Yeah? Maybe.

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I finished two loads of laundry, leaving one load to finish drying and the other in a basket... along with two other baskets from before.  Folding, sorting, storing?  Bleh.  Yeah, I'll get to it.  Since that was half of my domestic chores, I'm okay, I suppose.  I didn't go down until 4:00, waiting on the last load.  Still, I figured, getting the work out of the way might be helpful, since sleep wasn't easy last night.  The body is aching from the output.  Still, all good.

The goal, for today, is to finish the laundry and pack clothes.  Then get most things down and ready to be hauled out.  Finally, to do dishes.  It is a lot of work, and yet not.  Especially since it can be broken up into spots of work and parts of rest.  The goal is to be completely ready(tm*) to load the vehicle, minus coolers, by tomorrow evening.  If that can be done, some minor cleaning in the cave proper can happen, maybe, in the time after that.  Some of it will happen with rubbish and recycling being put out.  Perhaps more can happen Monday.  It may work out that trying to keep up on the cave, when prepping for a trip, will work better as an afterthought than as a part of the program.  I just have to suffer through having the cave look terrible for a while?  Yeah, maybe.

This is all turning out quite well.  It's not looking picture perfect.  I'm not sure it is possible to have two major concerns vying for my time, especially when both are so very complicated and intricate.  And... I'll never make for a good housekeeper.  Not in the best of times, definitely not in the worst or busiest of times.  Still, I actually suspect the cave will be left in better shape this time than ever before.  And that will only be impossible by ignoring it completely for a while.  Saturday, right?  Yeah!  I've got two days to really crack it all out, and a final day to do some last tricks, with even another partial day to finalize.  Plus, it's never over until it is over.  That's just the way it goes.

It is cool enough that I need to turn the furnace up, if I want to get things done.  As well, after a bit more waking time, I'll start the gig off with a shower and bath.  I'll miss those in Alaska, right up until I don't.  A weekly shower at a hotel/motel, but most sitz-baths and the occasional camp shower will have to do.  Should I go further into backcountry, all that may be available is swimming and sitz-baths.  All good.  Then again, camping, even this one, runs along those lines.  I am figuring 15 gallons of water will do for the week.  Use it sparingly, but do use it.  Later.

A boat for thought.

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I am hoping to get out a bit more.  One of the things I would like to take to Alaska, for short or long, is a portable craft, with a decent load capacity, and the ability to handle heavier river runs if needed, and flat waters.  Any compromise is just that.  And, what I am asking has to be a compromise.  It is tough to paddle this boat, on flat water, against the wind.  The only real option, as to power, is an electric motor trolling machine.  Not very useful in the middle of nowhere, with no way, other than (potentially) solar power to recharge the battery.  Still, even that IS possible.  This is the boat that is sort of leading the pack.  It is supposed to be able to handle 850 (me and 470 pounds).

There are inflatables with four and five inflation panels, I believe... something like that.  Though I suspect, if one panel goes, in any of the craft, it's going to become a sticky situation.  If your gear is well tied in, and you have some of it waterproofed, you should be able to work over to a shore.  In heavy whitewater, it would just be a mess.  Flat water would leave a lot more room for easing in, but would still be a lot of work.  There isn't a single perfect boat, or anything else.  I think I like my choice.  If things work out, one way or another, I may be ordering that boat soon.  Hopefully in time to use it for a month or two this summer.  No whitewater runs, that just isn't my intent, unless I have to, or at least until I am more sure of the boat, to my own level of satisfaction.

There is flat water quite near to where I live.  If hiking keeps going, and I can handle the wait of the craft and some water, I might just hike it up or down to the water.  Inflated it would even be easier to sort of pack in, at least to the downside water... in theory there too, perhaps.  A trolling motor would be nice though, at least when I begin.  If I get too far out, perhaps an extra push back in would be good.  But that is another 15 pounds for the motor, and whatever a deep cycle 12 v dry cell weighs.  I'm not sure if kayak camping is allowed, or advisable, along the waters, but that would be fun too.  Probably?

If nothing else, I am seriously hoping to see Alaska in ways few of the more touristy types can.  But with risks they won't face.  Not a brag, many of them have children, lead a certain sort of life that doesn't leave much room, time, or money to do what I am hoping to do.  Just... it's good to think that, despite it all, I might have a bit to put out in order to get out.  Hmm... yeah, well... Good night.

Yeah, most of it.

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Even with hiking off the table, I didn't think I'd be able to get it all done.  Tire rotation, car cleaning, liquid consumables, and meats.  Plus, after I got out at 13:30-14:00, I realized I needed to be back by 17:00.  *gulp*  Still, do what you can, keep the target on the radar, and fire at will?  Yep.  The rotation and cleaning went off like gangbusters.  Fast, easy, nice.  And less expensive than what I had planned.  It was a cleaning, not a detail, though.  When I return, I think I will see about a detail.  Good call, in this case, time and money wise.  So, I headed to the store.  I thought I'd be buying the different things at different stores.  I turned out the first store I visited had it all.  Soda, beer, steak, burger, I even added a couple of mongo bags of pretzels for our happy hour.  They always forget the little things!  Not this time.

Oh, there is more.  I will want to pick up buns, a small ketchup, mustard, and jar of mayonnaise.  I really don't need much else.  I grabbed a couple of bags of chips though too.  It adds... variety... crunch.  I also added V8 juice, and olives, for my beer.  I need to pick up a fresh habanero sauce jar as well.  I'll let the children play in the fire, so as to know why not... or step up to the big boys' table.  That is just a medium for me.  I need to find a place that makes the really hot stuff.  Oh, I still have some habanero sauce, it just gets weak over time.  I need fresh.  Yum!

The missionaries may be stopping by for a visit this evening.  It was arranged the last time they visited.  I am also hoping to order a pizza tonight, from here in town.  I saw the sign up some time ago, and have meant to get in and order, but... well... life!  If they will make it locally, I will try to put some money in and keep it going.  I need to shop there more often, too.  I guess, in spite of all, I am a bit shy.  At least with locals.  I know, I know, but... it's just how it goes.  Plus, I'm a tumbling tumble weed.  It's almost cruel to get too attached, or let others do so.  The only thing I could allow myself to leave would be a wife and children, though they might go with me.  But I don't have those things, so...  *tumble*  Maybe.

I AM sore and tired now.  I have done much.  While I will be staying home this weekend, I will not stop.  I need to sort, wash, pack, and load.  The goal is to have it all done, save loading, by Sunday night.  Then, when I return from the trim and last bit of shopping, to load and be read to leave early on the appointed day.  I have the maps printed, both up and back, and maps in the auto ready for the road.  Everything is pretty much packed for gear, plus a day pack for the car which is also used for hiking.  I do need to empty the water tanks and fill with fresh water.  But, mostly, ready to go.  What a whirlwind.  And, to think, this is just the beginning of a very long summer, then a hopefully very busy winter, leading into a major trip next year!  Bug... windshield... not always sure which I am.  Right now, I'm thinking... feeling... bug.  *grins*  Loving it though.

Later.

Youch.

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Just a bit stiff and sore today.  And hungry right away.  When I first woke, it seemed much worse.  The pain softened fairly quickly, but the hunger grows.  I really don't have time to do everything I had hoped.  Rotation, first thing, if that is available.  Then to check on the car wash times and availability.  Then a couple of grocery items to buy.  I'm actually, potentially, pressed for time enough that I may even shove off without that absolutist shower or bath that is all but required before leaving the cave.

Hmm, I best grab a bite to go on the way to the shop.  An Arby's roast beef sandwhich, the biggest they have... either two, or one with extra meat.  Meat has what I have been craving.  Can't get enough of that stuff.  Skip the fries, just the meat and the few carbs by portion from the bread or bun.  Then gnash as if life depended on it.  I had fries last night, and one other day this week.  But mostly just the sandwiches.  I need food!

I know I dreamed.  The dreams weren't too crazy, but they were in such scattered areas of thought, and plentiful, that it because epic in that way.  I must have dreamed a lot of dreams.  Mostly reality centered dreams, just of such different flavors.  Imagine seeing a picture out of the lives of twenty people, taken every day for twenty years.  The pictures all mean something important, the biggest point of the day.  Though not all were represented in pictures.  Some where more like a series of skits, some where in other ways.  That's not exactly how it went, but if you imagine doing that with enough people, you can see how it might becoming mind boggling, then numbing, after a bit.  I don't remember much, just that I dreamed many times and of varied notions.  It was enough that it almost felt like being in the whitewater again, only of the mind.  Too much at times.  All good, now that I am awake.

While it looks like I will remain a bit stiff, at least until pushed out of it a bit, soreness, mostly, is going.  If it stays, it will be mild.  So many things left to do, but no more hiking, not until I return.  Well, at camp, but that won't be paced movement or with a pack, mostly.  When I get back, I won't have a ton of time constrained efforts on top of getting out, either.  Though it looks like I'll have some house cleaning to do.  Bleh!  I'll see what I can kick out this weekend, but I am not expecting much on that front.  I will try, just not sure how much I have left to give right now.  Later.

Well?

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I did make it to bed by 21:30, 22:00?  Something.  I woke at about midnight, hungry as a bear.  So I ripped out.  There was someone I was hoping to find, anyway.  And I thought to stop at the Walmarts, to see about that cooler.  I could not find the 36, but did find a 28 quart.  There was a 30 I had looked at, of a similar type, but it was mostly high, so not at good, as I saw things, for holding fish.  This one was good enough.  So, I have another cooler, small enough for fishing.

The place I normally eat, in the evenings, has changed.  Their dining room is now closed, used to be open 24 hours a day.  Oh well.  I saw who I was looking for.  I had thought he said he hunted, but not so much.  Just fishing.  So, I set up communication.  I don't think it looks like it will work out.  We'll see.  I was hoping to talk to him tomorrow.  Not sure that will happen.  I have someone to shoot with.  Finding someone to fish with, and maybe someone else to hike/camp with, would be good.  Not every time, just once in a while.  I need to learn to fish, and having someone to go camping or even hiking with, once in a while, would help keep me on track.

I can do it all on my own, and will, probably more than not.  It's just that, someone who does these things regularly, and can fit in a gimp from time to time, might increase the pace of skill acquisition.  Well, and there is the incentive.  If my other friend could fish, I'd take that rout.  But he can't.  Neither can the other friend.  Most other people I know are busy to the gills.  Family, work, church, a second job, this, that, and the other thing.  All good.  But... yeah.  I might have to dig for partners, check out other local resources.  I want to avoid .gov anything, including the college.  Perhaps there are other groups.  Still, I gave it a shot.

My goal is to be out three times a week from now on.  Hiking, target practice, and fishing once I get some time in on this rod and reel.  Though I may take out my other rods and reals and get them going too, so I can fish in other spots, using other ways, until I can figure out fly fishing.  Some weeks I might fail that, in part or whole.  Some weeks I might get out for a hiking camp out trip, lasting a couple of days.  I just don't know, other that I will have to work up to some kind of shape in prep to escape.  This place is closing down around me, I need to get out before I am trapped.  I'm not even sure, with what is going on politically and financially, that escape is possible.  Though some of the problems that may be coming might well end the near threat from "public servants".   Though, that risk will never go away completely, and even if it does go away for a while, it might come roaring back with a vengeance when people are weakened through a destroyed economy.

Good news and bad news.

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Well, for me.  No affect on the rest of you.  You are dismissed.  Unless you want to read further.

I was a little later into town.  I wasn't in an extreme rush.  I am not sore or tired, I simply saw no reason to hurry, and enjoyed taking my time, getting into town when I got there, rather than trying to shove my way.  The goal was a tire rotation, oil change, and car wash.  Oh, and doing some shopping.  Given that it was already early afternoon, I decided on an oil change first.  If that failed, I could arranged a time, then go on about my other affairs.

As it turned out, there was time to get right in.  Now for the bad news.  An inner seal on the rear locking differential had blown.  The fluid had drenched the breaks on the rear driver side.  Cost for oil change, repair, and replacing the fluid, ended up slightly less than $560.  Buggers!  On the good side, the breaks were not damaged.  And they could do the repairs right then and there.  Which I went ahead and had them do.

Now, I can afford it, without it bothering the trip.  I might be just a bit more careful, unless the big return check from the utility arrives, but... not really.  I can both pay, and afford, the repair, the rest, and the trip.  However, I didn't want to spend a nickle more, today, until I could see what I have in which accounts, and rearrange some things if necessary.  It will be necessary.  Plus, paydays will happen before my return, and whether the check gets in or not before the trip, I am still good.  Just an inconveniently timed expense, really.  A price of ownership.  So I skipped other shopping.  The tire change is free, but they close up shop by the time I was out of the fix station.  Tomorrow.

I don't know if there will be time for a hike tomorrow.  If I can start early enough, perhaps I can get the tire rotation in, stop at the auto cleaners and set up an appointment, go hiking, get the cleaning in, then see if I can find that last cooler, pick up steak, hamburger, and some other items, before calling it a day.  I will be in again Monday, if I can't get to everything tomorrow.  As well, if absolutely need be, I could do some minor shopping on my way out of town for the trip.  Ugh.

Not bad.  Really, all told.  It's what I can do.  Hmm... maybe I should take a phone book, and call around for the wanted cooler while they do the rotation.  It might simply not be available locally.  As I said, I even checked Amazon, hoping for a fast delivery option and came up empty.  The best option I saw was that shipping wouldn't even take place for several days (at best, hopefully) after an order was placed.  I'll get it sometime this summer.  Small enough to take on a hike, and for fishing, good enough to hold ice for up to five days, but not $300 or more and too heavy.

I started reading a new book while waiting for the repair.  The tile is The End is Nigh.  It's a compilation of stories of the times leading up to the end times.  They aren't, necessarily, biblical.  I haven't read them all, but the first three, and into the fourth story is down.  Short stories, mind you.  The neat thing about this book, and the stories, is that there are two more books of short stories, with many of the authors coming back.  The next book is a collection of stories about during the end times, and the final book also has many authors returning with stories about the end, and perhaps beyond, itself.  Right up my alley.  I did read the first three chapters of The Servile State.  I don't mean to be fussy, but the material is already known... to me.  There were some ideas on the notions that were new, novel, but not enough to continue the read.  Interesting stuff for politi-science types, who haven't delved into the various differences between political forms.  It also might be interesting for those who gobble logic up, and want to see it in slower motion.

Hmm... now for a bit of rest.  Yeah, I did finish cleaning the vehicle out before I left.  I didn't get to much, but what I did was... necessary.  It, as usual, just took longer than expected.  Them or me, it's the way that cookie crumbles.  Time is sometimes a greater cost than money, effort, or other options, and the only option.  Later.

Hmm, that's mildly interesting.

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Between this, that, and needing to cool down, I wasn't in bed until 2:00.  It wasn't a perfect bedtime, but rather good considering.  When I push it, sometimes getting to sleep can be really difficult.  You would think that pushing the body would ensure a good, fast, decent into sleep.  Maybe it does, usually, for others.  Last night was a fairly quick sleep where, from history, I didn't think it would be.  Fifteen minutes, I would guess as a maximum, of fumbling for sleep.  I set the alarm for 10:00, but I honestly didn't think that was going to happen.  Then again, as with the day before (I think?), I figured if I started the waking earlier, that might help with an earlier wake all around.  As is I woke twenty minutes before the alarm.  I am typing almost as I rose, save getting a cut of coffee and morning... rounds otherwise.

There is a bit of stiffness, if only my right shoulder hurts much.  I must have rammed into something with it, from the feel of it.  Yeah, it happens fairly often.  Either not realizing an angle of approach in my mental exhaustion, or just not caring in my hurry, I tackle all sorts of things, like cars, houses, and such.  I don't hit too hard, mostly just a good bump, either as I mentioned unwittingly or knowingly as a form of body breaking or bracing, or out of frustration.  It's a mild one this time.  Other than that, I seem to be in good shape.

I need to get a shower, and if I do it early enough I might take a bath as well.  It's been a while.  Run, run, run, lately, you know.  I don't know if there will be time, or availability, to get everything done today that I would like to get done.  The early I start, though, the better the chances.  Soda and the last of the libations, and some steak and burger, perhaps checking on that cooler I want, are some notions, the rest is all about getting my vehicle sorted and ready.

Depending on what I can get done today will set what all will be done tomorrow.  The only other thing, I believe, I will be doing tomorrow, is hiking one last time.  An hour, two, I can't say.  It looks like, even well shielded, I am beginning to brown up.  I have only been in direct sun, though only partially even then, for two hours.  You'd think, at least comparing initial appearances and now, that I had been sun bathing every other day.  Just a bit of color, but it's there.  I have looked a bit red from two of the days, though avoided any lasting burns.  I've been doing well that way.  I will still need sun screen lotion, just as much as ever, for camping.  All good.  Looks like it is cloudy, or partly cloudy today, and may be tomorrow as well.  All good, 78 was a bit warm for my tastes.

Later.

Ha! I thought I was just offering bravado.

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I did get the auto cleaned out.  I will look around in the morning as well.  I know I left a blanket in there.  I was thinking it wouldn't matter, but... on second thought.  I pretty much removed everything.  Hmm, oh, the glovebox.  I should go through that.  Rubbish was tossed, some things were brought in to be sorted, some things are known to be going back in, and I plucked what I could out of where I could.  I hope they know how to remove small bits of paper lodged where ogre hands have no means of reaching.  I really didn't think I'd get to that.  It has been on my mind to do since I thought about going in tomorrow for the rest, then added a total cleaning to the list.  But as the day was edging to an end, I just... didn't think it would happen.  Yum!

Now, to chill, I will read about traveling and camping in bear country.  One thing about Alaska is, they offer free camping at state parks for vets over 50%.  Now, reading that, it gets a bit wonky.  Camp but not entrance, or day use?  What?  Anyway, a bit of research might lend to more clarity, or simply a call.  The pass lasts for two years, so since I am sure about a summer visit, I may try to get whatever paperwork they need, and send it off, if they will do it long distance.  I might have to hand deliver my bona fides in Anchorage though.  They have several benefits for vets that I may be checking out, some even useful for visitors beside this one.  But all things require application, proof, and maybe some sort of fee.  While I am not sure I really want to stay at state, definitely not federal, parks, because of the rules, possible crowding, and such, sometimes there might not be many options.  I figure a night or two in a hotel per week/month, depending, to clean up and sleep well, the rest of the time looking for free places to camp, and I'll get a better idea of things, and do so on a thinner nickle. 

Regardless of where I go, bears will be an issue.  And, considering the foolish things tourists do (like leaving food, or even giving food to bears and other dangerous critters), I will have to deal with animals who have become a little too comfortable with people.  So... a bit of research.  Oh, I'll have to look over a lot of material, and many times probably, in order to attempt to keep myself safe.  No one, especially not the government, will look after you.  That is your job.  As I said, at least bears are honest about their intent.

Good night.

It's not just about muscle, or body.

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While, for the foreseeable future, that will be the focus, it is only the beginning.  I need to push my body, adding strength to a smaller degree, endurance to a much greater degree.  I am already strong enough to do almost anything.  Almost.  But I can't do it for very long, or necessarily on-call.  Hiking, weight lifting, fishing, and camping will help with those things.  And there is learning, and expanding the ability to do fine detail when exhausted, and such in there.  As well, learning to how to arrange, manage, set up, do without, and care for my person and equipment in it.  Those things are just the beginning.

I am also considering learning ham radio, and before I go to Alaska for the visit, perhaps having some portable equipment set up, a license (though I am not sure it will travel, perhaps there is a way), and some practice.  I would like to get my camera up and running, and begin using it.  While there are problems with photography in the wild, having been behind a gun has taught that tunnel vision, and some other things, that go with photography, exist and how to mitigate.  The thing is, a camera can teach the finer, more nuanced ways, of looking at things.  Seeing the whole picture, right down to seeing the minor details.  This is an excellent skill for survival.  There are other areas I hope to delve into, beyond the simple (if not really so simple) skills of survival.

When the body fails, if the mind doesn't, there might yet be a way.  I knew these things, in my own areas, at one time.  Or I simply would not be here.  I learned to live, to survive, to fight, and to never give up.  Though I have surrendered, it wasn't quite as it would seem.  Given the givens, it was more of an understanding than a surrender.  Do you surrender to an avalanche?  Can you surrender to one?  Or is it just an understanding that you have no control, perhaps no choice?  I survived even that, and am here today, thinking about going to Alaska?  Yep.  So hush it.  *grins*

No, I won't become a famous photographer.  I won't become some mountain man guru, either.  I will miss some shots, I will make mistakes, I will pull mulligans... legal and not.  No man can do otherwise, and even so, survival is not guaranteed.  But if you believed my doctors, even from a few years ago, I should already be dead.  What kind of guarantee are you looking for?  I am so far out of warranty that anything, everything, is a miracle.  And, look at my blog?  I started out pretty green.  A day, a post, a comment, getting caught out in a sensitive moment then making it through, and... there is this.  One small step at a time, a lot of mistakes, so far all have been recoverable, and I have made something with it.  So it will go with each of these other area.

When I return, I will make contact with the local ham club.  I have printed the handbook, if from another site, that they recommend.  I have looked over gear, and found a small portable for starters.  I will need help setting it up, of course.  Though perhaps I can learn to program it as well.  Fly tying might be off the radar, at least for the moment.  But fishing, and fly fishing in particular, is still on.  Along with camping, hiking, weight lifting, snowshoeing this year if I can maintain, and whatever else I can lead into.  I really need to camp, in the winter.  I might not be able to hit it every time I want.  Just so long as I keep up the pace, pick myself back up when I fall.  I've done quite well for the last few weeks.  Just... gotta keep going.

I'll check my list before I go to bed, see what I can check off, what I may need to add.  I might as well clean out the auto tonight.  While getting the oil change and tire rotation, I may get her cleaned out tomorrow.  Then, again, when I return this time.  If I am going to be in bear country, I best start getting and keeping her cleaned out, down to the nubs.  No vehicle is safe from those critters.  Hmm... and I might start reviewing information about camping in bear country.  And real information about living around them as safely as possible.  So much of what the government puts out is... at best... questionable.  They really would rather you get eaten than be safe.  My simple interest is safe avoidance, then personal survival.  The bear just doesn't have a right to my flesh, and sometimes people don't have a choice, save not to be where they might have to be.  Tourists?  Let them offer hot sauce for the meal, bells for roughage.  :p

What round is it, coach?

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I did get an hour of hiking in, plus or minus 20 minutes.  Probably leading into the plus side.  Then out shooting.  My friend had some things he worked on to check, and I had some things someone else, and myself, had done to magazines or firearms that needed to be tested.  Everything worked as had been hoped.  On the way back, I stopped at one of the stores.  One more thing to take off the list.  I am tired.  Oddly, I am not sore.  Too tired to notice?  Dunno, but I'll take what I can get, where I can get it.

I had thought tomorrow would be a day off.  Then I realized I need an oil change, would like to get the tires rotated, and I didn't make it to all of the stores I had hoped to hit.  So... another day into town.  And I do plan on going hiking Friday, as well.  Since I won't be heading out for a day more along into the month than I had thought, and will be in to town for a final trim so can do any last last last minute shopping, which should be light, I am... pretty good.  I'm loving it.  Though I am hoping to keep it up through the group camp, and then when I return.

I'm not impressed with the success.  Sure, I am getting out.  But an hour hike takes it out of me.  I still get pretty flattened by very little effort.  Depressing.  Give it a month or two.  Nothing like bureaucrats riding your butt to get you to get it in gear before they take you out for the vultures though.  Of course, where I am going, the only vultures are real.  More fitting.  People shouldn't extend people's lives to suck the federal dollar marrow from their existence.  Better to have real animals feast than humans do so.  Plus, a a real vulture, wolf, bear, or other animal, will never try to tell they are there to help you.  I prefer honesty.

On the good side, the days have been wonderful.  It is starting to warm up.  Today was 78 F out there.  I doubt if the upper roads in the mountain outback are open quite yet.  Not for vehicle travel anyway.  I need to find a ranger station where the "rangers" don't look at everyone stopping in to ask questions is a potential Gaia rapist or something.  Yeah, they don't like us "land owners" to touch "their" lands.  Some of them are really freaky about it.  As if just asking is a threat to "their lands".  I'll try to find a knowledgeable ranger who understands who his employers are, and whose lands those really are.  I don't mind being taught, advised, and such, I don't like being threatened.

Ugh...  Long week.  Weeks.  I am hoping I'll be a bit more fit to enjoy company, music, and camping this time.  I mean, I enjoyed last time.  I just wasn't much for getting out and having more fun.  The turtle of the party!  Bleh.  I'm never going to be the life of the party, but maybe I can socialize a bit.  And be a bit more sociable to others.  Then again, that I am even going, to be honest, while capable of being on the heart transplant list... well...  Perhaps I am expecting a bit much?  Then again, why not!  :)  Grumpy codger, but I'll try to keep that in it's place and just enjoy, innit.  Later.

Distractions!

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Trying to keep on target, after first waking, is a bear.  While I was awake right around 10:00, getting to the post office by noon was no easy task.  I would look at the time, and see I only had an hour and x minutes, and sort of get uneasy.  Then I'd look again, down to just x minutes, go into a mild panic, and then... Oh!  I ought to check that out, or this out, or get this ready to go, or get a cup of coffee.  The last time I looked, the clock suggested there was, maybe, six minutes.  Depending on what clock base the post office uses.  Yikes!  I was only part way dressed, too!  Well, yeah, I made it.  I think the mailman was chuckling.  Oh yes he was.  No problems there, I was chuckling all the way back, after exiting the front door, on to home, and even now.  Dang kids, pushing the clock like we own it.

I did just a wee bit of tinkering with firearms.  One of the distractions before going was adding a bumper to one of my .22 pistols.  It makes for a much more secure insertion.  When they are extremely flat, getting a quick easy loading is tricky.  You never quite know, without a double check, if the magazine is locked in.  With these bumper additions, it's fast and very easy.  Some of what came today was a longer barrel for the other pistol, and more mag bumpers, which are all now on or in place.  I'll be trying them out today.

First, though, a hike.  Not a long one.  Just a ramble along the river, perhaps an hour, maybe two.  Then, on the way back to town, I'll call my friend to see if he wants to go out.  I have three shops I would like to visit today, if I am not too tired.  It's possible, maybe even probable, if I offer no guarantee.  You'd think I'm trying to come back to life or something, innit?  Yeah, maybe.  We'll see.  Best remember my hat and a chair, for shooting.  I won't be able to stand long with all else and baggage from the last few weeks.  Yum!

Later!

Had to check dates, reservations, and some other things, then crosscheck.  I'm not obsessive about these things, mind you.  But I made arrangements several weeks ago, and had difficulty with one of the items.  Though, in any case, as the time approaches, a last minute check is just a good part of the plan.  Everything checked out, and one thing I thought I was going to need to cancel is actually not going to be a problem.  I'll be able to get my hair trimmed before I go.  Yeah, I like that.  Right... finally... off to a hike.  Later, again, again.

Total war, on sleep.

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I went to bed right at 1:00.  So I decided to push, and set the alarm for 8:00... a calculated risk.  I knew I had (almost) zero chance of waking at 8:00.  Actually, a 9:00 wake would be pushing it.  When I am pushing as I have, I usually sleep more.  No real choice quite often.  Still, I knew that if I set the alarm for 9:00, or 10:00 (the probable time up), the chances of waking right up would be slim.  Even the 9:00 alarm might end up seeing a two hour struggle anyway.  And, it worked, mostly.  At 10:00 I am finally awake.  I had meant, when the 8:00 alarm went off, to just jump it to 9:00.  In the haze of morning thinking, though, I think (I said think, now) I fought with the snooze button.  That may have messed up my chances at a 9:00 wake-up.  Still, 10:00 was honestly what I was going for, and I believed it was going to be a banked corner shot off two others.  In other words, a hoped, but far from guaranteed, proposal.  Especially since, while I did get to bed at 1:00, getting to sleep was an odd thing.  Off and on, in and out.  Not quite as bad as waking, but not easy or fast or sure either.

I know there were dreams in there.  Being at sea in a terrible storm, on some form of warship.  It wasn't "ours", probably a Brit ship I caught a ride with.  I was never on a US ship, other than submarines.  Whatever it was, it wasn't very big.  Maybe a destroyer?  It was an awesome and terrible thing.  Lightening cracking all around, waves that seemed to go on forever until a crash into the ocean brought things to a hard, fast, stop, only to begin rising and falling at a terrible pace again right after.  I think I was on a pocket carrier of theirs, once.  Just a here to there thing.  But I hadn't remembered being on a destroyer.  Perhaps I wasn't on any, all dreams.  Hard to know.  There were other dreams, often are when I am fighting sleep and waking rough, I simply can't recall the other.

Now to get showered and out before the post office closes, then maybe go for a hike before going shooting.  It won't be a long hike, with all else planned.  And shooting won't be a four hour affair.  Then, as a finale, a bit of shopping.  If I can, I might even put some clothes in the washing machine, to be dried yet tonight, but not sorted until tomorrow.  Bleh.  Tomorrow will, mostly, be a down day.  A day to check lists, see what is ready for the trip and what yet must be washed, packed, procured.  All very good.  Out again Friday, for the last of shopping.  Then the weekend is for resting and tending minor trip course corrections.  Not a bad gig this year, at least I have made as good of an attempt to get ready, in as many ways as possible, as I can.  Now to keep it going.  This, I suppose, isn't the beginning of a run on camping, or trips, but an attempt to reclaim more of a life.  We'll see.

I missed morning medicine yesterday in my rush to try to get out, slow rush that it was.  No real worries though, that was the first dose I missed in almost 21 days.  It's going to happen.  I am actually rather impressed, given what all has been going on.

A bit of music, a cup or two of coffee, then it starts in earnest.  Later.

Argh!

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Can't say I didn't try.  And, actually, I may still try.  I wanted to buy a little bit, but not hugely, better cooler.  I looked online at all my favorite sites, that after visiting three stores (so far).  Nothing.  I need something between 35 and 45 quarts (to my mind).  One very particular brand and type sticks out.  Hmm... rather than running around town, I might just place some calls.  Let some clerks fingers do my legwork, and maybe even put a hold on the item if in. 

Nice and sore.  I'm not knocking it.  I need to push, pull, jump, and shout.  I don't want to be a dead dog there.  And this is the run to the big burn.  And then this winter.  And, then, for Alaska.  After I get back, beside hiking, I might try to get back to weights.  Not heavy, not hard.  I don't have a cage for squats, so those are out.  Not sure I am a fan of those anyway.  Used to do them, but had the right equipment and the right people around who knew and pushed.  Last time I tried... no, I don't like them.  Don't know if I can keep it up.  Never know.  Or get back up, really, when I fall, or how much good getting back up will work after a fall.  *don't look down!*  Though, if I learn where to hike, and perhaps learn which of those trails is open for snowshoeing, I might have a better chance at getting in, and staying on, track. 

It is bedtime.  Not extremely early.  If it works, though, early enough to be to the post office before noon, then out to hike a bit, then shoot.  We'll see.  Good night.  Probably.  Maybe.  Gah!

Cooking.

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No, not food.  Hot out there, at least for me.  I wasn't even in the sun all that much, but it feels as if I sat in the sun for a day.  Not burned, just burning.  I will definitely have to take sun screen camping.

Lots to do in these last days.  More shopping, of course.  But washing and packing too.  I may have to skip the haircut.  I thought it would be fine, but didn't calculate when I would be leaving.  I need to be on my way by noon to make it without a problem, as to when the front desk of the hotel/motel, whatever, closes.  While that gives two hours, I will have to get gas, and maybe eat, on the way.  Actually, I will probably skip eating.  I'll eat when I get there.  Bleh...  It's how it goes sometimes.

More shooting tomorrow.  More shopping.  Then I am off until Friday, when I hope to go hiking, even if it is raining or snowing.  I found out the times for pizza at a local shop, so might order that as a treat for my good deeds this last week or two.  I am hoping, by Friday, to have everything purchased, save the last of the packing ice, and everything washed that I will be taking.  Actually, and to have almost everything packed save what is in the freezer.

I think I can, I think I can.  Not sure what I can do about burning.  Maybe a cool shower.  I do think I am surprising some people, with the level of my activity.  If I can keep it up, I might surprise some more people, myself included.    Then again, I remember having fooled a lot of people in a lot of ways in my life.  Don't, quite, count me out yet.  Later, or maybe good night.

I did get out.

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No, I didn't get all I wanted, but I did give it a heck of a try.  I found the brand, but not size, of cooler I wanted.  Actually, the only thing out there I could find, in the size I wanted, was about $250 over budget, and too heavy for me to really want to lug around on a couple of day fishing excursion.  I'll check Amazon, see if I can get one here in time.  I stopped at three different stores looking just for that.  No, it's just how it goes.  No one can say I did not try to buy local.  I saw the cooler I purchased online, but at a store I didn't think would even have them, it was just a hail Mary.  Only $15 more, so if I had known about it I would have bought it here.  The problem with store shopping is you get what you get, not necessarily what you want.  Just checked... nope.  I'll go with what I have and keep looking.

One of my stops was at a particular sporting goods store.  A one-man... two man actually, when his brother is there... show.  I have worked with him before, so I thought to discuss fly fishing with him.  He is geared to gear that out.  I told him where and what, and asked what he recommends.  Ah... practice.  Take your rod, real, and whatever line you have around as a leader, tie a spot of yarn to the end, and... practice until you get it.  Hmm...  Well... okay.  That is how and why I choose certain people, and why he is on the list.  Oh, sure he suggested, he could sell me whatever I want.  But I would just be wasting my money.  Honesty.  And, for it, he will get my business if I can get to it.

Enough charcoal for two weeks, perhaps, was purchased.  Milk, finally, was put in the cart, and three small bags of ice I can use as starters with what else I have.  And I did get out.  No hiking, but I sure did a bit of walking.  I wasn't moving so fast toward the end, if the intent was still there.  Tomorrow I will be going out again.  Another day of shooting, some more shopping, and before anything I am hoping to get to the post office.  Not great, but it was something.  And I got some small bits checked off the list. 

Maybe I can sleep earlier tonight.  Later.

I don't know about a hike?

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I will be getting out though.  I want to do a bit more shopping, an item I have in for repair is ready, and I would like to compare prices on one more cooler.  A better one, but smaller.  Used more for short fishing trips, better than standard, but not a 10-day cooler either.  And, I may check on some other things.  All good.

I did check to make sure a cancellation took place.  A good thing, too.  Booked online, cancelled online.  I tried to call the booking agency, but the number I was given was dead.  So I called the hotel/motel... whatever.  Nope.  And they wouldn't cancel.  So... I got the number for the booking agency they had (they didn't, or said they didn't, know who I booked through...  I had to search the email confirmation, and found it in a small bit, almost hidden).  So... ...I called the booking agency with that new number.  The operator was pleasant and helpful.  She informed me that the reservation was cancelled, and nine days ago.  Hmm?  I suggested that the hotel/motel, whatever, had me booked.  She is taking care of it, and guaranteed I would not be charged.  She said she would send an email shortly.  She suggested the problem was that the fax had been offline, out of paper, or such, and the hotel.  Maybe... maybe not.  Still, I'll know before the day is out.  Probably.

I am feeling a bit better.  Still no coffee.  What?  Yeah, I don't know.  It happens.  And I won't have a "cup" today, probably.  Maybe one when I get back?  A shower, then on to town.  Just a run, jump, and flee thing, no time to take prisoners.  Four shops, but short and sweet and at a pace that would stroke out a normal.  Go, go, go.  *smile*  If I move fast enough, I don't get too tired so quickly.  No, I don't do it as a work out.  I'm not sure if I look that funny, but possibly/probably.  Don't care.  I am on a... short ticker.  I can burn everything, but I have to do it fast or... nap time!  Gotta go!  Later.

Not quite rough.

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I tried to sleep earlier last night.  No dice.  I could not get to sleep.  The inner clock just, well, it's off.  I haven't found a sure way of resetting it.  Bedtime has crept to about 3:00.  So, getting up earlier just wasn't in the cards.  Generally, like it or not, I sleep six to eight hours.  When I am pushing things, and I am, eight becomes an absolute minimum, and that isn't guaranteed.  Sleep, when pushing, can often become more like eight to twelve hours.  It has.  Today I was able to wake at the nine hour mark, all give or take.  The body is sore, from muscles to the back and joints being just a bit out.  All good, but I need to get to the post office, and they close at noon.  I'll try to push it tomorrow, somehow.  Ugh.  Thankfully it hasn't morphed into full-blown insomnia... yet.

As for today, and going hiking?  I just don't know.  Basically, I just woke up.  I'll have some coffee, do a bit of tinkering if I can, and think about it all.  The hope is to get out, over the ache.  Push as much as I can this week, until the weekend, then take the weekend down other than packing for the trip.  I might even try to get the heavier stuff in Friday, so as to just have the fussy packing to do over the weekend.  Even if I don't go today, I am pushing... and as profoundly as I am able.  Still, I would like to get out today, tomorrow, and maybe one other day.  I have some shopping left.  With the new cooler kit, along with the others, I will be taking vegetables.  Just romain lettuce and things like that.  I may have figured out how to keep those both dry and fresh, without freezing or becoming waterlogged.  Want to experiment.  I'm not much of a veggie eater, but crisp lettuce and tomato on a hamburger can be good, or a true blt can be nice.  And who can say no to fresh, crisp, cukes after a hot day?

Steaks, libations, and a few other things are needed from the stores.  I best start sorting, washing, and laying up clothing for the week, too.  Gah!  I never really know what to take!  I really need to get more experience camping.  But this is social camping, so it is good to have something that isn't just bare minimum too.  While I may not be chasing any of the hens, it's good to hear them cluck once in a while anyway.  And who knows, if I can run a little faster, I wouldn't mind dancing this time, a time or two.  Damn but women are pretty things.  A smile and whirl, even of the most platonic sorts, can be fun.  The only way I can, in good conscious, love them and leave them these days.  *grins*  Mostly.  Oh, all platonic.  Just not the only way to skin that cat.  *wink*

("Well!  I've NEVER!"  And you ain't gonna, sister, not with me.  Though I suspect you want to!  Scoot loverly pussycat.  "Hrumph!"  Yea, I knows it.  *wink* )

Hmm... yeah... coffee...  Coffee?  Coffee!!!  Later.

Confussion, and a day out.

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I did not get out hiking.  Simply, there was not enough time.  I also has no energy.  Just getting out to shoot was going to be it.  I forgot to take a chair, so, for the most part, was on my feet.  I suppose that will simply have to do.

For some reason, wrists and upper legs are sore.  I can see hiking being the culprit for legs, but not the wrists.  Getting up a bit earlier was good.  And, if I can, going to bed much earlier might see me up even earlier tomorrow.  Maybe.  I am hoping to make it to the post office tomorrow.  If I do that, and can push, I may go hiking as well.  Even though I have promised my friend that I would take him shooting again Wednesday.  Perhaps I can't do too many things on any given day.  If not, I might try to do more things on more days.  I need to push a bit.  I am, but more!

Tired.  And yet I really do want to push.  I need milk, and would like to pick up a few steaks as well, and get those hard frozen.  Oh, and I best stop at the liquor store.  A bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit more of that.  While I will be taking the new hard-core cooler, I might also be buying another, the coleman xtreme.  It's much less expensive.  I would be buying a smaller one, much lighter quart for quart, for fishing.  I don't need a top-of-the-line cooler for a few days of fishing.  But a really decent one would be good.  For drink, and for any catch.  The goal is to be out fishing and hiking for a couple of days, when I return, to get in shape for burning man.  I'm tired of being tired.  And, while that will probably never change, I can, I think, become more comfortable with being tired?  That's the hope.

I've got to tell you, Alaska is looming in my mind.  Some people would miss me, some would be quite happy to see me go.  As if the latter matters, the former does.  Wherever I might go, if I go, it will be let out that I am just drifting through. Though connecting with hunters and fishermen would be something I would be actively pursuing.  To learn.  Going on hunts, to learn to skin and field dress, to go fishing to learn and pay for the gas on the trip, things like that.  Some fishing I can learn here, some will probably be unique.  Even so, an old hand at fishing can probably help.  I may attempt to hook up with a local fly fisherman I have met incidentally.  Same deal, I pay the way, he teaches at least a bit, maybe helps me get set right, and learn what to look for when deciding which flies, that sort of thing.  I might even surprise him, if I feel satisfied, and buy him a top-notch set of waders.  Some people give for nothing.  Those are the ones I enjoy rewarding.

Ugh.  I am pushing, but I am going to try to keep on pushing.  Right up to a few days before the burn.  And then right on past it to a few days before the next burn.  And then right through winter.  If I am serious about Alaska, I can't be a pansy.  If too, I do have to be somewhat practical... pacing and some notion of reality.  The real question is, just how far can I stretch both?  I'll be finding out.  Later.

Plans.

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I did make it to town last night.  I called my friend to see if he wanted to go out too.  Nothing fancy, just a trip for groceries.  My favorite store isn't open on Sundays, which I agree with mind you, so I probably wouldn't have gone in if I had remembered.  Still, I was able to get some of what I wanted.  No milk.  The stores I visited don't carry types of milk I will buy.  But cream was available in one of the brands I don't mind.  And, three packages of those bacon ends/bits that are irregulars.  Even before I realized they were less expensive, when I found those, I fell in love.  Not even sure if they are still less, per pound, than regular bacon.  It just IS!  Some pieces are large, some small, you don't have to worry about keeping them straight, and, and, and... meat candy!  Cruel to take to an event with so many vegetarians.  Thankfully, I can keep a secret, and will have plenty.  Saved my last woman from vegetarianism.  I like to carry on the tradition.  "Your a pig!"  No, but I've got some.  *oink*

I wasn't sure I would make it out of bed as early as hoped.  Given the trend, even when I went to bed, I thought 10:00 might be pushing is.  So I set the alarm for 9:00.  When I heard the alarm, at 9:30, I just reset it for 10:00.  A couple of snoozes after that, and I am up.  The goal is to hike, then get my friend to go shooting.  Nothing fancy, but it will be a bit of a day.  Especially since I want to check on steak, and maybe some other things.  I might simply not have the energy for all of it, so will stick to the state plan.  The next day I go for a hike will just be for that, so I can add shopping for the trip to the list.  There is always more, you know?  Even when you are on the trip, there is always something you could have, or even should have, purchased or brought.  Still, it works out if you give it your best, with a little forethought.  At the end of some travels, I realize the wants wouldn't have ever been used anyway.  So I don't worry so much anymore.

For some reason, I am still a bit stiff and sore this morning.  All good.  No reason to change my plans, actually more reason to continue with them.  Shake some of the rust off my joints, muscle, and all.  Plus, I am really enjoying getting out.  When I return from the trip, I need to continue the process of hiking, then hiking and a night out, then maybe hiking through a weekend or more, taking all I need on my back.  It won't be fancy.  I won't have three squares.  I might or might not even have a tent.  We'll see.  Depends on if a fire is allowed or not, though, too.  Oh, right, I best remember sun lotion.  Either that or a hat.  I should keep both in my kit though.  Later.

Yeah, I have been pushing.

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Not too hard, just about right.  But there are consequences.  An achy body, a mild headache, and a general feeling of... blah.  The mind is sort of fenced in as well.  All good, it is the weekend.  Now, my sleep cycle is taking a hit.  Not sure what I can do about it though.  All good.  I have to do this to be a bit more ready for camping.  Hopefully, I can push through the rest of the summer to be in even better shape for later in the summer.  If nothing else, these short term goals will help me push through, maybe to longer term goals.  It is a rough day, but one that is the purchase price for things I wish.

I may go into town today.  Nothing fancy.  Just some shopping.  I could wait until tomorrow.  I have a number of things to do tomorrow, and do not want to complicate that.  Another hike, lunch with my friend... I should call him, and maybe an afternoon of shooting depending on the weather.  I also need to begin looking for a variety of items for the trip.  If we shoot tomorrow, then I will wait until later in the weed to do some of that.  If we don't shoot, then I'll spend time obtaining some or all of those items.  It's sort of tricky, trying to exercise, shop, socialize, and such, and all together.  I am getting better at multitasking, but I will never be a pro at it.

Bacon, steak, and other foods for the trip, as well as libations.  I believe I will be skipping dry ice.  I will be taking three coolers, though.  One of them just for ice, being filled only when I actually arrive in Snowflake.  I need to get the frozen foods frozen ahead of time.  And there is a trick or two I am going to try with the new cooler.  Who knows how it will all work, should be interesting just from the perspective of "science" outside of a lab, and in the hopes of going a bit out back of the world in a year, even just for a bit.  Lots of notions to consider, I best get to figuring them out.

I think, though, that some of the problems aren't purely physical.  I have been increasing medicines just a bit, on all scores.  Plus, I have been adding supplements to the regimen in hopes of boosting what I am taking, without what I am taking overloading my system.  I honestly haven't seen or felt much improvement, but until everything is at a static state, that might not be visible.  Perhaps not even for a while after, up to a month.  However, to make it through camping, I am going to halt my increases until I return.  I won't backtrack, I will simply stop adding.  I have been, for the last six weeks, adding a bit each week.  Multitasking, on another front.  Push, really.  All good.

Later.

No, I suspect not.

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No.  You don't understand.  The price, the past, now, the future.  So contained I can wear silver.  Not without a price.  I am having to willfully heal. My hand is healing.  My body will.

My brow was kissed.

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I do not remember dreaming.  Sleep was good.  I woke slowly, and still a bit stiffly, sorely.  Oh, but this pleases me.  I probably won't be getting out today, as hoped.  I could, but I would be pushing too far, too fast, and I know it.  This will happen, even in the best of times.  I have learned, as Alaska natives in the cold, but for my own reasons, to go slower... slower... slower still.  They learned not to move quickly or risk immediate death.  I learned, so as to keep the body fresh for longer periods.  My lifestyle by health fits the nature up there.  It is something I have known for some time.  You can still do, while moving slowly, to a degree.  And there is still time for moving fast.  Just learn to read the signs.  Plus, while I may have failed to do as I hoped today, I am sure that Monday, or soon enough, I will hit it again.

As I mentioned, I did not remember any dream.  I woke and needed to break down my coffee pack before I could make a fresh pot.  Which I did extremely smoothly and well, save going through the rest of the cave looking for a pocket knife, three times, before finally remembering what I was going after long enough to actually retrieve it.  Not old age, just 'morning dementia'.  Which... I find quite entertaining when I realize that it is a trick, so long as I am not in a hurry (i.e. late, with company arriving, etc).  That done, I came in and started my morning e-runs.

Still, on my literal brow, but right into my spirit, I felt a blessing.  A soft, feminine, loving kiss.  That of a mother, sister, saint.  A simple kindness and... love.  The kind that can make even stone nostalgic for a time of innocence.  Even monsters need love, you know.  There was just a touch of sorrow in it.  And a blessing that can only come from the feminine to the masculine, unrequited, matronly, but not without a note of the difference.  Familial, but with an allowance.  Dream remnant, spirit moment, or morning thing, I cannot say.  Real, to my mind, kind and soft.  I will take it.

I am hoping to do some small things here in the cave today.  Nothing fancy, nothing fast, just... enough so that I don't come to a complete stop.  Yesterday was a stoppage.  Needed perhaps.  Today needs to be a bit more, and tomorrow, to be ready for Monday hiking.  I also need to begin purchasing a few items for Saguaro Man.  The big cooler came in.  It's 65 quart.  But with a recommendation of 2:1 ice to food, that leaves about 22 quarts for food.  Now, I have some tricks I am going to play with the device.

Ah, but some music first.  More coffee as well.  Later.

Alaska.

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Possibly just another story.  But then so was here.  I keep looking.  I know I don't wish to move to some larger city up there.  Alaska, Iowa, Utah, California, it matters not, a big city is expensive and trouble.  A visit, of course.  Next summer it is hoped.  But while I visit, I would like to visit very specific small towns.  I am not interested in ocean side living.  Though, while visiting, since I would have to be there anyway, fresh seafood, perhaps proper sashimi, would be good.  Yes, I was a sailor.  but I was quite closeted.  :p  Did we just sink!  Yeah.  Are there any windows?  No.

While Alaska is big, not much of it has road access.  There are towns that seem to be in the literal middle of nowhere.  No roads anyway.  Some are on rivers, which is how I assume, along with flights, is how they travel.  Some have nothing, I assume they subsist along with air support.  Most towns are 10k population or less.  I would like to spend, perhaps, a month up there.  If I have time to fish, I will.  If travel just won't allow for it, fishing is only a potential.  Then again, on some days, I may need to "rest".  Perhaps fishing could happen then... or not.  The main goal is to see some of these small towns, talk to people, and figure connections out.

While I am there, I do plan to look over job opportunities, such as cabin sitting or more involved situations.  I won't try to overdo.  No herd sitting, or even coop watch unless it is mostly automated.  I hear roof shoveling is a frequent requirement.  The snow they get there is often powder.  Nothing to sneeze at, but better than the really wet stuff.  Though, I suppose, it really depends on where in Alaska one finds oneself as to the full truth of that.  I simply wouldn't be up to massive work.  Though I could probably maintain some simple things, especially if my life depended upon it.  Bringing in firewood, keeping a boiler going, shoveling a roof, but not clearing driveways and sidewalks, even with push equipment.  Hmm... come to think of it, I ought to learn to drive stick again.

At this point, I am seeing the trip as simply a visit.  If everything worked out, and it just happened, that would be one thing.  Even if I found a job sitting a cabin or lodge, that would not guarantee a move.  And, if I did that, and decided to move, I would probably do that until I could save enough to buy land to begin building a cabin, and then stay at it until the cabin was complete.  I might even continue such, until I could settle in as well as possible.  Gearing up, arming up, storing, and figuring out life.  Perhaps even saving on wood collection, and storing in the summer so as to have three, four, maybe five years of wood and a shelter built for it.

Just the dreams of a mad guru.  But making dreams come true is one of the gifts of Father.  I... just am not sure, down here, anymore.  Getting crowded out, no real hope of much.  It may simply not be possible though.  You can only ride the free rail for just so long before you have to surrender.  A visit, though.  Maybe some fishing.  A change of pace and maybe, finally, a visit to Alaska, or two.  Odd, but the weather there, in the towns that interested me so far, isn't much worse than here.


Bedtime, and actually too late.  Just can't seem to get to sleep early lately.  Too many things whirring in my ear.  Can't seem to sleep until I collapse into it.  I think I pushed a bit much this week.  Though the pressure to preform, in order to keep my license, was more of the problem, and remains so.  Not sure about tomorrow.  We'll see.  Good night.

About hiking today?

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Not so much.  Sore, tired, and the morning started on only the primitive aspect of the mind.  I think I was a cat!  As I was trying to wake up, I thought I heard... something on my roof?  I was having a heck of a time waking, wrestling with the alarm clock.  I had a tough time going to bed, then going to sleep, last night.  Technically, I could have gotten eight hours of sleep.  I certainly did not.  If I got six I am probably luck.  Toss and roll, shift and drift, think and consider.  There was no focus.  It's not as if some thing, or things, were particularly on my mind.  I, honestly, think it was just the long week, and much ado, that stirred the background, turning the clear deep pool to mud.  Never can see to the bottom, in some parts of that pool.  But when I can't see in at all, it disturbs.

Anyway, as I was fighting the alarm, and then heard a thump, my mind giggled, "Santa!".  When you aren't awake, all is fair in emotion and thought.  My animal instincts kicked in, "That's NOT Santa!".  I still had to drag out of bed.  It was an ugly wake.  A Picasso wake-up.  Nothing was quite, of mind or body, where it should be.  With the sore and ache kicking in immediately, to confuse the already odd mind, and limit immediate reconnection of mind and body, figuring out what to do as I got out of bed was tricky.  As I was trying to sort it out, my bladder yelled in my eye.  So, I shuffle scrambled to deal with that.  I made it back just in time to look out and see if I had been dreaming or the sound was real.  I had only heard one 'thump' up there.  Could have been Mercury, being mischievous, you know.

Yep, there was someone out there.  Two someones.  In recent weather, there, along with the first of the rain was also a terrible blow.  Steady wind, and gusts of some solid sort.  I knew there were branches in the yard.  But I had not reviewed much else.  I have been focused on a few things, so had not done a proper survey.  Leaving in the mornings or afternoons, I could have seen, but was... well... leaving and focused.  Returning, I was usually so done that I wouldn't have spotted an elephant.  As it turns out, my neighbors were removing an elephant sized pile of branches!  They were just leaving as I looked out.  I, still being in cat mode, and ugly(ier) from just having woke, was afraid to go out and offer thanks.  But, this time, I know who.  Often I don't.  Sometimes I don't even know.  As I mentioned, I only knew there were that many branches by seeing the pile in the back of their truck... think... bigger than a camper.  Yes, yes.  Thanks abound.  So... it WAS Santa, and the Mrs.  :p

As I might or might not have suggested, explicitly or implicitly, you decide, hiking is out for today.  Which... is fine.  I have been out... hmm...  Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and will be out Saturday.  No, not a great bit.  But for me at almost any time, and certainly compared to the last few months, this is good.  Hiking twice in there, and more hiking Saturday.  Though I could hike today, so I only have one thing to tend tomorrow, might be a way to go.  And I still might, as I wake, if I wish and can.  Probably not though.

I still have my license.

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I had thought the 'written' test would be the difficulty.  I did miss two of the five possible.  Though to be fair, one of the questions I simply marked the wrong answer... meaning to and knowing the correct answer.  The other question I "got wrong" was not wrong.  It was a multiple choice.  However, the test question added content that was not in the book.  Now, while the test answer potential made perfect sense, according to physics, that it was not included in the manual meant that, usually, it would be the wrong answer.  I call that a trick question.  Still, no problems so long as I finished it.  The driving test was much closer.  Very close.  That is quite particular.  Then again, because my peripheral vision is good, I don't think the evaluator understood that I very much DO look in my blind spots.  She usually tests people who have very poor eyesight and poor mobility, who have to goose-neck around and stare for a bit.  Though the line for the crosswalk, yeah... I push that.  Though rather typical from what I have seen, if typical doesn't matter for a state eval.  At least she was pleasant.  Not on anybody's side, but no need to chastise the messenger.

I did not get out early enough to hike, and by the time I was finished with the in-office minor physical testing, the written portion, and the driving part, I am not sure there was time to hike.  The winter hours are until 18:00, for the path.  I am not sure if these are still winter hours.  Especially with snow, possibly, on the trail up there.  So that was out for today.  Tomorrow, though, I am hoping to go out and up, though perhaps higher into the high valley through the canyon.  Or the trail.  Just depends on how things work out.  I did, however, get over to, perhaps, begin a project that has been haunting me for some time.  It's been bugging me down to my bones.  Time will tell if anything comes of it.  It may take a bit of pushing... urhm... guidance.  It is on my bucket list.

As it turns out, only my "diabetes" is an issue.  I will have to see a doctor, and have him sign off on my "diabetes".  The problem, it seems, is that they worry a diabetic could go into a diabetic coma.  The thing is, that only happens when blood sugars dip low, like 60 or below.  The DMV has no choice, protocol.  The thing is, the V.A. knows damn well my blood sugar has never dipped except when they overloaded me on insulin, back when I lived in Iowa (seven to nine years ago), and then never happened again, before or after.  My blood sugar, let on it's own, stays between 200 and 300 (though climbed to 600 when it first became known, and only because I was drinking regular soda at the time).  Once I (mostly) gave up sugar, it stays in the 200 to 300 range without ever dipping.  So, this is a political witch hunt.  I will have to find a local doctor who will take cash, see what he needs, do that, and get this tended, while I remain here.  No connection with the V.A. will be allowed, period.  Can't trust the bastards.  Some are good, some are pure evil, and I can't tell because they are all smiling.

So, now, I begin a hunt for land in Alaska, and begin figuring out how to extricate myself from here.  I have no choice.  They will hound me into a nursing home, overdose me to get as much cash for their system as they can out of me, then dump me in some hole if I don't leave before they get their hands on me... one way or another.  I have a few things to do this year, promises to keep.  Then...  Time to leave you to it.  All good, I was needing some incentive to do more.  A raft, pretty soon, to begin learning to use it, seeing how trustworthy it is, perhaps even finding a small motor for it.  Much of my camping gear will do, as is.  A bit of practice in the summer, up there will help.  And then cabin sitting next or the following winter to learn a bit more.  It looks like there is no choice.

Yes, but I best get out tomorrow.  I need to check the mail early.  Then maybe check out a fly fishing shop I heard mentioned.  I am out of money for anything extra this month, with the trip, so it will just be a meet and great, question and answer, scouting thing.  Then to some trail or other.  I hope there is still a bit of snow up there.  There has been so little of it this winter.  Later.  Wait, make that a good night.  I'm trying to maintain days.  Hmm... in Alaska I won't have to do days... sometimes there are no days, sometimes there is no night.  Yikes?  Yum?  Dunno.  I'll find out.

Difficulty getting to sleep.

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I had to push.  Nervous about today.  I've told you why, if not when.  I'll fill you in, or not, when it is over.  I couldn't get to bed until after 1:00, but slept well enough.  I wasn't sure I'd be able to wake.  The decent sleep and rest yesterday, plus some other things, was enough to see me awake with a normal nearly eight hours down.  I may have hit the snooze bar a time, maybe two.  Which is more than a good wake, far less than a bad one.  Just a twitch.  Today is a twitchy day.  If it goes badly, I will definitely be moving out of state, if that will be a great deal more complicated.  Or could be.

Actually, there might be an even easier way to survive in the boonies.  If it turns out I can't hunt, there is something called proxy hunting.  For those who love to hunt, if my disability is considered bad enough, they can hunt for me, and even fish.  Lots of rules and regs, depends on where you live, etc.  But... it would give me a chance.  If I hunted one, or two, and fished a bit, but had an avid type out there, I could do quite well, and easily.  So long as I had access to those willing to do so.  More so, if it turns out, that my proxy hunter could be from out of state, and I lived in fly-in country.  Though, my guess is, for those who can't pull tags in some areas, or didn't get a tag, in the more populated areas, a zip up to back country for a free hunt, other than transportation, might not be a bad deal.

Then again, might fool you.  With a few pieces of gear, a bit of hunting and fishing practice, I might be able to get all I need myself.  Still, company, once in a while, wouldn't be all bad.  And they could bring in wanted/needed supplies as a part of the allowance.  Saving a few coin on having it flown in myself.  Can't really sell rights, I suspect.  But there is no reason not to do a kindness in return.  Plus with a base camp cabin from which to work, not as many supplies would be needed, leaving more room for flour, salt, and a few other needed or wanted supplies.

I just don't know about some things, down here.  Not sure how some things are going to work out.  And there is much I cannot do here that I can do there.  Oh, I may have found the boat I want.  No "plans" on whitewater rafting.  But you have to know, sometimes... there just isn't a choice.  I really would like to a find a spit of land close enough to a river so as to be able to get to civilization that way, if really needed, or even wanted.  Not on a river, just... close enough that a day hike could see me to one.  The one shown here can handle 750*, there is one slightly bigger that can handle 850 pounds.  Great for bringing in a luxury or two.  And, there is a sail for it, for on larger lakes, while it will also take a smaller motor.

I am not sure if this boat is ideal, for the long run.  But it would work for a visit to the backwaters, and I could learn to use it hereabouts as well.  River and lake runs are easy enough.  Further, there is no reason not to get such a boat, even should I stay.  There is much to see here, and sometimes no other ways to see it.  I have found the deluxe solo kit for about $900, for the one that can handle 750 (or me and 450 pounds of gear... in theory).  *Oh, I was going to show the vid, but... every time I do that, when I go back to buy, the price doubles the next time I look.  So... you'll just have to figure it out, if you want one.  Just in case posting it is what makes it popular, or increases the cost in some other way.

Hmm... I suppose I should get going on a shower.  I need to review that danged book again.  A bunch of new types of interstate connections, and finicky numbers and ideas.  At least some things haven't changed much, like dimming lights 500 before oncoming, and 300 behind leading, vehicles.  It's open book, or so I was told, but with 81 pages to dig through...  I'm more focused on what information is in which chapter, and then on details for memory.  I prefer to find and check my answers, though even that isn't always good.  Written in bureaucratic crap gobbledygook, meant to be unintelligible.  I suppose somebody has to hire those who can't really read or write.

Still mostly cloudy, and it snowed last night.  So, perhaps, up along the trail, there might be some snow.  If there is snow on the trail, I am not sure that hiking is wise.  Might be worth a shot though, and it might depend on if the last snow thawed and then froze again.  Even wet, or more muddy, and the trail might be a bit unmanageable.  I'll find out soon enough.  Still thinking it might be best to hike before the testing, with a bite to eat and some rest before taking the tests?  Dunno.  Shower, bath, shave, and...  Then I'll think about it.  Later. 

Lilith, Kali, Mother, sister, daugher, lover.

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Lilith, if stories hold, was the first woman.  She was made of clay, just as Adam.  She refused to submit to God's will for her, in submitting to Adam.  In many ways.  Frustrated with the way it was, she cried out the name of God, and was transported far into the wilds.  When God next made a wife for Adam, He took a rib so as to bind the two by blood.  Lilith, it is said, was the first woman to bear children to the sons of God.  It is also suggested that she is the mother of vampires, through a coupling with Cain after he was marked but before she was cursed.  A contentious woman, in the end none would have her.  Her hate for that lead to her corruption, more so without God and then Adam to defend her.

Exploring Alaska from an armchair.

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Call me general if you wish.  At this point, however, I realize I know nothing.  Finding a native, an active native, who knows some things about some things, is probably going to be the best way to go.  Cavorting with the locals, when I get there, might be really good for spot information, opportunities, and such.  It wouldn't be a great planning stage, though.  Too late.  Once the boots are on the ground, if planning hasn't been done, there is too much going on to attempt it.  At that point, the plans will go away, to a degree, anyway.  Boots on the ground means survival mode.  The rest just becomes history, stories, perhaps legend... if you dare beyond what you should, survive, and then sell the story.  Sort of like the last time I went 'free range' swimming?  Only, I didn't sell the story.  I merely lived it, out of the boat.  As I am considering a boat to take with, one that can go in a plane, is big enough to handle gear and myself, plus minor whitewater if need be, my... memory stirs.

No, that isn't the plan.  Still, stick with me for a while and you will... see some wild things.  Sometimes right before you die.  Dunno, just happens.  Oh, and just to help you imagine?  That video is half the time I was in the water, and the water was all, the whole time I was in, as the worst of rapids in the video.  *smooch*

I have been looking at the travel costs.  The largest coin drop would be simply getting to Alaska.  If I simply drive to the ferry, and ride up, I can pretty much have any gear for my time up there.  An airplane trip would severely limit would could be taken.  It might be cheaper, but then I'd have to rent a vehicle.  Plus, have to wonder if that handcheck at the airport was queer.  Yeah, no.  There is a way to drive through, but I have heard that is really rough country.  And then, again, but with Canada's nanny state handcheck, though just on my goods.  No thank you.  Just for how things work, the ferry would be best.  Expensive, but that's probably the best way to go.

The next biggest expense, if I can figure where to camp free, would be a plane ride into the interior, for a fishing and scouting trip.  I am mostly geared for that, save watercraft.  Well, and experience.  I'd best buckle down and learn to fish, camp, hike, and paddle.  Thankfully, so long as I don't mess with the complexities of hunting, I am in a good place to get solid experience.  It wouldn't be bad to get experience both up and down, cold and hot, when I feel like it and not.  If nothing else, I really would like to experience Alaska.  Just once.  Although, as noted, I might just get swept away.  Oh, I'll survive it, it just might take a while to get back, or figure out what to do, exactly.

Cutting costs might be possible, by seeking someone who needs a ride.  I have enough space.  I will be traveling light, given all.  A month or three up there, or so, camping for days or weeks in a spot depending on how tired I am or how good the fishing or whatever else is, or isn't.  Enough MRE's, in case the food is too pricey and fishing doesn't work out.  But all on the thinner of lifelines.  Just enough to survive, with the hope of tending wants on a budget otherwise.  While I wouldn't mind helping someone get up there, I won't babysit.  If they are guide quality, however, who knows.  As I get closer to the trip I'll begin putting ads in the right places, hunting and fishing mags, sporting rags, and online.

Yeah... quite a thing to swim class V rapids and make it out without an hospitalization though.  One I was getting out of the boat, after being dragged back in, sure that I wasn't dead, again, or even damaged... I grinned like the shark that just took the big fish off your line.  Yum!  And, thank you!  Yeah, I can probably do Alaska.  Not skill, brute strength, smarts, just... can't seem to die.  Later.

An odd turn of events.

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While, to me, living in a stone house, the morning was a cool one, the truth is at sunrise the temperature hereabouts was 71 F.  A wind from the south or southwest had heated the world right through the night.  Only sun can really heat these rock homes, it seems.  At some point, the wind changed direction, later in the day, in the early afternoon?  Not exactly sure, but the warmth went away.  The change caused a lot of dust to go very high, or so it seemed to me on the ground, into the sky.  By the time I was returning yesterday, it started to rain just after I let my friend off at his place.  It was a mud-rain.  I had to use my spray every half dozen swipes of the blade, more or less depending on intensity, or the glass became a smudge of smudges.  By the time I was within, say, five miles of home, temps had dropped into the low 30's and rain turned to snow.  I was sure, even with the comparative plunge in temps, the snow would not last.  When dinner arrived, I was asked if I had looked out my window, so I did.  Don't have to tell me twice, or why, always.  Unless I don't want to know, then you might not be able to tell me.  Especially if I already know?  Maybe. 

Snow was accumulating.  So I left my curtains open until a bit past dark, really, and just watched.  I am amazed that it remains this morning.  Never can tell.  We got so little snow this winter, and this is such a mild version of it that no work needs to be done, that, for myself, I can't mind it.  I actually wish today was a hike day.  Hmm...  I was going to go up tomorrow, after the driving cert, but... why not today?  Sure, more gas use, and I am tired, and I do have something to do (read the driving book).  I know.  If I can read somewhere between an half and three quarters of the book before 11:00, then can get a shower in right after, I'll go hiking.  If not, I'll slug it out, as it will mean I am too tired to be trying a hike.  This is more like the weather I do better in.  Catch a cold?  I am... well... actually I am hot, but I like the cold.  The cold and the night, and inclimate weather, are my friends, allies too.  I consider them lovers without flesh, actually.  Consorts of my will and ways.  No, you don't understand.

The body is a bit stiff, and sore.  All good.  As I have mentioned, when those things are of my design, from the action of my will, and leading toward a higher purpose, those things are as welcomed as fresh air, a pretty face, a little attention, and sometimes even garner mild sympathy or empathy.  Even from myself, if that isn't used as an excuse to quit.  If I go, I will probably just keep to that beginner lower path I took last time.  I won't swear that I will attempt to go further, but that is sort of the goal, at least in the long run.  I am pretty sure I could go some further, though how much...  Ah, but today I have no cause to be back early, or any other limit on time.  So...  And it is nearing the weekend.  I only have something tomorrow and Saturday, both can be made to be rather light.  Yes, I may push a bit further on that path.

Later.

Tired.

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I've been pushing for a bit.  Nothing severe, as it turns out.  I am not sore or terribly rough, just a bit weary of body.  I was wondering why waking was so rough this morning, until I actually got up.  Clouds, and a front of some sort, has moved in.  It's a bit dark, and a bit cooler, with windy and gusts, this morning.  No real problem.  I probably did need extra sleep, and got it.  It is not as if a 9:00 wake from a nearly midnight sleep is exactly an extreme over-sleeping episode either.  Still, I won't have a problem getting ready, then going in to town.  Just a bit of training on the next step in braiding and lunch, today.  I might pick up another gallon of milk, but that would probably be all else.

I have decided, even if I can, that I will be going out, every few days, wind rain shine snow or whatever.  Hopefully I can even push through the days I find myself willfully against more.  I will just dress a bit more or less warmly, though how to beat the other resistance, I can't be sure.  Perhaps knowing that, one way or another, this will be required for survival, might be enough?  I have warm clothes in my pack, and rain/wet gear.  Hmm... though I think I will put them back into the drybag.  Even in the summer, a sudden plunge into that cold river, on an otherwise nice day, might well see me to wanting to change to dry warm clothes.  At least if I wanted to continue my hike... or simply had a long walk back to the vehicle.  Yes, as I become familiar, I have a tendency to become incautious.  Trust me.  *splash*  It's most likely to happen.  I also think one side of my mind... wants to know "what if", and doesn't mind 'losing face'.  That part of me has no face, or care for such.  Then again, that part does make life more... interesting.

I did check my blood pressure yesterday.  The last time I visited the doctor, I didn't check what the nurse had measured.  She wasn't happy, but then they are rarely happy with it.  It was 158/110, when I did it myself.  A bit high, but nothing unusually high.  Higher doses of medicine will bring that down, but they will also end self-sufficiency, and are very difficult to maintain and regain if lost.  Whether the medicines or the illness makes maintenance so difficult, or at times both, I can't tell.  My guess is any and all of those can be the problem.  I suppose, really, that may be my normal.  It's pretty much my norm since 1999, so...  Perhaps, if I can continue to get out, and up, fishing and hiking camping and maybe this next winter snowshoeing, I might be able to lower it.  The goal is to be out at least three days a week, and as I can, to make one of those outings an overnight thing.  If I do three or four nights out, hiking, fishing, and scouting wildlife, that would be enough.  Still, if you get hooked on fishing yourself... funny how that hook can catch two creatures, enough might end up being never enough.  I am just speaking of goals, thoughts, and ideas.

I have been reviewing ideas.  A man-mule snow sled, for example.  Not sure that would be perfect, for all areas.  But it isn't a bad idea.  Only experience and practice would lead to knowing when and how to use such a thing.  For hunting, snowshoeing, and such.  Sometimes it would just be extra weight, but where it could be used, it would be a huge boon.  Lots of things come to mind as I begin thinking about out there, summer, winter, shine, and wet.  Even should I end up staying here, I may not be here, technically, as I have been.  I can't really travel out of state much, I am sort of locked into here, for now, for several reasons.  Any state I pick, must be picked carefully.  I do keep thinking about medical.  The thing is, if I break my leg here or elsewhere, it will probably be in a place where I would have to set it myself.  It doesn't matter where I live.  As for the blood pressure and such, that is what it is.

If the weather warms, I hope to be out shooting and hiking later in the week.  With one of my guns worked up to function, and two down, I want to get those running and get them out again, if not quite this week.  Maybe one of them for next week, and then one when I return home.  I'm not sure which will end up being the most work, so will probably go with the one I really want to get working.  Though, who knows.  Might get them both going, on rest days.  Or I might end up not being able to figure out even one of them.  Still, goals are goals.  I best get a shower/bath in, then get ready to head to town.  I am hungry today.  A good thing, haven't been hungry, it seems, for weeks, mostly.  Just ate because it was available, or as a gift for getting out.  Later.

Lobster, anybody?

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I didn't take my hat today.  The hike yesterday was so shaded, that a cover was more a bother than gift.  On the way down the canyon, I was reviewing the hiking path I ended up using today, and it looked shaded.  Actually, I more forgot the lid than anything, though if I had thought about it while otherwise packed, I would not have returned for it.  If this is tea, bring me coffee.  If this is coffee?  Yep.  As it turned out, I doubt if a third of the trail was shaded.  I can't quite be sure, at the moment, how far I hiked, but it was about two hours.  Some of that time was spent filtering water from the river to a canteen.  That wasn't a break, as it turned out.  Nearly squatting, while keeping my balance, but staying low enough so that the filter inlet would stay in the water, and holding everything just right in order to get the water into the canteen was... well... it was not a restful thing.  A perched balancing act for five to ten minutes, as I sorted it all out.  Walking, after that, was relaxing.  But I did get red.  From now on, something with a rim, for the head, will go along.  A bandana simply will not do.

All good though.  I need to get used to the sun anyway.  I may use sun lotion too, if that persists.  I walked quickly enough that my lungs got a little burn going.  Not that what I was doing was all that fast, but for me it was.  Other than the stop for water, and at the second damn where I turned around and took a break, I was hoofing it the whole time.  I am a bit worn, but not terribly.  For my condition, I did get a solid workout.  If I can get up to three miles one way, I can begin walking locally.  Beside the burns, I need to try to push my way back into condition, or as much condition as I can.  A year to know, than a year or two to be ready for a change, regardless how things turn out... maybe.  Even if I don't move, perhaps it is time I attempt to push through anyway.

I didn't get a bath in, just a shower.  Time was ticking by too fast.  Tomorrow I have an appointment, and will be getting a trim.  Just that, and lunch, probably.  Unless my friend needs to shop, or has some other errand to run.  If I need rest, tomorrow other than those things, and Wednesday, I will ease off just a bit.  I plan to be out again Thursday, then Saturday, for walking and an extra project Saturday.  Which means I need to do some homework for Saturday.  Easy, psychically, though the hardest of physical efforts can be far less than some others.

All good.  I am pleased with today.  I got going fast enough, rounded up the kit I wanted to test, set it up and worked out the kinks, and then tested it.  The water was good enough.  Though I am going to have to work out a system that isn't quite so taxing.  Perhaps going prone on the bank, keeping it all low.  Anyway, I was a bit surprised I got that all done, and that it worked as it should.  Each time I go, I am going to work on that kit to improve utility.  No bath, but that was quite a little bit of searching and fiddling, and I did get out just about the same time today as yesterday. 

There are little things I can work through, each time I go.  Spending a bit more time, rigging a few extra things, practicing lighting a small fire where and when allowed, or running the dual fuel burner if allowed, cooking a meal, perhaps tinkering with orienteering, photography, and a few other things.  For now, just hiking the trail, until after S. Man.  Then, perhaps, stepping it up, maybe to an overnighter or two, out and about.  That trail system I was on is rather more than I had thought.  I figure I could run the easy path, the one I am on, until I can do more.  Than begin taking some of the more serious sections.  I do believe there is a path that goes up and over, with the potential for camping up above.  I am not exactly sure, but there is a ranger cabin along the path.  Next time I am there I might stop to see if anyone has a moment to talk.

Later.