To town.

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A list of things to do, get.  I did until I couldn't.  No worries, I have to be out the next two days.  Supper was ready, chicken vegetable soup.  Was great, until I found potato.  Didn't say anything.  Just waited until she was gone then dumped it.  Back to cooking for myself.  If she wanted potato, she could have baked or microwaved one.  Oh well.

It's warmer, but now looks like a storm is coming in.  And I don't think it warmed as they suggested it would.  Maybe to the high, then cooling off?  Otherwise I think it would have gotten hotter than they suggested.  Wrong about everything or partly wrong and dishonest.  Or, of course, merely offering whatever propaganda the state and corpos see fit to shove out.  Only optiosns.  Probably a mix.

The gals from her nursing home called.  I think she enjoyed that.

We have been working with people in Utah and Iowa to keep her medicine on tap.  Her Iowa part D is still active, but no pharmacy in Utah works with them.  Should have ordered in Iowa, but no one told us.  Hmm, I wonder if we can get med orders through in Iowa?  Time is running out quickly for even that.

Will figure something out.  I'll tell you though, no one is much interested.  Squeaky wheel?

Time to rest.  I have to go to town, do more, the next two days.  And while not seasonally hot, getting there.

To the doctor.

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Her doctor, first appointment.  Wasn't sure about how... anything would work.  From payment to discussions to doctor.  Smooth sailing, honestly.  They had her part A&B, and D.  If the latter expires at the end of the month.  If they will accept her part D, here?  Oops, it expired this month.

One thing at a time.

We were in early enough to get most of the paperwork finished.  Seems like a good doc.  Went through her meds.  Between the two, they pulled four meds.  Some on a trial basis.  Though the doc seemed good with the culls.

The pharmacy called, for information.  We didn't have it.  Then I thought I had found it, but no.  At least the pharmacist said she would call the doctor's office, see if they might have what they need.  Weren't going to do that without my call, so cash and carry?  -  Nope.  May see about a 30, rather than 90, day scrip... if it's self pay.  And pray it is affordable.  Or ask price first.  Low enough just... take the hit.

When we arrived home, the front door was open.  As with the backdoor being unlocked and wide open yesterday... or the day before.  At least this time I know it wasn't her.  The back door?  She does have memory problems.  Not sure.  Front door?  Slightly possible I didn't shut it, or completely?  But those events have me concerned.

She asked about possible deliveries.  I got a bit short with her on that.  I don't allow such.  But I shouldn't have.  Been doing good with... being nice, even when I don't want to, but I am not perfect.  Just a short quick snap. 

I have a few things to do in town.  Calendars, a u.a. I couldn't finish with the blood tests, trying to get her an email address and check on her SSI information...  Some or all of that.  Will see.  But the world is warming back up, so windows upstairs need to be shut.  Ugh.

An appointment tomorrow, and the next day.  Then I can rest a bit.  Good thing to, it's going to be in the 80's or higher going forward.  Ugh.  I am already feeling it.  A few more days then I go down for a week as needed.

Later.

A busy day.

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Up early.  Was supposed to be awake at seven but it we both were half an hour late.  It worked out.

Paperwork, for public assistance... and blood work for me for an upcoming appointment.

No public assistance.  Their definitions collided with our situation.  Over the limits.  Wasn't willing to lie for a few extra dollars.  Not worth that kind of trouble, though more to it than just potential trouble.

A stop at the store, for my waters.  She doesn't like them.  They help me in numerous ways.

She has been doing laundry.  I help from time to time.  Mostly carrying the loads, sometimes switching them.  Getting the back room slowly sorted.

Then she was thinking chicken and dumplings.  I feared, even without eating regular flour dumplings that the flour would taint the chicken.  Asked if I had a reciipe book.  Do I?  The 25th edition of The Joy of Cooking.  Pretty much the culinary encyclopedia.

She found it.  Looked a bit.  Cake flour?  No, no flour.  Corn starch?  No, and couldn't eat it.  That has 25 carbs a dose!  However... I had the makings for keto flour, untried true (by me), and an alternative for corn starch... xanthan gum.  She wasn't a happy camper, but... wanted dumplings, so was willing to give it a go.

Also called for milk, which we have for her cereal.  I asked if we could use cream instead.  She didn't fuss about that one at all.

So I whipped up a batch of the keto flour.  There was enough room in the chosen container for a second, and maybe two more batches.  I kept it at two for now.

We put together a keto dumpling batter.  She added it when she thought right, to the simmering chicken breast.  Had asked for bullion, but I had bone broth.  Alternatives that I can eat.  An experiment.

It really worked well!  It's been so long since I've had anything like that.  Even she was surprised.  Dumplings, flour?  No.  But honestly good enough.  Can't wait to try that 'flour' for bread, or keto cinammon rolls.  I really might win her over.  For a meal, from time to time anyway.  I'll tell you, that was delicious.  And the whole  meal only had, maybe, four to six carbs!  Better than I anticipaed, or honestly hoped.

Another early start tomorrow.  Her first local doctor visit, then one  for me.  A few days off, then another for me.  Plus some efforts to get her set up with social security, so she knows what is happening.  And other business... a local driver license and... other things.  Oh and a replacement for my social security card.  Stupid "lost" wallet.

Getting there.  I've ordered a step ladder, some assisting items for her, a bar for the shower, slip resist items for the mattress and box springs, and a few other items.  Slowly setting her up for an easier go of things.  I think we can get her pretty comfy.  Will never be able to make her completely steady of foot.  But can build in as much help as possible.

I am really looking forward to trying the bread recipe, to start.  Victoria's keto kitchen, I think, is her youtube channel.  She has an even newer recipe I will try, using some einkorn... a real, but ancient, wheat, in with some of these ingredients I used tonight.

Good night.

Smoothing out.

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In spite of all, as some things get sorted, things are improving.  I can help, just within limits, and not at constant start stop.  Have a list.  I can work for half an hour at a time, as I recover from the last few months and drives.  That's about it, but I can do almost anything.  Especially with it being cool.  Three or four sessions a day.

The weather says it is 37 out there.  Not.  Probably more like, say, low 50s, high 40s.  If that low.  I promise it isn't that close to freezing.  Currently.  They have it listed as the low and current temp.  Down to that, through the night?  Possible.  If I think unlikely?  But maybe.  Just, it isn't that now.

The cold spell happened two days ago and continues.  Crazy cold for this time of year.  No rain with it either.  Looks like it will be warming to more normal over the next few days.  Found a better site, 44 out now, 37 as a low, 60 was the high today.  71 tomorrow.

Mom is a worker though.  Mostly laundry today.  Wasn't sore from the fall, but is feeling it tonight.  Might need a few days off.  Had me do shopping tonight.  I went solo, much easier, if I missed a few things, and got some extras.  I even called to ask what cereals she wanted.  Got those and milk, plus chia for myself.  She had wanted that a bit ago, but lists of lists, and this and that, things fall through the cracks.

I've helped, in sessions, and slept a lot too.  It's what I can do.

Getting along better.  Still trying to get to painting, and wanting a dog.  She can't handle either, and I'm not ready.  I told her, after some rooms are cleared, and we have her more fully set up, then I'll paint.  She said I wasn't going to let her have any fun.  Not at great expense or pains, no, I thought.  But left it at a firm look.

Not being mean.  Just won't allow an animal I would end up with, making messes, needing walked... or having paint all over a new bathroom.  Might get her a finger paint kit.  Tell her if she makes a Michaelangelo, or even a Picaso, she might be let loose.  :p

Well, on to bed.  Have to go in for bloodwork and her paperwork tomorrow.  Good night.

She stays busy.

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But, puts everyone anywhere near her to work.  We are going to have to change things.  Make a few rules.  If she can't follow those rules...  

She didn't care for habiscis tea, will try others.  Have my doubts.  She has only had the rot-gut black or sweetened "blends".  Her taste buds are set for the standard American diet.  Subtlty is lost on her.  Still, perhaps something real might catch her fancy.

Staying cool.  Here at 14:31, upstairs as I write preparing to nap, it is 65.  Wild.  Never seen it cool this deeply, or for this long, this late in the year.

Blood sugar was still higher, fasting.  At 152.  Bleh.  Back on carnivore though.  Takes time.  

I opened up the back room.  Wasn't sure I wanted too.  Flak about some of my wardrobe.  But, no.  She did notice my pj bottoms are down to mediums.  She asked about those.  Aye.  I have some large and extra large, if they will fit her.  Legs will have to ne shortened, but...  I can't keep them up, even tied right tight.

Probably some t-shirts, for housewear.  While my chest is 48", it fits a 46" better.  Usually.  I need a lot less 'ease' than many.

I had to come up, to rest.  Probably sleep some more.  And so it is, will be.  Sleep almost certainly.  Crashing for the last two paragraphs.  Later, or good night.

Up rather late.

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Didn't go to bed until 22:00.  Couldn't relax into sleep until about midnight.  Then didn't wake until ten thirty.  Sassy was up, pushing.  I was trying from probably seven.  Just could not wake up!

Double bloody nose almost immediately, but it stopped within half an hour.  Rough, though.  Headache, mild.  Won't treat it.  If it persists for a week, I will get to it.  Body is sore.  Worked, stressed, overheated, pushed beyond limits for too long.

A cool front came through.  It got down to the low sixties, upstairs!  In the last weeks of June?  I can't remember that, but sure like it.  My mom is a bit cold, but I'm good.  I made her herbal tea, hibiscus and chamomile, to warm her hands.

I figured it would warm by this morning, but no.  I'm loving it.  Her, not so much.  She'll get her favored heat before too long.

She, surprisingly, is doing well this morning.  Was expecting her to be stiff and sore from the fall.  I hear it was a doozy.  But, no.  So all good.

Things are... improving.  We'll see.

Brother called.  Road her for me bothering him.  Couldn't deal with me about it, coward cunt.  He has health issues, you know.  Too busy with self and in-law to deal with us.  As I had already written, he has been dropped from the loop already.  Doubly so now.

I'll finish my fatted coffee and go on back to rest for a bit.  Thought about a shower, but dishes were started before I could get to it.  Later.

Better, if still iffy.

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Still with painting, still a no.  That is very low on priorities.  There are four rooms stacked with her stuff and mine.  At a minimum, the living room, front room, and my bedroom need to be cleared and set.  Until then, no.  Even then, painting is messy.  Would rather do that in the fall.

Ordered a new battery for the mower.  Could just keep it trickle charging, until it is dead-dead.  But the parts needed for that woun't arrive until the second week in July.  The battery will be here by the end of the week.

The neighbors mowed.  I didn't know that was going to happen.  Mother says they surprised her, but I wonder if she asked them.  Don't believe her, always, or fully, ever.  They also helped her up.  She took a serious spill, fall.  She seems to be okay, if she'll feel it tomorrow.  Will make sure she isn't broken, somehow, in the morning.  Try to talk her into cooling her jets.

I did get hoses and sprinklers set up.  Not running tonight.  Got to town to get gas for the mower, fill the tank, and for the gas weed whip.  It didn't start either.  Had hoped to use that where her weed whip wasn't enough.  No dice, for now.  New spark plug, reset kit, cleaning the air filter?  Will try things in the morning.

We did discuss things, if she is staying for even a bit, or longer.  I showed her some things that could help with mobility.  She had one of the items, but hadn't thought to use it to get out of the vehicle easier... just a foot sling.  She uses them for stretching, exercises.

I also suggested a bar, near her bed.  She actually liked that idea.  She told me of a problem, with her mattress and box springs slipping, so I suggested we get grip items, like for shower footing, or under rugs so those don't slip.  I've become more cautious as I age, so investigate and try things to make me safer.  I can take serious spills too.  Prefer not to.

A few days back on carnivore is good.  Blood sugar, fasting, Friday, was 149.  Not bad for a five day fast food binge.  But, today, right after supper?  114.  Weight is up to 251, last I checked.  But biceps have really gotten bigger.  Still almost anemic looking, but double the previous size?  Or in that neighborhood.  Muscle weight.  My waist dropped from the second or third from the last notch to the last one.  Barely holding there.

Good night.

Better than anticipated.

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My guess is he does read here, sometimes.  Or is connected with someone who does.  He didn't jump down my throat.  Did ask why I was calling him?  Other than it being about our mother?

He let me know he is busy with his father-in-law.  And... whatever else.  Wasn't interested.  I asked if he simply didn't want to know about mom or me?  He slightly changed his tack, but didn't answer directly.  So... I won't bother him from now on.  No, I get it.

I let him know that she may end up in a home locally.  I won't spend more of my own money, save on a year of storage.  For whatever good that might do.  Six months?  He had zero interest.  Though the phone theft got his attention.  I think he might lose it for such an act, more than I did.

He just said, if she ends up out here, I can visit.  At least until I can make improvements, sell, perhaps get the eyes inproved, and until I can make it to the Phillipines.  But that would be a few years?  If I, she, or either of us make it that long.

With doctors not treating high bp, can't be sure.

Still, surprised he wasn't jacking me about things.  Or more than saying I shouldn't have interferred with things.  But... he did too, getting her meds changed, so that she sounded healthier.  They had her trucked down for a reason.  I... get that now.  So happy to see her go they gave me no warning.

Still... he was informed.  I did my duty, unsavory as that can be.  I would have wanted to know in the other shoes.  Not sure he would have informed me.  Lots of things he hasn't told me, won't.  I'm not him.

The lawn mower was working.

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My guess is the battery is dead.  It charged, took a charge, worked, but died quickly.  A new one on the way.  Plus a trickle charge adapter.  She then decided to weed whip.  Almost instantly breaking the string, without more feeding out.

My guess?  She didn't read the instructions, and used old methods for other trimmers.  Did she break the new one?  Maybe.  While trying to finish my fatted coffee, she had me doing a bunch of work... so she could work?  Help up on the mower, then off so I could try to start it.  Then to the trimmer.

I finally just told her to read the instructions.  Grabbed my coffee.  And went upstairs.  I have to completely avoid her.  All of her work becomes my work.  And much of it isn't needed.  She cleaned out my fridge.  It is, what, two months old?  No.

And what is needed, I do when I can.  Not when she wants.  That isn't how my health allows.

I'll be calling my brother shortly.  Not for discussion, permission, just to let him know this won't work.  He won't add anything useful.  But he will be informed.  I can't do this.

Well... on to a fantastic phone call.  Later.

She keeps checking.

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I think she is realizing that I don't believe a word out of her mouth.  Perhaps my brother did?  I am sure her last friend didn't.  To be honest, even though my brother has an absolute average IQ, he didn't believe, or tolerate, either.  Pathalogical, I am saying.  Mother, not brother.

She asked if I had moved her vape.  And her phone.  Problem?  When I checked on her this morning, for certain, her phone was charging on her headboard.  I only opened the door to check on her, wake her.  She was faking sleeping, too.  Could tell.  She woke to easily, quickly, without a start.  Games.

She first said she didn't get up.  Last night, or this morning.  Then that she had, but had only... had some tea?  Then some food too.  Then she couldn't remember.  Does she remember doing things, then know she shouldn't have, so then "forget"?  Whatever is convenient.  Though she may have legit memory issues.  But, with a dedicated liar, it's impossible to know which, when.

She has tried to convince me that she came to the hospital the day after I attempted suicide.  She wasn't up for a month.  Besides, the day after, and several more days, I was in an induced coma.  My doctor told me that.  He told me I hadn't died, but a post doc nurse, studying near death, told me otherwise.

And, my last woman and I met a nurse who knew that nurse.  She told me the story of my experience.  The time I was out, else.  And I remembered things that made me believe her.  My mother was running a bar, and drunk most nights.  But wants to believe what makes her a great mother.  But she just wasn't, before or after.  

So angry.  And her belittling ways?  No.  She does that with everyone, in time.  Everybody who knows her knows this.  If nothing else, what she says about other people to you?  She tells other people about you, though with your particulars.

Just called.  I told her I am resting.  Done, for a bit.  Will be speaking with her doctor, with and after her.  If I have to go camping for a week, month, longer... after setting her up with food, and a prayer, so be it.  I can't do this.

Real troubles.

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I think my mom got jealous of my cellphone.  She hid it.  I found it on the floor, in the washroom.  She can't easily get back there yet.  But I heard it sound below me, so in her room, last night.  Incoming text sound.  And there are new texts, so I am sure.  I had left it on the table when showering.  It would have been there or in my velcro closing cargo pocket.  No way to fall out.  It's a struggle to get to to answer, but I never lose it.

As well, it looks like she tried to drive the mower last night or this morning.  Or did something.  She knocked over one of the supports for the back porch stoop.  My God, this woman is a nightmare.

Well, and she closed the door to the downstairs.  I am leaving that open so my cat can come up.  To make up for my abscence.  She wants it shut so Sassy will sleep with her.  Sassy doesn't really trust her.  Either way, these behaviors are not going to be allowed.

Monday we begin looking for a place for her.  I won't spend any more.  I've put a $k into this.  No more.  If she can't afford, or get help with, costs for return, she'll have to go local.  The most I will do is put her sttuff in storage.  Pay a year.  And let it go there.

Way more than I can deal with.  She had practiced her denials for everything.  I must have lost the phone...  Neighbors were angry about my yard.  Liar, born and trained.  No, just no.  Won't bother including my brother.  He is on her side, no matter, unless she is staying with him.

Ugh.  Done.  She has to go somewhere.

Oh, and a bloody nose from 17:00 to 2:00.  Became a double around 22:00.  I had to change the packs every hour or two, sometimes more often.  Because they would pour through, or back up so I couldn't breath... or both.  I may not survive long, anyway.  BP is probably going to get me before I can get her out?  I'm feeling it.  My ears are ringing so loud they hurt.

I am starting to see why her first husband beat her.  Who knows what games and troubles she lobbed at him daily.  Constant trouble.  Leopards don't change their spots.

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Ah, one more check.  I thought I heard a call last night.  Right below me.  Checked.  She called.  Must have forgotten she had my phone.  Just wanted to make sure more things fit, evidence.  Yes, she took the phone.

A nap.

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Would have slept the night, but she called.  Stuck in the house.  That's not going to work.  Foiled from going outside by a standard handle lock and deadbolt?  And couldn't figure out how to turn on a twist stem lamp?  Seriously?  If this is a daily issue, set of issues, and there are more, this just won't work.

Better to figure this out quickly, and get it sorted, rather than dragging it on until winter, where turning off the heat 'by accident', or stumbling out into the cold and forgetting how to get back in happens.

I almost hope she is just jockeying for attention.  Though, that too is too much.  I can't do that.  Think of me... as... a pet rock, with my main three organs near failure.  I simply can't do much.

A shower, shortly.  Then back to bed.  Leaky bowel syndrome?  A fiction, but with my bp so high, and kidneys at 15%, the fiction is presented.  Well, that and eating higher carbs on the road.  Just couldn't tend my diet well on the running fly.

A shower.  Shortly.  Then on to bed.  Dry to the bone, in spite of drinking a lot.  Can't take the waterpills or I would get in trouble.  Anyway.  Waiting on water to run, and ice to finish.  Another feeding for Sassy, the shower, then on to bed.

We will see.  Need to talk to some folk.  See if she can get help sometimes.  I simply can't be her every moment helper.  Though getting through the initial setup...  We'll see.

She bought a 10" Ryobi weed whip.  My gas one is too much, and she is in too much of a hurry to wait on when I can get to it.  I suggested an extra battery.  She ignored me.  Took all afternoon to charge half, to full.  I don't think she will like it.  It IS light.  She'll probably not be able to fill the cord.

Ah, but the box spring seems to be a great boon.  She thinks she can get up, on her own, now.  When we get her bed in it's final position, however, I still want to add a bent grab bar, for getting out, up, possibly help off the floor.  Fold away, or bolted in.  Things to help her be closer to self-sufficient.  Either that, or she has to go back to a care facility.

Then I will fix and sell up, and go.  Tick-tock.  Would still like to find a woman type, for marriage and a few rugrats, plus just life together.  Good night.

A bit of a start.

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No, to paint.  I won't allow her to paint.  And I am not up to it.  Cleaning?  At her leisure.  Painting?  Not a chance.  She can't tape up, isn't steady of hand or foot, and I just spent two to three grand on the bathroom.  NO!

She said I might as well send her back.  Surprised her by concurring fully, adding a few of the other problems to that problem.  And, if need be, as possible, that will happen, or here.  If I can't get the rest I need, I have to go.  And she can't live on her own.

She asked if I was kicking her out.  I told her that was her choice.  I asked if she was going to try to paint, over my objections.  I could also have asked if she was going to try to get a dog, or a few other things I have forbidden.  If so, yes.

Choices.  Consequences.

For now we are going ahead as if she is staying, at least for a while.  But that can change quickly, with social services, family, friends, or even the law if required.  Ugh.  Hopefully she can back things down.  And we can sort.  Or not.

I bought her a box spring to raise her mattress.  Hopefully so she can more easily get up.  I can't be down to help her up every morning.  When I get rested, and cashflow returns, I'll look for a grab bar for the shower, and her bedside (at least, for the moment).

By the time those options are set for review, we should know if she is staying or not.  Though, a grab bar in the en suite would be good for me, or others.

She is in shopping.  No, I can't henpeck, at her pace, through a a massive Walmart.  If she had given me a patial list, and money, maybe.  Though, so tired today, maybe not even that?  We may stop at another furniture store.  I could probably do five to ten minutes there.  But no more.

When home, nap time.  Then some chuck, later.  Or is she making hotdogs and sauerkraut.  Will see what mood she is in, when.

Well, it is a learning experience.

Probably not.

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Help opening her Listerine bottle?  An half hour looking for her medications, which she also accused me of moving?  Trouble using a simple blood sugar tester?  There is more.  She may truly require a full care facility.  I am not that, not even close.

And she wants to do more shoping today.  Where is she getting money?  She must not have told me half of the truth by less than half.  I just drove two days, then unpacked her.  She will get a drive cart and a "good luck".  I can't go, especially at her pace.  She rested on the drive.  I didn't.

As soon as she has a case worker, we will have to begin exploring options.  I'm pretty sure this can't work.  I was told her only problems were occasional falls.  Not dimentia, and the need for full time care.

Praying about it.  Thinking about it.  No use talking to my brother.  He has no good input, or help to offer.  He'll just get angry, yell, accuse, and try to lay a guilt trip.  Won't work.  Will see.  Though, if she can get help in here, and a bit else... maybe.  Solo?  I am way in over my head.

She even questioned payment for the u-haul, and other things.  Forgetting why she was paying, or what for?  I have to get everything in writing, get money up front for anything, and probably watch my own money.  She already reniged, partially, on one thing.  So... gotta watch everything.  No credit offered.

Checked the mail.  After a shower.  Opened the house for a few hours early, then closed it all back up.  It got down to 64, but was rising fast and quite early.  I am overheating.  I'm tired.  And she is trying to run me.  This isn't going to work at all as things stand.

Just holding my breath for a bit.  For now.

Want a shower.

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The stupid dishwasher is taking forever.  There might be a pause on it?  The thing is, it has to be nearly done.

I made coffee, for my mom, for the morning.  I did find a regular coffee pot, but no filters.  And it has to be cleaned and rinsed.  New in the box, but still.  She wants it, she gets to do that.  But, for now, I can set out most of a quart, she can microwave what she wants of it.  Negotiated settlements until better or easier systems can be installed, implemented.

Better to negotiate than shout, when possible.

Laundry she wanted done went through after towels.  Until I can open the back area, I have to do it.  No problem.  I'll be helping with that either way.  So that isn't a problem.  I do want that open for her just so she feels more... free to get to things, do things, when and as she can.

As mentioned, I have a little life.  Won't get much better.  But, with a little help, she can have a biigger life, I think.  I want to see her to it, then mostly stay out of the way.  Only help when vital.  Negotiations are... difficult at times.  Gotta learn each other's limits.  Neither of which are always maleable, but what is a limit, need, want?

At 22:16 it was still 76 out there.  Ugh.  A shower would be really good, a cool to cold one.  Cool then cold?  Ac's and fans are mostly helping, but I am still overheated from all of today.  Should shower right after running, or when I catch my breath.  Will, going forward.

Aiming to get the rest of the paperwork done Monday.  Though getting a driver license may be required for some or all of the applications?  I tried to tell her.  But that wasn't high on her priorities.  Just hoping it is a simple swap.  Will find out.

Sassy is sure glad I am home.  Chattering much.  I assure her I missed her too.  She knows, she says.  But suggests she missed me more.  I suspect she's truthing.  I pet her when she eats, keep her litter boxes clean, talk to her like she's a grown up, and try to be fair and a friend.  She taught me to be kind.

Anyway...  I am not thinking I'll get a shower tonight.  Bedtime.  I don't have the legs left, even if the stupid machine finished.  Good night.

Very hot.

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Here at 20:47, with the sun nearly down, it is 78 outdoors.  I have an ac going upstairs and downstairs.  But it's 74, in the main.

Super, for me, was a bit of crockpot cooked chuck.  She had cheesy pasta.  I had another cream coffee.  Would have been much nicer iced.  Out of ice.  Doing too many things to get to ice.

Short term, setting things up, I am allowing.  Long term won't work, can't work.  She is trying to figure things out.  Short term, if she needs help out of bed?  Okay.  Long term, we have to set up pull bars, braces, or such.  Same with a number of things.

We got in for medicaid and other assistance today.  I got her a costco card.  We did some shopping, if I finished earlier.  Plus, I won't shop for some of her things.  No!  But she had a scooter, it wasn't too crowded, if she didn't get anything on her lists.  But we got food, even for tonight.

Back to carnivore, for me.  She'll eat whatever she wants and be perplexed why she doesn't lose weight.  I can't help.  Though, to be fair, most people can't even do carnivore as poorly as I do.  It's too hard.  Their habits and wants too ingrained, their belief that fat and good protein is bad has taken over their food thinking.

Only strong fish can fight the current.  The rest go worh the flow.  I can't change it.  And I will be hated for it.  So be it.

With the trailer back, medicaid or medicare application submitted, it's slowing.  I am still helping more than is sustainable, but that has to change after a few house revisions and hardware installations.

Them I take a week off.  No choice, especially in this heat.  Iay keep the ustairs ac on full run from now until mid to late August, possibly early September.  The downstairs ones from time to time, just to keep it in the mid 70's.  Ugh.

I can handle the temp, just not all the running and the temps.

A shower, then to bed.  I need to cool off.  Oh, I need to find the extra set of keys.  It had our post office keys.  As well, best make a set of house keys for my mother when doing certain shopping.

We are... doing better.  I am trying to tend certain needs and a few wants, while getting her to manage more things.  I'm not the house nigger.  But she has limits, real needs, and problems.  Will see.  If she can be mosyly a soloist, I can help sometimes.  We'll see.

Returned.

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.

With help from a few knights, the trailer was unloaded.  Thankfully in three sessions, so I could catch my breath.

Then a friend stopped.  Let me know a few things, saw my mom for the first time in a decade, and... offered mild... encouragements or said.

Then I got the trailer rental returned.  I had to have the gent running the gig undo the thing.  Too many hours driving, too many days, stretched days, and unloading?  Or am I just too weak anymore?

Good to have that back.  Have the Xterra free from the shackle, and not have to worry about an early run with it and for it.   Brutal.  My fellow knight followed me in, and saw me to the place... or close enough.  Had to look around just a bit, but made it.

Back home, cooling off.  Mom is napping.

I am about to shower, then nap for a bit.

Hot, outside.  But staying okay in here, for now.  Later.

I may be in way over my head.

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.

I had it, that with light care, and help up a few times a month, my mother could otherwise function.  She seems to need help... with almost everything.  That not only won't work, it can't work.  I can't honestly keep myself up.  My home.  Else.

I muddle through.  Barely.

What does this mean?  I... am giving it a bit.  But I will speak  with her social worker, and others.  Keep people in the loop.  And sort it out.

We just got back.  I drove twenty seven hours in the last two days.  She has had to have help for everything from medicine, to getting in and out of the vehicle, to this, that, and more.  I can't do that.  If it doesn't improve...

I had told her no dogs.  She had a fit.  I have said no dogs from the start.  Other things have set her off.  A mild threat against my cat, at a distance.  But if she gets or threatens violence, with any intent, I'll involve the law after a warning.  Unless it is more than a threat.

Yeah.  Will have to see.  If this doesn't work, it is back to updating, upgrading, the place, for a sales.  Then a move overseas.  The Phillipines or such.

I am fried.  Need a shower, sleep, gaming time.  But have to unload the trailer, then get it returned tomorrow.  Plus, then, get her in to apply for medicare or such.  And other things.

I'll be able to shower after finishing unloading.  One of the KoC members helped with most.  I did a fifth this morniing to start.  And another is set to help with a bit of furniture shortly.  Then I can shower.  Then probably sleep.

I hinted to mother that if she kept up the all-court press, she would end up back in a nursing home, asylum, or jail.  That I wouldn't tolerate it.  She has stopped down the vitriol and pushing, for now.

If she settles, sorts, and finds a spot.  And can live a solo life, with some shared living, we might do okay.  If she needs or tries to demand me be a cna, nurse, med-aid, janitor, etc, at her whim, she will have to go.  Oh, and ear muffs, headsets.  She blares everything.  No!  I'll use them too.  But... NO!  Ugh.

We'll see.  But it's not looking good.

Hot!

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.

And humid.  Grumpy making weather.  Still, what was needed doing was done.  Preperations for travel were made... final ones.  I took a shower this morning, but got another one this evening.  Hoping for another in the morning.  Nervousness causing the want?  Some need.  But some is just... because.

Can't wait until back to being able to eat correctly.  Sleep regularly, and else.  Soon.  

So much planning and work has gone into this.  Much more to be done yet.  But an easier pacing for the future it is hoped.  My body hasn't failed, or yet... fully.  I'm still going.  Will end up seeing this through.  Just hop8ng I don't die in the end zone.  Do need to finalize a will though, just in case.

Doing okay.  Keeping in touch, on top of events, plus keeping all of the correct circus toys, doctors, paperwork projects, people, places, and things in the loop.

So far, I am pleased.  More to do before I can rest, but my time of rest approaches.  Hoping rest, after this scramble, doesn't somehow end me.  Gotta have it though.  Just meed to make sure anout food, set up meds, and square a few other things.  

Truly pleased, so far.  But seeing failure if I can't rest soon.

Good night.

A bit of work.

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.

Couldn't get everything finished.  Needed help with even the last thing... putting the bed together?  Is it really help when someone else does the whole job.  You know who you are.  And I didn't finish the dishes.  But I did get the worst of them mostly sorted.  So hopefully it won't be awful until I can more fully manage.

I  forgot to tend litter.  It and the dishes are on the list.

I did get bedding set for the bed.  Oh, except for illow cases.  But I do know where a clean batch of those are.  I prefer to double case them, so will do that for mom too.  Yes, I have two new gooder pillows for her, still in the shipping container.  It's how I keep them unti I'm needed.  More, if two aren't enough.  I use four, need them.

The bathroom is coming along swimmingly!  I only ask for miracles, and my Michaelangelo's deliver.  Mom will have her own little sandbox, but the shower is mine.  I love that shower, not so much the big one.  Agraphobic a smidge.  People!  Looking!  ;p

Sore, tired, bruised, but okies.  Things yet to do, miles to drive, people to see.  All good in due time.