A slow awakening.

This morning has been tough to get through. It is a Saturday, and like when I was a child and playing tag, this day like some zones is safe. I am a bit stiff, though not sore, after restarting my exercises, which is fine by me. It actually feels good to feel as if I have stretched and pumped a bit. I noticed that the weight belt is fitting better and easier as well. I must be losing a bit of volume along with some weight. It would hardly be noticeable, only I know at this point. But that I do know does help. I can only hope to actually make significant gains through a much greater time. I honestly do not know how long working, and honestly expanding my workouts, with straight weights will take to show real gains (and losses). I would guess it will take at least six months before I can see a real solid major difference in musculature. Will enough extra muscle mass be in evidence so that I begin losing weight as well by that time? I just do not know these things.

I am definitely going to church today, but I do not know what else I am going to do. I might take a drive and see if the water in the reservoir is still so high the back roads around it are still flooded. I am starting to wonder if it is going to dry out this year, dry out or warm up. This weather is more like typical April or early May weather. Perhaps I could go see a movie, or rent one or three. My preferred hiking area is in as bad of shape as the reservoir back roads, so that is out. And, my outdoor swimming areas are at the reservoir, well, not that they could be used now. The swim areas are 20 to 50 feet from the current shore line and 10 to 15 feet down. It is almost spooky. Time for a shower and lunch. Sliced fine traditional salami, some sliced cheese, a blue cheese dressing combined with mandarin oranges over a mixed dark green bed of lettuce should do the trick.

I am off!

The oddest of things.

Remember when I mentioned my trip last weekend? Remember that I said the event made the paper? Well, today, I received a parcel from my bank. In it was the article in a clear-coat protection along with a thank you card with hand written, very kind, salutations and thanks. Yesterday, I had become frustrated with my bank and almost quit them until a cooler head prevailed. I was frustrated with having to keep making up new passwords for my online access. The system does not allow me to use any of the last four passwords while forcing me to change my code every 90 days, and this is becoming frustrating. Beyond that, the complications tend to increase. It used to be the last password you could not use, then the last two, and finally now the last four passwords which are unacceptable. I called the bank and was directed to a woman who handles these affairs for the bank, and was a little cantankerous. I ran out of steam when she said there was nothing she could do and that if I must end our business, she would miss my business but there was nothing she could do. So, I just ended the call with a simple goodbye. In any case, and even if I was still unhappy (and really about them attempting to keep me secure), I could not end my association at this point, after this.

This is not a small bank. If not national, it certainly has many customers in several towns and cities. How they could know it was me is also a bit impressive. The article did not have my complete legal name and I rarely enter the bank or use the attended drive through, preferring the ATM drive through, so that my face could not be familiar (?). It has to have been close to a year or more since I set foot in the bank proper (hmm, when I applied for my car loan about this time last year), and longer since I used the drive-up window. Call me impressed, and humbled. Oh, and add in embarrassed, full of laughter at some of it, and grateful to be noticed even if that is contrary to my intentions. Overall, chalk it up to a really weird event. I told you they were watching!

One more full week.

Vacation is fast upon me. I am very nervous for a multiplicity of reasons. I will be alone and I will be traveling far. I will be meeting many strangers, some more known than others, all save 4 have never been met before. There are things that can go wrong and missteps which could leave my plans awry. However, my newfound confidence, attention to detail, and planning skills are paying off well. I can concentrate, I can think, push, or find my way through complications and on the fly. And, I am as much enjoying the possibility of having to overcome as a means of proof. No, that does not mean I am trying to build a conundrum into my plans, either. A perfectly implemented plan, carried out through exhaustion with learning on the fly, concentration, diplomacy, and other skills necessary, will also be a good score. Hopefully if something does go wrong and tests me, it will be an unforeseeable event rather than poor planning. Oh, foo, whatever happens, I will be satisfied in some ways. Simply that I am taking the chance and leaving my humble home to enter a very large, dangerous, and interesting world again.

My exercises were a bit lacking this week. I did do them today, and did them well enough. Monday my arm was quite incapacitated, Wednesday I had a visitor (all day), oh, and last Friday I was heading out to load and unload a van and then expecting a significant road trip as well. As I said, I have a full week for exercise coming up, and I might work out the following Monday and maybe Wednesday as well. And though I have not been getting out to hike, specifically, between this last weekend, helping my friend, and living life, I have remained relatively active. I would not have believed it, but I have been working out for 4 weeks, I have maintained a fairly high level of activity, I have nearly completed a complicated trip plan and made purchase of most of the gear, food, and asunder other, as well as having set up plans to begin college, made all of my appointments, and maintained a better contact with family and friends, plus started attending church regularly. I even joined a bible study on the side and found time to volunteer a weekend. Oh, and my music has all been washed, every CD (that will load) has been added to my computer hard drive collection and then transferred to my Zune (292 CDs, with at least a half dozen or more which would not rip).

I would be happy to take pride in what I am doing, but I know that between my medicine, my doctor, and God, my part of this is only in the will. And, that only when assisted on top of the fleshly boost, I suspect. I have done what portion I may, I do stretch that portion as I am able and when I am able, but I still wear the medicinal cast, depend on my medical and home assistance staff as a crutch, and know that even these are humble before God’s will and graces. I am almost certain now, that I might find a better and better pace and capacity. I think I will become stronger and more functional. Whether I always need the cast and crutch or not, I will always need God. I suspect if humility and reverence is what I needed to find, I think I have found that in spades. I think I am better off for it, even with my losses and should I never truly recover. Yeah, I think I am good even if it does not get better. But it will get better. Wow.

Yesterday was a wash?

Not really. I did nothing I had intended to do. Still, I was able to help a friend. Sometimes a friend needs a day, some attention, and a little extra special care. If I have it, I offer time, energy, and tlc. And so went yesterday. I may have missed doing something important, I did not do several of my regular and scheduled events, and I did not carry out any follow-ups on orders or ordering. So be it, it happens whether for this or other reasons.

Today I got back on track. Though my attempts to wake earlier is actually disturbing my regular schedule, I am continuing to make the effort. Though I have as often ended up awakening later than even before, I think I can get there.

I was able to contact someone regarding my upcoming doctor appointment which needs to be rescheduled, and is vital as he is leaving and there is something very important I wish to discuss with him. Though I was only able to leave a message, it is a start. I also scheduled an appointment with Vocation Rehabilitation services for this coming Monday. As well, I was able to check on an order. Email tag, as usual, but it, too, is a start. I also am making some financial arrangements so that my last few orders and my trip may occur more smoothly. And, I made one of my last orders or the last order for the trip today. Much of what I am ordering will go back. I am overly cautions about sizing as the time is getting short, so I am ordering several sizes. The memory of the farmer john and the time constraint are causing some slight heartburn.

I should be finished with the last of my CD transfers this day as well. I have few to complete, yet I have a few other chores and projects I am working on as well. Today and tomorrow, and really from now on, I am on a glide path to vacation. I have one more week of regular schedule and maybe another half a week where I may or may not continue my schedule. In there I have packing, maps to make and print, and perhaps some college planning.

What a spring and early summer! This has been intense, impressive, and promising. I am doing everything I can to make gains, maintain them, and expand even beyond them. I have miles to go, but I have come many miles to get here. I hope this is the time.

I am in recovery.

Odd, but I have had a very tough last few days. Sure, I have taken my medicine and on time, yes, I have been awake most of the day, but I am definitely a hurting unit. I have been sleeping incorrectly, lying on my right arm and either cutting off the blood, or extending it incorrectly, or both. It has been nearly useless during my days. I do not recall, at night when I wake up, having that arm under me or in pain. Last night I made a point to check it through the night. Guess what, it still is suffering a bit. As well, I have awaken with headaches each of the last two mornings. I think that is because my neck is out a bit. Oddly, the bed at New Melleray Abbey did not cause me discomfort (a rather unusual thing, since most “new beds” do cause headaches). Still, it seems, coming home to my own bed is the cause. My own bed has become like a new bed.

Beside the headache and arm troubles, I was generally exhausted yesterday. I would say that continues into this day. I believe part of the problem was getting so much exposure to the sun on the trip, without properly hydrating anyway. That is a mistake I will not repeat. I feel like I am having a hangover, one which is lasting two days. I assure you I am not. Oh, right, both a hangover and what I am going through do have the same basis, now that I think of it. Dehydration is a large part of both problems and that is why I feel as if it is a hangover. I guess I am going on a bit of a liquid diet for the next few days, well, the right type of liquid diet anyway.

I have squandered Sunday evening, Monday, and this morning on my weakness. I will stop it here. Drinking water may help in time, but getting up and going will stretch me past points of weakness (which are going to happen). I need to call Vocation Rehabilitation Services, do some financial finagling, order a few more items, check on some other items, send back a farmer john, and start lining my gear up so that I know what I have and what I might still need or want. One thing at a time though, Rehab Services and returning the wetsuit top today’s list.

Oh, and yes, the events of this weekend still play on my mind. As one who has studied Zen and suffers from “dissociation”, I could only suggest that the Monastery offers a spiritual form of those things, though Christian based. However, where Zen attempts to detach completely, the monks attempt to be here and there both with work and prayer coupled. And, where dissociation is accidental or unwanted, this is not so much the case. I am exploring it as I am able. Though I am certain there are no words which may quite describe the sense. I am not sure I can completely understand the senses either. Be that as it may, I am examining those feelings, senses, and notions.

Carbon “Belch” Day? Ok, but why stop at a day?

I read this article and I had to laugh. For the most part, I try to live by those principles, when money, time, and other resources are available. Though I honestly choose to attempt to live a humble life, I have absolutely no real fear of running out of oil, destroying the planet, or any of that eco-garbage people are trying to shove at me. Oh, it is nice to have a clean planet, but do not lie to me and then expect me to believe you the next time. Or, if you are going to lie to me, lie well. If a third grader can figure out these eco-terrorists like Al Gore are wrong, it sort of ruins the game. It started with Rachel Carlson’s lies and it has not stopped.

The good news is, if democrats and Democrats keep artificially raising the cost of fuel until Republicans quit trying to be democrats and show the people how little fuel should cost with the correct number of coal burners, nuclear plants, and an end to most of the EPA and the horrific rules it imposes, there will never be a question about this again. Why might this happen? $6 or $10 dollar fuel in a nation which really should only be paying $1.50 for fuel will change things. This is not yet the socialism of Europe. If 30 to 40 thousand of each of our states dies from heat or cold due to artificially inflated fuel costs as happens yearly in France and Britain, things here will change.

Oh, here is the link. I honestly do try to abide by most, if not all, of these principles. One day? What jokers.

New Melleray Abbey

Though I spoke with my coworker in the charity effort about the Monastery, and several times, nothing can quite prepare someone for their first stay at a monastery. There is nothing similar in any of my many life experiences which might have prepared me. I would have to say that the stay is quite apart from the world as I have ever known. Then too, there is the common and mundane in plane sight yet viewed as if through a lens which transforms even the normal into the contemplative. Time slows down, and then moves at a particular pace, set by the monks, the lives they lead, and the nature of the surroundings. To say it was an amazing experience might not quite be the best way to term it, yet that is what I have and so will use to describe my stay.

We arrived at the Abbey late, for monastic time to be sure. Arriving at 21:00, we entered the Abbey and waited near the guesthouse attendant’s room (9:00 pm, henceforth I will use military time: to find pm time, subtract 12 from any hour designation greater than 12:00 (13:00 ~ 13-12= 1 pm, 17:30 ~ 17:30-12:00= 5:30pm, etc.). After a short wait, my companion suggested he might know where to find whoever might be in charge of greeting guests. Sure enough, after a brief parting of ways, he returned with a man. I was to learn that this was Father Tom, a father yet also a brother at the Monastery. I do not know if he was a priest and then became a monk, whether as a brother he then went on to become a priest, or what his circumstances are, though I did learn all of these and other possibilities exist. In any case, we discussed a few things, we were given a few items with which to study or follow the monk’s Gregorian Chants, personal instructions, and a schedule for the time we were to stay. I remember little from the evening being tired as I was. Though I am sure we carried our gear to our bedrooms (private rooms with our own private baths), and once in my room I set things up for the night, unpacked, took care of grooming needs, took my medications, and then attempted to sleep.

For some odd reason a cousin, who has never called me before, called me shortly after I had settled in for the evening. We are not to speak in the rooms, and so I had to find a light switch, my phone, and press the ignore button. Having finally done this, I again retired. Perhaps ten minutes later she called again! Again, I pressed ignore. This time, however, I set the phone to neither ring nor vibrate when receiving a call. The phone, even when shut off, will come back on when called. I do not like that particular feature. As a side note, the following day, Saturday, my mother called and left a message in which she asked that I call my Uncle and give him my phone number. I wondered why she had not just given it to him, but I think it is easier for him to capture my phone number on his phone and add it that way. He might not actually remember how to put it in, or he may have difficulty seeing the numbers and buttons. He has never called me before either, so I am not sure what was going on. I did make the local news, so maybe they saw or heard something about that. I have not yet called anyone except my mother back, and since she did not know, I do not know.

I did sleep, and well for the most part. I did need the fan provided in the room. Though I did not sleep deeply, I slept soundly and comfortably. I awoke in time for the first bells. A little bit about bells first. There are seven bells, and a mass, each day. The first bells, a literal ringing of church bells, calls for the brothers, fathers, and all who wish to attend, to go to the church. The monks then sing Gregorian Chants (Psalms sung to a specific music arrangement), offer words of ceremony, and bow, or sit, or kneel at various times throughout the ceremonies. The seven bells are (Office of) Vigils at 3:30, Lauds at 6:30, Eucharist at 7:00 (this is at 9:00 on Sundays), Terce at 9:15, Sext at 11:45, None at 13:45 (literally, the service is called “None”, confusing, a bit, at first… Latin(?)), Vespers at 17:30, and Compline at 19:30. As I said, I woke up, without an alarm clock oddly, in time to be groomed, dressed, and downstairs for the Office of Vigils. However, I did not know where to go. And, having been warned against entering certain areas and knowing that signs might be easily missed at this time of day, I waited in hopes someone else would go and I could follow. It was not to be. However, I was pretty much awake for the rest of the day.

For guests, breakfast is after morning mass except on Sunday, dinner is at noon, and supper is at 18:00. In the morning, during a time I can only suggest the brothers might complete more domestic chores, as guests, we have a large space of time to study, read, hike, or relax. In this time, my cohort and myself decided a hike would be good. He actually sought me out to see if I wished to go with him at about the time I was looking for him to ask a few questions, including about hiking. There is quite a large acreage which the Monastery maintains, it has 1200 acres of timber, as well as pastures, farm land, and the grounds of the monastery itself. Our hike must have been three or a little more miles, in total, and perhaps a full four miles. We had some very interesting conversations interspersed with quiet times along the way. Even with a very large hill, and occasional other terrain difficulties, I think I did well in the effort. In the afternoon, work around the grounds, in the garden, or wherever work is needed, is performed by the monks. Those of us guests who wish to do so may help. My friend and myself, along with another man, agreed to help. We trimmed the branches of several plum trees in order to even their look and allow air into overly dense portions. Two of use went on to the garden with the brother from there and planted about 100 pepper and a few tomato plants, while the third guest went to pick rhubarb. I dug the holes with a trowel in this part. We then completed several other minor and last minute tasks, including cleaning our tools, fertilizing some of the vegetables, and stacking and storing what we had used. I think we ended up impressing the brother which whom we were working. If not by great deeds, then merely by a lack of complaint and a steady hand to the work.

From what I am told, the monks are vegetarians. Since we guests eat a different meal, I am not sure what their meal plan looks like, though I must admit to being curious. From seeing a picture of one of their completed meal place settings, it seems as if cheese and milk are in the menu, so I am speculating that by vegetarian, only meat is precluded. Though whether the definition of meat constitutes fish and eggs as well, I cannot know. As I said, I am curious. I myself love beef, as well as some pork, fish, fowl, and I am coming to appreciate lamb, vegetarianism would be difficult.

They have an interesting gift shop. Some things are expensive, some things are not. Some items are produced at the Abbey or the nearby and associated nunnery, others are from local, regional, national, and international religious venders. There are foods, wooden items, books, religious items, and music. I sorted through the gift shop over my stay, deciding whether to buy something or not, whether for myself or others, and what if anything at all I should get. On the day of departure, Sunday, I strolled down toward the shop. I saw and greeted Father Tom and asked if we might take care of my stay and perhaps a few purchases. He was awaiting my travel companion, as they were going to speak, but until that time he was free. So, I picked up a few items, a coffee mug with New Melleray Abbey written on it and a design indicative of the architecture of the building, a book of rules which the monks must abide, the morning and evening Gregorian Chants recorded at the Abbey, and a brief photographically rich book of the history of the Monastery. Later in the morning, I realized I did wish to purchase a few items for a few friends. My neighbor had indicated that honey buttered bread had been a delight he had remembered from his childhood visits to a monastery in Utah. So, I thought Melleray honey might be something he would appreciate. Mixed with butter and spread on bread, perhaps his family might enjoy the treat? I can hope. As well, I remembered to buy some chocolates for my lady friend. She happened to stop by this morning, for no particular reason, so I offered her the chocolate, which she gratefully accepted. She also liked the mug. I offered it to her, but she suggested I keep it. If I go again, she has suggested that I now know what to bring back to her. I should get the honey to my neighbor this afternoon.

There were three monks with whom I had some contact. I must admit to being quite pleased to have met these men. I felt rather satisfied to have made their acquaintances and it was enriching. I do feel some comfort, both that they do this work and offer these praises, but that they are able to in spite of our state as it is, the profusion of sin, and the social confusion that has nearly destroyed via secularization the fabric of this nation and perhaps the whole of Western Civilization. In this place, there is some notion of hope, some remembrances of wholesomeness, a realization of the strength and goodness of tradition, righteousness, and the greatness of God. It was no small thing, this visit. I sense more, but this is as much as words will convey.

I am considering visiting this winter, sometime during Christmas break from college. This time, I am considering whether to visit as this time or whether to go as an associate. As an associate, I would sit up with the monks and chant, sing, and worship with them rather than being seated in the pews, and yet I would not eat or reside with the monks or with the guests, necessarily, either. I have not yet decided which it is to be, or if for certain I am going. However, hopefully if I go, I will take cross country snow skis, cold weather gear, and some gear I would like to test in order to do some exploring in the mornings. I plan on reviewing the recordings of the chants in order to, perhaps, become more familiar with them. And, I am considering trying to get to their type of schedule. Getting up at 3:15 and going to bed at 20:00 to 20:30 is not that bad. It offers right at 7 to 8 hours of sleep. We will see how far I get with this. Some of it will not work well with my vacation coming up. In any case, I am hoping some of what I felt is maintained, and some of what is a mystery will become more familiar even if it never becomes named whether or not I incorporate all of their schedule and some of their activities.

A storm report.

Parkersburg, Iowa

Though the stay at New Melleray Abbey was a second thought consideration which only coincided with a task I volunteered to assist performing, the stay has become the predominant experience of the weekend. Yet, the task which initialized the stay was also significant in a number of ways. The task was not difficult or complex for my part, though the man who initiated the event did the planning, made the contacts before and during the trip, and did the driving to the locations which needed deliveries. I was only a helper in loading the van and company on the trip.

The delivery was fairly uncomplicated, though initially it seemed that it might be involved. As we approached Parkersburg, Iowa, we started making calls in order to ensure the items and monies we carried would be delivered to the correct place or places. We began calling early enough so that when we were near enough to make final choices, we were easily and directly directed to our two destinations even with the little bit of phone tag which is apt to occur in these situations. The first stop saw us driving to a town west of Parkersburg where it seems the Red Cross has headquartered their relief services and donation center. The next stop sent us through Parkersburg.

Much of the town was not damaged. If I had to guess, I would say two thirds of the town was intact. However, what of the town that was hit was more obliterated than damaged. Houses were often stripped to their foundations, most of the structure on two and three level houses completely or mostly gone. The trees were stripped of all foliage, all of their branches less then a foot thick, and some trees lost even some or all of the thicker branches. It looked like a war zone. It looked as if bigger howitzers were used to heavily pepper the area with near-ground and slightly higher sky-burst shells.

Something that had not crossed my mind before regarding tornadoes came to my realization as we were leaving the town. We passed a junk-yard for old cars. They were stacked several high, perhaps five or six in a stack. There were many stacks. Then I realized something, they were all “newer” junked cars. There were hundreds of vehicles flattened, tossed around, smashed by a tornado, not by time and machines. This was an F5 tornado, and it shows. Oddly, there were two buildings which stood out as having very little damage, just a bit of roof damage, and certainly not even systemic or catastrophic at that. Two new bank buildings survived right in the middle of the tornado and stand in stark contrast to the devastation the surrounding area exhibits.

As I have been informed, there were three cities actually hit by the tornado. We passed through or by both of the other cities, though we could see no damage. New Melleray Abbey actually also lost a barn to the tornado. Objects from Parkersburg, the most westward of the towns hit, were found in Prairie du Chiene, Wisconsin, across the Mississippi River and between one half and one third of the state away. It was an incredible storm.

It was difficult to consider the people who survived this tornado. Lives, property, businesses, and schedules lost or disrupted and in such a horrendous immediate and non-negotiable fashion. I can really only pray that those people and their communities find a way to join together, and that people from around the country, along with insurance companies and other parties can all gather to help those in need. It is a very big project, amazingly big, overwhelming large to me. I know in another country, almost any other country, recovery would be agonizingly slower if it came at all. Some nation’s governments do not even allow the people in need to receive donated food, water, and clothing and do not provide as a government either. In spite of their ill fortunes, these people could not have had a bad thing happen to them in a better place.

Packing is interesting.

Ok, what I want to take and what I will take are two different things. My clothes, due to my size, take a great deal of space, especially considering my available luggage. Even taking the light day pack and the duffel bag, a necessity, I will need to be very picky and leave some things. I suppose this is where ideas hit reality and I learn a bit about practicality. This is not a problem, and I will still have several food, water, and clothing options along with an extra sleeping option.

I am not sure what type of work we may be called upon to do, yet I am satisfied that I will be able to do it. Beyond a native strength and store of energy upon which to draw, having been working out has really added to that strength and depth of energy, even if it does not look like it. Actually, it is the long drive which will be more challenging. I would guess we will be driving around 300 miles, on top of work and then unloading the goods. So, it will end up quite a long day.

It was raining very heavily when I awoke this morning. Though I hope it does not warm up and become a mug pool state, I also hope the rain will at least slow so as to facilitate a safer trip and allow us to work outside if that is what is needed. This being Iowa, there is no telling about the weather. My nurse should be here in a bit, so I will go.

Oh, I might add, I have some small suspicion. I almost wonder if the nurse and the home maker are allowed because my numbers (blood pressure and blood sugar) are so astronomical, even now, that they suspect I am going to keel over. I almost wonder if they plan on me being dead and they just want to have some way of checking. Call me paranoid (then quit, you might be right *laughs*). She will be here soon. I hope to blog Sunday or Monday about this weekend. Have a great weekend yourself.

Ok, I missed one.

Last night was my first slip-up. When I went to work out, I realized at my level of exhaustion that the task was unwise. To be honest, it would have been dangerous to attempt to work out. I could not concentrate or keep focus and balance was an issue. How much was muscular I cannot say, though I think that was a more minor part of the issue. Still, it was a full day. I was up and going and on the road by, 10:00 or 11:00, was it? And, I had made brunch before that, and showered, and all. After leaving the house, I did not return until after 18:00, then went out again. Only to return and make a full supper then clean up. Some days I just will not be able to exercise the way I had planned. And, really, if it is not too often, I think I can live with that.

I think my day yesterday was a bit too busy though. I could not sleep until 4:30 or 5:00, I just could not do it. I was having a very difficult time getting out of bed today, as might be expected. My friend and I went together on a tent recently, and she received it several days ago. We went together on it, as one of us almost for certain would want it and either we could then buy the other out or share it since we rarely camp at the same time. She had been hoping for a sunny day to put it up outside, but that had not happened and it does not look to be imminent. So, today, she set it up in her living room. She wanted me to take a look at it, and so called and woke me up in the middle of waking up process, revised wake up process anyway and at about 9:00. I assured her I would be over promptly. And, I may have been, in my dreams. I dunno. But the next thing I do know is that the phone was ringing and it was 11:00 and she sounded like an unhappy chipmunk. So, I got up, showered, and drove over. It is a really nice tent, actually. It is an REI, it has two “doors”, it is very comfortable for me (enough so that I could probably rest comfortably with one or even two other people in it, most “3 man” tents only and barely fit me), and it is well outfitted. However, and this is just the way the world works, we have both ended up taking our vacations at the same time. Only one of us will get to take it. I have suggested she take it as I have a tent (two actually, as I could take her other one or my old one), and because she actually needs a tent every night on her trip, while I could use one or just flatten my Xterra’s inner areas out and sleep in there, if I camp at all in any case. Still, I know she will yo-yo about this until she leaves on her trip (first, the 14th of June, I leave around the 18th but she will not be back yet).

I finally checked on the farmer john wetsuit return. I found the email address with which to send a query regarding the order and then sent an email including several specifics from the order definition email they had sent to me as the order was shipped. I did ask for a phone call, and gave them my phone number. I suggested that either a phone call would need to be had and that the phone call would have to include a conversation with an experienced wetsuit buying guide or that a simple return would be made and I would go on to find assistance of this nature from another source. I am hoping for a quick reply, though I am dubious. By Monday I will either have made contact somehow or I will order from another source. Time is becoming a bit critical on gear, with enough time for one more return and re-order cycle without getting into extremely expensive shipping. Even that would be questionable beyond one to two more order cycles.

I am cleaning my new cooking and eating equipment. I am also going through my gear, ferreting out what I want to take on the trip to a tornado torn area of Iowa and what will not be needed is being set apart in an orderly manner. It is good to be going through my gear and seeing exactly what I have, how much of what, and to set my mind to ease knowing where things are. I will end up taking two sets of clothes, with extra socks and an extra set of thermals (I will also be wearing one set), cooking and eating gear, water treatment and personal water storage, leather gloves, a personal hygiene kit including a smaller fast drying camp towel, several means of lighting a fire, both to light the little stove or to start an actual camp fire, my sleeping back, and a few other small odds and ends. Hopefully, other than the sleeping bag, it will all fit in a smaller day pack or medium duffel. Maybe better to just start with the duffel, as it will handle the sleeping bag too? Oh, of course, plenty of water, several food items (some needs to be cooked, some can be eaten as is, some can be done both ways, while some should not be cooked). I am probably doing overkill, but it is fun to do, and it will be interesting to see if any of it ends up being needed.

It seems that the loading of the van is off for the night. We will have to do what we can tomorrow, as the van needed some work and is in the shop. Which, as it turns out, is a good thing. My lady friend suggested she might be over this evening. So, I asked if she might be interested in one of her favored cuts of beef. It seems she might be, so, I headed to the store and picked up this, that, and the meat. I then stopped at the coop and picked up a few items (some for the trip, Clif Bars and a few assorted other items). So, I should be able to make a fine meal tonight, again. I hope she brings a movie or something, or at least is prepared to play a few board games. I think the meal with be: Delmonico steak with fresh garlic and mushrooms, fresh steamed kale, a salad, and fresh strawberries as desert. As usual, coffee for the lady, whole milk for the buffalo.

I must admit to being intensely curious about the monastery. All I have to go on is the stories of old regarding such establishments. Most of what I know, I have told. The daily mass, the seven bells (though, why seven, hourly minus the hour for mass?), and just that it is a monastery. What I did not pass on was that this place is within the largest contiguous (old?) woods in Iowa and that as their means of producing income, they craft coffins. I only worry that I might miss a bell, caught in a daydream or having fallen to a nap. I fear not being able to sleep or awaken properly. I fear being a burden, one way or another. Call me fickle, but, and though I know I am not, I like to feel somewhat in control and able to dismiss my duties as I may or must at times. With others, a clock, and many unknowns, I am being tested a bit. I am sure, one way or another, I will do fine for the short time period. Yeah, I know the rafting and all, but that is a little different. My rafting mates will probably not have the ability to excommunicate me! *laughs*

It has been a very busy day, and week really.

Today my lady friend needed a driver again. The good news is I believe we have made our last trip for the year, at least in regards to this particular project of hers. She always feeds me, sometimes she offers to pay for gas as well, and occasionally she is good company. Today, however, I fed us. Some fresh guacamole, three cheese flour tortilla melts, salsa, fresh coffee, and a few other items saw us off well, an offering from my home. Instead of a meal, then, today, she provided our tickets to the new Indiana Jones movie. I purchased waters and a few treats. Afterward, we drove to where she needed to go. This time, everything was to her liking and it was an very fast into the office and back on the road affair. I returned just in time to make the final contacts with a man from church to get a ride to the bible study. Come to think of it, she actually liked the brunch I prepared as well! A little garlic and a few other spices in the assiago seemed to have done the trick.

The bible study was quite good. I believe they had been reading the passages given for this day, what is to be used in mass that is (1st reading, psalms, and 2nd reading), three times and then discussing the material. This time a new method for thought and study was used. We read the verses, then an extended section around the verse, then the footnotes, and then discussed what we had read. It will take me some time to get back in the swing of study, yet I did have a few notions to share and the study did draw me in. I have met and I do respect the gentlemen who were present, and I think I may learn from them as well, just by being in their company. This holds promise as a means of study, socialization, and possible connections to other activities.

As a fact, tonight was a connection to other activities. One of the men indicated that he would be picking up whatever goods had been collected and delivering those goods to a city here in Iowa that has been hard hit by a recent tornado or three. At the beginning of the study, in a light-hearted manner though too with a seemingly serious undertone as well, he let it be known help would be very welcome. About half way through the group, it hit me that this was my call. And, trying not to sidetrack the study, I made it quickly known that I would be interested and that we should exchange contact information. Well, quickly and surely, and without the feeling that this was wrong, a pen and paper were provided and we exchanged personals and he informed me of what he knew to date. Afterwards, we re-initialized the study and finished on time.

Since then, he has called to update me on the plan. It seems that the material will be ready tomorrow at 19:00. He would like to load the material in preparation when it is ready. Then, Friday, after he is free from his work to travel, at around 12:00 to 13:00, we will begin the trip. Super for me, it allows me to do my workout in the morning and be showered and ready. It seems we will be doing some work, leather boots and leather gloves were recommended. We will work at one place, or from a general area I am not certain, then we will travel to another place and unload the goods.

Beyond, it seems my co-worker had been intending to go to a monastery this weekend. When all of this happened, the timing seemed to indicate that this work and delivery could happen as well. So, after I was asked which part I would help with (all of the above, and anything else needed I have indicated), I was asked if I wanted to return early or if I could handle staying on at the monastery. Are you kidding? I did not say that, I did think it. Yes, I would greatly enjoy staying. Apparently there is a mass each day and seven bells, calling for all to gather for prayers, song, and collective reflection, reunion, and praise. I have wondered about this type of life, I would not say it could be mine long term. Who knows though. In any case, that was a hidden bonus.

I cannot remember if I said, but all of my music has been washed, and 172 albums by 119 artists are loaded on my Zune. I am about two thirds the way through this task. I did finally order the gear in question. I may ask my neighbor to check while I am gone, there is nearly $400 dollars in gear. I would have ordered it in such a way as I needed to sign for it, but I did not know I would not be here. I will be taking a few pieces of gear in a day pack, plus a sleeping back, and some emergency food, just in case.

When I returned from the bible study, my lady friend was still here. So, I asked her to stay for supper. I had a t-bone thawed, she had her organic but very fresh spring lettuce, and there were fresh brussel sprouts for me and frozen broccoli for her, along with fresh coffee for her and a glass of whole milk for me. I had produced a decent vinaigrette for lunch, and so that was in play again as well. Trying to stay on target, I cleared and cleaned after supper, with only one pan (soaking though) needing finished. Then my kitchen will be clean again, probably cleaner than before.

Still, I need to work out before I go to bed. But first, I need to digest my food a bit more. I know it is late, but this has been a busy day. If I was to be here Saturday, I might float my exercises a bit. As is, I have little choice and I will not fail to do this simple task. I am tired, so I may not be able to do as well (though I will most assuredly try). I may need to take an extra break before the final reps in the final sets of some exercises, I might have to take a little longer of a break between sets, but I will get it all done. I wish I looked differently for this exercise, or even felt differently. Still, I am sure it means something somehow.

What a day. Now I really am curious about what tomorrow might bring. Maybe I am becoming alive again. I know it will be good to be doing something right and helpful to others. I had been thinking about that, but I was not sure what to do. Perhaps as I have sought to know God better, I can more easily be summoned and hear and understand his call. Goodnight.

A lot done while doing nothing.

Though I woke up later, it being a holiday and all yet not so late as to be unseemly, I still had a great day. Getting out of bed a little after 9:00, having taken my medicine around 7:30. The day was slow at first. I tried to figure out how, or more what, to write about this weekend and my experience with it. After writing several drafts, and then dumping those and rewriting, I finally hit on something that felt at least ok.

After this and that, I started to do this and that, and then wrote about it. As the day progressed, so did my accomplishments. I have copied 78 albums to my hard drive, cleaned the CDs, alphabetized them (and all the other CDs), and then installed those 78 albums on my Zune. I then worked out. This week is the last week I increase weights until my return from out West. It was a tough workout, but I felt good. I was able to push through all the reps, save one. During this time, I was also doing laundry and ended up completing two and a half cycles (one load just needed dried). Then, after working out, I made some homemade guacamole. I, at first, was not sure what to do about the rest of supper. After a bit, while making the guacamole, I hit upon it. Two quarter pound (made from raw meat, not fast food) hamburgers with some onionified buns, guacamole on the hamburgers (plus a dab for chips), along with corn chips and salsa (not homemade, but good). Adding in a glass of milk, I had a decent supper. Now, as the last load finishes drying, the kitchen now also cleaned up again, and Andromeda Strain on the tube, the day is closing to success.

I had not set out to do work, or much work, or certainly not this much work. But it did not seem difficult, I was able to do two or three things at a time for the most part, and it all just… happened. I am not at all tired either.

I have some plans for tomorrow. My lady friend requested my chauffer services for the first part of the day. After that, I hope to add another pile of CDs to the computer and then on to the Zune. As well, I would really like to get out for a hike or walk. Oh, I need to check about a return of the farmer john dive suit and about ordering that other gear I have mentioned. I emailed them again, as they had not gotten back to me as they had indicated, and they said they would get back to me soon (apparently they have a holiday today too (Britain)). As well, I found that I have an appointment June 11th, so I will have to be back by the 10th, which also means I can easily set an appointment with Vocational Rehabilitation June 12th, and I wish to do so in order to ensure I will have a timely meeting and time enough to do the rest of my college preparations. It is almost silly how easy things seem, though in truth, I still have to push mightily sometimes, like every morning, sometimes to work out, and often to stay on track and make those calls and take those actions. As each fear or doubt is overcome, however, the continuation of successes make the next time easier, easier, and even easier… but not quite yet assured. Closer.

I have not been completely inactive.

One of the projects getting attention this weekend has been transferring my CDs to my computer’s hard drive. That is at least one half of the process depending on whether I just transfer whole CDs directly to the Zune or whether I filter the music to transfer a bit or a lot from each album to the Zune. If time gets short, I have the memory to store it all on the Zune. Now, figuring out how much space the music would take required some trial and error. I tried to do a direct one-to-one recording of the music (I believe, called “noloss”). It was the best recording quality, I believe. Yet I found that a mere 30 CDs took 7 Gb. My machine only has 110 Gb on both drives and the Zune only has 80 Gb. So, I had to cut back the rate, twice. Which also meant recording those 30-ish CDs twice, then erasing them! As is, 300-400 CDs will consume between 50 and 60 Gb. I suppose, if I wanted to pick and choose while recording, I could record in the best format. Simply put, I do not have that kind of time, for sure anyway. As well, I am looking to have as complete a back-up of my music as possible. Meaning I wish to have the complete CDs somewhere. This offers another reason to update my computer… I had thought to just get one 500 Gb RAID, but I am thinking 2, or even 2 separate Tb RAIDs. Especially since I have not even seen how much memory movies will take!

I have also been cleaning a bit, and trying to get caught up on laundry while planning to launder some of my specialty clothing (silks, wools, rain-proof, etc) in my run up to the trip. As well, this week I will have the dishes complete when my help arrives, even if she arrives early. I will probably wash my CDs while I am at it today. Then when dry, I will restore those, initially, back into the CD books (which is great as they needed sorted back to the alphabet). I am considering putting the CDs back into their original cases, which I have kept for the most part. I am also interested in clearing a few more of the storage spaces in my apartment as the rest of the place is starting to really shape up. I am also hoping to clear out the front room, before I go, in order to clean the carpet. Well, either the front room and hall, or my bedroom and the hall carpeting. The weight room (a spare bedroom, technically) and the front room will be the most difficult to clear, so those might have to wait. My workout regimen allows a week long break for every six weeks of working out. I probably will not be able to get the carpeting in that room done this time, (the week preceding my vacation) but maybe next break. Beyond that, I am hoping to really push and clean and clear everything stored, hanging clothes, all my drawers, and the garage. I cannot swear I will get to all of that, but I have a shot at it, even while I do the music transfers, exercises, getting out of the house, normal shopping, remaining planning, and church. I may be shooting high, but honestly I think this is all doable, and easily.

If I was not disabled, this would not even be considered a difficult set of tasks. Most people do this (or can do it) and work, while often with religious, familial, and social duties, responsibilities, and pleasures added in there. As I grow stronger, as my life begins taking a solid wholesome shape, as my health improves, as I grab the reins and take command, my illness weakens, shrinks, and becomes a concern rather than my whole life. How far I am along that rise I cannot tell. If it is permanent, long lasting, or sustainable, only time will tell. I only know this is the absolute best I have done in 20 years. My worst days are now better than my best days of most of those previous years by a vast stretch. My life, work, and workouts are becoming easier in doing even as they become very much harder and more complicated in fact.

So, in spite of what I might otherwise have called a weak showing this weekend, I enjoyed the time off and the reflections of life, death, family, and country. The perspective is something I am grateful at having been able to know this year. I do regret not living close enough to take a trip to my main family’s primary graveyard. If this life has become a graced event again, and this year sees the advances of the last year added to this years gains or even maintained, I may have to put a visit in my schedule. I think it would be nice to gather my mother, an aunt, a few cousins, and a roomful of memories, and then as a group go visit some of those who helped create those memories yet who can no longer come to us.

Memorial Day

For the first time in my adult life, without prompting, I appreciated this day. It is not as if those who have sacrificed through war, toil, giving, sharing, and who have loved and served my nation, my family, and myself have not been important to me. It is not as if I felt above, beyond, or beneath respect or reverence. I hold that respect strongly, and value all that goes with it. However, simply being aware that a day is a holiday has been a difficult project in the condition I often find myself.

I have considered, over the course of this weekend, those who came before and have since passed. Some important family members can be named among the remembered. Some I have met and loved, such as my Grandpa, several cousins, and a step-brother, among others. Some I never had the chance to meet except through pictures and stories, such as my Grandmother. There are other family members, cousins to uncles, great aunts to siblings, who I have known and miss. I think of the servicemen who have died for my family, myself, and our nation. Further back, I think of those who helped sew some of the seeds of my nation before the US was a nation. The noblemen who pushed for the Magna Carta for example. And further back, to Christ, who believed men were worthy enough for him to knowingly suffer and die and rise. As it is God and His notion’s which have been the basis for this nation and upon which the citizens draw their rights to freedoms. And, back further to the earliest of God’s prophets and writers, who were the very first to begin developing the idea that would one day be my nation. There are many to be remembered, many who have sacrificed and died, some close some more distant in time or relationship. And, there are others whose lives were their sacrifice, who gave the sweat off their brow, the calluses on their hands, the blisters on their feet, and much of if not all the wealth they generated to ensure their children, who became my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and so on had a chance to offer me a place in this world.

I have enjoyed this weekend. I have done very little, and enjoyed the time off. This is the first three day weekend I have actually knowingly understood fully in decades. To both appreciate the time off and be aware enough to also contemplate the reasons behind the break is something I see as a sign of a new life. I am only so glad, finally and fully, to not be listed as one to be remembered. I now have a much deeper valuation of the sacrifices men have made to allow me this chance. And, now, family means that much more as well. I now honor the dead properly. Because of this, though, I also honor the living even more. Life is so precious and rare, I cannot help now but to see things differently, especially as I begin once again to live it.

A minor hitch.

I finally tried on the farmer john dive suit. It does not fit! I will have to send it back and order another, hopefully in time. I cannot find the order sheet, so I will need to call the company. I had wanted to call the company anyway, in hopes they might be able to guide me, and more quickly than what I could do on my own, to a replacement suit. I am terrible about returns, so this will be a challenge. Worst come to worst, I may just rent when I get to the rafting guide's place. At least there is a stock solid fall-back plan.

Oh, the Zune, so far, is amazing! The software I downloaded works fine (so long as I remember to allow access through the firewall (safe? Doubtful, but I think I am compromised anyway. *sigh* no… ARGGGHHHH!!!* The software automatically updated the machine from ver. 2.0 to ver. 2.5. And, after figuring out how to run it (without instructions, I could find them nowhere, for either the Zune or the software), I altered some of the settings, and even set it up so that my computer automatically burns music CDs to a file when I put them in the CD/DVD drive. As well, I can choose which file type I wish to compress the music into. The really good one (I think it is the best(?), still learning) takes a good deal more time and probably space, but with 80 gb I think I will go with that. I doubt it is as good as the CDs, but I am not quite an audiophile (if somewhat picky). It will take some time to get my CDs converted. I am thinking of just having a goal of processing 20 or 30 CDs a day. I will just have to see how long it takes and then see how much time I have on any particular day of course. At 20 per day, it will take well more than 15 days with more than 300 CDs to burn. Oh, I pulled down a freeby song from Zune’s Marketplace last night. I was just curious about how it worked, how well it worked, and how long it took.

Today has been a late start and a slow day. Fine, it IS Saturday. I do plan to go to church and then return, change my clothes, and then go fishing if it is not raining. If it is raining, I may head out on a local hike. I have a small pack, waterproof outers, and a camel-back. With it being a rainy day, I will be less likely to meet a fearful woman. It is irritating to be walking along and have a female freak out because I am walking on a path toward her. If she is that at risk, she should not be out and or alone. And yes, if someone like me was not a gentlemen, she would have as much chance as she would against a great white shark. Although, it is interesting to see feminism tested against reality. Thankfully for her there is no risk in my presence.

Three weeks of working out, getting back on medicine and now to the point of both consistent and proper usage and far better results from the medicine, my plans for the summer coming together and nearly completed, my plans for school now in the works, an introduction into a men's bible study, and a return to regular church attendance have led to a very strong showing in my life. Or more, the recreation of a life. I am beginning to put all the parts together. It has been, at times or actually usually, necessary to begin any particular area in bits and parts, then to start knitting the bits, and now to connect the parts into a whole as a new life. Bit by bit, sometimes only a stitch or weave at a time, sometimes the construction of whole aspects at a time, a real, good, functional, extended life is being created and lived. No doubt, this house of a life is still only a rough outline, the basement still only drying cement, the plumbing only capped pipes leading into the construction site or out of it, lots still to do. But it is recognizable as it stands. It has some reality to it, and shows more than a simple interest, but a full intent to build, with great risks having been taken to get this far.

There are many people helping me, I am not deluded. I have a woman help keep my apartment clean (and it helps greatly). I have a nurse check in on me and set up my medication every two weeks (and that, at times, is vital). I have a doctor who pushes me and sometimes allows me to push back. I have family and friends who have stayed in contact and not let me just drop off the face of the planet. Yes sometimes I have asked for these things, yes I roll up my sleeves and pitch in if I can, yes I want it, yes I have goals, plans, and a deep interest, but I am not on this path alone. I could not do it alone. And, finally, I think I am ok with that, mostly, as humbling, fear inducing, and encroaching as being dependent may be.

Hammer and nails, 2x4s, and effort, the world is coming together.

I have not exercised yet. My lady friend called and asked if I would bring her some 7-Up shortly after that last post. Certainly I said, I could, and so I did. I needed to buy a few groceries for my home as well, I realized, as I started driving to the store. I picked up a few items at Hy-Vee, then headed to the fancy grocery store. I suggested freshly made soup from the Coop during our conversation. Perhaps, she thought, though she would delay a decision until she knew what soups were offered today. I purchased a few more items in the coop, and then looked to the soups. She was not interested in beef noodle, minestrone, or summer tomato, and nothing else sounded good, so I paid for my goods and drove to her place. She answered rather swiftly after I knocked, and she looked very ill. I delivered the goods, and because of her appearance, skipped inviting myself in.

I will call and check on her frequently this weekend, I will probably call her this evening. This is the second time this week I have seen her look this rough, and it is not her style or way. I know what is causing it, she is working two jobs, one is paying her, the other is costing her to work (due to gas costs and no pay or reimbursement). Between the physical stress of an extra 20-40 hours of work plus travel time, the added expenses which fray her nerves, and exposure (all that beautiful sunshine, rain, wind, and dirt :p ), she is at her ends. Still, I will try to make sure she does not get too ill, or have some major unmet needs, or such. She has no one else, and I like to do this, and, I suppose, I like her. Even the lout that I am, I can be gentle even when I disagree, should I choose that. I will know she is back on her feet when she takes a psychic swing at me. Atta girl, swing a little harder and higher… or lower… as I am frequently pleased to think.

I ordered one toy this year, while obtaining the rest of the goods for the trip. I have had this on my list for several years. I think this particular one is newer, the newest of it’s type. I ordered it, custom, two days ago. It showed up on my doorstep today. Well, actually it was at the door, a signature was required to take possession of the item. Hint, it is smaller than a breadbox, can fill a fairly large room if properly set up, runs and plays, “everyone” has or wants one, nobody really manages theirs well, and they are techy. I bought a custom artwork Zune 80 gb mp3 player. Now I need to get something to connect it to the mp3 jack in my Xterra (I did not order that in the X, it either came free since they did not have one without it or it was a part of my extra stereo package, maybe it was the satellite radio package that was free… I dunno). I also am trying to find information about whether I could download from Sirius or XM Satellite radio to my Zune (or computer?). I have one of the radio systems in the Xterra (the hardware anyway, I let the free period pass without obtaining a contract). If I could download music, yeah, I would subscribe. However, I strongly doubt it is possible (without hacking, probably illegally).

I downloaded the software for Zune. It does not look to offer all that much music, video, or other content actually, and it seems a little pricey. Though it was late and I was tired when I looked. Supposedly, by connecting the Zune to my computer through this software (on top of the software also being both what loads media to the Zune, a media marketplace, and a social hangout for Zune users), this is how I charge the player. I have 300 music CDs, though I never have really learned how to record or burn CDs to my computer or to CDs, let alone how to mess around and get the recording settings arranged to have the highest quality renditions of my favorite stuff in a format suited to an mp3 player. With 80 gb, I am almost tempted to just record whole albums. Then again, maybe not. It depends on how much easier it is to look for albums and then look through those compared to finding songs by group or singer, style, and alphabetically. I have no idea about how to go about organizing my loading, nor what categories are available. *sigh* Still, once done, I can keep my whole music collection safe at home, stored (and as I learn, probably backed-up AND using the another set of back-ups rather than the originals to play when I do play CDs). Plus, I will probably be more willing to buy pieces and parts, as with Leni Kravitz. I hate his whole albums, but he has a very few excellent songs. Why he does not become the new Hendrix I will never know. He must be afraid of becoming too white or something. So, instead, he slinks off into Ike Turner obscurity. Then again, at least he does not Uncle Tom to rap music.

On another note, my vocational councilor called. He sounded up-beat about my prospects in spite of some health issues himself. I can certainly empathize, within the constraints of familiarity, sympathizing with the rest. He asked that I obtain information regarding my current academic track, including: actual course work needed and completed; how the two year and four years schools will or could function with the remaining coursework; and a time schedule for the completion of the remaining work. As I remembered it, I believed I had already completed that type of survey, having spoken with both the U of Iowa and Kirkwood this spring, so I told him I would see if I could find the material. He had asked me to do it around the beginning of the spring semester, and when it was done, suggested that it did not matter without my doctor’s input, so to just not worry about the work I had and paperwork I had collected. Well, with the doctor in my camp, and now the paperwork and schedule completed, I was hoping to schedule an appointment before heading to Colorado. No such luck, he had wanted to schedule me for June 1st for a meeting. That is right at the end of my vacation (a part that is still somewhat vague). Since the off-roader group has not actually planned the trip yet, I am not sure which day I will be leaving from up that way. As well, I fully intend to see two, if not all three, of my mothers on the way home. To date, I have never had a mother push me out of the door the day after I arrived. Yet, assuming that very scenario, I would not be back in time for the meeting. Still, it is looking good. He suggested that I call and set an appointment when I get back, but I think I will probably call as soon as I know about the off-road excursion’s end date. I will then give myself about a week and a half to drive and visit, get home and sorted out, and rest up and going again before having to begin planning classes. I think I impressed him by having done what he told me to do (regarding gathering that information) and then by being able to find it and call him back in less than five minutes (and actually calling). A few more high scores and life could get easier this way, a few major successes in class work, and I will be set. Oh, a prayer has been put in for him, just for his health, not for his favor. *laughs*

Oh, I happened to find a couple of my Cook’s Illustrated magazines I had been seeking. My neighbor had discussed some interests and difficulties, and oddly, I remembered reading articles on two of those topics. I promised to bring those over, but I had not been able to find them. I went to drop them off a bit ago, but she did not seem to be home. I will have to check after posting this monster.

You know what, I think I am going to have a shot and a half of Balvenie 12 and a bit of purified water later this afternoon. It has been a good week.

Thunder storms and an easy morning.

Good morning. Though I fumbled when arranging this mornings wake up, I am sure I will get it right before long. I went to bed late, again, and must have thought I should then set my alarm later. Yet my furnace was still set to go off at the earlier time, so I am not quite sure how my plans of being awake by 7:00, given my ideal alarm, medicine, and furnace time interplay, will work. But, I keep planning, plotting, figuring, and… I admit it, I do sometimes feel a bit like Wile E. Coyote, well, crossed with Bugs Bunny anyway. I either have the worst best luck in the world, or just the opposite. The glass of very cold water half emptied in my lap which had been on fire or the glass half full of crocodile infested gold rich silt bottomed water. Take your pick. I enjoy it, mostly.

I was able to crawl out of bed by 8:15. And, yes, that is ok. I am still experimenting. Beyond that, I woke up refreshed. I slept very well. Waking up to rain and thunder, even having the lightning flashes creep into my well darkened cave, can be a fantastic thing. This morning was one of those pleasant storm mornings. And, I really do feel refreshed. I feel better than I have, upon waking, in a very long time. There may be other reasons though too.

This morning I remembered to check my vitals before almost anything. My blood pressure is at 134/94 with a pulse of 68 (the lowest of two readings) and my blood sugar was down to 168. That is the lowest either has been in, perhaps four months, perhaps longer? Oddly, as my blood sugar is coming down, my high blood pressure is tagging along. Very odd, if you ask me. I will take it, understanding be damned, if curiosity cannot be abated.

Today, yes, a Friday, what is on my schedule? Oh, I definitely need to work out. Not a problem, I am hoping to do that in the next hour or so. With the rain, I do not think I will go fishing, but I would like to find and then read the fishing report. Perhaps there are places where fishing is more successful, or certain lures or baits which seem to be working, or some other clue to success. Though it was unofficial, my neighbor sort of charged me with getting hot on fishing so as to be his and his family's guide regarding fishing. I have not performed well so far. With the new fishing report out this last Thursday, I might be able to use it, plus chatting up the local bait shops, speaking with other fishermen, and a little leg and casting work to find more successful where’s, when’s, and what’s of local fishing. Plus, I am actually hungry for fish. The three mess of fish I have had lately have really put the munchies for fish on the front burner. As well, catching that little fish sort of tugs at me to catch more and hopefully bigger fish.

What else today? More reading about pi, I would like to get to the part discussing the mathematic formula(s) for developing the numbers of pi. A little more reading about hiking and backpacking, plus the creation of my own list of required, handy, or just wanted items (based strongly on the book's list). I need to see what I have and what I still might need. I am quite sure a medical kit needs to be prepared, though how much of one will depend upon costs. I do want at least a medium kit, enough to cover the very basics, up to and including stitches. Oh, I ought to get cracking on some final laundry, a push to tighten the place back up a bit neatness wise, and perhaps a run at my bedroom. I will never be a successful houseman but that does not let me off the hook completely.

You know, I am thinking I might actually be getting somewhere. I might be finding my way out of this decades old hole. I do not think it is a false light, though it is still distant. It will take every bit of work I have put in to date more, plus that last 15 % of the climb is all the work from before, times 2 to 10. At this point, few are offering a hand, some are becoming antagonistic, and others have always been aggressive (keep gimps in their place sort of thing). I will just keep doing what I am doing, adding more as I get more. What else, pray tell, do I have to do with my life now that I am having one again? Life… is… good!

A great day!

Sure, I was slow waking this morning. Certainly, I did not do a dozen things, contact ten people, and I did not plan out my life, trip, or even next week. What I did do, however, was satisfying. I attempted to change my schedule so that I wake up earlier. And though not successful, I do believe it can be and that I know how (generally speaking) to make it successful. I have taken my medications on time, and they seem to be working. I was a bit late in testing my blood sugar. After two days of insulin, it is, after a breakfast meal, below 200. I believe it was 191, actually. After several back and forth emails, my friend and myself arranged a coffee meeting. That went quite well. I learned a good deal, caught back up with and further, learned more about my friend. As well, I have become, at least temporarily, a party to a small bible study group. I know all of the other gentlemen in the group, and it is a fine sort to throw my lot in with. As well, I received some good information regarding joining the Knights of Columbus. It is good to get a scoop on some things.

I am currently awaiting information from that particular gentleman. Some of it is in regard to the group, some of the information will be links to Knights of Columbus general information. It is always interesting to hear about someone’s life. Especially when they are just embarking on a new adventure in business and life. He is doing this at an unusual time in his life, yet seems to be successful. I guess hearing that the unexpected can work is always good, especially for those of us who seem to have been born on the wrong side of the odds.

After the conversation and coffee, I went fishing. I found a place to go, and I tried using the technique I watched a man use the last time I went fishing. I had two solid hits (though I suspect the fish were quite small). I also had a few possible hits. Yet, after an hour or so, I decided to call it off. It was sprinkling, and had been all day, perhaps that was against my luck. It was good to get out anyway.

By the way, I have noticed I cannot eat enough to become full. I am not sure, but I think this is a good sign. I felt this way in my teens and even younger. But back then, they called me twig because I was so skinny. I am thinking that maybe I have started my internal physical engine again. Perhaps I am creating a little more muscle, and activating that which remains, so that I am burning calories consistently and at a much higher rate than I have been for a long time. Since I cannot eat enough to feel satisfied, I am actually now trying to decrease how much I eat and become used to being a little hungry, always. I am just exploring this thing. I just became aware of this change well enough to explain it and think about it’s implications. So, these are all just random considerations and initial thoughts about how to use it to my advantage.

Now I think I will cook some supper. I will probably have some fish. While I was visiting my Mom’s home, someone brought us a mess of fish and she cleaned it. We ate half of it then, while she froze the rest of the fish uncooked. She eats fish rarely, so she sent the package home with me. Lucky me! I had thought about going to a movie, but it is getting a bit late, especially by the time I fix my meal.

This, that, and the other thing.

I ended up waking late, though I do not have a difficulty with that this day. Beyond staying up late, I attempted a new technique this morning. I have decided to set my alarm clock for 6:00, take my medicine then, and then return to bed for an easier and earlier awakening. The difficulty was that I set the heat too high too early. I think I will change the furnace turn-on time tomorrow to 6:30, and if that is still too early, perhaps as late as 6:45 or even 7:00, while my second alarm clock is set for 7:00. My goal is to wake up shortly before or shortly after 7:00.

I have received several emails. Some of which have to do with the trip. I have replied though there may be some difficulties. I had to resend one of them, as it seems as if the first sending did not get through. As well, the coffee meeting I had spoken of nearly two weeks ago is looking to be a definite event, either this afternoon or tomorrow. I am hoping to discuss the Knights of Columbus with this particular man. I am not sure if he is a member, though I am guessing he very well might be. I would like to speak to several members, a few officers, and others who may be involved with the group before I decide about joining.

It is a nice day. Depending on what I hear back about coffee today, I hope to get out. I may drive out and see about taking a hike. The water is still very high in the reservoirs, so that just might not be available at my favorite place for a while. There is not a lot more going on. And, really, that feels good!

I did it.

After the somewhat slow start and the surprise early cleaning, I was lagging. I had a decent lunch and then just relaxed while I gained a little boost from that, though I had to go through a sleepy spell before I started receiving energy. I contacted the man from Vocational Rehab, though I was only able to leave a voice message. I do believe, until I hear back from him, I will call every day. This will keep him from having any excuse for not getting back to me, or trying to accuse me of not trying to contact him.

I was not sure I was going to work out today. I almost did not. I really had to push today. Part of it is just the persistent sleepiness that haunts me, part of it was that Monday’s work out was so difficult. The gloves helped a great deal. The usual pain in my hands did not, and still is not, plaguing me. The belt will take some getting used to, but I believe it will be invaluable in time. I was able to lift today and without a hitch. I am really having to work. I think that is the point. I have one more increase in weight lifted, next week. After that, I will stay with that weight until I leave (though I do get a week off the week before I go (or that week itself) according to the plan I have laid out. I will then have to see how to proceed with my workouts when I return home.

There is not too much to report today. I am tired, still. I am doing what is before me in spite of it. And, I am staying up during the day. I am also taking my medication very regularly, enjoying life, and gaining hope as I move through this. Alright, be well, live long and perspire (Vulcans are really odd).