For me, however, waiting would probably be in my best financial interest, at least for home cost. When one adds in potential interest rate spikes and a loss of the $8,000 tax credit, my lower cost may not actually result in a lower long term cost. With both of us, it is a rose... with thorns.

As for inspections, quotes, and repairs, those are ongoing. Waiting on people to get work done is not fun, but there is nothing any of us can do to get that done quicker. Of course, I was not told about the requirements for an efficiency package for the loan until way late in the game as well. But that is not quite as important. Tomorrow I will be calling several places to find out about this aspect. I called the owner today to discuss other matters, and he has agreed to allow me to give out his phone number to facilitate getting a quote on furnace replacement and central air installation.

I am back to a day schedule. I am also back on my initial doses of medicine. As best as I can be. I seem to be messing up on that a bit. I have been out of the house enough when the 'medicine time' alarm goes off. And without something to remind me, I simply forget.

I think all things will work out. Barring that, they will not and I will be a homeless dead guy. Ha! Whatever. I do not worry. I have, most likely, had worse and far worse than anything that would probably result from most of what could happen. Sure, I have not been crippled by a stroke, but I have been nearly as crippled by... something, and for over a decade, right after I became ill. Still am crippled, if I have come to better terms with it and learned to negotiate with that status a bit. Not bad for a dead guy!

Have a great life. Maybe a grapefruit? What... ever...

The thing is still chugging along.

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More money. Of course. The next big expense, for me, is the fees, expenses, and travel to have an engineer inspect the foundation (mostly the earth to structure aspect) of the house. That will be between $300 and $500. I will then have $1200 to $1500 tied up in a house I may not end up being able to buy. How much the owners have put in I can only guess. The thing about their investment is that it will pay for itself, potentially, in an easier future sale (if they comply fully), probably. I still need to get an estimate regarding the cost of installing a new furnace, and adding central air, and projected cost savings... from three sources. I do not think this will be an expense, as I will be getting these as prospective work quotes from installers. However, I will not hold my breath on that.

I have, finally, received contact information so that I might speak with the seller. I have offered my services in order to facilitate the sale. He suggested that there is paint and painting to be done. Trim, it is what he has suggested. So, today is the day though when I start is fairly lax. And a good thing it is lax, as I had almost forgotten about another event today. Remember the neighbor lady? Yeah, well, last Saturday while I had friends over (drinking beer on the patio no less...), she arrived home from work and decided to stop over and talk for a short bit. She thought Tuesday, today, around noon or 13:00 would be a good time for her to do something.

I had a few things in mind, and asked if she had a preference. She said she liked it all, and that it was up to me. So, that is the way of it. I have a few things brewing. At first I thought a local bread and soup place, for lunch, might be the way to go. Then maybe a movie. But the weather has been wonderful and I have not been out in some time. I have revised my itinerary. I think, instead, a small collection of fried chicken (not from KFC, perhaps from one of the local stores), coleslaw, perhaps mashed potatoes and gravy -NO- potato salad, and something to drink would be the trick. There are several parks in town, or up Logan Canyon. Then, if there is time and interest, a movie. Something to get me, and probably her, out of our normal routine. It offers some privacy without being completely secluded. And there is space and time for discussion.

Oh, it all sounds so pat. But that is not what it is about. It was not merely designed, it was considered and the reasons and and such where created a bit during and somewhat after the final social crafting was completed. I will have to see what goes on to know more. I will be honest, this is merely social. I am looking for a female sidekick, not a lover, not a wife, in this woman. Though it is not a bad thing, it is not more. Friends. That is the way of it.

After that, I will need to hurry, dress down a bit, and get over to do some painting. I may grab a scraper on my way out, perhaps some sandpaper too. I am not sure what grit would be best, though I think course would be enough. I suspect someone at the hardware store might be able to offer some guidance as well. If I do work, I like to do it as well as I am able, to arrive prepared, and then to see the task completed. To that end, I will be working diligently until that, and any other tasks offered within my means, are completed.

If this does not go through, the house sale, I will simply have to find a cheap place to stay and stock up on cash. In the long run, it might be better. Prices will fall, so long as the anti-business and anti-capitalist (among other things) sentiments are being spewed from Washington. Even if or when that is ended, I suspect it will take many years for an actual recovery. Though with the way Republicans are now, I am not sure recovery is possible. We may simply be in the dying days of the last Superpower before international socialism brings bane to all. In which case, no plan is good. Nothing will be owned, not be peasants anyway. But, that is still getting the horse before the cart in a few too many ways. Besides, planning must take place regardless of the situation one finds themselves in. Either act or re-act. I prefer to act, re-acting is already crisis management. Acting, in an informed manner, can be a good way of avoiding crisis. Bah!

Have a great day.

Well, we will see.

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After a ton of back and forth, more signatures, dates, and initials, more paperwork, more legwork and phone calls, I [think] the final package has been sent to the lender. The V.A. is more than picky. Which is fine, it is a good resource, I am just out of shape and date for this much of that. The agreement I made with the sellers has been overwritten by the demands of the V.A. Probably in my favor, though that is somewhat questionable.

I understand the V.A. wanting the electrical in prime, functional, and coded order. So do I. But peeling paint? Doh! That was one of my hoped for projects! There were some other things they required, and which I agree with, but some of it might be... cost prohibitive for the seller. They agreed to $500 in necessary repairs. Anything above that goes to the cost of the house. However, because of the new appraisal and the V.A.'s limitations on loans regarding appraised value, that only gives the owners $2000 plus the $500 in which to make the required amends.

It is still all up in the air. We might find out about the paperwork tomorrow. When we will find out about the seller's response to the V.A.'s demands is anyone's guess. What a mess! I know, if I am alive and still willing, I hope to "move up" in 5 or 10 years. I will definitely be more prepared next time. Needed documents now on hand will be going into a lockbox, extra material will be kept on hand, and notes will be added to the papers by which I might guide my future self and any prospective sellers for an advanced sale situation.

Sleep has either been extremely elusive or unavoidable and deep. I know it is stress. I know it will pass.

Tomorrow I see the doctor's assistant. A 9:30 appointment is going to be tough. I need to be up and out by 7:00, 8:00 at the absolute minimum. I am about to go try to sleep so as not to miss my appointment. I bet it is a fasting appointment too, though that was not stated. So, no midnight snack. I do not think tomorrow will be fun at the clinic. What I am going to tell them they are not going to like. But they simply left me no choice. As I said before, I am going back to the original doses of things and not a pill more or less. If they believe that is reason to sever the relationship, that is the way it must be. If nothing else, I finally made it back to splenda diet coke. Much better than daily 6 to 12 packs of regular. Odd though, I did not gain weight on regular soda nor lose it when I switched.

Well, time to rest. I think I will speak with Father before I sleep. I will not ask Him for favor in this, that, or the other things. I will merely ask that He remembers that I love Him and that His will be done and if it be done through me, the better. He has my keys. I may ask Him for strength and guidance in dealing with whatever may happen too. Yeah, He might already know but it does not hurt to actually hear it. Be well and be loved. You are here if you choose it, and perhaps even if you do not. Good night!

Today is a big day.

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I need to complete a number of tasks today. All related to the house. Well, house for now, home to be. I need to go through a pile of paperwork, signing, dating, or putting my initials in, where I missed when filling out my initial application. What might reasonably be called slashing the t's and dotting the i's. As well, I need to get information to the lender regarding my DD-214. I believe they will be able to download and print it. I will be receiving a copy in the mail soon, but that is mine and how long that will take to actually arrive is anyone's guess. Since I have the capacity to download it, I believe I will be able to share that information and get this done.

While I was up, still not sleeping days, I was able to cook a large pot of beans and a large chunk of ham. It came out quite nice. I made a large mistake though, soaking way too many beans. I was only able to cook half of them so as to include the ham. I will have to put what is cooked in a container, along with the ham, and then cook the last half of the beans. At least it will give me something to do while I try to stay up to complete the other tasks on my list.

All the work, to date, seems to be taking forever. And yet, and in some other aspect of reality, it seems to be going so very fast. The juxtaposed notion of time and placement is almost nauseating. It is through this nether that all must pass, at some points in their life. No matter how many support us up to these points, in them we are all alone and naked. So be it. I do fear, I do not, however, allow that fear to defeat me. Even weakened and on my knees, I bow to none but God. I have found the power in weakness. It the stability of the frozen. Only being shattered can undo that and I am less fragile in my frozen state than most.

The time is nearing to be a land and home owner. I fear it, I do. Like fatherhood, manhood, civility, and war, the prices, rewards, complications, and such cannot be foreseen. It is a new frontier.

My friend and myself went to Clash of the Titans the other night. Actually, I enjoyed it immensely! Further, there seem to be some decent (if quite fictionalized) combat movies coming out which I might be able to stomach. I have no bother watching the horrors of war and battle and fighting, I only find horror in the indignant manner in which Hollywood often downrates our men, our cause, and our purpose. They spit in our faces, often, like the stinking hippies of the 70's. And, should I ever have the power, I would destroy them all, down to the last camera man. Anyway... Something I came away from watching the movie was that we each lead epic lives. Things we have done, people we have known, contests we have involved ourselves in... From birth to death we have struggled with others, with the world, with ourselves, and even with God! We cannot win, we will die. We each know this. And yet we struggle on in relentless pursuit of some higher calling, order, way.

Just some thoughts...

It could happen.

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I just finished applying for my DD-214. A couple hours later, java script running on my machine (somehow, with some twisting, turning, and updating as it was required to even order my DD-214), and a hundred and a quarter dollars shy, the task is as done as I can do it. My agent submitted a work order to the owners, which they can refuse in whole or part. There were some minor (and to my mind, major) issues with the electrical. I have offered a proposition to my agent, which he has tried to reject outright but instead has put on hold until we hear back from the current owners. We should be receiving something back from them by 5 pm today. Lord what a job getting into debt is.

Everything is moving forward, in a limping staggering messy fashion. And I am trying to stay on task. Actually, for the condition I am in, for what is going on around me, and for all else, I am doing well. Tucked in here in my great big shell, I am emotionally quite settled. I am more perturbed that the little secret of my failings is being exposed more than that things are problematic because of my failings. I am used to being ill, and merely take note, share that when and if it is needed, and go on my merry way. I do feel a little bad for those trying to help. I do, though, feel that they are on-board, and at least seem sympathetic. I do not second guess things anymore, like the depth or reality of what I sense. It is too much work to doubt more than what I already doubt!

No, it is fine. I am fine. The project will either work or it will not. I will be moving into my own house soon or I will be finding an apartment. That is that. It is in God's hands in any case, and He and the way He has developed do have purpose. Let it be. Let that purpose be and live through it. Trust me, you can survive anything... even death.

Be well my fellow world warriors. The world is out to kill you, and it will, but not today. Probably.

Still trying!

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Okay, beat upon and spat at, but I keep chugging away. Well, okay, not beat upon. Oh, and, perhaps not spat at either. But, that is not the point!

I am doing what I can. I am still flagging and needing help, and to some degree getting it. At least as far as buying the house goes. I still need to apply for my DD-214. Why I am having such difficulty doing so, I cannot tell. Tomorrow folks, tomorrow. The bid, as I said, has been accepted. The inspection will happen this Wednesday, and I will need to be there to speak with him after he finishes his work. Which I will do. I might take my friend along so we can go shooting afterward. Two birds with one shot, that is how I like it. Lazy or efficient, call me what you will. It is good when it works. Otherwise, not. :p

I did dishes earlier today, put in a load of laundry and will be reloading laundry and unloading the dishwasher. Taking out the trash will be one of my last tasks today. The trash and recycling have been things I have been keeping up on, thankfully. Oh, mopped the bathroom floor again today and gave it a second whack. I will do it one more time, and downstairs, then use a regular cleaner, rinse, and then put on some wax. The mopping finish will be done tomorrow. The rest will be done tonight.

I am still not right, and it is brutal to push through, but I think I can get to it. Fighting from way down is much more difficult than fighting from simple lethargy.

I have plans for my house. First thing, as I have said, is gardening. I will probably keep it simple this year. A few rows for various vegetables, tomatoes, and cucumbers. Depending on how it goes, next year I will expand the garden. My mother should be able to help me stock up on canning needs, make a plan for canning tomatoes, and give gardening advice, along with helping me set up house. I should have her write notes on how to do things, as a reference.

As well, late last week, I asked the neighbor lady out. She was a bit taken aback, but not really. Women are funny that way. She was either surprised I did what she wanted or did not want me to do. *laughing* Yeah, that is how I think the mind of women works. I think... As well, I asked about another woman. I was told she had a boyfriend. I asked if it was serious. I do not think the woman I was discussing this with liked my query. Still, I will know more if I happen to bump into her before long. Bah! If he is not going to marry her, unless she is not looking for that, then she is open game in my book. Not that I would marry either of these women, but there is no reason not to enjoy some female companionship. Who knows though. These women types will sneak up on you!

Well, that is my life in a tidy little snapshot. Tough but tenderizing as I write. Be well!

Here is the deal...

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I have not been lazy on purpose. They have increased my medicine beyond the point of my being able to function without increasing the ritalin. Now, I carried on as well as I could. I tried this and that to get beyond it, and that only after realizing, again, my life had become a train wreck. So, realizing after a couple of weeks or more that I was off the tracks and I think the engine had even stopped, and then fighting for the last week or two to right things, I realized there was no way to salvage the situation on my own. So, I place a call to my doc's office, suggested this situation was untenable, and asked that she add more ritalin. Of course, I am already in socialized medicine, as you soon will be. (Cannot say I did not warn you all, on many occasions). So, I get a message back from one of her flunkies. He says she says no. She says if I control my diabetes, I will feel better.

Ok, fuck her. First, I have not been eating or drinking sugar since I went back on medicine. Second, I have not been eating more than 20 ounces of food a day, often less, because I am incapacitated. Fuck her and diabetes. Pardon the French, or do not, not my call. Anyway, diabetes could not be playing a role in this. I thought about flushing the medicine and just walking away, again. Instead, I have decided to cut back the medicine to the point I could take it with the amount of ritalin I am allowed here, and that will have to do. Going back to soda would be foolish, and that little amount was working on the high blood pressure to some extent. I could still function in a minor fashion and it was better than simply consuming soda and waiting for a quick and harsh lesson in life or death.

Now, to hope I can get back on track with things in a day or two. I hope the fog lifts quickly enough that I can get on track with some of the housing business at hand. This is quite frustrating. I hope those who voted for the cock suckers who just gave you the same medical care I receive enjoy it every bit as much as I do. If so, at least your version will be eradicated as fast as the next election.

Good day.

Perhaps no one will be happy, perhaps it is all good?

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They have been increasing my blood pressure medicine while I have been fighting through that as best as I am able. I am working on the home loan, have been looking at properties, doing a few other things, all while trying to maintain some kind of personal life of interest and value. It has been a tightrope. Of course, I have been listening to advice, looking at what is and was available in housing, and somewhat worrying about that. My work is nearly done though, on some things.

I have placed a bid and it has been accepted. I have some time to back out, and the bid is based on a good inspection and appraisal. The house and property, as of the most recent appraisal, is valued at $154,000. The asking was $127,000 plus closing costs. I bid $122,000 plus they pay closing costs. They countered and I countered again. The agreed is $125,000 and they pay closing costs. I will have, assuming all things go through, 1.25 acres (currently under agreement for alfalfa (I believe) crop with a neighbor (that contract ends at my taking of the property, of course). But, until I figure out everything, I will probably maintain that deal. I still have plenty of room for a beginning garden, and (Lord helping) will make use of that land this very spring.

The city, town really, of between 500 and 600 people, does have cable. I am not sure of water. I am secure about the house (depending on inspection of course, but just from a very serious review, speaking with the current owners, and some other things). There is work to be done, but nothing serious, demanding, or fundamental (which is great by me). Little projects, some costs but worthy ones, and of course some elbow grease (though light). If all goes well, the turnover date is set at April 23!

I am sorry, but that is as good as I could do in the time and with the money available. I have been looking for something more rural since I moved here. Nothing in my price range, even stretching it a goodly sum, has been on the market (here in Utah or in Idaho). This is at least equal to anything I have seen on the market. Further, I know the town just a bit. I have driven through it and stopped in it frequently, as it is on the path to the area my friend and myself most usually go to shoot. It is a mere 2 to 3 miles from the range I use.

As I said, given my available cash, the time frames included, and the other factors involved, this is as good as I could have done. And, it is almost done. Scary? Yes. Overwhelming? Of course. But avoiding stepping in and doing what one wants because of fear is not the way. So, I tread in and find out. Who knows, but I will have my own little place very soon... with a spread... a garden... and maybe by next year, goats and a horse? We shall see!

I looked.

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Instead of twelve places, there were only nine to view. The three not included are manufactured houses, which V.A. loans do not include. One of them included nearly 5 acres, if it looked very rough as well. I have an strong interest in one of the houses I viewed, and a milder interest in two others. The main of the strongly interesting house was rock construction, which drew me in. The inside is quite nice and the basement is reasonable for the purposes I have in mind. It has a garage with enough room for a decent work space. And there is enough room for a visitor or two, easily and comfortably. It is in a town, a very small one albeit. None of the properties were, exactly, rural. All of them were in towns, or collections of houses equivalent to small towns.

As well, an acre is not as much land as I had thought. The land on the house I am looking at most closely is clear and in good shape. A horse would work there well, though I would need to build up the fencing most likely, and build a shelter. Neither of which is too difficult, if expense would come into play. There were two other homes of interest. One, the next favored, with a fantastic view and close proximity to the mountains, would be a bit of work. The house is in decent shape, if just a bit rough. But the land would need a lot of work to get it in shape for a horse or anything really. It would be mostly manual labor, and a lot of it, but the work would be one time only. The last of the three best choices is on shortsale, which would make for a long purchase. There is already a bid in, so I probably will not mess with that. It was the newest home I looked at, and looks new. Newer houses are so... regular. What they offer in brute space they lose in character and charm.

I did not really know the prices of the houses while I was choosing and looking. I did not want that to interfere with my choice, one way or the other. Oddly, price did not really indicate what I liked, as it turns out. My favorite house is being offered at $127,000. The more expensive houses, at $159,000, were of no interest to me at all. I am seriously thinking about placing a bid of $122K and sellers pay closing on that house, where price is negotiable but closing costs are not, and seeing where that will get me (depending on a rigorous inspection of that house). It may not be in the country, but a country house is simply not available. This town is, I would guess, around 600 people and around 8 to 10 square blocks. It is about 20 miles from Logan, should I find my way back to school.

It is a very nice home, with a basement, garage, workspaces, upstairs, and a good deal of character. I think it has 2 bathrooms, 3 to 4 bedrooms, and decent storage and closet space. The land is ready to use. And it is about as rural as it gets. The house itself is quite charming, interesting, and comfortable feeling. It was built in 1883, though there have been additions. I really think I am going to speak with my broker tomorrow and see where we should go from here. A few questions, the planning of an inspection along with a bid discussion, perhaps another visit to specifically look at things, and then onward from there, I think. I want to look at it again, and really look at some things and ask some questions. What type of heating and cooling does it use (and take a look at utility bills from when it was lived in regularly), look at the rooms and spaces more closely while attempting to disregard my general good feel for the place, questions about different things which might become a cost sooner or later (how new is the roofing, furnace, and whatever).

When I returned home, I tried to find the email my broker had send which included the properties, to look over some of the details. I simply could not find it.

I was absolutely exhausted. Perhaps that is why I could not find the email. I took a nap, intending on sleeping for about 2 hours. I set the alarm to that end. I do remember waking to the alarm, using the snooze to try and revive, and failing. I 'napped' from about 14:00 until 20:00. I had to drag myself out of bed even then. And at 23:30, I am ready for bed again. Zapped. Tomorrow I need to get to the V.A. in Ogden, the clinic, and let the do a check-up and blood draw. No food after midnight, so I best get a bit to eat before I go to bed. After visiting the V.A. tomorrow or Friday, I will take a week off. I have been pushing very hard.

Doing what I can, I tell ya. That is all I can do. I must admit, I wish some of my people lived a little closer, so I could take them on a tour of the house as well and discuss some of this a bit. Then again, both are women and with very different tastes and interests. Still, that is not always a bad thing. They might come up with questions or thoughts, or at least ring a bell that got me to think about something I wanted or needed to ask. Oh well, I think I will do fine as is.

Good night.

A big day!

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Today is the day. I will be looking at houses. I may see as many as all twelve available. Then, the decision among them or to exclude any of them. I suspect I will narrow my search to two or three, then begin working price while waiting for a few more to choose from if I cannot get what I want. But who knows. I may see the exact house, get the right price negotiated quickly, and be looking at a time to move in before the day is done. I doubt it, but I have learned to rarely say never.

I stopped saying never say never as that defeats the saying. I have always wondered if that off manner of saying that was a bit of levity on the part of whoever made that up or whether they just were not thinking and people enjoy the irony of it or were also a bit slow so kept saying it. At least rolling stones gathers no moss makes sense if it might not be true? I suppose it might depend on if it is rolling in water or on dry land? I am no biologist though, I cannot be sure.

I think I am running out of energy. After today, I am going to take some time off. I have been, considering everything, burning the candle from both sides. Cleaning, cooking, business affairs, getting out for this and that, and such. I will continue with the house, but I am zapped. I am getting confused, messing things up, and missing appointments somehow. Yesterday's appointment was not in Ogden. It was not medical. I was supposed to see optometry. Luckily, I had a question and called the clinic. When they called back with an answer, they asked why I had called since I missed my fasting appointment and optometry was not doing a blood draw. Well, at least we got a bit of a chuckle out of the debacle. And, I did make it that extra hour drive to SLC, and on time. When I got home, I checked the cards. Of course they were right. Why or how I missed it I cannot be sure, other than that I am overdoing and getting confused. I had two cards. I read half of one and half of the other and cleanly missed that there were even two separate appointments. Even if my bad times, I did not get that confused (if I would simply fail to read the cards to begin with).

As I said, the house will continue to be cleaned, but I will have to back things off a bit otherwise. A week of semi-down time is needed. Perhaps less, I will just have to see. Still, what I have done is very good. Even just cleaning the house and stocking the larder will be much more than I have been doing and will be wonderful in itself. And, if I can at all get to it, push-ups and set-ups in the morning and evening might begin. Just a few, 10 of each perhaps, to start with and for a good 2 weeks to a month. Low doses, I have to do everything slowly.

I am back in the game, I have simply been playing too hard. I am jealous of many of you. You can, and do. Then again, if it were not for you, I would not have anything to set standards by. Jealously, like greed, are technically bad things. But without them, applied in the right way, nothing would advance, nothing would be done, and we would sit in our socialist stew merely hating without hope. So do not worry about my jealousy, I need it! And, it is as healthy of a jealousy as I can make it.

Be well!

Bit by bit, now in larger bits.

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I viewed the houses available, in my price range, and sent an email to the broker. When I leave for my appointment later today, I will leave a little early so that I may send the loan package through the mail. I have swept the house, mopped parts of it, taken the rugs out shaken them and they are airing outside. I am washing some of the rugs though too. When the kitchen floor dries, I will finish the dishes. I ate a bit late and was feeling rather exhausted, so I let the dishes "rest" for the night. I cannot eat this morning, I have a fasting appointment. You would know, the one morning I cannot eat, I feel a dire urge to do so. Ha!

I honestly cannot believe how well I am doing. No, this is still not optimal. Leaving the house, doing many chores at once, and some other things will still put me down. Getting put down, now, however, only lasts a few hours to a day. I also realize I cannot multi-task. If I am making calls, I cannot clean. If I am cleaning, business and fun outdoor activities become limited. As well, how long I work is still rather limited. After the big ski trip this year, I am sure I can do more. Then again, that made me sore and cranky, bodily, for a couple of weeks. I still have real limits. I can push those, and further, but there will be a price. I need to open that up a bit. When I find the time to set business aside for a bit, I will begin working out however I may with what is available. I am guessing that set-ups and push-ups are a simple way to start, walking after those are back online and if I still have excess energy or want or ability. At that point, I will begin trying to expand my horizons by adding calculus study in, making my hours and days more of a multi-task training period.

I have noticed that my writing has become much more bland. I think it is because I do have limits, and I am riding right up to, and often a little or a lot past, those and so have little left over for creativity and such. As well, being busy, my mind is not ruminating as much about this topic or that subject. It is doing what it can. It will improve as I 'grow into myself' again. Bland updates, task tracking information for myself, and just the act of blogging itself is what I have for now. Apologies...

Have a great day!

Getting close.

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A load of laundry was completed yesterday. More cooking was done today, I needed more beans for the meat. Last week I looked at freezer to fridge to oven bowls, and a few chef knives (I am addicted to cooking wares, by the way). I called about my V.A. check today, to get that posting here. I called about my DD-214, hoping to have some news regarding that for the loan broker. I had no luck, so I discussed that with him. He said to go ahead and send what I have, they do not need the DD-214 immediately. Well, I am doing what I can. Oh, cleaned the bathroom a bit today. I would call it more prep cleaning than the actual deed, but it was needed.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my doctor's office. I will not be seeing her, just a checkup with her staff. Right! It is a fasting appointment. So I will have to keep that in mind. I am glad I am tallying my projects here. So much yet to do, but I have been burning through my list. I still have a long and growing list, but that is as it should be. It is good to know though, that when I can, I do. That always worries me. Worrying if I might actually just be lazy. Nope. Mostly. :p

Now to check finances. I could not log into my account in Iowa today, the site was down or for some other reason, my browser would not connect. I will be trying a few times today and tomorrow. Barring connecting, I will call them tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday.

No time for much play yet, but that is coming. I need to get out hiking and fishing. I think snow is pretty much done here, so no more skiing. Hmmm, I wonder just how cold that water is. I might have to find a nice quiet little pool and find out. Ha! No, it will not kill me. For as bad of shape as I am and have been in, I am fit as an iron fiddle. Weird but I love it.

Be well.

I have been busy and well.

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Saturday was shooting day. I am improving, slowly. Still, it is not all about hitting the target. Getting out of the house, talking to someone, and of course just the pleasure of sending a few hot ones down the way. The drive and being outside are also very good. And, usually, a meal. As I get better though, rather than eating out, I am cooking myself. Lobster and some sort of large crab legs were on the menu, along with a baked potato and beer. About once a month is all I can take of that though. Well, perhaps twice? The lobster tail are quite sweet, and only about $6 each. Two is quite enough, from now on. Now that I clean up quickly afterward, I will probably do a good deal more entertaining... How good it is.

In spite of just having had company over yesterday, I did so again today. I had beans I needed to use up and thought a ham would work perfectly for that. But there was a bit much to eat on my own, so I asked my friend to find his way here. I did not realize the buses do not run on Sunday, so I went and fetched him. It was a quick quiet affair. The meal was quite nice, neither of us is used to home cooked foods. Him because he just does not do that, me because I have been ill. Beyond, I plan on having spaghetti dinner this Thursday. But this time I will be asking some other people over. I have already asked regular friend over, I just have to contact a few others.

On the way back, after giving my friend a ride home, I grabbed some cleaning supplies. The kitchen is now at 70% spic and span, the rest of the house needs a good deal of attention. The bathrooms first. My main one is in very poor shape, poor thing. The other is pretty good, but it is good to give it a once over while I am at it. Laundry is being kept up, dishes are being kept up, and business is being tended as I remember and get to it. I am still a bit sluggish, to my mind. I do, however, see the finish line. That finish line is the beginning, not the end, however. That finish line is where everyone else starts, I have been quite behind.

Life is looking good again, very good.

Another day out.

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"Gone shooting." I need a sign with that on it. Of course, no one ever visits, so whatever. It looks to rain, snow, or something tomorrow while today is sunny and almost 50 F. So, it is back to the range. One box of .45's and I think I will be taking my .22 pistol this time as well. Perhaps it will help me get back into pistol usage just as well, less expensively, and without worrying about brass. I feel downright foolish missing as often as I do. At 50 to 60 yards, I should not miss a pop can, let alone bottle, more than a few times a magazine, and then usually only when I get silly. And that is discussing the 13 round magazines. This last summer, I rarely missed even with the .357, it with a 2" barrel.

Of course, dinner after. Though I might talk my shooting partner into lobster here at my place. Two tails cost about $10, some baked potatoes cost little, and frozen broccoli or something is pretty cheap too. Plus, I could do double duty and buy the rest of items on my grocery list. I like doing double duty, cooking and eating rightly, and doing so on the cheap. Odd how little a home cooked meal costs, how much better it is from quality to taste to the freshness of ingredients. The main costs being time, clean up, and serving one's self. But I am on those last now, my kitchen is nice and clean dishes, pots, and pans are plentiful!

Well, I best be going. Time is running out, I said I would be there at 13:00, so, gotta go. Have a great day!

The spirit is willing...

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As they say, but the flesh is weak. It will take some time to get the body back into shape. I can do well on small things for short periods, but an afternoon of anything, or a morning full of calls and business, wear me right out. I see my doctor the 9th. I have been considering asking her about physical therapy of some sort. It would need to be as local as possible, but it could really help. When the body does almost nothing for months, flexibility, strength, and endurance disappear. Those things are necessary for simple life, and least life as most people know it. Just some thoughts.

I am very tired this evening. I am getting ready to hit it and hard. Good night!

Not too bad.

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I got busy today. I checked on the medicine, it was sent two days ago. Check. I made contact with my buyer broker, he is sending out new leads to the email account to which I have access and we will begin looking at houses next week. Check. I called my loan pre-approval agent. I did not reach him and he has not called back yet. I did let him know I was having difficulties knowing how to obtain my DD 214 (discharge papers). That is as much as I can do. Check. I made my car payment over the phone. Check. And finally I took care of a major worry. I realized I must be fairly late on my storage fees. I kept fearing that I had lost everything (you know how not knowing for sure how far behind you are when you realize you are behind but have been too... out of it... to think straight for a while?). I was two months behind, and had late fees for that. I explained my condition and difficulties, in apology. She went ahead and halved my late fees! I then paid for another six months plus the late fees. Now I have no worries until this July. Expensive, no doubt, but worth the loss of worry and there is a discount. That, if luck holds, will easily see me into my new house, perhaps with a rebate if I can move quickly and early. Check.

I still have things to do, but I ran out of nerve, energy, and will. Monday will be the day to move on getting my Social Security and V.A. checks directed to my local bank, check on two other bills, and attempt to contact the mortgage center agent again. Not bad, really, just not too bad. Calling and doing business is often a fearful thing, while I am in a funk or even while coming out of one. There is something strange about actually interacting with the world and people and money and all. That should improve. Actually, it already has. I would not have been able to do this a week ago. It only has not been done sooner because it takes time to get to things, and just having a few things at home taken care of first was primal.

I did make a wonderful meal with some of the beans I had recently cooked and some brots I had recently bought, thawed, and cooked. I had half a brot by itself, wonderful it was! But heating the beans with some of the brots in some of the cooking juice from the beans to make a mild soup, then adding a quarter cup of whole whipping cream and a little salt. Fantastic is all I can say. Plus, keeping up on dishes. Oh, and when I cook a large portion now, I feel no need to overeat. I have containers, the owners containers, which go from freezer or fridge to oven and back. So I have been eating well, the right amounts, having leftovers, and doing very well in this regard, thank you very much.

Life can be so simple. For me that means just the right medicines. For others, I suppose it means a little more attention to detail. Nice... That is all I can say. It is nice to be alive and well.

Oops!

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Or, thank God it's Friday (and not Saturday). I got nothing done, as I had written, yesterday. My friend called and suggested we go shooting. Well, we went shooting, then had dinner. Our shoot days are all day, at least from the time they start onward. As well, I got into a minor project and ended up not going to bed in a... timely manner. It was after 5:00 when I rolled my bones into the hay. I decided not to allow this to mess up my schedule, so I set the alarm for 10:30. And, I woke up at 9:00 without the alarm, and called it good. I think I will begin my calls at 12:00, instead of 13:00 though, as there is an hour or two difference between here and some of the places I may end up calling which favors an early start.

The shooting was good. I only shot one box in the .45 though. It is too slushy to retrieved cases, so I simply do not wish to pick them up. In many cases, I cannot pick them up. My shooting is improving, though it will be slow because of the one box limit I have self imposed in the wait for easier retrieval of cases. But that Henry .22 is a golden gun. I am shooting sub-quarter sized clay remnant shards at 60 yards and more. S A W E E T! I think that is how it is said?

I have, however, been keeping up on the dishes and I did get the regrowth off my face. After shaving my beard a bit back, I had failed to managed the fuzz until it became an ugly 'tweener' man-face-hair... thing! And, I have taken control of finger and toe nails, and the wretchedly dry skin on my feet and toe nail areas. It takes a while to get nearly bone hard skin out of the cuticle areas once that sets in.

Bit by bit, one thing at a time, one day at a time. But I am coming back online. Wow, all I can say is wow. You have no idea how nice it is to be coming back to life. I know many people take this for granted. And, I think that is good to some degree. We cannot be down on our knees all of the time or we would not produce the things that make life amenable, let alone survivable. If nothing else, my illness allows me moments of retrospect in which I get to see all of the grandeur of the wonderful thing that we call life. The price is high but the view is gorgeous.

Be well!

A day at the museum.

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Yesterday was a bit odd, health wise. I ended up not taking my medicine, any of it, in spite of having it with me. I look for "the right time" to take things when out of the house, and with everything going on, that time simply never happened. With things going on, driving, and such, I simply lost track. Still, my friend and myself had a fairly decent day. We visited the Browning museum, which includes trains, guns, and cars. We viewed a good bit of the train part and the guns of course, but ran out of time so did not view the automobiles. Next week, very possibly, we will do a return visit. We also had lunch there. I was getting grumpy from being overly tired on the drive back. I did not grump at my friend, just at typical drivers. Then again, I am a moody driver anyway. I do not go overboard, I merely grump and adjust my driving to avoid bad and stupid (yes, talking on a cellphone while driving and driving poorly for it will get someone on my "stupid list"). When less tired, I just adjust and forget, not bothering to grumble.

While we were in Ogden, as is our want, we ended up at one of our favorite gun, ammunition, and reloading shops. I found bullets, if not what I had hoped to find. I was looking for full metal jacket 230 grain round nose bullets for reloading. They had 230 and they had round nose, they just did not have them together. I ended up walking out with 500 200 grain round nose plated bullets, and 300 230 grain truncated full metal jacket bullets. I still have 200 round nose 230 grain bullets, so I guess it is all right. Of course, my friend bought 100 of the 200 grain plated bullets when we got home. He found some used 9 mm cases. It is good to have more.

I was very tired when I returned. We had a few beers. We had thought about supper, but were both still full from lunch. I took him on home and tried to stay up a few hours more, but at 20:00, I was finished. I woke up at 2:00 or so, and almost could not get back to sleep. I knew it would ruin my day schedule, so I eventually settled down and got back to sleep. Waking at 7:00 or so, I got up and began tinkering. Gaming on the machine to begin the wake-up process. I fixed a little breakfast, too much actually. Now I am gaming again, and blogging, and waiting until about 13:00 to begin a slew of business processes. Checking on the medicine, contacting my broker, contacting the loan agent, trying to figure out how to get my checks to my new bank, paying a bill, checking some other bills, and then maybe some cleaning and shopping after a couple hours off after I have done what I can on those scores.

Not only is my mind just coming into it's own, with all the fuss that goes with it, so too is my body. Food is like a new thing to it. Regular food requires regular bm's. My body is so used to being fed very irregularly that it is having to figure out how to pass waste again. It is not as easy as it might sound. Though I must admit, it is a pleasure to once again be biologically more functional. It is just knowing when one process or another is what is needed, both for me and my body, that can be a bit harrowing. Gas, as I am coming to understand, is not always gas. This is only a problem during restarts, but it is one I often forget about. No mistakes yet, just some funny facial expressions and a bit of a weird walk hurry mode rush to the nearest facility.

My kitchen is staying even, so far. I clean after each meal. Which allows me to cook with a clear conscience. As I said, by Sunday or Monday, I hope to have the whole of this house up to specs again. I think I can do this, and I will feel so much better about it. There is nothing like being in a clean, kempt, concise house. The mind and spirit become settled and new tasks become easier to take on and complete somehow. When this is done, I will begin my studies in calculus. Then perhaps physics.

Life is coming back together nicely but slowly. Too much rush and I will overdo, which will cause a setback. And yet not doing enough will cause a slip into lethargy. And knowing which is which will take a little trial and error, a little patience with myself, and a little faith in myself, the medicine, and the world in general. Coming out of a coma in self-help mode is a tricky thing. And yet it feels so good. Like being trapped, seemingly forever, in a frozen no-man's land and then to finally begin nearing the borders of a safe place while at the same time feeling a breath of spring on the face. It is good.

Where to begin?

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Have you ever had a job which either upon taking or somewhere while in that employ in which you were handed a terribly botched assignment? The paper work was all wrong, time lines are all messed up with some events very overdue others simply corrupted and some still good yet all complicating the time issues involved, and a host of other difficulties? Yes, well, that is my life. When, where, and what do I start with. Okies, we have the when down. Now! But which project and how. I am only starting to live again, but I see the whole world of business and personal needs that have to be tended and I only have so much energy and 'togetherness' at hand and my skills at organizing and throughput are sketchy at best in the best of times.

Where to start? For me, there were several sure places. Home, it is where I live and breath, think and work, and all such. Home is much more to me than most, many might as well simply live in a hotel for all they have to do with their homes. I have little choice in the matter, so my home is my whole world. Outside is even a little spooky anymore (hence why I carry on boldly, usually, when leaving my shell). To that end, I have done two loads of laundry with more to go. Though there really is not much to do. I changed about as often as I showered and we will not go further into that. Still, after I did most of what was needed clothing wise, I think the bedding (sigh) needs washed. I never did wash the bedding after my lady friend visited, if she only slept in her bed proper for one or two nights, preferring the lounger until I figured out her issues and turned the heat up, took out the window insulation so some light got in, and a few other things. My personal bedding on the other hand... We will not go their either. At least it does not 'look' too bad. *sigh*

As well, I have been busy with dishes. You might be able to imagine the pileup there. But add that it piled up long ago and at best was soaking. I have done two loads in the dishwasher and two loads by hand and it is done, save one load from the dishwasher to be put away. This was no simple wash job. All of it got a fresh resoaking (or two), and even what went into the dishwasher was sort of hand washed first. It was a real chore but a happily completed one. Next I am eyeing the broom and mop, and searching for the vacuum cleaner (searching is not, yet, a do all at once project... it might be before long... still... waking... up).

Next, medicine. I have a little over a week left of the main medicine, Lisinopril. Worried, I called the V.A. today (meant to yesterday, but... today is better than tomorrow). It is a very good thing I did. They did not have it planned for me to receive those until April 28th! What is going on in there? The woman said she would do what she could to rectify that. The woman being a worker at the main V.A. in SLC. She said she would call back when she figured this mess out. I was too tired at that time to call further, but I plan to call the closer clinic I usually visit and ask them what the problem is, get them in on the solution, and give them a small piece of my mind. This is exactly what happened last time. I cannot let this simply slide. They are as much a part of the problem, now, as I am. I am too sick to look after myself half of the time, I cannot be expected or depended upon to look after them too. I am just a wee riled at the moment.

Next, some business. Since my banking has not become local yet, I have to pay many bills manually. The internet helps, the phone helps, but nothing is quite like having everything on automatic. That helps! So, I need to tend to some bills and check on a few others. I also need to get some cash into the local bank so that I may begin using it to some extent. As well, I can put a certain amount in and use that as a limiter on my spending. Much as I used to do with the savings and checking accounts. Further, I need to figure out how to get my DD214 and contact the company I am working with on a V.A. pre-approval for a housing loan.

Wow, just wow! So much to do, and that is just the half of it. So much more house cleaning is needed. So much more business must be tended. Groceries must be bought. And, while I am gearing up, I need to also tend the little things as they happen. Cooking means cleaning. Going out means laundry. Everything that one begins starts something else in a chain that is fundamentally maddening at first. Being a ghost has a privilege that frees one from the things of flesh, but at a damned high cost. If I am going to be forced to live, I want to be in the game with foot and claw. I have to be. Either in or out, that is how I play the game when given a choice at all. Actually, I will not wait to be given a choice, I always have a choice... a whole slew of them... even as a cripple I am no pushover.

The game is on! Be well.

Excellent!

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Not perfect, not yet completely well, but the situation does look much brighter.

The medicine is doing what I had hoped. Thankfully, for several reasons, she started me on a low dose, 5 mg twice a day, as early in the morning as possible and mid to later afternoon is how I am doing it. The lift I get is comparable to soda, which is to say not a lot, but it allows me to stay conscious without being completely out of it while awake. I can also do small things, such as shopping and shooting and such again, if it can be done only occasionally that is enough for the moment. This dose will allow me to get back on some schedule, take care of myself, the house, and business minimally, and then it should set me up for a higher dose and nearly actually living again.

I have quit the sugar. Juice mixed with CO2 water, plain water, and soon tea, along with milk of course, are on the menu. I still have a great thirst as diabetes is still probably out of control and in the 300 range. One thing at a time. One piece of it all at a time. Once I am functional again, we move on to that stage, and I could see that happening by my next visit. I need to call and make sure my medication is set to be sent out. I only have a few weeks supply and that makes me nervous. Other than that, it looks like I am set to get back into taking care, being on the right medication, being off soda, and living fairly well again.

Not much else of news. Then again, I am just learning how to walk again. But the prognosis is good. Have a great night.