Packing is interesting.

Ok, what I want to take and what I will take are two different things. My clothes, due to my size, take a great deal of space, especially considering my available luggage. Even taking the light day pack and the duffel bag, a necessity, I will need to be very picky and leave some things. I suppose this is where ideas hit reality and I learn a bit about practicality. This is not a problem, and I will still have several food, water, and clothing options along with an extra sleeping option.

I am not sure what type of work we may be called upon to do, yet I am satisfied that I will be able to do it. Beyond a native strength and store of energy upon which to draw, having been working out has really added to that strength and depth of energy, even if it does not look like it. Actually, it is the long drive which will be more challenging. I would guess we will be driving around 300 miles, on top of work and then unloading the goods. So, it will end up quite a long day.

It was raining very heavily when I awoke this morning. Though I hope it does not warm up and become a mug pool state, I also hope the rain will at least slow so as to facilitate a safer trip and allow us to work outside if that is what is needed. This being Iowa, there is no telling about the weather. My nurse should be here in a bit, so I will go.

Oh, I might add, I have some small suspicion. I almost wonder if the nurse and the home maker are allowed because my numbers (blood pressure and blood sugar) are so astronomical, even now, that they suspect I am going to keel over. I almost wonder if they plan on me being dead and they just want to have some way of checking. Call me paranoid (then quit, you might be right *laughs*). She will be here soon. I hope to blog Sunday or Monday about this weekend. Have a great weekend yourself.

Ok, I missed one.

Last night was my first slip-up. When I went to work out, I realized at my level of exhaustion that the task was unwise. To be honest, it would have been dangerous to attempt to work out. I could not concentrate or keep focus and balance was an issue. How much was muscular I cannot say, though I think that was a more minor part of the issue. Still, it was a full day. I was up and going and on the road by, 10:00 or 11:00, was it? And, I had made brunch before that, and showered, and all. After leaving the house, I did not return until after 18:00, then went out again. Only to return and make a full supper then clean up. Some days I just will not be able to exercise the way I had planned. And, really, if it is not too often, I think I can live with that.

I think my day yesterday was a bit too busy though. I could not sleep until 4:30 or 5:00, I just could not do it. I was having a very difficult time getting out of bed today, as might be expected. My friend and I went together on a tent recently, and she received it several days ago. We went together on it, as one of us almost for certain would want it and either we could then buy the other out or share it since we rarely camp at the same time. She had been hoping for a sunny day to put it up outside, but that had not happened and it does not look to be imminent. So, today, she set it up in her living room. She wanted me to take a look at it, and so called and woke me up in the middle of waking up process, revised wake up process anyway and at about 9:00. I assured her I would be over promptly. And, I may have been, in my dreams. I dunno. But the next thing I do know is that the phone was ringing and it was 11:00 and she sounded like an unhappy chipmunk. So, I got up, showered, and drove over. It is a really nice tent, actually. It is an REI, it has two “doors”, it is very comfortable for me (enough so that I could probably rest comfortably with one or even two other people in it, most “3 man” tents only and barely fit me), and it is well outfitted. However, and this is just the way the world works, we have both ended up taking our vacations at the same time. Only one of us will get to take it. I have suggested she take it as I have a tent (two actually, as I could take her other one or my old one), and because she actually needs a tent every night on her trip, while I could use one or just flatten my Xterra’s inner areas out and sleep in there, if I camp at all in any case. Still, I know she will yo-yo about this until she leaves on her trip (first, the 14th of June, I leave around the 18th but she will not be back yet).

I finally checked on the farmer john wetsuit return. I found the email address with which to send a query regarding the order and then sent an email including several specifics from the order definition email they had sent to me as the order was shipped. I did ask for a phone call, and gave them my phone number. I suggested that either a phone call would need to be had and that the phone call would have to include a conversation with an experienced wetsuit buying guide or that a simple return would be made and I would go on to find assistance of this nature from another source. I am hoping for a quick reply, though I am dubious. By Monday I will either have made contact somehow or I will order from another source. Time is becoming a bit critical on gear, with enough time for one more return and re-order cycle without getting into extremely expensive shipping. Even that would be questionable beyond one to two more order cycles.

I am cleaning my new cooking and eating equipment. I am also going through my gear, ferreting out what I want to take on the trip to a tornado torn area of Iowa and what will not be needed is being set apart in an orderly manner. It is good to be going through my gear and seeing exactly what I have, how much of what, and to set my mind to ease knowing where things are. I will end up taking two sets of clothes, with extra socks and an extra set of thermals (I will also be wearing one set), cooking and eating gear, water treatment and personal water storage, leather gloves, a personal hygiene kit including a smaller fast drying camp towel, several means of lighting a fire, both to light the little stove or to start an actual camp fire, my sleeping back, and a few other small odds and ends. Hopefully, other than the sleeping bag, it will all fit in a smaller day pack or medium duffel. Maybe better to just start with the duffel, as it will handle the sleeping bag too? Oh, of course, plenty of water, several food items (some needs to be cooked, some can be eaten as is, some can be done both ways, while some should not be cooked). I am probably doing overkill, but it is fun to do, and it will be interesting to see if any of it ends up being needed.

It seems that the loading of the van is off for the night. We will have to do what we can tomorrow, as the van needed some work and is in the shop. Which, as it turns out, is a good thing. My lady friend suggested she might be over this evening. So, I asked if she might be interested in one of her favored cuts of beef. It seems she might be, so, I headed to the store and picked up this, that, and the meat. I then stopped at the coop and picked up a few items (some for the trip, Clif Bars and a few assorted other items). So, I should be able to make a fine meal tonight, again. I hope she brings a movie or something, or at least is prepared to play a few board games. I think the meal with be: Delmonico steak with fresh garlic and mushrooms, fresh steamed kale, a salad, and fresh strawberries as desert. As usual, coffee for the lady, whole milk for the buffalo.

I must admit to being intensely curious about the monastery. All I have to go on is the stories of old regarding such establishments. Most of what I know, I have told. The daily mass, the seven bells (though, why seven, hourly minus the hour for mass?), and just that it is a monastery. What I did not pass on was that this place is within the largest contiguous (old?) woods in Iowa and that as their means of producing income, they craft coffins. I only worry that I might miss a bell, caught in a daydream or having fallen to a nap. I fear not being able to sleep or awaken properly. I fear being a burden, one way or another. Call me fickle, but, and though I know I am not, I like to feel somewhat in control and able to dismiss my duties as I may or must at times. With others, a clock, and many unknowns, I am being tested a bit. I am sure, one way or another, I will do fine for the short time period. Yeah, I know the rafting and all, but that is a little different. My rafting mates will probably not have the ability to excommunicate me! *laughs*

It has been a very busy day, and week really.

Today my lady friend needed a driver again. The good news is I believe we have made our last trip for the year, at least in regards to this particular project of hers. She always feeds me, sometimes she offers to pay for gas as well, and occasionally she is good company. Today, however, I fed us. Some fresh guacamole, three cheese flour tortilla melts, salsa, fresh coffee, and a few other items saw us off well, an offering from my home. Instead of a meal, then, today, she provided our tickets to the new Indiana Jones movie. I purchased waters and a few treats. Afterward, we drove to where she needed to go. This time, everything was to her liking and it was an very fast into the office and back on the road affair. I returned just in time to make the final contacts with a man from church to get a ride to the bible study. Come to think of it, she actually liked the brunch I prepared as well! A little garlic and a few other spices in the assiago seemed to have done the trick.

The bible study was quite good. I believe they had been reading the passages given for this day, what is to be used in mass that is (1st reading, psalms, and 2nd reading), three times and then discussing the material. This time a new method for thought and study was used. We read the verses, then an extended section around the verse, then the footnotes, and then discussed what we had read. It will take me some time to get back in the swing of study, yet I did have a few notions to share and the study did draw me in. I have met and I do respect the gentlemen who were present, and I think I may learn from them as well, just by being in their company. This holds promise as a means of study, socialization, and possible connections to other activities.

As a fact, tonight was a connection to other activities. One of the men indicated that he would be picking up whatever goods had been collected and delivering those goods to a city here in Iowa that has been hard hit by a recent tornado or three. At the beginning of the study, in a light-hearted manner though too with a seemingly serious undertone as well, he let it be known help would be very welcome. About half way through the group, it hit me that this was my call. And, trying not to sidetrack the study, I made it quickly known that I would be interested and that we should exchange contact information. Well, quickly and surely, and without the feeling that this was wrong, a pen and paper were provided and we exchanged personals and he informed me of what he knew to date. Afterwards, we re-initialized the study and finished on time.

Since then, he has called to update me on the plan. It seems that the material will be ready tomorrow at 19:00. He would like to load the material in preparation when it is ready. Then, Friday, after he is free from his work to travel, at around 12:00 to 13:00, we will begin the trip. Super for me, it allows me to do my workout in the morning and be showered and ready. It seems we will be doing some work, leather boots and leather gloves were recommended. We will work at one place, or from a general area I am not certain, then we will travel to another place and unload the goods.

Beyond, it seems my co-worker had been intending to go to a monastery this weekend. When all of this happened, the timing seemed to indicate that this work and delivery could happen as well. So, after I was asked which part I would help with (all of the above, and anything else needed I have indicated), I was asked if I wanted to return early or if I could handle staying on at the monastery. Are you kidding? I did not say that, I did think it. Yes, I would greatly enjoy staying. Apparently there is a mass each day and seven bells, calling for all to gather for prayers, song, and collective reflection, reunion, and praise. I have wondered about this type of life, I would not say it could be mine long term. Who knows though. In any case, that was a hidden bonus.

I cannot remember if I said, but all of my music has been washed, and 172 albums by 119 artists are loaded on my Zune. I am about two thirds the way through this task. I did finally order the gear in question. I may ask my neighbor to check while I am gone, there is nearly $400 dollars in gear. I would have ordered it in such a way as I needed to sign for it, but I did not know I would not be here. I will be taking a few pieces of gear in a day pack, plus a sleeping back, and some emergency food, just in case.

When I returned from the bible study, my lady friend was still here. So, I asked her to stay for supper. I had a t-bone thawed, she had her organic but very fresh spring lettuce, and there were fresh brussel sprouts for me and frozen broccoli for her, along with fresh coffee for her and a glass of whole milk for me. I had produced a decent vinaigrette for lunch, and so that was in play again as well. Trying to stay on target, I cleared and cleaned after supper, with only one pan (soaking though) needing finished. Then my kitchen will be clean again, probably cleaner than before.

Still, I need to work out before I go to bed. But first, I need to digest my food a bit more. I know it is late, but this has been a busy day. If I was to be here Saturday, I might float my exercises a bit. As is, I have little choice and I will not fail to do this simple task. I am tired, so I may not be able to do as well (though I will most assuredly try). I may need to take an extra break before the final reps in the final sets of some exercises, I might have to take a little longer of a break between sets, but I will get it all done. I wish I looked differently for this exercise, or even felt differently. Still, I am sure it means something somehow.

What a day. Now I really am curious about what tomorrow might bring. Maybe I am becoming alive again. I know it will be good to be doing something right and helpful to others. I had been thinking about that, but I was not sure what to do. Perhaps as I have sought to know God better, I can more easily be summoned and hear and understand his call. Goodnight.

A lot done while doing nothing.

Though I woke up later, it being a holiday and all yet not so late as to be unseemly, I still had a great day. Getting out of bed a little after 9:00, having taken my medicine around 7:30. The day was slow at first. I tried to figure out how, or more what, to write about this weekend and my experience with it. After writing several drafts, and then dumping those and rewriting, I finally hit on something that felt at least ok.

After this and that, I started to do this and that, and then wrote about it. As the day progressed, so did my accomplishments. I have copied 78 albums to my hard drive, cleaned the CDs, alphabetized them (and all the other CDs), and then installed those 78 albums on my Zune. I then worked out. This week is the last week I increase weights until my return from out West. It was a tough workout, but I felt good. I was able to push through all the reps, save one. During this time, I was also doing laundry and ended up completing two and a half cycles (one load just needed dried). Then, after working out, I made some homemade guacamole. I, at first, was not sure what to do about the rest of supper. After a bit, while making the guacamole, I hit upon it. Two quarter pound (made from raw meat, not fast food) hamburgers with some onionified buns, guacamole on the hamburgers (plus a dab for chips), along with corn chips and salsa (not homemade, but good). Adding in a glass of milk, I had a decent supper. Now, as the last load finishes drying, the kitchen now also cleaned up again, and Andromeda Strain on the tube, the day is closing to success.

I had not set out to do work, or much work, or certainly not this much work. But it did not seem difficult, I was able to do two or three things at a time for the most part, and it all just… happened. I am not at all tired either.

I have some plans for tomorrow. My lady friend requested my chauffer services for the first part of the day. After that, I hope to add another pile of CDs to the computer and then on to the Zune. As well, I would really like to get out for a hike or walk. Oh, I need to check about a return of the farmer john dive suit and about ordering that other gear I have mentioned. I emailed them again, as they had not gotten back to me as they had indicated, and they said they would get back to me soon (apparently they have a holiday today too (Britain)). As well, I found that I have an appointment June 11th, so I will have to be back by the 10th, which also means I can easily set an appointment with Vocational Rehabilitation June 12th, and I wish to do so in order to ensure I will have a timely meeting and time enough to do the rest of my college preparations. It is almost silly how easy things seem, though in truth, I still have to push mightily sometimes, like every morning, sometimes to work out, and often to stay on track and make those calls and take those actions. As each fear or doubt is overcome, however, the continuation of successes make the next time easier, easier, and even easier… but not quite yet assured. Closer.

I have not been completely inactive.

One of the projects getting attention this weekend has been transferring my CDs to my computer’s hard drive. That is at least one half of the process depending on whether I just transfer whole CDs directly to the Zune or whether I filter the music to transfer a bit or a lot from each album to the Zune. If time gets short, I have the memory to store it all on the Zune. Now, figuring out how much space the music would take required some trial and error. I tried to do a direct one-to-one recording of the music (I believe, called “noloss”). It was the best recording quality, I believe. Yet I found that a mere 30 CDs took 7 Gb. My machine only has 110 Gb on both drives and the Zune only has 80 Gb. So, I had to cut back the rate, twice. Which also meant recording those 30-ish CDs twice, then erasing them! As is, 300-400 CDs will consume between 50 and 60 Gb. I suppose, if I wanted to pick and choose while recording, I could record in the best format. Simply put, I do not have that kind of time, for sure anyway. As well, I am looking to have as complete a back-up of my music as possible. Meaning I wish to have the complete CDs somewhere. This offers another reason to update my computer… I had thought to just get one 500 Gb RAID, but I am thinking 2, or even 2 separate Tb RAIDs. Especially since I have not even seen how much memory movies will take!

I have also been cleaning a bit, and trying to get caught up on laundry while planning to launder some of my specialty clothing (silks, wools, rain-proof, etc) in my run up to the trip. As well, this week I will have the dishes complete when my help arrives, even if she arrives early. I will probably wash my CDs while I am at it today. Then when dry, I will restore those, initially, back into the CD books (which is great as they needed sorted back to the alphabet). I am considering putting the CDs back into their original cases, which I have kept for the most part. I am also interested in clearing a few more of the storage spaces in my apartment as the rest of the place is starting to really shape up. I am also hoping to clear out the front room, before I go, in order to clean the carpet. Well, either the front room and hall, or my bedroom and the hall carpeting. The weight room (a spare bedroom, technically) and the front room will be the most difficult to clear, so those might have to wait. My workout regimen allows a week long break for every six weeks of working out. I probably will not be able to get the carpeting in that room done this time, (the week preceding my vacation) but maybe next break. Beyond that, I am hoping to really push and clean and clear everything stored, hanging clothes, all my drawers, and the garage. I cannot swear I will get to all of that, but I have a shot at it, even while I do the music transfers, exercises, getting out of the house, normal shopping, remaining planning, and church. I may be shooting high, but honestly I think this is all doable, and easily.

If I was not disabled, this would not even be considered a difficult set of tasks. Most people do this (or can do it) and work, while often with religious, familial, and social duties, responsibilities, and pleasures added in there. As I grow stronger, as my life begins taking a solid wholesome shape, as my health improves, as I grab the reins and take command, my illness weakens, shrinks, and becomes a concern rather than my whole life. How far I am along that rise I cannot tell. If it is permanent, long lasting, or sustainable, only time will tell. I only know this is the absolute best I have done in 20 years. My worst days are now better than my best days of most of those previous years by a vast stretch. My life, work, and workouts are becoming easier in doing even as they become very much harder and more complicated in fact.

So, in spite of what I might otherwise have called a weak showing this weekend, I enjoyed the time off and the reflections of life, death, family, and country. The perspective is something I am grateful at having been able to know this year. I do regret not living close enough to take a trip to my main family’s primary graveyard. If this life has become a graced event again, and this year sees the advances of the last year added to this years gains or even maintained, I may have to put a visit in my schedule. I think it would be nice to gather my mother, an aunt, a few cousins, and a roomful of memories, and then as a group go visit some of those who helped create those memories yet who can no longer come to us.

Memorial Day

For the first time in my adult life, without prompting, I appreciated this day. It is not as if those who have sacrificed through war, toil, giving, sharing, and who have loved and served my nation, my family, and myself have not been important to me. It is not as if I felt above, beyond, or beneath respect or reverence. I hold that respect strongly, and value all that goes with it. However, simply being aware that a day is a holiday has been a difficult project in the condition I often find myself.

I have considered, over the course of this weekend, those who came before and have since passed. Some important family members can be named among the remembered. Some I have met and loved, such as my Grandpa, several cousins, and a step-brother, among others. Some I never had the chance to meet except through pictures and stories, such as my Grandmother. There are other family members, cousins to uncles, great aunts to siblings, who I have known and miss. I think of the servicemen who have died for my family, myself, and our nation. Further back, I think of those who helped sew some of the seeds of my nation before the US was a nation. The noblemen who pushed for the Magna Carta for example. And further back, to Christ, who believed men were worthy enough for him to knowingly suffer and die and rise. As it is God and His notion’s which have been the basis for this nation and upon which the citizens draw their rights to freedoms. And, back further to the earliest of God’s prophets and writers, who were the very first to begin developing the idea that would one day be my nation. There are many to be remembered, many who have sacrificed and died, some close some more distant in time or relationship. And, there are others whose lives were their sacrifice, who gave the sweat off their brow, the calluses on their hands, the blisters on their feet, and much of if not all the wealth they generated to ensure their children, who became my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and so on had a chance to offer me a place in this world.

I have enjoyed this weekend. I have done very little, and enjoyed the time off. This is the first three day weekend I have actually knowingly understood fully in decades. To both appreciate the time off and be aware enough to also contemplate the reasons behind the break is something I see as a sign of a new life. I am only so glad, finally and fully, to not be listed as one to be remembered. I now have a much deeper valuation of the sacrifices men have made to allow me this chance. And, now, family means that much more as well. I now honor the dead properly. Because of this, though, I also honor the living even more. Life is so precious and rare, I cannot help now but to see things differently, especially as I begin once again to live it.

A minor hitch.

I finally tried on the farmer john dive suit. It does not fit! I will have to send it back and order another, hopefully in time. I cannot find the order sheet, so I will need to call the company. I had wanted to call the company anyway, in hopes they might be able to guide me, and more quickly than what I could do on my own, to a replacement suit. I am terrible about returns, so this will be a challenge. Worst come to worst, I may just rent when I get to the rafting guide's place. At least there is a stock solid fall-back plan.

Oh, the Zune, so far, is amazing! The software I downloaded works fine (so long as I remember to allow access through the firewall (safe? Doubtful, but I think I am compromised anyway. *sigh* no… ARGGGHHHH!!!* The software automatically updated the machine from ver. 2.0 to ver. 2.5. And, after figuring out how to run it (without instructions, I could find them nowhere, for either the Zune or the software), I altered some of the settings, and even set it up so that my computer automatically burns music CDs to a file when I put them in the CD/DVD drive. As well, I can choose which file type I wish to compress the music into. The really good one (I think it is the best(?), still learning) takes a good deal more time and probably space, but with 80 gb I think I will go with that. I doubt it is as good as the CDs, but I am not quite an audiophile (if somewhat picky). It will take some time to get my CDs converted. I am thinking of just having a goal of processing 20 or 30 CDs a day. I will just have to see how long it takes and then see how much time I have on any particular day of course. At 20 per day, it will take well more than 15 days with more than 300 CDs to burn. Oh, I pulled down a freeby song from Zune’s Marketplace last night. I was just curious about how it worked, how well it worked, and how long it took.

Today has been a late start and a slow day. Fine, it IS Saturday. I do plan to go to church and then return, change my clothes, and then go fishing if it is not raining. If it is raining, I may head out on a local hike. I have a small pack, waterproof outers, and a camel-back. With it being a rainy day, I will be less likely to meet a fearful woman. It is irritating to be walking along and have a female freak out because I am walking on a path toward her. If she is that at risk, she should not be out and or alone. And yes, if someone like me was not a gentlemen, she would have as much chance as she would against a great white shark. Although, it is interesting to see feminism tested against reality. Thankfully for her there is no risk in my presence.

Three weeks of working out, getting back on medicine and now to the point of both consistent and proper usage and far better results from the medicine, my plans for the summer coming together and nearly completed, my plans for school now in the works, an introduction into a men's bible study, and a return to regular church attendance have led to a very strong showing in my life. Or more, the recreation of a life. I am beginning to put all the parts together. It has been, at times or actually usually, necessary to begin any particular area in bits and parts, then to start knitting the bits, and now to connect the parts into a whole as a new life. Bit by bit, sometimes only a stitch or weave at a time, sometimes the construction of whole aspects at a time, a real, good, functional, extended life is being created and lived. No doubt, this house of a life is still only a rough outline, the basement still only drying cement, the plumbing only capped pipes leading into the construction site or out of it, lots still to do. But it is recognizable as it stands. It has some reality to it, and shows more than a simple interest, but a full intent to build, with great risks having been taken to get this far.

There are many people helping me, I am not deluded. I have a woman help keep my apartment clean (and it helps greatly). I have a nurse check in on me and set up my medication every two weeks (and that, at times, is vital). I have a doctor who pushes me and sometimes allows me to push back. I have family and friends who have stayed in contact and not let me just drop off the face of the planet. Yes sometimes I have asked for these things, yes I roll up my sleeves and pitch in if I can, yes I want it, yes I have goals, plans, and a deep interest, but I am not on this path alone. I could not do it alone. And, finally, I think I am ok with that, mostly, as humbling, fear inducing, and encroaching as being dependent may be.

Hammer and nails, 2x4s, and effort, the world is coming together.

I have not exercised yet. My lady friend called and asked if I would bring her some 7-Up shortly after that last post. Certainly I said, I could, and so I did. I needed to buy a few groceries for my home as well, I realized, as I started driving to the store. I picked up a few items at Hy-Vee, then headed to the fancy grocery store. I suggested freshly made soup from the Coop during our conversation. Perhaps, she thought, though she would delay a decision until she knew what soups were offered today. I purchased a few more items in the coop, and then looked to the soups. She was not interested in beef noodle, minestrone, or summer tomato, and nothing else sounded good, so I paid for my goods and drove to her place. She answered rather swiftly after I knocked, and she looked very ill. I delivered the goods, and because of her appearance, skipped inviting myself in.

I will call and check on her frequently this weekend, I will probably call her this evening. This is the second time this week I have seen her look this rough, and it is not her style or way. I know what is causing it, she is working two jobs, one is paying her, the other is costing her to work (due to gas costs and no pay or reimbursement). Between the physical stress of an extra 20-40 hours of work plus travel time, the added expenses which fray her nerves, and exposure (all that beautiful sunshine, rain, wind, and dirt :p ), she is at her ends. Still, I will try to make sure she does not get too ill, or have some major unmet needs, or such. She has no one else, and I like to do this, and, I suppose, I like her. Even the lout that I am, I can be gentle even when I disagree, should I choose that. I will know she is back on her feet when she takes a psychic swing at me. Atta girl, swing a little harder and higher… or lower… as I am frequently pleased to think.

I ordered one toy this year, while obtaining the rest of the goods for the trip. I have had this on my list for several years. I think this particular one is newer, the newest of it’s type. I ordered it, custom, two days ago. It showed up on my doorstep today. Well, actually it was at the door, a signature was required to take possession of the item. Hint, it is smaller than a breadbox, can fill a fairly large room if properly set up, runs and plays, “everyone” has or wants one, nobody really manages theirs well, and they are techy. I bought a custom artwork Zune 80 gb mp3 player. Now I need to get something to connect it to the mp3 jack in my Xterra (I did not order that in the X, it either came free since they did not have one without it or it was a part of my extra stereo package, maybe it was the satellite radio package that was free… I dunno). I also am trying to find information about whether I could download from Sirius or XM Satellite radio to my Zune (or computer?). I have one of the radio systems in the Xterra (the hardware anyway, I let the free period pass without obtaining a contract). If I could download music, yeah, I would subscribe. However, I strongly doubt it is possible (without hacking, probably illegally).

I downloaded the software for Zune. It does not look to offer all that much music, video, or other content actually, and it seems a little pricey. Though it was late and I was tired when I looked. Supposedly, by connecting the Zune to my computer through this software (on top of the software also being both what loads media to the Zune, a media marketplace, and a social hangout for Zune users), this is how I charge the player. I have 300 music CDs, though I never have really learned how to record or burn CDs to my computer or to CDs, let alone how to mess around and get the recording settings arranged to have the highest quality renditions of my favorite stuff in a format suited to an mp3 player. With 80 gb, I am almost tempted to just record whole albums. Then again, maybe not. It depends on how much easier it is to look for albums and then look through those compared to finding songs by group or singer, style, and alphabetically. I have no idea about how to go about organizing my loading, nor what categories are available. *sigh* Still, once done, I can keep my whole music collection safe at home, stored (and as I learn, probably backed-up AND using the another set of back-ups rather than the originals to play when I do play CDs). Plus, I will probably be more willing to buy pieces and parts, as with Leni Kravitz. I hate his whole albums, but he has a very few excellent songs. Why he does not become the new Hendrix I will never know. He must be afraid of becoming too white or something. So, instead, he slinks off into Ike Turner obscurity. Then again, at least he does not Uncle Tom to rap music.

On another note, my vocational councilor called. He sounded up-beat about my prospects in spite of some health issues himself. I can certainly empathize, within the constraints of familiarity, sympathizing with the rest. He asked that I obtain information regarding my current academic track, including: actual course work needed and completed; how the two year and four years schools will or could function with the remaining coursework; and a time schedule for the completion of the remaining work. As I remembered it, I believed I had already completed that type of survey, having spoken with both the U of Iowa and Kirkwood this spring, so I told him I would see if I could find the material. He had asked me to do it around the beginning of the spring semester, and when it was done, suggested that it did not matter without my doctor’s input, so to just not worry about the work I had and paperwork I had collected. Well, with the doctor in my camp, and now the paperwork and schedule completed, I was hoping to schedule an appointment before heading to Colorado. No such luck, he had wanted to schedule me for June 1st for a meeting. That is right at the end of my vacation (a part that is still somewhat vague). Since the off-roader group has not actually planned the trip yet, I am not sure which day I will be leaving from up that way. As well, I fully intend to see two, if not all three, of my mothers on the way home. To date, I have never had a mother push me out of the door the day after I arrived. Yet, assuming that very scenario, I would not be back in time for the meeting. Still, it is looking good. He suggested that I call and set an appointment when I get back, but I think I will probably call as soon as I know about the off-road excursion’s end date. I will then give myself about a week and a half to drive and visit, get home and sorted out, and rest up and going again before having to begin planning classes. I think I impressed him by having done what he told me to do (regarding gathering that information) and then by being able to find it and call him back in less than five minutes (and actually calling). A few more high scores and life could get easier this way, a few major successes in class work, and I will be set. Oh, a prayer has been put in for him, just for his health, not for his favor. *laughs*

Oh, I happened to find a couple of my Cook’s Illustrated magazines I had been seeking. My neighbor had discussed some interests and difficulties, and oddly, I remembered reading articles on two of those topics. I promised to bring those over, but I had not been able to find them. I went to drop them off a bit ago, but she did not seem to be home. I will have to check after posting this monster.

You know what, I think I am going to have a shot and a half of Balvenie 12 and a bit of purified water later this afternoon. It has been a good week.

Thunder storms and an easy morning.

Good morning. Though I fumbled when arranging this mornings wake up, I am sure I will get it right before long. I went to bed late, again, and must have thought I should then set my alarm later. Yet my furnace was still set to go off at the earlier time, so I am not quite sure how my plans of being awake by 7:00, given my ideal alarm, medicine, and furnace time interplay, will work. But, I keep planning, plotting, figuring, and… I admit it, I do sometimes feel a bit like Wile E. Coyote, well, crossed with Bugs Bunny anyway. I either have the worst best luck in the world, or just the opposite. The glass of very cold water half emptied in my lap which had been on fire or the glass half full of crocodile infested gold rich silt bottomed water. Take your pick. I enjoy it, mostly.

I was able to crawl out of bed by 8:15. And, yes, that is ok. I am still experimenting. Beyond that, I woke up refreshed. I slept very well. Waking up to rain and thunder, even having the lightning flashes creep into my well darkened cave, can be a fantastic thing. This morning was one of those pleasant storm mornings. And, I really do feel refreshed. I feel better than I have, upon waking, in a very long time. There may be other reasons though too.

This morning I remembered to check my vitals before almost anything. My blood pressure is at 134/94 with a pulse of 68 (the lowest of two readings) and my blood sugar was down to 168. That is the lowest either has been in, perhaps four months, perhaps longer? Oddly, as my blood sugar is coming down, my high blood pressure is tagging along. Very odd, if you ask me. I will take it, understanding be damned, if curiosity cannot be abated.

Today, yes, a Friday, what is on my schedule? Oh, I definitely need to work out. Not a problem, I am hoping to do that in the next hour or so. With the rain, I do not think I will go fishing, but I would like to find and then read the fishing report. Perhaps there are places where fishing is more successful, or certain lures or baits which seem to be working, or some other clue to success. Though it was unofficial, my neighbor sort of charged me with getting hot on fishing so as to be his and his family's guide regarding fishing. I have not performed well so far. With the new fishing report out this last Thursday, I might be able to use it, plus chatting up the local bait shops, speaking with other fishermen, and a little leg and casting work to find more successful where’s, when’s, and what’s of local fishing. Plus, I am actually hungry for fish. The three mess of fish I have had lately have really put the munchies for fish on the front burner. As well, catching that little fish sort of tugs at me to catch more and hopefully bigger fish.

What else today? More reading about pi, I would like to get to the part discussing the mathematic formula(s) for developing the numbers of pi. A little more reading about hiking and backpacking, plus the creation of my own list of required, handy, or just wanted items (based strongly on the book's list). I need to see what I have and what I still might need. I am quite sure a medical kit needs to be prepared, though how much of one will depend upon costs. I do want at least a medium kit, enough to cover the very basics, up to and including stitches. Oh, I ought to get cracking on some final laundry, a push to tighten the place back up a bit neatness wise, and perhaps a run at my bedroom. I will never be a successful houseman but that does not let me off the hook completely.

You know, I am thinking I might actually be getting somewhere. I might be finding my way out of this decades old hole. I do not think it is a false light, though it is still distant. It will take every bit of work I have put in to date more, plus that last 15 % of the climb is all the work from before, times 2 to 10. At this point, few are offering a hand, some are becoming antagonistic, and others have always been aggressive (keep gimps in their place sort of thing). I will just keep doing what I am doing, adding more as I get more. What else, pray tell, do I have to do with my life now that I am having one again? Life… is… good!

A great day!

Sure, I was slow waking this morning. Certainly, I did not do a dozen things, contact ten people, and I did not plan out my life, trip, or even next week. What I did do, however, was satisfying. I attempted to change my schedule so that I wake up earlier. And though not successful, I do believe it can be and that I know how (generally speaking) to make it successful. I have taken my medications on time, and they seem to be working. I was a bit late in testing my blood sugar. After two days of insulin, it is, after a breakfast meal, below 200. I believe it was 191, actually. After several back and forth emails, my friend and myself arranged a coffee meeting. That went quite well. I learned a good deal, caught back up with and further, learned more about my friend. As well, I have become, at least temporarily, a party to a small bible study group. I know all of the other gentlemen in the group, and it is a fine sort to throw my lot in with. As well, I received some good information regarding joining the Knights of Columbus. It is good to get a scoop on some things.

I am currently awaiting information from that particular gentleman. Some of it is in regard to the group, some of the information will be links to Knights of Columbus general information. It is always interesting to hear about someone’s life. Especially when they are just embarking on a new adventure in business and life. He is doing this at an unusual time in his life, yet seems to be successful. I guess hearing that the unexpected can work is always good, especially for those of us who seem to have been born on the wrong side of the odds.

After the conversation and coffee, I went fishing. I found a place to go, and I tried using the technique I watched a man use the last time I went fishing. I had two solid hits (though I suspect the fish were quite small). I also had a few possible hits. Yet, after an hour or so, I decided to call it off. It was sprinkling, and had been all day, perhaps that was against my luck. It was good to get out anyway.

By the way, I have noticed I cannot eat enough to become full. I am not sure, but I think this is a good sign. I felt this way in my teens and even younger. But back then, they called me twig because I was so skinny. I am thinking that maybe I have started my internal physical engine again. Perhaps I am creating a little more muscle, and activating that which remains, so that I am burning calories consistently and at a much higher rate than I have been for a long time. Since I cannot eat enough to feel satisfied, I am actually now trying to decrease how much I eat and become used to being a little hungry, always. I am just exploring this thing. I just became aware of this change well enough to explain it and think about it’s implications. So, these are all just random considerations and initial thoughts about how to use it to my advantage.

Now I think I will cook some supper. I will probably have some fish. While I was visiting my Mom’s home, someone brought us a mess of fish and she cleaned it. We ate half of it then, while she froze the rest of the fish uncooked. She eats fish rarely, so she sent the package home with me. Lucky me! I had thought about going to a movie, but it is getting a bit late, especially by the time I fix my meal.

This, that, and the other thing.

I ended up waking late, though I do not have a difficulty with that this day. Beyond staying up late, I attempted a new technique this morning. I have decided to set my alarm clock for 6:00, take my medicine then, and then return to bed for an easier and earlier awakening. The difficulty was that I set the heat too high too early. I think I will change the furnace turn-on time tomorrow to 6:30, and if that is still too early, perhaps as late as 6:45 or even 7:00, while my second alarm clock is set for 7:00. My goal is to wake up shortly before or shortly after 7:00.

I have received several emails. Some of which have to do with the trip. I have replied though there may be some difficulties. I had to resend one of them, as it seems as if the first sending did not get through. As well, the coffee meeting I had spoken of nearly two weeks ago is looking to be a definite event, either this afternoon or tomorrow. I am hoping to discuss the Knights of Columbus with this particular man. I am not sure if he is a member, though I am guessing he very well might be. I would like to speak to several members, a few officers, and others who may be involved with the group before I decide about joining.

It is a nice day. Depending on what I hear back about coffee today, I hope to get out. I may drive out and see about taking a hike. The water is still very high in the reservoirs, so that just might not be available at my favorite place for a while. There is not a lot more going on. And, really, that feels good!

I did it.

After the somewhat slow start and the surprise early cleaning, I was lagging. I had a decent lunch and then just relaxed while I gained a little boost from that, though I had to go through a sleepy spell before I started receiving energy. I contacted the man from Vocational Rehab, though I was only able to leave a voice message. I do believe, until I hear back from him, I will call every day. This will keep him from having any excuse for not getting back to me, or trying to accuse me of not trying to contact him.

I was not sure I was going to work out today. I almost did not. I really had to push today. Part of it is just the persistent sleepiness that haunts me, part of it was that Monday’s work out was so difficult. The gloves helped a great deal. The usual pain in my hands did not, and still is not, plaguing me. The belt will take some getting used to, but I believe it will be invaluable in time. I was able to lift today and without a hitch. I am really having to work. I think that is the point. I have one more increase in weight lifted, next week. After that, I will stay with that weight until I leave (though I do get a week off the week before I go (or that week itself) according to the plan I have laid out. I will then have to see how to proceed with my workouts when I return home.

There is not too much to report today. I am tired, still. I am doing what is before me in spite of it. And, I am staying up during the day. I am also taking my medication very regularly, enjoying life, and gaining hope as I move through this. Alright, be well, live long and perspire (Vulcans are really odd).

A new day, push, push, push.

Taking my medicine when the alarm sounds and then going back to bed if need be has worked to a greater degree in allowing me to awaken earlier and more fully. I realized that whether I get 18, 16, 12, or 8 hours of sleep, I will be tired much of my awake time so I might as well try to keep it to 8 to 10 hours of sleep. Oh, heat helps to wake me up as well, since I do not like it and do not sleep well when it is hot. I had not set the furnace last night, so I woke a little slower this morning since the house was not heated to 74 degree F. Overall, sleep is better as it becomes more regular, if I can just keep it this way. Who knows, between eventually handling the diabetes and high blood pressure while getting in shape and expanding my life, perhaps I will get to a point where just being awake is not, for the majority of time, painful. I actually have to work harder to stay awake than I do to work out. I wish the effort expended to stay awake transferred to caloric burn though!

The gear shop I emailed last night had an email sitting there for me this morning. I think the deal may very well go through. I asked some general questions last night, and received some general answers this morning. Some might accuse me of just seeing what is out there, but I would never be so tricky. Anyway, I sent some specifics (items and prices) to be checked for availability and price, as well as questioned shipping costs. As well, the salesman has indicated that if a call is necessary, we could set the time up today and he would gladly call tomorrow. *fingers crossed again*

I am going to pre-clean the apartment and get help with the remainder. I also need to work out, I believe I… Well, I was going to work out before helping clean this afternoon. However, the lady called and asked if she could arrive early. She had had several cancellations and was hoping to, I suppose, finish her day early. Of course, there is no difficulty realigning my schedule. We have pretty much tidied the kitchen, cleaned out the refrigerator, and she is finishing by cleaning the bathroom a bit.

When she leaves, I believe I will have a spot to eat, rest for about an half hour or hour, then work out. I am not sure what all else will be done. I cannot wait to see if the weight lifting gloves work well.

Later.

Steak and a bit more surety.

After what has happened today, in a number of ways and on several levels, I am more sure about this summer and life. I cannot share all things. Actually, that is as far as I can go altogether, at least at this time. I may say more in some future time about this. Just understand, life is working out.

I received my farmer john today, and a few associated essentials. I placed an order this afternoon. And, I believe I have one last equipment order to place and then I will be set. Now, I have to consider gasoline, lodging costs, food, and the white-water expenses. No worries, things look like they are where they should be financially. No doubt, I have spent more than is absolutely necessary, precisely. Still, these costs were on my list, they have an associated purpose (and perhaps a direct purpose depending upon how much actual camping I do this trip or this summer).

I still feel a bit uneasy about people not getting back to me about many things. I have four trip related communications unreturned. Oh, I know, people are busy, time is not extremely pressing yet, and all that. As well, if everything just dropped off a cliff and I was left to do this solo with only my imagination, gumption, and planning, I would still do much of this. Perhaps the white-water trip(s) might be a little less involved, maybe I would camp rather than stay with folks, and my off-road excursion would probably be somewhat guided to a less risky area. Actually, I would probably save money. Needing to drive fewer miles and at my pace. Again, I am not really worried about that happening.

Oh, while I was out tonight, I decided to pick up a pair of weight lifting gloves. My hands have started paining me. The weight I have started lifting and the number of sets is getting to me. Added to years of fist-fighting, and the pain in my hands from that, I decided it was time to offer my hands a little support. I also purchased a weight belt. Neither of those items is fancy. Hum-drum basic utility items. I am hoping they aid my efforts.

Oh, that bone-in ribeye steak was good! I also had a baked potato, broccoli, and ½ pound of king crab claw. Very good, indeed. I am allergic to king crab, but I like it so much that every year or two I eat it anyway. I will, possibly, break out along my arms, from elbow to wrists, in a narrow line of what appear to be some weird form of acne. I am not sure if it would best be called hives or not, though that might be it. Well, there are some other affects from the allergic reaction, but I cannot recall them other than that they exist and are not really bad. Then again, maybe I did not eat enough. So far, all clear. Oh, a few beers tidied the meal into a proper feast. Now, to bed. I have been tired all day, it will be good to sleep.

Busy and tired.

I had almost forgotten about an appointment at 10:00 this morning. It was with my primary care doctor, both blood pressure and blood sugar remain problematic so I was glad I remembered and made it and on time. I had plenty of good news, I am taking my meds much more regularly, if it has taken a bit of time to get the diabetes medicine correct, I have definitely been taking my blood pressure medicine very well. As well, the diabetes medicine is now being taken spot on. Of course, exercise has been a regular aspect of my life and is expanding from straight weights and into other things on top of the straight weights. My weight is, if slowly, dipping. I am also attempting to become much more active, both in my activities this summer, but also within each day. I have been really pushing to stay awake all day and to get up and go to bed at a regular time. He seemed pleased with this.

Yet, we need to work on the diabetes first. So, today I have been prescribed insulin, 15cc’s at bedtime. Now, while I do this, I will begin testing blood sugar daily. My fasting blood sugar was hanging right in at 265, average. I am hoping this will bust it down and perhaps even allow me to back off the insulin and possibly all of the tablet medication before long. The blood pressure is not so much of an issue, at least in comparison, so that is on hold as we deal with the blood sugar concern. I received some bad news, for me, from my doctor. He will be leaving the area. Apparently he wishes to be closer to family. I suppose I can understand that, if he is from a close knit family, or his wife is. Still, he will be missed. He has been a conscientious doctor, he has negotiated with me and visa versa, and there is a shared trust. I am more than a bit nervous about his replacement. He has scheduled me to visit one more time before he leaves, to say good byes, to check this last medical change, and to introduce me to another doctor. I guess I count my blessings and hope for the best.

I finally was able to talk to my mother. She is looking forward to the pans, and I have indicated who they will be from so that if the ones I ordered prior to this somehow show up, she can know to send those back. This is a mess, and I will never deal with the one company again. If something is not in stock, fine, an email should be sent indicating this. They just lost a decent amount of potential business, and a fairly nice little sale.

I also made contact with people regarding the hold up on the gear. That cleared, and with room for me to move forward on the gear, I called and checked. The gear is what I did need and it will work as I had hoped. Now I am having a bit of a snit ordering the gear. I found a place that is significantly less expensive (in US $), even with shipping. I could not find a number (U.S., only a British phone number listed). I did find an email address, and sent off an email. I indicated that a phone call would be preferable, but an email might help. I asked if the gear they offered was 1’sts or 2’nds, if the prices were accurate, if the items were in stock, and if the shipping costs would be significantly higher since I am in the US. I had a few other questions, and I might have to see about them, but… A $300 savings on $400 or $700 gear, all the same brand, style, manf. numb. is significant, if I am dubious. If true, it could also mean I can pick up an extra piece(s) of gear I had initially been fearing for the price, or just take the savings and run… *fingers crossed*

I have heard nothing back from the trip related emails. I have not heard back about a coffee outing this week. I have not, yet, visited AAA. As some of these things were being planned, I had a visit from a couple of Elders from the LDS church. I always welcome them in, though I let them know my beliefs. I always enjoy the conversation and it is interesting seeing how they understand things.

I had thought to maybe go fishing or bowling, but I really am tired today. Oh, tomorrow might be a bit better, I asked my doctor to increase the methalphenidate, which he did (though, in fact I am now with the increase on what I had initially been on, so). Hopefully an extra tab will allow me to push even a little more. Tomorrow is work out day, and I need to contact Voc. Rehab., plus my domestic assistant will be here tomorrow around 13:00. Whatever else gets done, gets done. Whatever does not get done will have to wait. I think I am going to treat myself to a steak dinner tonight! That will get me out of the house and not be a shopping trip, right? I do not know that I deserve it, but I will certainly enjoy it. Gutten Nacht.

Though I am not quite done, I am doing good.

I did my work out, but it was later than I had hoped. It was past noon when I finally hit the iron. It was a tough workout. It took the wind out of me. Still, I did my lifts as well as I was able, doing them all and as scheduled. It did take a little longer than usual today. I realized something, though, today. As the morning worked toward afternoon, I had hoped energy would grow. What I realized is that it will not grow. I have to just hit what needs to be done if I can, and not worry about trying to energize. Simply put, and again, energy will not percolate up from my feet or something, as a fact, as I sit I begin losing both energy and momentum.

Ok, lets rap it up. I took the library book back and extended the loan. I walked there and back. I am so good, I did it while the library was closed. All the doors were open, and there were signs up near the parking lot, yet not a single sign near the back door I entered through. The college kid at the desk was not too upset, though he went back and forth about whether he should be. I decided not to laugh at him. I am sure he will grow a pair, or they will drop, some day.

I then returned home and collected the trash I had meant to take to the dump Saturday. I unloaded the lot of it for $3.50 and gas. It would have been cheaper to just buy bag tags, as it turns out. But the fish heads were really starting to stink. I had forgotten about those. As well, the material is out from under my feet when trying to enter the garage.

I wrote an email to solidify my plans, then I made an attempt to contact another man regarding my plans. I have called about the pots and pans for my mother, then ordered them, since they are in stock. After which, I attempted to call her to let her know when they should be there and to give her a phone number if they do not show up on time. Dang, I better check my account to make sure I was not charged for the pots and pans that did not show up. The great thing is I think I got a better price for better gear.

I did not call concerning the gear about which I am unsure. I actually considered doing so, however, I have something on a front burner that has required me to put the gear questions and order on a back burner, but just for a day or two I believe. Hopefully I can care for this tomorrow. I also did not call in about college. I just ran out of time, and was otherwise fairly busy with other things.

I have also stayed awake all day, so far. I am afraid of staying awake tomorrow. I have little to do and a lot of day. Fishing might take some of it, bowling which I did not do today could use up some time, and I might see if I can make it in to a mass. Of course, I have the V.A. Voc. Rehab to deal with, and I need to check about that which put the gear on a back burner, and then depending on that I need to decide about the gear and then order whatever portion I will need. As well, I might be getting emails back. Of course, I also did not make it to AAA for trip planning. Then again, I am not sure I will need them. Well, maybe I could use them. Ackh!

Goodnight. I am about to have a ribeye, broccoli, and brussel sprouts.

*poof*

Up and at it!

Good, good, I see a little push, some pre-emptive actions, a little forethought, and some gumption have combined to get me up at 8:14 this morning. I have spent a little more than an hour going through a wake-up routine, though I am not quite functional yet. And, I have plans for the day. Some you may have heard about, some which are just scheduled in, and some which I devised as I was going to sleep or waking up this morning.

On the list for today: working out shortly as a way to kick off the day, I believe I am going to try to start working out early (and earlier still if and when I can regularly arise around 6:00); getting a book back to the library and hoping that I can extend the loan period; walking to the library this time, and seeing how that goes as my feet are still a bit of a weak point until (perhaps) some corrective surgery is performed; investigating whether I have been charged for the pans I ordered for my mother, pans she has not received, then depending on that dealing with the charges with my bank and seeing if I can order her pot and pan sets I am sure will get to her, I already new sets picked out; calling about some gear to see if it is what I need, I want to actually talk to someone first, and regardless of that I will place an order of some sort with or without the questionable gear either today or tomorrow; bowling, I did not do that last week; several emails regarding my plans, now that I have firmed up my schedule I may start filling one of those people on my list as to when I will be where and I have another person with whom I need to confirm dates and such; and I may try to go fishing sometime today.

There may be a few things added to the list, some of these plans depend on others so regardless of what I do, their completion is not completely in my hands, but that is life. I am learning to know when to just hang out, when to push, pull, complain, question, or just inform others as to my needs and wants. Life is very tangled, problems can be complicated or simple, nothing is quite what it seems, and yet when I give myself and others a clear cut direction or directive, I get very solid feedback, quite often decent honest assistance, and I usually get where I am going or pretty darn close. This is a whole new world and ballgame for me people. I have been so sidelined for so long… it is not like I was on the sidelines, I do not think I was even in the highest bleachers the furthest from the game, I had actually left the game, field, stands, and had gone to a different continent where no one had even heard of the game. I cannot say I am quite back in the game, but I am planning for my first and second season, practicing, working out, making contacts, scheduling minor competitions to obtain a handicap for my game, to know my weaknesses, and to find my strengths.

I will not tell you I am not afraid. I was good in those early days, perhaps very good, some might say pro. I had a lot of things going for me. I turned powerful heads, caused tongues to produce echoes in chambers of power, moved little worlds, and began to have high hopes and expectations built around me. Then I broke and it all drained away while I was mothballed and given no hope. In those circles I will never walk again. I fear that in this new circle of existence I am attempting to rise within, shadows from the past or new shadows will come and obscure my way and hope, those two quite often being synonymous in my lexicon. It is something I will have to deal with, this inner jelly. I used to handle it, but I think that was when I was bulletproof or immortal or something. No, come to think of it, that was never true for me. I dealt with real, gun-metal mouthed, reach-into-my-guts and yank, standing cackle, trauma causing fear. This, actually, should be easier. I suppose I note it so clearly now because I, perhaps for the first time, notice that my chances of a new life are real, that the new life whispered in the wind is a powerful life, and that it is in large part going to be largely up to me staying on target, pushing every day, and demanding and commanding those who were sent to aid me, many of whom have great doubts, a stated political disinterest, or are out-right antagonistic toward my plans.

Enough, it is time to get busy. Oh, I had best contact the V.A. Vocational Rehabilitation officer. I received a letter Thursday or Friday indicating I have 30 days to contact him because his attempts to contact me have not been successful (though my contact information has not changed in 3 going on 4 years and I have received zero attempts by him to contact me, other than this letter). I understand he is trying to get rid of me, and no matter what I do, he will try to either just avoid me until it is too late or find some other way to say no without literally saying it, especially now that he is on my medical records having said yes to my doctor. He is going to be a serious pain in the ass, I may have to collude with other forces to bring down this beast's intent.

So far so good.

While I was planning my day, I decided to cook a bite to eat. I had some brats thawed. I usually boil, then fry or grill brats. However, I wanted to see if I could do without the boiling this time. Boiling brats really adds to the cooking time and the clean-up while not really adding anything to the taste from what I can tell. Instead of just heating the cast iron skillet, this time I added ¼ inch of oil (peanut) to the base of the pan. I heated that up a bit, then added the brats. I cooked them for about five minutes on a little more than medium heat, then turned them over for five minutes. I did this about 5 times, turned the heat to a low medium, and turned them about 3 more times (5 minutes per side as well). They came out well, and the ones I have tasted were good and done.

The movies went back, in two parts. When I turned them in (and glad I went in), two of the DVDs were absent their cases. So, a quick drive home would have solved the problem, but I had some other things on my mind. I asked what time the place closed. It stays open until midnight, every night. Good to know, I would have been able to take them in yesterday it seems. In any case, I paid for the two which were there then went to a few places to check on a few of my final items. I have been looking at camping, hiking, food, and first aid books online. Though I can get an idea of how well a book is written, I really need to see the item, thumb through the pages, see the appendices, index, table of content, and some of the specifics to feel comfortable laying out some cash. As well, a compass is a requirement, if not for this year then certainly for next year. Getting used to using it and becoming a decent navigator will take time. Best to start now, in a familiar and relatively safe environment.

First, a trip to the local outfitters. As I drove up, they were just about to lock the door. The owner or manager hesitantly asked if I knew exactly what I wanted. I did, so he let me through the door. As we walked into the stores interior, he explained that usually they close at 17:00, yet they also like to be flexible for shoppers, especially if it is quick. Redundant chitter-chatter, but that is fine. I appreciate a business which does this and the weather was too good to complain about. He suggested there were others in the store who could help, yet when I saw no worker who was not occupied, I asked if he knew where the compasses where, and if he had a manual or topographical maps. Yes, sort of, No, and No. They only carried two compasses (useful with maps, anyway), however neither a manual or topographical maps were to be had. He did know of a place to purchase local topographical maps, and suggested the USGS as a place to purchase (or source a supplier) for Colorado and Nevada maps. Good information, another piece of gear, and out the door I went in an attempt to not be the last customer irritating the staff.

Barnes & Nobles was my next destination (or were my destinations the other way around?, who knows?). This particular shop is not a massive book store, yet it is not tiny either. A quick look around and I found an area I thought might hold at least some of the material I was seeking. I found a field guide section for nature, including birds and bees (not getting busy or anything, just noting them) and all other things nature. I began a search for edible wild plants. I doubted that I would find anything for Colorado, but I might find something rather broad and general. No such luck. So, I went seeking first aid, backpacking, and hiking books while hoping to hit upon what I had been trying to find. After an half hour of looking, I finally went up and asked for assistance (avoiding the little guy with the petite nature and the “too trimmed” mustache, I asked a woman for some assistance. Simply enough, she lead me to the nature section, and around the corner (which I had failed to follow, though I doubt if it would have mattered), she produced a book covering wild foods. Then she lead me to an area which held many outdoor and first aid type books. I picked up three books, “Edible Wild Plants”, “Hiking and Backpacking”, and “First-Aid Field Guide”. The books appear to have been titled according to one of my favorite principles, that being KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid). I had looked over many books, and with my basic knowledge, felt satisfied that the proper material was covered in each tome I ended up taking to the register. I now have more reading, but I do have an strong incentive to read this material.

After returning home, I picked up the absentee DVDs and returned them. It is good to have those in and to have the late fees paid.

It nearly 22:00, I have been up all day and I should be able to sleep well tonight. I will even get another minor task or two completed by bed time. I know I really need to either start walking locally or hitting the trails to add to my work outs. I would like to begin doing set-ups too. But those things are for another day. This day is a success. Perhaps I could have done more, gotten up earlier, or whatever. I will not complain, not with this day. It is a keeper.

Better?

The alarms went off at 7:30 and 8:00 as usual. And, I went back to sleep as usual. However, rather than just rolling back into the sack, I took my morning medicines and checked the temp first. The temperature was 65, a little chilly for me to be active, let alone to allow me to wake up. So, I turned on the heat, setting it at 68 or 70. Then, promptly went to bed and fell back to sleep instantly. I do not know if it was the medicine or the warmth, perhaps both, but my sleep was light and short lived. I was up and out of bed by right at 10:00. A mere 3 hours later, and I feel exhausted again. I hope the main of this feeling is just rearranging my sleep schedule. It is difficult to know. Thankfully it is Sunday and therefore I do not have anything vital to do today. Hmm, I could begin my lists though.

Oh, and I had best take the movies back. I realized after blogging last night that it was probably too late to take the movies back. Since they are late, I do not like leaving them in the drop-off, preferring instead to pay for the late fees and bring them in personally. That will give me a reason to freshen up and leave the house though, so it is not all bad.

I must admit, I am perplexed as to how people stay up all day, working 8 or hours or more, commuting, grooming in the morning, grooming after work (to various degrees depending on if whoever is staying home or going out), having a family or social life, figuring out how to shop and cook or otherwise provide themselves with food (even a “quick” restraint takes time, up to a half hour with windshield time), buy up-to date personal and work clothes, and everything else. Perhaps in time I might work up to this, though I must be honest, I am a bit dubious about the proposition. At least, that is, without some help.

Then again, I know a lot of men and women who are quite dependent upon each other to lead a successful life. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. It also means single parent families and double income families have a less likelihood of being capable of offering the type of lifestyle I am hoping for. I must admit, realizing my weaknesses and honestly assessing my hopes for life, I see many shortcomings. So, I work hard and then try to work even harder. But, damn, I am so very tired right now. *gasp* My goal today, staying up to 22:00, getting the movies back, and doing a little research on a few final items.

Ok, a better than average day, for the week anyway.

I made it to church. Good. I decided against attempting to take the refuse to the landfill, realizing that being late Saturday afternoon, the landfill was probably not open. It ended up being a wise decision, as I had forgotten my wallet so that between driving back to get my wallet, realizing I needed to stop and pick up some money for the offering (and a bit just for the wallet and life), time became much tighter than it at first seemed. Had I successfully or not detoured more I would not have made it to church on time. As is, I was inside the church and seated a very healthy 10 minutes early (my usual target time).

I saw several of the gents I saw last week, a few I had not seen but know, and I also met the fellow who had asked me to contact him. I had made efforts to obtain his email address, but the sister I emailed for information did not seem to know him, or he was not coming up in her searches. This time I ensured I got his email address and I plan to write and set up a coffee hour. Come to think of it, there is another friend or two in the church I need to check up on. It has been a while since I have seen some of them, perhaps it is time.

After leaving church, and then speaking with some friends, I decided a drive was in order. I had initially thought I might go fishing, but it seemed too late, and I would have needed to change as well. I wanted to do something to help me stay awake and stretch my day out a bit. A drive it was. I drove out to see if the county firing range was above water yet. I doubted it would be, but then maybe the water had been lowered in that particular reservoir to open that shooting area. Even if the water had been lowered, I supposed it would still be too muddy to drive in. The worst case scenario was the truth, water was still very high, not having gone down or been lowered since last I checked. It was a fun drive and a nice day, so no real loss.

Returning home, I try to think up some things to do. I decided to try and call my mother. She did not answer her home phone, so I called her cell phone. No answer to that either. Hungry, I decide, I really have a want for food. Then I remember the fish! Can I cook them well? I try to recall how my mother does them, and then I consider how I prefer things, then I combine the ideas and start cooking. Very good, if I do say so myself! I am not so pleased with my cooking skills as I am with the taste of fine tasting fresh fish and a satisfied stomach. Though knowing that I can cook these fine fresh (hopefully soon to be) easy to catch foods is good news.

Well, I should go back a bit. Half-way through the cooking my mother calls me. Her phone tracks who called. She had been in the shower, a long day for her so she was enjoying it as more a want than just a need. Then, she had food cooking, so she finished her meal. She has been very busy, though life will begin slowing down for her. She has been helping a friend out, but she is becoming tired. I finished my cooking while talking with her. We got caught up on all of our doings, ensured we each knew the other understood we were loved, and just jabbered for a bit. I could tell she was very tired. So, finally, we bid each other goodnight with a final “I love you”.

Perfect. The fish cooled off just right while we talked. I realize I have stayed up all day, I have completed some new and old tasks, of course I have missed out on doing some things I had hoped to do. All in all, life is becoming successful. I am really going to try and push to get up in the morning and stay up all day, while still staying somewhat busy.

Oh, movies have to go back. They are late. The movies, all good within their genres and perhaps more, some better than others, are “Stardust” (fantasy) , “Gabriel”(religious concept, angelic “mythology”), “Live Free or Die Hard” (action), and “War” (action, with Jet Li and Jason Statham). I may or may not get to full reviews, but “Stardust” received a B/B+ all around, “Gabriel” received a B-/B but only within it’s niche, “Live Free or Die Harder” was a solid B+/A- definitely in it’s genre and I would debate on into general cinema mostly, and “War” was a good B-/B if mostly just within it’s style. I best get these back. Goodnight.