No troubles.

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If mom died, she did so peaceably, asleep.  Though she seemed to be breathing and sleeping well?  As far as I could tell, if I didn't want to risk waking her either.  Nothing seemed amiss or otherwise out of place.  Always a minor relief to... find things as hoped, not feared.

While up, I filled water jugs.  All filled.  Got one batch of ice finished, another in the making.  Had a late mug of fatted coffee, plus cheese and summer sausage.  Oh, and reset kefir.  I left some out to drain, into a kefir grain facsimile of cottage cheese?  Will find out.  Her mom used to make something, that to me, sounds like kefir grains left to empty of whey, dry out.  I have that going.  I am hoping I can revive a memory.

She didn't learn how to do this particular food process before her mother died.  She learned much, but there is so much and so little time.  I am hoping this is it, or will do.  It will, then, need to be salted, peppered, and chilled.  Perhaps mixing in a dash of whole cream to make it smooth, creamy, softer.  I will taste it, but more want the drinkable kefir than grain cottage cheese.  Though why not a touch of both?  Then I toss fewer grains... one can hope.  But have to start slowly on that, or it will clean you out in a fast hard whoosh!  I can eat it without hastle.  She should use mild caution... or throw caution (and else) to the winds?  ;p

Now on to sleep, again.  Good night.

Awake?

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Doesn't matter much.  Wide awake?  Yep.  Did I forget to do something?  Water was turned off.  The eye of chuck roast was cut, wrapped, and put up.  Made mom coffee, using her coffee... which was more expensive than mine.  :p  mine was $14.xx, hers was ~$18, though mine is per pound, she probably got between two and three pounds.  Still, she was thinking less than $10.  I asked her how long it had been since she shopped.  Thought she had bought that more recently, while shopping for her friend.  Nope.  Sticker shock is strong with this one.

Oh, not laughing.  I felt bad for her, as well as the rest of us.  Inflation hasn't any more been checked by Trump than Biden.  Sorry fan-boys.  It just isn't true.  He has done things, but drags his feet on many things, merely changes which crony capitalist gets .gov trough time, and alters a few things, lightly, the next pig caller in chief will simply change back.  He is back to full on Trump light.  He got back on the billboard.  Roused then smashed repubs, while getting them to cheer for their continued emasculation.  Whatever.  Which is why I don't vote for a team that isn't on my side.  Teams are either most thirdworld and foreign controlled, or Israel and rich American (who are general foreign owned or operated cartels).  Nothing for US citizen Joes.

I would like to do a few things up here.  Just... can't.  Only slept a few hours.  Trying to figure out why I am awake.  Will put some shorts and a t-shirt on and check mom.  We have been reliably wishing each other a good night, and saying we love each other.  Even if a bit angry, if that isn't a common, or as common of an, event lately.

We may still not agree, at all.  Sometimes about bigger things.  Sometimes I simply say no.  Sometimes she insists.  Usually just not on the same things.  *chuckles*  Though rarely, sometimes still.  What happens, happens.  We go off, or finish a task.  Then just cool off.

Not this month, or next, we will get her a beta fish.  She loved those.  Lost her last one to a housefire.  Then it was always 'too soon' for another.  Then she was in a nursing home.  Might get two, albeit for different rooms.

Tomorrow, save for help setting her up, lifting some things, and a few tasks I have, the goal is to hit my room.

Oh?  And, while I still have a belly?  And last I checked was pushing back to 240 pounds?  My waist is down to 36, if more like 34?  It almost horrifies me.  Mostly in a good way.  It's that I still have belly?  It is continuing to shrink, slowly.  But how can I have such a small pants waist fit area and still so much stomach?  Sure, I haven't had this little stomach in thirty six to thirty four years, a few years after I fell ill.  But, still, it seems rude.

On to check downstairs.  Just to make sure the hind brain isn't telling me there is a problem.  Doubt it, but patents know, if they wake oddly, to check.  And, I guess, so to adult children tending their elder folk.  Gah!  But it's not bad to have people in one's care.  Even growly old farts like me.

Later or good night... again?

Another trip to town.

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Solo this time.  Had to do a bank deposit.  Did some shopping while at it. From nail polish remover for mom, to various mostly carnivore food.  It is hot out there.  It's been worse, will probably get worse.  But it was a stretch as is.

Just to the bank, store, and post office.  Mom wanted a few things from elsewhere.  I was neither willing or able.  Late night duties, plus doing work in the room, plus helping her.  I... didn't want out today.  No choice.

With the place getting flowers, and cleaned up a bit, I half expected family of the original owning family to eventually show up.  Gary did today.  Sooner than anticiated.  Asked if he could use his metal detector.  I didn't mind.  Though I should stipulate that if he finds something of some worth we go 60%/40%.  Yes, I would expect the lion's share.  I... get the feeling, from this and other experiences, that there were rumors of buried treasure.

Most such were created to... maintain a level of... familial resppect, based on wealth that never existed.  Still, you never know.  Yea.

Plus, he had three homes here close together.  Which one he would have buried it on is anybody's guess.

Back to shorts, cotton socks, and open shoes.  A bit of talking with mom.  A bit of cutting a chuck eye into roasts, then a nap.  Later.  Or good night.

Late.

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Very.  Slept a bit a few times today.  Went down after 23:00.  Mother was still up.  So we had tea.  Iced for her, fresh brewed for me.

I noticed, a week ago, that my hair has been filling in and growing?  Tonight we both realized, beyond a doubt.  My hair has grown between four and six inches since we met in Iowa.  It had been the length it was there and then for... months?  A year?  Longer?  I still wwonder if I have been being poisoned.  If so, that has, mostly (?) stopped?

Anyway, it was clear to me something major changed.  It was clear to her that length and volume have greatly increased.  She doesn't have a past with which to grasp, contend, but is still... impressed.

Anyway.  I turned the water on, for the front lawn.  We had our libations.  Talked a bit.  Then she went on to bed.  I did a few last minute things for her.  Then camee up and rested until it was time to shut the water off.  If I did some sorting and hanging clothes.

Not tonight, but tomorrow I know where to put bedding.  No room up here, or currently.  That will clear at least another basket.  Cleared another.  Hoping to clear one more for tomorrow.  As well as finally get to wheree I stowed hangers, which I need for a few piles of shirts.

I remembered to get garbage out tonight, as a last minute thing.  Hope I didn't disturb her, but maybe she knew what that was, as I had suggested I would do so.

Fairly deep into the morning.  Want to be up and out, soon, against my wishes.  Some busiiness to sort.  Maybe some shopping, and a return while at it.  Just to not have as much to do next time, since I have to go anyway.  So tired, I'll try to get some sleep now.

Doing pretty good.  Just not healing, resting up, or working as fast or well as I would like.  All good, given some options.  

Good night.

Have I created a monster?

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Shopping on amazon is so damned easy, and expensive.  Can get way out of hand without caution.  And she has been in old folks' home lockdown for three, four, years.  Plus, she just moved, so is trying to set up her new 'fish bowl'.  But... we are going to have to watch things.  It is really easy to overdo.

I have... some reserves, and else.  Even so, it can eat you alive.  A rule I have is that nothing goes back for buyers regret.  If the size is off?  If it was poorly (wrongly advertised), broken, or even if I find it at a much better price (an allowed, by them, grievance), sure.  But not because I ordered it then, but now don't want to pay.  I hold her to those rules on my account.

She has planted flowers (annuals, one year types).  She wants rototilling up front, for spring and annuals.  Though we are going to have to talk.  The area she wants, if I must plant stupid flowers, will get lily of the valley, not tulips or other such nonsense.  But we can sort this out.

Grill is going for steak.  Didn't go the first shot.  I lowered the hood.  Even with the major spot airway clean open.  Ah, didn't open the lower vent.  Not sure, may have to reset it again, again.  Gah!

Top sirloin tonight.  We'll have ribeye later this week for a late 4th cookout.  All good.  Will be getting the flattop going this week.  More for eggs, bacon, and such.  Though it can do a steak or chop easily, or burger crumble.  Grilling isn't my favorite, though for burgers, dogs, and brats it works well... the best, mostly.  Plus, no mess.

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Super full.  The top sirloins were really good, mine was.  Fried mushrooms and onions on the side.  My water for me, straight tea for her.  She doesn't like my carbonated water, flavored or not.  I like or love the variations I can find and choose.  I was still stuffed from the blt's yesterday!  Still haven't gotten into the chicken breasts for me from yesterday.  Will heat those tomorrow, then shred them over a salad.  Should be enough for both of us, if she may have another meal or two?  With my fatted coffee, I get plenty of calories and nutrition.

Probably a nap, now.  Then work later.  Sleep after that.  And more work ir resting.  Her endtable will be set up tomorrow.  And her new shower system.

I am going to have to just leave sometimes.  She... begins trying to have me do everything.  I just mossie on when she gets that way... when I realize it.  Ugh.  Later, or good night.

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Oh!  My best friend got a new toy that may allow another plan for myself, his brother, and himself, to move forward.  Hint... wearing helmets is keenly advised.  Even if I don't seem to need them.  ;p  Woot!  A bit jealous, in the good way.  Wives aren't all bad.  Ha.

OMG, women are retarded.

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She is cleaning the grill. That... isn't what makes her retarded.  She has needed several pails of water.  That isn't it either.

Arguing with me about things I know... can make her retarded.  The grill fits in there.  But not with the big coal starter (which I use as a smaller, hotter, grill).  They can't both fit the egg formed grill shell at once.  Would have to cut the chimney in half or thirds.

But, she argued with me about not having a center plate for the cast grill.  I knew there is, or had been one.  She argued for three minutes that there was no such thing (which would have meant she tossed it without thinking... then forgot, or was hiding the fact).

I then told her it had definitely been here yesterday.  I saw it, with a cast lifter tine, for removing both the center and outer round... if you have the strength, and I do.  She, then, said "This?".  Yep.  Then told me she was washing the center round piece she had just argued wasn't here and never existed.  Retarded!!!  Ugh.

But the grill has been cleaned.  Will find charcoal, and get those sirloins going later.  Ugh.  Ten minutes of absolutely useless debate.  She was wrong about every aspect.  And she will never admit it.  I think they just want attention, though... they do seem to be a bit retarded.

Can't stack dishes in the washer, or retrieve cat food, in any kind of simple ordered fashion either.  Then again the cat food thing?  Whoever steals it is either another woman or similarly retarded.  The odd removal process (beside hidden numbering) is how I know about that.

Got the battery in to the riding mower.  No-go.  Haven't been able to start the gas trimmer.  New fresh gas, all was started by my friend earlier.  I texted.  He will try to show mercy and be by... today, or when possible.  If they start right up for him, I will officially hate those devices.

Retarded.  She may not be the only one?  Bah!

Resting, cooling, for a bit.  I'll get her bedside put together and up later.  Tomorrow, the shower head and grab bar for the shower.  The day after, perhaps the bedside grab bar.  Then, when the tv mount arrives, getting that up and the tv on it, will be the last of setup chores.

Painting... will happen... when it happens.  Her stuff being sorted is her thing.  If I can move a few things in, out, and up as needed (but not constant, a few hit and runs).  My room needs much work, I need sleep and rest.  What happens will happen as is possible, in it's time.

Later.

Awake, with plans.

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Feeling a bit more rested.  Slept three or four cycles in the last two days.  Much needed too.  She just waits to pounce with tasks.  A few more, already agreed to, some ongoing, alway a few that pop up.  But, after a few batches to finalize, and other than a few support through things, I'll be staying almost solely with figuring and sorting my room, areas, and sleep cycles.

We also need to get to making food with leftovers.  While that isn't anyone's favorites, doing stacks of dishes, and cooking, everyday, isn't acceptable either.  Which is were roasts in the crockpot, egg casseroles, and such, shine.  And larger amounts.  She has a thing for tiny roasts.  That feed two for one or two lighter meals.  I use roasts that served for three to five days themselves.  With salads, keto foods, and else around, edible with minimal to no cooking or prep, that can be stretched to two for three days easily.

With the 4th coming up, meat was difficult to find, and horribly expensive.  I have some slim hope for better prices and availability here on in.  I'll begin looking later this week, as I get out for medical.

For a bit, I am planning to sort the clothes, and a few boxes.  Two baskets of clothes a box of new and a box of old things, clothes, random, is the minimum goal.  A few more would be better.  Then back to sleep?  Resting?  Or coffee then one of those.  Can't be sure.

A few agreed to things, a few side things through the day.  And more rest and work up here as possible.  Grinding from exhaustion still.  So I won't push, or be pushed, hard.  The heart is slugging along, more tired than pained, now at least, finally.  I'd like to get it rested, if some of that will take a higher dose of medications than I can even take quite yet.  One thing at a time.

Well... best get on to things.  Later.

A bit this evening.

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I went down for water.  Already had late medicine.  There was supper, but was still full from lunch... a backon, lettuce, and tomato sandwhich usiing my keto bread and carnivore dressing... for those of us carnivores who tolerate thus use dairy.  Chicken breasts, fried.  I saved those for tomorrow.  AllI'll need.

I use a packet of very clean ranch mix.  No soy, sugars, seed oils, or else.  Then mix whole cream, cream cheese, and sour cream.  Blending that in a smoothy maker.  Oh, adding a touch of salt and fresh ground pepper will do you for as final flourishes.  Mom loves that.  I meant to get blue cheese.  Break some off and crumble that in for a tight taste treat.  We both love that even more.

Then set up some water outside.  A bucket for planting.  Set her coffee up.  Changed her alarm for her time.  Will teach heee how to do that in time.  That's a personal task she will have to learn to do.  For now it works.  Turned off the sprinklers.  And... did a few other items.

Well, and told her what I would do.  Put her bedstand together and set where she needs it.  As well put the new showerhead in there.  It has a shower wand and an overhead outlet.  She can use one or both.  I may attempt to install a heavy grabbar in the shower as well.

Now I will sleep for a bit again.  Am hoping to wake in a bit to sort things up here.  Then rest or sleep some more.  Trying to get my body back in order, and doing a bit aside.  Sleeping a lot, but still helping lightly, and doing bits up here.  Doing what I can.  Good night, again.  Or later?

Up early.

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No choice this time.  And, oddly, while it is about mother, she wasn't going to say boo about it.  However, I remembered that her meds weren't going to be filled until today.  So... we really do have to get out for those.

I set my alarm for nine, am waking just before it.  We also have been wanting to get a few slacks for me and coats for her to the dry cleaners.  As well, if against her will, we will be getting her vape packets.  The next run wouldn't be until the nineth, by which time I am sure she would be out.  And, no, I won't do her sin runs.

With weekly runs for those, we may begin picking up dairy.  Will see.  It's right near where we go.

After that, however, I am back to sleeping.  Getting rested.  Hoping, if I can finish, to begin in on my room again.  Tons of clothes washed, needing sorted, and hung or put in drawers.  Just to start, and open back what I had cleared.  Then starting sorting new and old stuff in boxes, clearing a table and taking it down.  Perhaps putting another clothes rack where the table was.  Clearing and ordering my sewing table, cloth stash, patterns, kit, and all.

It's a lot, but after seeing what I did in a month, and my mom did in weeks, and with ssome rest and being allowed to do it at my variable pace, I am hoping to be done... with this proposed... two Fridays hence.  Then I'll work on the floors and windows.  Say... another week?  We'll see.

Have to go slow anyway.  Meds wiil, if they haven't started, begin cutting what legs I have left after exhaustion.  It's just the way of it.  When they begin failing?  I won't have them back to me until a month after getting to full dose, maybe two months.  And they are going slow, with kidneys taking steep negative dives.  So... At this pace?  Two to three months until full dose, so four to five months until I'm no longer a medicine zombie.

Though, I will say, eating more often, and daily work efforts beyond my intentions, may be helping.  I do have to back that down, some.  But not completely.  I don't always like it.  But it helps mom, and me too.  Plus, I concur with the results.

Best get down, get coffee, a shower, then get going.  Later.

Woke me.

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Not responding.  A storm coming?  Cleaned the garage?  Wanted me to pull the vehicle in?

No.  It isn't an issue of cleanliness.  It is, was, clean enough.  The problem is that the old and new toilet are in there.  One to be installed.  One to be sold.  I don't trust her to back me in, I don't trust myself (or even Hayden) to back it in.  Hayden breaks more things than I do.  No.

If the vehicle can't handle a storm, oh well.  Assuming there is even really a storm on the way.  Weather forecasters should return to flipping coins, their current professional tools might be politically correct, but they aren't useful most of the time.  Clown world mis and dis information passing as forecasting.  And it's getting worse.  The worse it gets the more their cult believes them.

No.  If I hear hail start, or even extreme winds, I'll consider sorting backing it slowly, with flashlights and else to guide.  Not bothering otherwise.  She, as well, just wants to talk.  Would be good to get her some local lady friends, to call or even visit.  I'm not that sort.

Not going down may be the best move.  Oh, I know.  She gets lonely.  But, look.  I own a cat, used to have two.  And both of them got lonely for me.  I don't have the need or ability for constant companionship.  How many cat owners have their cats jones, pine, for them?  Without going feral?  Meh.

Would like to set her up, in time, at a senior center.  For her good, and to get me out swimming.  Drop her twice a week, for four to six hours.  Then go swimming and do my shopping or other business.

Women need and want more, if they also don't like other women... or men.  But they need associations.  When she can't go, she might have a few other grand dames to call.  The world isn't perfect, but you can get by with a little effort, luck, and friends.  As I told her too, luck isn't what it seems, favoring the prepared, patient, flexible, and such over the mere needy or simple wanting.

She cooked something.  Could smell it in my sleep.  But sleep has vast priority.  I wish she hadn't called, even if I was up to mere resting.  I need to be left alone for... days, or weeks.  I'll help, if she learns to leave me alone.  Or I'll go to a place where I can sleep and turn off my phone unless calling to check on her.  Bah!  Choices, consequences.

A few crossed words.

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She called me at ten.  Took a bit, but I got up for coffee and some talk.  A few tasks.  Not light, but not too heavy, complicated, or otherwise taxing.  So I did them without a word.  Then back to bed.  A half hour down, as I was getting back to sleep, she woke me for a few putz items.

Then we had words.  As I said, do not bother me for the next week, or two.  Longer if as medicine is increased it cripples me.  Don't call me for food or work.  I may be down, through the day.  That doesn't mean I am there to do her work.  If I am, can, I will work for an hour with her.  Plus, she can make lists of projects I might solo.  Working when, as, I can.

Either that or I get a room somewhere, check on her by phone daily, visit every other or third day, until I am rested.  Choices, simple clear concise ones.  One of the things I am known for.  She heard, chose.  But did she agree or just say yes, for a moment?

If I have to work for her to work, at this point, her work isn't a benefit.  It also means she is out of her league and needs to back down.  I have been as patient as possible.  Will see.

My torso is becoming concrete.  Not in the good way.  My muscles burn, and my body overheats, from the least of efforts.  I have two types of headaches constantly.  The bones in my hands, sholders, and legs, plus connective tissues in various places have been used beyond the ability to resolve their issues... for a while.  And my body is screaming for sleep like a man in the desert dying for water... right on the edge.

Even so, I can't just sleep as the man dying of thirst can't just drink.  Coming off that edge is a process.  Don't keep waking me.  I won't end up in a hospital.  They'll end up burying me.  Hoping I can find my way back from that edge.

A talk to be sure.  Later, or good night.

Not so bad.

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Kefir was the real task.  But... I like working with kefir.  Probiotic taffy, rolls, cuts, grains... like curds, and whey.  The pleasant odors, using milk but making it edible for a diabetic, plus turning my innards into powerhouses, even as ill as I am.  Culinary poetry.  Edible haiku.  Tasty music.

Medicine was so fast and easy, the only effort was going downstairs and back up.  Had to do that for the Doom goo anyway, so it didn't cost.  Though while doing it, I got caught up on the water.

A sun tea tomorrow, then probaably a daily jug, should keep her, maybe us, in tea.  And acrun or two of ice to keep that up.  She doesn't know how to do these things.  Not sure she will choose to learn.  No worries.  Forgot to pull coffee beans from the freezer.  Will go do that.  Have to figure out how much coffee we use.  And tea.  Can live on the larder for a bit, but it has to be replaced.  She will, then, ask for the cheap stuff.  Of course, I will suggest.  Once the larder has been replenished.  The devil gets his dues.  Ask me how I know.  And, not that Devil, who isn't a devil at all either.  Ask me how I know that 

Anyway... coffee out, a bit of music, and more sleep.  Though, tomorrow, mother and I are going to talk.  If she continues to demand my dwindling reserves of energy, I will have to rent a place for days to weeks, showing up once a week to get her shopping, spending money I don't want to spend or easily have.  Or, she can leave me almost comletely alone for acweek or two.  

I'll be down to help for an hour, on a timer, twice a day.  Not always when she will be awake.  So... make lists, slow it down, and if she can't solo it, leave it to when I am both down, willing, and she is awake.  I can't continue this way.  I do have options.  Not terribly favored, for a dozen reasons.  But... options.  I always have options.  She has choices.

Good night.

I rested.

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Couldn't sleep.  Still can't.  Got up in time to see mom off to bed... get her tea in, a few other such, check the water (it was off, if I am sure I hadn't turned it off), and a few minor requests.  Then I set up her and my coffee for the morning.  Hers goes on a timer, on a drip system.  I just add some to my french press for me.  I also filled a few jugs, then the carafe, and reservoir.  Ice tomorrow, but didn't want to set that going tonight.

I had a spot of fatted coffee.  Sometimes going up helps me come down.  Ugh... forgot medicine.  Just one 3.125 mg tab of carvedilol in my minor soft start back on it, but... yeah... I need the warm up.  As well, I need to reset kefir.  Ugh!  I hate having to go back down.  Down I must go.

Mother is low on bras.  Not really my problem.  Still... I ferreted her size and preferences as if I was asking about the weather.  I've ordered several in her stated size.  Take one or all.  But if she finds one she really likes, we'll get her more over time.  Just enough and a few extra.  I hate living on the edge, having to wash every three days or so... or wear previously worn clothing, especially privates.  Nothing racy, though a few might be considered nicer?  Dunno.

As I have said, with the well aged, a portion of consideration must be toward sanctity, saintliness.  As to a degree with children.  Not saints, or yet, but age makes one... different, special.  If the world often doesn't see it.  So some of her known and strange needs will be managed... politely.  This one kept coming up, so... okay.  Though a few others, from disposable gloves to electrical expansions for her room.  Still in setup mode, but will be nearly set up by next month.  Though then a couch or loveseat for her and company, and a recliner for me, are on the list.  Probably a few more items as well, in time.

But, will have to slow on spending.  For a month or two.  We have been hitting it like bandits or lotto winners, if I think we are... just this side of too far.  Ugh.  Just...

A bit more, tomorrow, she says.  But I will sleep the rest of the day.  And maybe theough the night.  I will ask her to not wake me for meals or else.  Only if she falls.  At which time she will need a time out.  A two hour penalty box sit for roughhousing.

I won't get to her bedside, or else, tomorrow for what she is asking.  Choices, limits.  I really can't do much, or more do much for long.  I can do almost anything for an half hour to hour.  Then I am done, so worn as I am.

Well, best get meds and kefir going.  Good night.

Not happy.

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I was well into my sleep, needing more, when she called up.  Wanted to go to town.  Not thinking straight, I said I would.  As I was getting ready, I was sure we discussed this.  No more running.  Besides, isn't she broke?  Complaining about money?

I let it slide this time, but we had the first of, probably, several talks.  Going to town costs in gas and energy.  She will need to have a list, and be ready to shop, on her and my medical appointment days.  If she pushes, it will be $15, cash up front, a pop.  If she balks at that, I'll add $10 an hour on top.  I'm either an excellent or terrible negotiator, depending on which persective.  I put a price, then go up from there.  Never down.

I'll be reminding her.  She needs vaping stuff.  I won't run for that.  Her bad habit, her efforts.  She best have her list by my next appointment, and go with to get it.  I'll buy groceries I will eat, but not things I can't eat.  I will split the list, even go for more.  But I won't go as a shopping companion.  I wouldn't even do that for my lover types.  Though with her, it's more can't than won't.

Gloves, potting soil, herbacide, and annuals... flowers.  I warned her those were expensive.  Since she has been in the nursing home, prices have doubled, tripled, or more.  While I often still moderately support Trump, prices aren't coming down.  The rise of prices may have slowed?  But even that hasn't stopped.  She... disregarded my warning, but learned.  Annuals are $20 a pot.  Which is why, part of why, I don't bother.  But anything that is just for a summer, or not edible, isn't getting my money.  As I remember, more, many don't survive the transplant.

She was going to spring for dinner.  But I paid.  Happy or not, some of what she needed was for ongoing efforts.  Wasn't going to make her pay for all and everything, and or cook tonight too.  Wendy's, if the most unaffordable fast food.  But, there it was.

She was tinkering.  I came up to rest, blog, and go back to sleep shortly.  Later, or good night.

Oh, but on the good side?

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I've been noticing something remarkable.  With work, better food, fresh air, and more freedom, mother is looking younger.  She has dropped ten years off her appearance from when I first saw her at the nursing home.  Seriously.

As well, she is beginning to lose weight, as well as gain muscle while losing fat.  Not at a sprint, but that it is noticeable at the two week mark, perhaps faster than thought.

A year here, and they won't recognize her.  Then again, I'm not sure they would already doubt a picture, certainly being with her friends and some family.  She is really doing better.  It still catches me out, when I forget, and we are talking over morning coffee or a meal.

I honestly... didn't think she would... help?  She is far more able, albeit with a good bit of help here and there, than I am.  But I really am on death's door, and have been for decades.  Still, at her age, I really didn't think she could do much.  As it turns out, the limit is more my capacity to set her up to work that is the limiting factor.  Oh well.

Now for some sleep.  Or very shortly.  Later.

Almost had an incident.

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Ordering from amazon, through me, is easy.  But the price adds up, and has to be paid.  She hasn't been being charged for gas, any insurance, and we have been eating out of the freezer as much as the grocery store as not.  So she... has had it easy.

Running will be slowing.  Food will have to be replaced, and else.  She... keeps double thoughts of how much she has, and some other things.  My money is not hers, and half of it isn't mine by the time I get it from bills.

First she wanted to send something back that may be needed.  No.  It will be tried.  If it doesn't work?  Okay.  She needs help, at times, and this could help.  But no ordering and returning on a whim.  Not on my account.

Then we added her bill.  For what she wants this month.  She was upset, said she couldn't pay rent?  I just said I wouldn't order her goods, then she could afford tent.  Attitude adjusted pretty much immediately.  Her rent will cover her portion of utilities (not including the extra it will cost with her here).  And a portion of domestic help when we get to that point.  So, really, she won't really be renting.

Oh no.  If she can't afford "rent" there will be problems.  It will be fixed one way or the other.  How soon she forgets.  Just last month all she had per month was fifty.  This month she'll have at least $800 after bills and a... reasonable spending spree.  She pouted that she wouldn't help with groceries.  But that's not going to fly either.  I expect two hundred from her, even if that won't cover half.

Yes, life is expensive.  Still, $500 free cash, after a reasonable first of the month splurge, food, and housing, isn't bad.  No pulling bullshit about what you will and won't pay, or bad business practices through my accounts.  I won't have it.

I did get some of what she wanted done.  A decent little grouping.  But had to stop.  Blogging as I prepare to sleep and rest as I can do whichever.  Little to no work else today, probably.

No.  It's all good.  I just have to... clarify a few if's, and's, but's, and consequences.  I can't, won't, carry the whole load.  Besides, I am buying some things (she needs) aside from what she is getting.  And, if she overspends a bit, I may help her (if not enough, or in a way, that she would prefer).

She will have to learn to live within her means.  Like the rest of us.  It's been a brutal lesson for me.

Later.

Ugh.

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She just won't listen.  I need rest, sleep, and work done up here.  She keeps bothering me.  I have told her to make a list.  I will do portions of it in one or two portions a day.  I can't work with her, at her pace.  You are walking in a desert.  You notice a tortoise has ended up on it's back.  It's belly baking in the hot sun.  You aren't helping.  Why not?

She has hollered up three times after the post and helping a portion or two already.  Can't sort the weed whip line?  Put the task on the list and do something else or rest.  I still think she is doing too much, too fast.

I have too many clothes clean and up here for me to manage.  She keeps finding more.  I did get the clothes racks set up right, and the covers.  But I have a lot of clothes to simply figure out where to put, boxes of new clothes... and old apart from wash to sort, boxes of household items to go through, a table to clear and break down, another to sort, a cot full of paperwork and else to toss, the caret to clear and clean, and... such.  More, much more besides.

Like, my windows to clean, my closet to sort, and else.  Steam vacuuming up here, too.  Though that may wait until cooler fall weather.  

Much of this, save the steam vacuuming, however, I want done by next Friday, or the Friday after if she keeps bugging me so as I can't rest... sleep, work.  Will see.  And I hurt for sleep.  Need it, and simple rest, desperately.

Later, or good night.

Going to have to make changes.

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She is wanting more than I can offer.  So I am going to have to cut and run.  I have to have a break, and she needs one too.  If I am not there as often, I can rest.  And it is hoped she will back off a bit.  Will find out.

I got to the post, mailed her outgoing, got stamps, and checked our boxes.  A bite was being warmed... leftover meatloaf warmed, grilled cheese (a rare treat, if even then with low carb bread), ranch dressing (my home made stuff), and water plus finishing my fatted coffee.  It often takes me hours, even half a day, sometimes all day to finish my coffee.  Better than it sounds, or evenI anticiated.

A chuck roast into the crockpot for tonight.  I processed the carrots, celery,  onions, and cabbage.  I asked her not to use salt.  I don't.  Just add at the table, as needed.  Pepper, garlic, onion, other herbs and spices?  Sure?  Just... salt is for the table in meats.  Usually.

She had me back at it, then I just quit and came up.  She even then called for something.  I just said "no".  She tried to get me to put up her endtable.  I told her that the choice, today, was between that and going to the post.  So, not today.  Probably not tomorrow either, if she is going to work me an hour or two again.

I need rest, sleep, and work done up here.  She got two weeks.  So... no.

Getting hot.  I left windows open yesterday, as did mom.  Not good.  Becomes an oven if heat can seep in.  So, today, I checked them all.  As well, beside the ac running upstairs, I started the one downstairs... for a few hours.

Resting, to find my way to a nap.  Later.  Possibly good day and night.

I have three loads of laundry to sort?  And half a dozen smaller boxes of clothes elsewise, a table to clear, and a score and a half of houseware boxes to sort.  Oh, and a sewing table to organize.  Ugh.  A week or two of resting, sleeping, and working before me.  Can't do that and be her daily driver nigger.

Will help with meals and dishes, carrying laundry, and moving heavier things.  Just... it's got to be fast, concise, efforts.  One and done, even if doing three things.  Turn it into an extended single task group.  I just can't do bits of task groups over hours... minutes is all I have.

Nap time?  Or resting.  Can't work until after one, probably a bit of both.  Later.

Meatloaf.

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For dinner, this time.  Not music.  That and fried parsnips.  I wouldn't normally make meatloaf, order it out, or eat it.  But it was good.  I had stopped checking blood sugar, as I knew it was high, from what I was eating.  Decided to check it before supper... 102.  Okay.

I don't mind clearing dishes, putting condiments away, and such.  She usually cooks and puts dishes in the machine.  Though I do that too, from time to time.  I will want to do some cooking soon.  I like to cook.  If she wasn't here, in my current condition, I would be fasting most days.  For good or ill.

I'm trying to do my part, anyway.  With food coming in, I can help.  If I were fasting from being this exhausted, the world would fall away.  I got the laundry to her room.  In time, I'll do laundry and just have her fold.  But we had so much to do, and I am gimping by.  So it is her doing it, or a long wait.

Burning up and sore everywhere.  I told her, tomorrow, she has a choice.  End table or post office run.  Yes, I am down to that.  I need rest and sleep.  For this next week, maybe two.  I'll still help lift laundry, set up her coffee, filter water, feed Sassy, and tinker up here in short bits.  But mostly else going down before something important fails.

I'm thinking whether it is back to sleep, relining resting, or a bit of sorting.  I... like thinking, not ready for action or even a full decision quite yet.  Later, or good night.

A lot of shopping.

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From groceries,cherecand there.  To Walmart runs, pharmacy pickups, hardware store visits, amazon, specialty grocery shopping, and else.  She is finding I am an honest gus.  Which helps.  Now, she is honest, just forgetful.  So I try to remember pretty exactly.  As well, I have arranged for her mark on what is paid, is owed, and what runnetth over.

We each have things we want and need.  And some things we both agree is needed, or wanted.  Personal is generally paid for by the needing whositz... Tumms or such for her, mint for my home made mouth wash by me.

Though I do pitch in on things I want for her.  She has one charger cord for her phone.  I want an extra put away (or two), one in the car, and maybe an extra in the bathroom, her bathroom.  That... comes in handy when everything hits at once.  Plus, I know she has more limits on her funds, comparatively.  Has to choose between needs, and few wants.  So, while I can't do it all, I can ease certain burdens.

I figured these first few months would be spendy.  Maybe spending to pretty low these first six months.  Then it has to be backed down.  But, will be spending to get set up.  Worth it, so far.

Ordered a new toilet.  And bits and pieces for the home.  Her room should be set up.  Ordering some clothes, as she gets set up that way too.  She is losing weight.  At this pace, she may need more new clothes.  I'll help, happily, but a few items a month, perhaps tinkering sewing if she wants as well.  Sewing is expensive, and a pain.  But you can get exact, tailored, clothes in safe right material rather than plastic wrap.

Doing well.  I think I can finally sleep a bit.  Had to come down, even though droping off earlier.  Stupid sleep!  Later, or good night.

Too much.

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Wanted more still.  No.  No fuss or drama.  I told her what I would do today.  Had hoped to do it in portions.  But no.  All at once.  She got more than I intended to tried to get more.  I just said no and came upstairs.  Not a "NO", just a "No".

I got her rug straightened.  Which, due to wrestling with her bed, ac, and else, was far more than planned.  Then I put her storage system together.  Adding the drawers, putting her cd/radio and little fan on it when finished.

She wanted more.  No.  She wanted me to go downtown earlier.  Again, no.

Resting, sleeping, and maybe working on my room tonight.

I'll put her nightstand together and place it tomorrow.  Perhaps get to the post.  Carry laundry for her.  But then that will mostly be it, downstairs, for... until I finish up here.

So drowsy, sleep isn'tvan option.   Resting had been hoped but I am crashing.  Am barely finishing the post, between power naps.  Later.

A long hot day.

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I didn't get up until 8:30?  Moving slowly, too.  The hope was to be in a condition to do a u.a. (pee test, for the doc), then get in for that and the liver panel, is it?  Hoping to be out by ten.  Ended up having to go, couldn't hold it.  So a delay as I refilled the reservoir.

Between her and I, this and that, we didn't get going until 13:30... or a bit later.  She wanted to go shopping while I went to medical.  Wasn't sure, but she felt she could.  Yes, I am an asshole.  And yet I do worry.  I got her a cart, then let her go.  I went on to the hospital.

By the time I got there I was almost leaking.  Had to go both ways, but wanted to do the u.a. first.  Of course, with that done, the needed internal pressure wasn't there to finish elsewise.  Ugh!  Got the blood test done too.

Hadn't heard from her, told her I would get active dry yeast (from a more(?) trustworthy source).  So I did just that.  Oh, and the flirting?  Women from their twenties to their seventies were trying to make me trip on my own dick, and two won that lotto!  Damn.

Anyway, after the fish tank I went over and waited.  She was less successful with the ladies, having to wait, redo her whole checkout, and else.  I was a bit peeved, but had to relent.  The poor woman had bad luck, I wasn't about to pile on.  I let my anger dissipate, offering her smiles as possible, sympathy, empathy.  All good.

She had left overs, I went back to carnivore.  So hot, though, I had to come up strip, and begin cooling.  No more work today.  No more going out this week, or for a few days.  I did agree to help readjust her rug tomorrow.  Set up her storage.  And haul laundry as she needs.  But told her most of this week is up here, in and for my room, rest, and sleep.  Maybe next week too.

No complaints.  She got most of the first two weeks here.  And I need to make my room fit.

I made her two half gallons of sun tea yesterday, another today.  So we are well ahead.  Kept ice going.  So life is pretty comfy, if it is getting brutally hot out there.  I... just need some rest, cooling.

A bit of music, blogging, then sleep?  Then to a few things as possible.  Ugh.  Later or good night.

A smattering of little efforts.

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She kept at me.  Today I mostly ignored her requests.  I told her earlier that I was under duress.  She kept asking and I either ignored her requests or just walked off.  I did say I would help her get her area rug down.  And I did.  I offered to put a storage system together.  Which I would have, but she had me do other things.  My heart hurt today.  So... I did what was prudent then stopped working.

I did a bit in the room.  And very small minor tasks through the day.  Nothing fancy, not sure I have it all right, might have to turn the clothes racks, reversing the covers instead.  But I am slowly figuring out exactly what I want, or how I want it precisely.  Then sorting how to do it.  Through a haze of exhaustion and heart discomfort, so at a snail's pace as needed.

Trash and recycling were cleared and put to the curb.  Bug spray was generously delivered to, near, and more to the front door.  And a shower was taken.  Oh, well, and we got her area rug put in place, which ended being more work than anticipated.

She had wanted me to take her to Walmart.  No.  Tomorrow.  I have to go in for medical.  She will shop while I am at the hospital.  I am beginning to wonder if she is smoking, outside.  I hope not.  That will turn into a major issue this winter, one way or the other.  Allowed to vape, use zyn, not smoke.  I guess Zyn is a real product.  Who knew.

Quite a lot done in two weeks.  She has absolutely smashed her bedroom into shape.  Love or hate amazon, they have made it possible.  She can't take the bumps, jostling, or heat as much as she thinks she can, with tegards to shopping in stores.  I simply melt out there.  And when we are both cooked, we are both quite disagreeable.  Quite.

This week will be another slow one.  The weateher suggests the upper eighties to mid to low nineties.  Humidity/dew point is staying lower.  But yet I need rest, and to work on my room finally.  I will put her storage together.  And get a few things to the basement.  Helping out from time to time, beyond, as possible.  And just checking on her.  But... my room gets priority this week.

Next week it will be helping clearing and cleaning the front and living room.  If I get far enough in my room.  Or... two weeks mostly up here, if needed.  My turn.  She got first dibs.  Dedinitely my tun.

Doing pretty well.  A little trouble sleeping in the warmth, on top of working.  Ugh.  I'll keep trying.  Good night.

Some things.

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Now that some trust and a few limits have been established, we are getting along and getting things done.  She is obsessing with putting things in order.  Dishes, laundry, her room, while working on a kitchen drawer, closet, or unpacking a box or three, here and there.

I have broken free enough to rest and begin in on my room.  Bits and pieces, as I can.  I got the clothes racks turned, the dressing bench up, and keep pecking and picking at things as to organization, hanging, and stowing.

I am hoping to finally get the last of that dressing area cleared and sort the boxes at the end of the bed today.  Anything else?  Maybe.  A few stacks of jeans bagged, a table cleared and broken down, and boxes sorted by toss and keep piles.  If anything else happens, it will be one or more of those, or partials of one or all of those.

Oh, my kidney function is back up to 19.  It had been 19, then 17, then 15.  In a month(s).  Back up to 19 in a month, without lowering bp.  Now with bp meds back in the schedule, I am hoping that increases even more.  Though it may not.  Oh, and I must get the u.a. and liver panel done on Monday.  Meant to get that done but been too dry!

Trash and recycling out.  No laundry.  Not much else.  Other than my room, my mom's area rug which is supposed to be here today, and what I can do in my room.  She wants a ride to Walmart, but I told her I won't go in.  Get her a cart, as a walker, and let her go.  That's generally her way anyway.

With the provisio of NO PAINT!  "I'm not going to get any damned paint!".  Which, by her reaction, makes me think she was thinking about it.  Now I know how she knew when I was doing, or going to do something, she didn't want me to do as a kid.  :p  Man, that shoe has flipped!  Ha!

Later.

I think she is tuckered.

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No worries.  She has been driven since she got here.  Oh, sure, getting the place up to specs, the unpacking process, daily living, getting medicine and other business and .gov things applied for, changed, and else?

Yes, all that.  But more.  Years of living in a nursing home, where her allowance for cleaning, cooking, shopping, and just being a free woman were all infringed.  It's a soul crushing place, if you still have some good in you.  She has been letting her joy of these things out.

Yes, I worry.  So I check on her.  Encourage her to nap, take it easy, even call me for heavier chores.  And... she has been taking advantage of that option more, as she winds down.  As with food, I might offer recommendations, offer new things, but I wouldn't deign to attempt command.  She is eighty two years young.

If her food, or work, kills her tomorrow?  She already beat the life lottery.  I'm hoping she gets a few, a dozen, even a score more.  But, as with me, at this point, it is well out of our hands.  If, really, life and death are God things.  Still, I will encourage an easier path this week.  I don't want to see her fall.

I finally rested and slept enough to catch up a bit today.  Enough to begin opening up my upstairs room.  Two large baskets of clothes were sorted into drawers.  Some is arranged to be hung.  I opened the space, mostly, that was wanted cleared.

I may yet turn one of the covered hanging clothes racks, so the both face each other, open toward each other.  With the recently cleared area, and unmentionables drawers, and these, all facing into the cleared area.  Then I'll bring up a dressing bench to make a mini dressing area.

Then more laundry down.  A table possibly cleared.  Boxes sorted, some to go, others to be put... somewhere else, eventually.  Boxes to be broken down, a few new and old empties.  But only a few more things tonight.  Then I'll have something to eat and drink then go to bed.

Meds were taken.  Should feed Sassy a last time, and do a quick quiet check on mom.  If she is awake I'll see if she needs any last thing, some water or tea... iced.  I set up her coffee earlier.  Might put the grinds and allulose in my french press too, for an easier start.

We have done bundles of work since returning.  She has memory issues, but so do I.  We are... learning to... take a breath.  And just ask, not shout or accuse.  It's working.  We, neither of us, gets our way, when or as we always want it.  But with a little patience, we get through communal and personal needs and wants as possible 

Well... on to getting laundry down, checking the dryer... if I think it is all clear.  Then some food?  Definitely some water.  Feeding Sassy.  Checking on mom.  Then up for a few more chores before crashing.  Would love a shower but have had nearly two a day since returnig.  A day off, or two, would be good.

Good night.  Or later.

Let's ask Hayden.

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She is going to be sorely dissapointed.

When I paint her room (not on my shortlist in any case), she wants me to use a roller.  Well, and move everything to one side of the room, paint, and reverse the process, plus tape and cover.  No.  NO!

Everything will be pulled, everything will be taped, drop cloth will be taped in, curtains will be removed, and I will use the machine.  Further, the plan, for me, is to hit two rooms, minimum, at a time.

Rolling would take all day, or two, especially with brush crevice and trim work.  No.  NO!  The sprayer will do two rooms in three to four hours.  Using good paint, no need for a second coat.  She may end up in a hotel room for a night, but I'm good with that.  Uhrm, she'll go before I start.

But that won't be a thing until weather begins cooling this fall.  I don't do dirty deeds in the summer heat.  Period.

She pouted that we should just ask Hayden.  I looked deliriously at her, and said "LET'S"!  With a bit of a cruel chuckle and grin.  A, I am pretty sure which way that will go, without any pre-pressuring, maybe with it.  B, I don't care if he agrees, I'll be doing it my way, either way.  *grins*

Achy, sore, weary, mildly sleepy, with a headache.  Didn't sleep well or much.  Did start carvedilol this morning.  Couldn't find, or focus to find, it yesterday.  Furosemide, potassium, minerals, daily chewable, and B super complex in the rotation, again, all.  Losarten in five days, scheduled in my calendar.

Some plans for today.  I don't think I can.  Monday.  Until then I am, proverbally, gone fishing.  She doesn't know it yet.  Will be told shortly.  Sleeping, resting, light sorting in my room.  To get clothes arranged in drawers, open floor space, open table space to begin taking one or two of those down, but none of it in an even slight hurry.

If I can open a specific dressing area, and get my underwear and socks sorted into the drawers and by type, cotton boxer-briefs in this or those drawers, close together, tech/synthetic boxer-briefs in a sister drawer, wool, synthetic, and compression socks in their own drawer(s), I'll be happy.  Sleeping or resting as needed.

I'll pop down, time to time, to move baskets of laundry, find something she needs or wants, answer a few questions about the house as she learns things, and such.  And just to make sure she hasn't fallen or gotten stuck somewhere, somehow.  ;p  Otherwise... gone fishing.

Later.

I don't need to teach.

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Not how to cook.  How to cook keto/carnivore?  Not truly that either.  It is more showing her a few metods, introducing her to a few new food items, explaining what the exchanges replace in recipes, if the biggest thing is just getting her to stick to it.

She suggested making chocolate chip cookies.  Keto, I asked.  Of course!  She retorted.  Victoria's keto flour, this, that else.  All low carb.  But then??  She planned to use regular chocolate chips?  I just told her, if she wanted some, even with regular flour, to make her own, with regular chocolate chips.

But she said she doesn't eat them.  Dubious.  But I had to laugh.  Why would you go through the bother of making otherwise cookies only to add tegular chocolate chips?  No answer.

I looked up Choc Zero low/no carb chips.  Then regular chocolate chips... milk chocolate, my preferred.  Amazed that there wasn't much difference, or as much as expected.  And the better regular chips cost more?  So price isn't as much of an issue.  Oh, but I will want walnuts.  At least in some of them.

Anyway, crazy tired.  Trying to come down so I can sleep.  Went down a bit ago, helped with a few things, brewed tea to be refrigerated later, filled the water, and set up her coffee for the morning.

Ugh.  Good night.

She was right.

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The windows in her bedroom can be removed.  After the sills were cleared, cleaned, anyway.  So cleared and cleaned.  I have tooth brushes, which I don't use now that I have electric ones.  I brought those to the party, and let her know there are more for fiddly cleaning.

We got her windows taken out, and in the en suite, cleaned, and replaced.  But there is a lot of mineral buildup on them that window cleaner just won't touch.  So I looked for a solution...  CLR, it turns out.  True?  Will find out sooner or later.  All the windows will get touched up, if it works.

I've helped her put up new drapes in there, remove, clean, and replace the windows, and a few other minor things for most of the afternoon.  Wasn't the plan, but the drapes arrived early, and we had started on the windows yesterday, so it was tending old business.

Then I got her bed where she wanted it, after a few days of various trials, seeing what she wanted and liked.  No, fair.  I generally have to muss, in a new room, to find my place and make it work.

Supper, in a bit.  Pork steak with tomatillo sauce.

Tomorrow, I am hoping to get in for a u.a., finally.  As well, a liver panel.  They haven't done one of those since the bike accident.  Then my foot doc can decide what we can do, use, for the foot fungus.

But, too, I need to do some work up here... going forward.  I have too much up here, it is too unorganized, it is becoming claustrophobic.  NO!

I have places, hanging spaces, and such.  It's a matter of opening space to get to storage, then organizing what to put were.  I have enough space, spaces.  Currently, however, it is like a unfinished puzzle.  I just need to fit the pieces.  And, I can.  I just need time, when I have the energy.

Didn't shower this morning, will tonight.  Sleep, rest, work, as I can, must.  Hoping to have my room pretty much straighrened, organized, by next weekend.  Though then I need to begin cleaning.  One thing at a time.

Oh, mother had a few good ideas.  With curtains up, I really want sheers too.  Some light without losing all privacy.  But the walls don't accept mounts well, nearly stucco, or cement, for walls.  I do have curtains up.  The mounta.  So... Just use a light metal spring at the base of the curtain rod brackets.  Really might work.

Oh, and I need to figure how people are getting into my house, and fix that.  Definitely still breaking in, while we are sleeping.  Had to flee once, if mother didn't open the back doors and forget?  Not using the doors, those have security plates, security hook and eye (with plates which need to be slid before than can be lifted, and several of those).  Must be a loose window, or some odd way into the basement?

Mother tries to deny, but I know... clearly now.  I've set a few traps, I know.  An odd thing they do is take some of the water out of the reverse osmosis carafe.  Watering Sassy, or just getting some water to go?  Seriously, as strange as it sounds.

I know it is true.  That was happening before my mother arrived.  I thought it might be the machine clocking off, or an electrical disruption, shorting producion.  The problem with that is that there isn't enough water remaining in the reservoir and the carafe to account for the difference.  I fill to a specific level, consistently.  Nope, between a half and full quart goes missing every few days.  Sure  I think I really do have ghosts.  But I have never had a ghost drink or eat food before.  No, this is a contemporary two legged rat.

Might be putting a smaller kid in, who unlocks for someone else.  Not quite absolutely sure, but will be trying to prevent that.

Later.

Not everything.

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Three things on my list were failed.  Two of them for the same reason... public access was too busy.  One, because I just couldn't pee, for the doctor requested ua.  Too late for the appointment anyway.

Several extras though... things she wanted or needed not on my official list.  A newspaper, shoes ( even got her size correct).  She has more shoes... somewhere.  Been wearing the same pair out here, and on the way.  Mary jane flats, strapless, and a cool mesh almost boating shoe.  A few other things.  My treat today, if that is that for the month.

Pediatry went very well.  It looks and sounds, from an experiment, as if we can reduce or eliminate the echo, or phantom, feedback... causing burning and pins and needles.  He also thinks the barely closed wound might fully heal?  That would be awesome.  I live in the shadow of that opening up at any time.

Several items arrived for help getting her in and out of the vehicle, or possibly the mower.  As well as things so her bed wouldn't slip from under her.  A new battery for the mower, too.  We got the leg strap set up.  The stirrup one is good to go.  She is fussing, so we can get her bed set up.  She cleaned like a madwoman in there, but she really spiffed her a.o.  we'll see, adjusting, or getting other things as needed.

Told you we would set her up.

Then, she ordered new drapes,an area rug, and something else...  a bedspread to my chagrin.  But I won't fuss, just shake my head.  She is doing well, I won't bother on small details, oor her spaces.  No private pics in shared areas, I had to remind her.  Her room, and the spare room, if she takes that for a sewing, sitting, or other sort of room.  Not in shared/public spaces or my spaces.  The living room is mine, start and stop.

Making ice, in the machine.  Her coffee is set up.  Dinner, supper will be easy, mine.  Cheese slices and turkey cold cuts.  I can't remember what she is having.  

One last hard day.

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Kidney clinic.  The main project.  But to, a stop at the hardware store, solo... bug spray and weed whip line.  To the bank, a deposit and checking logs... account books.  A stop at fast food, mother was getting ill... medicines on an empty stomach.  Difficulty getting going this morning... She was sore, I was tired, so no food.  All good.

My doc put me back on carvedilol.  Slowly, low dosage to start.  Then reset some other things.  Good.  Mom went in.  Won't always.

On to a grocery store to pick up what of her meds might be available and do some shopping.  A good load of shopping was done.  I got the bulk of it, but she did a bit.  Then on to Idaho, to see if they had her vape mats cheaper.  One town over and it was.  I'll bet a bit deeper in, it would be much cheaper.  

Then to the dairy.  Picked up that since the people who grace me by picking that up were on vaca, so it would have been delayed... and because we were right there.  Then back to town for the car wash.  She didn't want to, but had fussed about just going on, probably thinking I would get tired and relent on that goal.  Nope.

Oh, but they did fund all of her scripts.  We had thought they only did a few (if the most expensive ones).  I was getting ready to scrape together whatever coin was needed otherwise.

She was pretty grumpy by the end of the day, as was I.  Not to nasty, just snippy, both of us.  She thought the day had been bad.  But I recounted the highlights... me back on high blood pressure meds that work.  She got a ninety day supply of all her meds.  The fridge is well stocked.  Dairy is tended.

Oh, and a really nice step ladder arrived, sheets that fit ( she had been using queen size on her full, it's what I had), lots of things arriving shortly to get her room to her liking... new curtains, an area rug, more storage, a beadspread she wanted...  

Oh, and the items I bought her, to help her in and out of the car seemed to have really helped.  Today was our first chance to test things.  Had to argue about bringing the item that ended working the best, overrid her objections.

A very good if slightly grumpy day.

I told her that I am taking a week or two off.  I'll come down an hour or two, off and on.  Check if she has heavy work, even carrying laundry.  But mostly resting, sleeping, and organizing my bedroom.  No choice anyway, between exhaustion and starting meds.

Things are improving.  We are getting much done.  Her room is nearly set up.  My room should be much better sorted shortly.  It's going better than it was at first headed.  Rwe were both just road weary.  But that really helped us sort some things quickly, so wasn't all bad.  All good.

Later.

To town.

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A list of things to do, get.  I did until I couldn't.  No worries, I have to be out the next two days.  Supper was ready, chicken vegetable soup.  Was great, until I found potato.  Didn't say anything.  Just waited until she was gone then dumped it.  Back to cooking for myself.  If she wanted potato, she could have baked or microwaved one.  Oh well.

It's warmer, but now looks like a storm is coming in.  And I don't think it warmed as they suggested it would.  Maybe to the high, then cooling off?  Otherwise I think it would have gotten hotter than they suggested.  Wrong about everything or partly wrong and dishonest.  Or, of course, merely offering whatever propaganda the state and corpos see fit to shove out.  Only optiosns.  Probably a mix.

The gals from her nursing home called.  I think she enjoyed that.

We have been working with people in Utah and Iowa to keep her medicine on tap.  Her Iowa part D is still active, but no pharmacy in Utah works with them.  Should have ordered in Iowa, but no one told us.  Hmm, I wonder if we can get med orders through in Iowa?  Time is running out quickly for even that.

Will figure something out.  I'll tell you though, no one is much interested.  Squeaky wheel?

Time to rest.  I have to go to town, do more, the next two days.  And while not seasonally hot, getting there.

To the doctor.

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Her doctor, first appointment.  Wasn't sure about how... anything would work.  From payment to discussions to doctor.  Smooth sailing, honestly.  They had her part A&B, and D.  If the latter expires at the end of the month.  If they will accept her part D, here?  Oops, it expired this month.

One thing at a time.

We were in early enough to get most of the paperwork finished.  Seems like a good doc.  Went through her meds.  Between the two, they pulled four meds.  Some on a trial basis.  Though the doc seemed good with the culls.

The pharmacy called, for information.  We didn't have it.  Then I thought I had found it, but no.  At least the pharmacist said she would call the doctor's office, see if they might have what they need.  Weren't going to do that without my call, so cash and carry?  -  Nope.  May see about a 30, rather than 90, day scrip... if it's self pay.  And pray it is affordable.  Or ask price first.  Low enough just... take the hit.

When we arrived home, the front door was open.  As with the backdoor being unlocked and wide open yesterday... or the day before.  At least this time I know it wasn't her.  The back door?  She does have memory problems.  Not sure.  Front door?  Slightly possible I didn't shut it, or completely?  But those events have me concerned.

She asked about possible deliveries.  I got a bit short with her on that.  I don't allow such.  But I shouldn't have.  Been doing good with... being nice, even when I don't want to, but I am not perfect.  Just a short quick snap. 

I have a few things to do in town.  Calendars, a u.a. I couldn't finish with the blood tests, trying to get her an email address and check on her SSI information...  Some or all of that.  Will see.  But the world is warming back up, so windows upstairs need to be shut.  Ugh.

An appointment tomorrow, and the next day.  Then I can rest a bit.  Good thing to, it's going to be in the 80's or higher going forward.  Ugh.  I am already feeling it.  A few more days then I go down for a week as needed.

Later.

A busy day.

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Up early.  Was supposed to be awake at seven but it we both were half an hour late.  It worked out.

Paperwork, for public assistance... and blood work for me for an upcoming appointment.

No public assistance.  Their definitions collided with our situation.  Over the limits.  Wasn't willing to lie for a few extra dollars.  Not worth that kind of trouble, though more to it than just potential trouble.

A stop at the store, for my waters.  She doesn't like them.  They help me in numerous ways.

She has been doing laundry.  I help from time to time.  Mostly carrying the loads, sometimes switching them.  Getting the back room slowly sorted.

Then she was thinking chicken and dumplings.  I feared, even without eating regular flour dumplings that the flour would taint the chicken.  Asked if I had a reciipe book.  Do I?  The 25th edition of The Joy of Cooking.  Pretty much the culinary encyclopedia.

She found it.  Looked a bit.  Cake flour?  No, no flour.  Corn starch?  No, and couldn't eat it.  That has 25 carbs a dose!  However... I had the makings for keto flour, untried true (by me), and an alternative for corn starch... xanthan gum.  She wasn't a happy camper, but... wanted dumplings, so was willing to give it a go.

Also called for milk, which we have for her cereal.  I asked if we could use cream instead.  She didn't fuss about that one at all.

So I whipped up a batch of the keto flour.  There was enough room in the chosen container for a second, and maybe two more batches.  I kept it at two for now.

We put together a keto dumpling batter.  She added it when she thought right, to the simmering chicken breast.  Had asked for bullion, but I had bone broth.  Alternatives that I can eat.  An experiment.

It really worked well!  It's been so long since I've had anything like that.  Even she was surprised.  Dumplings, flour?  No.  But honestly good enough.  Can't wait to try that 'flour' for bread, or keto cinammon rolls.  I really might win her over.  For a meal, from time to time anyway.  I'll tell you, that was delicious.  And the whole  meal only had, maybe, four to six carbs!  Better than I anticipaed, or honestly hoped.

Another early start tomorrow.  Her first local doctor visit, then one  for me.  A few days off, then another for me.  Plus some efforts to get her set up with social security, so she knows what is happening.  And other business... a local driver license and... other things.  Oh and a replacement for my social security card.  Stupid "lost" wallet.

Getting there.  I've ordered a step ladder, some assisting items for her, a bar for the shower, slip resist items for the mattress and box springs, and a few other items.  Slowly setting her up for an easier go of things.  I think we can get her pretty comfy.  Will never be able to make her completely steady of foot.  But can build in as much help as possible.

I am really looking forward to trying the bread recipe, to start.  Victoria's keto kitchen, I think, is her youtube channel.  She has an even newer recipe I will try, using some einkorn... a real, but ancient, wheat, in with some of these ingredients I used tonight.

Good night.

Smoothing out.

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In spite of all, as some things get sorted, things are improving.  I can help, just within limits, and not at constant start stop.  Have a list.  I can work for half an hour at a time, as I recover from the last few months and drives.  That's about it, but I can do almost anything.  Especially with it being cool.  Three or four sessions a day.

The weather says it is 37 out there.  Not.  Probably more like, say, low 50s, high 40s.  If that low.  I promise it isn't that close to freezing.  Currently.  They have it listed as the low and current temp.  Down to that, through the night?  Possible.  If I think unlikely?  But maybe.  Just, it isn't that now.

The cold spell happened two days ago and continues.  Crazy cold for this time of year.  No rain with it either.  Looks like it will be warming to more normal over the next few days.  Found a better site, 44 out now, 37 as a low, 60 was the high today.  71 tomorrow.

Mom is a worker though.  Mostly laundry today.  Wasn't sore from the fall, but is feeling it tonight.  Might need a few days off.  Had me do shopping tonight.  I went solo, much easier, if I missed a few things, and got some extras.  I even called to ask what cereals she wanted.  Got those and milk, plus chia for myself.  She had wanted that a bit ago, but lists of lists, and this and that, things fall through the cracks.

I've helped, in sessions, and slept a lot too.  It's what I can do.

Getting along better.  Still trying to get to painting, and wanting a dog.  She can't handle either, and I'm not ready.  I told her, after some rooms are cleared, and we have her more fully set up, then I'll paint.  She said I wasn't going to let her have any fun.  Not at great expense or pains, no, I thought.  But left it at a firm look.

Not being mean.  Just won't allow an animal I would end up with, making messes, needing walked... or having paint all over a new bathroom.  Might get her a finger paint kit.  Tell her if she makes a Michaelangelo, or even a Picaso, she might be let loose.  :p

Well, on to bed.  Have to go in for bloodwork and her paperwork tomorrow.  Good night.

She stays busy.

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But, puts everyone anywhere near her to work.  We are going to have to change things.  Make a few rules.  If she can't follow those rules...  

She didn't care for habiscis tea, will try others.  Have my doubts.  She has only had the rot-gut black or sweetened "blends".  Her taste buds are set for the standard American diet.  Subtlty is lost on her.  Still, perhaps something real might catch her fancy.

Staying cool.  Here at 14:31, upstairs as I write preparing to nap, it is 65.  Wild.  Never seen it cool this deeply, or for this long, this late in the year.

Blood sugar was still higher, fasting.  At 152.  Bleh.  Back on carnivore though.  Takes time.  

I opened up the back room.  Wasn't sure I wanted too.  Flak about some of my wardrobe.  But, no.  She did notice my pj bottoms are down to mediums.  She asked about those.  Aye.  I have some large and extra large, if they will fit her.  Legs will have to ne shortened, but...  I can't keep them up, even tied right tight.

Probably some t-shirts, for housewear.  While my chest is 48", it fits a 46" better.  Usually.  I need a lot less 'ease' than many.

I had to come up, to rest.  Probably sleep some more.  And so it is, will be.  Sleep almost certainly.  Crashing for the last two paragraphs.  Later, or good night.

Up rather late.

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Didn't go to bed until 22:00.  Couldn't relax into sleep until about midnight.  Then didn't wake until ten thirty.  Sassy was up, pushing.  I was trying from probably seven.  Just could not wake up!

Double bloody nose almost immediately, but it stopped within half an hour.  Rough, though.  Headache, mild.  Won't treat it.  If it persists for a week, I will get to it.  Body is sore.  Worked, stressed, overheated, pushed beyond limits for too long.

A cool front came through.  It got down to the low sixties, upstairs!  In the last weeks of June?  I can't remember that, but sure like it.  My mom is a bit cold, but I'm good.  I made her herbal tea, hibiscus and chamomile, to warm her hands.

I figured it would warm by this morning, but no.  I'm loving it.  Her, not so much.  She'll get her favored heat before too long.

She, surprisingly, is doing well this morning.  Was expecting her to be stiff and sore from the fall.  I hear it was a doozy.  But, no.  So all good.

Things are... improving.  We'll see.

Brother called.  Road her for me bothering him.  Couldn't deal with me about it, coward cunt.  He has health issues, you know.  Too busy with self and in-law to deal with us.  As I had already written, he has been dropped from the loop already.  Doubly so now.

I'll finish my fatted coffee and go on back to rest for a bit.  Thought about a shower, but dishes were started before I could get to it.  Later.

Better, if still iffy.

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Still with painting, still a no.  That is very low on priorities.  There are four rooms stacked with her stuff and mine.  At a minimum, the living room, front room, and my bedroom need to be cleared and set.  Until then, no.  Even then, painting is messy.  Would rather do that in the fall.

Ordered a new battery for the mower.  Could just keep it trickle charging, until it is dead-dead.  But the parts needed for that woun't arrive until the second week in July.  The battery will be here by the end of the week.

The neighbors mowed.  I didn't know that was going to happen.  Mother says they surprised her, but I wonder if she asked them.  Don't believe her, always, or fully, ever.  They also helped her up.  She took a serious spill, fall.  She seems to be okay, if she'll feel it tomorrow.  Will make sure she isn't broken, somehow, in the morning.  Try to talk her into cooling her jets.

I did get hoses and sprinklers set up.  Not running tonight.  Got to town to get gas for the mower, fill the tank, and for the gas weed whip.  It didn't start either.  Had hoped to use that where her weed whip wasn't enough.  No dice, for now.  New spark plug, reset kit, cleaning the air filter?  Will try things in the morning.

We did discuss things, if she is staying for even a bit, or longer.  I showed her some things that could help with mobility.  She had one of the items, but hadn't thought to use it to get out of the vehicle easier... just a foot sling.  She uses them for stretching, exercises.

I also suggested a bar, near her bed.  She actually liked that idea.  She told me of a problem, with her mattress and box springs slipping, so I suggested we get grip items, like for shower footing, or under rugs so those don't slip.  I've become more cautious as I age, so investigate and try things to make me safer.  I can take serious spills too.  Prefer not to.

A few days back on carnivore is good.  Blood sugar, fasting, Friday, was 149.  Not bad for a five day fast food binge.  But, today, right after supper?  114.  Weight is up to 251, last I checked.  But biceps have really gotten bigger.  Still almost anemic looking, but double the previous size?  Or in that neighborhood.  Muscle weight.  My waist dropped from the second or third from the last notch to the last one.  Barely holding there.

Good night.

Better than anticipated.

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My guess is he does read here, sometimes.  Or is connected with someone who does.  He didn't jump down my throat.  Did ask why I was calling him?  Other than it being about our mother?

He let me know he is busy with his father-in-law.  And... whatever else.  Wasn't interested.  I asked if he simply didn't want to know about mom or me?  He slightly changed his tack, but didn't answer directly.  So... I won't bother him from now on.  No, I get it.

I let him know that she may end up in a home locally.  I won't spend more of my own money, save on a year of storage.  For whatever good that might do.  Six months?  He had zero interest.  Though the phone theft got his attention.  I think he might lose it for such an act, more than I did.

He just said, if she ends up out here, I can visit.  At least until I can make improvements, sell, perhaps get the eyes inproved, and until I can make it to the Phillipines.  But that would be a few years?  If I, she, or either of us make it that long.

With doctors not treating high bp, can't be sure.

Still, surprised he wasn't jacking me about things.  Or more than saying I shouldn't have interferred with things.  But... he did too, getting her meds changed, so that she sounded healthier.  They had her trucked down for a reason.  I... get that now.  So happy to see her go they gave me no warning.

Still... he was informed.  I did my duty, unsavory as that can be.  I would have wanted to know in the other shoes.  Not sure he would have informed me.  Lots of things he hasn't told me, won't.  I'm not him.

The lawn mower was working.

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My guess is the battery is dead.  It charged, took a charge, worked, but died quickly.  A new one on the way.  Plus a trickle charge adapter.  She then decided to weed whip.  Almost instantly breaking the string, without more feeding out.

My guess?  She didn't read the instructions, and used old methods for other trimmers.  Did she break the new one?  Maybe.  While trying to finish my fatted coffee, she had me doing a bunch of work... so she could work?  Help up on the mower, then off so I could try to start it.  Then to the trimmer.

I finally just told her to read the instructions.  Grabbed my coffee.  And went upstairs.  I have to completely avoid her.  All of her work becomes my work.  And much of it isn't needed.  She cleaned out my fridge.  It is, what, two months old?  No.

And what is needed, I do when I can.  Not when she wants.  That isn't how my health allows.

I'll be calling my brother shortly.  Not for discussion, permission, just to let him know this won't work.  He won't add anything useful.  But he will be informed.  I can't do this.

Well... on to a fantastic phone call.  Later.

She keeps checking.

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I think she is realizing that I don't believe a word out of her mouth.  Perhaps my brother did?  I am sure her last friend didn't.  To be honest, even though my brother has an absolute average IQ, he didn't believe, or tolerate, either.  Pathalogical, I am saying.  Mother, not brother.

She asked if I had moved her vape.  And her phone.  Problem?  When I checked on her this morning, for certain, her phone was charging on her headboard.  I only opened the door to check on her, wake her.  She was faking sleeping, too.  Could tell.  She woke to easily, quickly, without a start.  Games.

She first said she didn't get up.  Last night, or this morning.  Then that she had, but had only... had some tea?  Then some food too.  Then she couldn't remember.  Does she remember doing things, then know she shouldn't have, so then "forget"?  Whatever is convenient.  Though she may have legit memory issues.  But, with a dedicated liar, it's impossible to know which, when.

She has tried to convince me that she came to the hospital the day after I attempted suicide.  She wasn't up for a month.  Besides, the day after, and several more days, I was in an induced coma.  My doctor told me that.  He told me I hadn't died, but a post doc nurse, studying near death, told me otherwise.

And, my last woman and I met a nurse who knew that nurse.  She told me the story of my experience.  The time I was out, else.  And I remembered things that made me believe her.  My mother was running a bar, and drunk most nights.  But wants to believe what makes her a great mother.  But she just wasn't, before or after.  

So angry.  And her belittling ways?  No.  She does that with everyone, in time.  Everybody who knows her knows this.  If nothing else, what she says about other people to you?  She tells other people about you, though with your particulars.

Just called.  I told her I am resting.  Done, for a bit.  Will be speaking with her doctor, with and after her.  If I have to go camping for a week, month, longer... after setting her up with food, and a prayer, so be it.  I can't do this.

Real troubles.

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I think my mom got jealous of my cellphone.  She hid it.  I found it on the floor, in the washroom.  She can't easily get back there yet.  But I heard it sound below me, so in her room, last night.  Incoming text sound.  And there are new texts, so I am sure.  I had left it on the table when showering.  It would have been there or in my velcro closing cargo pocket.  No way to fall out.  It's a struggle to get to to answer, but I never lose it.

As well, it looks like she tried to drive the mower last night or this morning.  Or did something.  She knocked over one of the supports for the back porch stoop.  My God, this woman is a nightmare.

Well, and she closed the door to the downstairs.  I am leaving that open so my cat can come up.  To make up for my abscence.  She wants it shut so Sassy will sleep with her.  Sassy doesn't really trust her.  Either way, these behaviors are not going to be allowed.

Monday we begin looking for a place for her.  I won't spend any more.  I've put a $k into this.  No more.  If she can't afford, or get help with, costs for return, she'll have to go local.  The most I will do is put her sttuff in storage.  Pay a year.  And let it go there.

Way more than I can deal with.  She had practiced her denials for everything.  I must have lost the phone...  Neighbors were angry about my yard.  Liar, born and trained.  No, just no.  Won't bother including my brother.  He is on her side, no matter, unless she is staying with him.

Ugh.  Done.  She has to go somewhere.

Oh, and a bloody nose from 17:00 to 2:00.  Became a double around 22:00.  I had to change the packs every hour or two, sometimes more often.  Because they would pour through, or back up so I couldn't breath... or both.  I may not survive long, anyway.  BP is probably going to get me before I can get her out?  I'm feeling it.  My ears are ringing so loud they hurt.

I am starting to see why her first husband beat her.  Who knows what games and troubles she lobbed at him daily.  Constant trouble.  Leopards don't change their spots.

-----------

Ah, one more check.  I thought I heard a call last night.  Right below me.  Checked.  She called.  Must have forgotten she had my phone.  Just wanted to make sure more things fit, evidence.  Yes, she took the phone.

A nap.

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.

Would have slept the night, but she called.  Stuck in the house.  That's not going to work.  Foiled from going outside by a standard handle lock and deadbolt?  And couldn't figure out how to turn on a twist stem lamp?  Seriously?  If this is a daily issue, set of issues, and there are more, this just won't work.

Better to figure this out quickly, and get it sorted, rather than dragging it on until winter, where turning off the heat 'by accident', or stumbling out into the cold and forgetting how to get back in happens.

I almost hope she is just jockeying for attention.  Though, that too is too much.  I can't do that.  Think of me... as... a pet rock, with my main three organs near failure.  I simply can't do much.

A shower, shortly.  Then back to bed.  Leaky bowel syndrome?  A fiction, but with my bp so high, and kidneys at 15%, the fiction is presented.  Well, that and eating higher carbs on the road.  Just couldn't tend my diet well on the running fly.

A shower.  Shortly.  Then on to bed.  Dry to the bone, in spite of drinking a lot.  Can't take the waterpills or I would get in trouble.  Anyway.  Waiting on water to run, and ice to finish.  Another feeding for Sassy, the shower, then on to bed.

We will see.  Need to talk to some folk.  See if she can get help sometimes.  I simply can't be her every moment helper.  Though getting through the initial setup...  We'll see.

She bought a 10" Ryobi weed whip.  My gas one is too much, and she is in too much of a hurry to wait on when I can get to it.  I suggested an extra battery.  She ignored me.  Took all afternoon to charge half, to full.  I don't think she will like it.  It IS light.  She'll probably not be able to fill the cord.

Ah, but the box spring seems to be a great boon.  She thinks she can get up, on her own, now.  When we get her bed in it's final position, however, I still want to add a bent grab bar, for getting out, up, possibly help off the floor.  Fold away, or bolted in.  Things to help her be closer to self-sufficient.  Either that, or she has to go back to a care facility.

Then I will fix and sell up, and go.  Tick-tock.  Would still like to find a woman type, for marriage and a few rugrats, plus just life together.  Good night.