A pretty good morning.

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A more complete meal yesterday.  Had to use pasta, but made a beef gravy sort of sauce.  No flour, just cream cheese, butter, and raw cream, with the burger.  Spiced with Italian sorts of seasonings.  No heat added.  I would have purchased and used those zero, or miracle, noodles, but money is shy.  No, I really don't like them.  That, I finally decided, can't matter.  Perhaps using up the regular pasta will... leave me with no choice.  It feels right to use rather than just toss food though.  They really are starving.

What is strange?  The noodle really does make a difference with the sauce.  I can't enjoy a white sauce on spaghetti, nor a tomato sauce on most other noodles.  Oh, well, my mother can make a wonderful tomato goulash  (first and second use, noodles get mushy in leftovers after), and others can do something with flats of pasta and tomato.  I can't get those to work... for me.

I was awake late enough to open up for the quackers this morning.  A cup of food was added, water looked good.  The front yard was watered last night, side yard might get hit tonight.  As well, driving lessons tonight.  A shower, shave, and getting dressed official like shortly.  I'll be ready.  Sleep was just right, and needed.  Later.

A touch of death.

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Dreaming.  Early in the day.  I knew it was a dream, as is my way.  But I felt it wasn't.  I couldn't wake, or shake death, or... trapped in there.  I thought someone was here, at my home, but couldn't pull out of the dream morass.  So hard, cold, dark.  Death is a rather potent thing, if... only from this side.  It means, ultimately, essentially, what gravity means to astronauts.  It has it's uses, but from a distance... until one goes far enough... in time and space, same things in varying means of pronunciations.

Yes, yes.

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Later than planned, but yes.  The ducks received fresh water in a clean container.  The previous container was washed, inside and out.  It wasn't until a bit later, 19:30, as it was getting dark.  Which means the hutch was shut down a bit late.  All were present and accounted.  Still, would rather have them in and buttoned down earlier.  More feed too.  One cup this morning, all gone... two tonight.  I am doing my best.

The cats got fed wet feed late, to, but got snacks, and have dry to their leisure, now that Sassy doesn't overeat to were she perpetually gets larger.  They, too, have been fed.

Someone ore something arranged bottles to fall out of my cupboards.  I opened them to get the cat food when two heavy glass bottles tumbled out.  Darn lucky nothing struck and the glass didn't break.  Maybe someone... looking for tools or meaning harm, or my strange... visitors.  The apparitions can do physical things, if I don't believe they intend, or even can know to intention to do harm.  It wasn't like that for the last week.  I have been getting food out of there for weeks, and have not done anything else in there nor had any other problem.  Odd.

I am almost thinking of sleeping again.  Not sure.  Later, much later, or good night.

Such a long day... night.

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I was awake beyond 6:00, 7:00, but how much later I can't know.  I waited for it to actually be day, so as to open the coop.  I was surprised how cool it was.  I... thought it read below freezing?  28 F or cooler... couldn't focus to see or remember, though that or colder.  Startled.  Which is why I remember anything.  Was able to go out without socks.  The house is at 68 F, with the furnace running rarely.

A shower or breakfast, first and second.  Then work in the kitchen and then bathroom, with laundry in the background.  Not much laundry, a good time to change bedding.

Innards are back to being a pain.  Front torso, two.  One on each side, if who knows what pain in there really is.  Feels like recovering bruising, more advanced in the healing process than last time.  That and some gassy bloat.  Some of that could be cabbage.  My body didn't do what it usually does with cabbage... thanks to the potato I think.  There is some bloat, if that is only part of it.  Probably.  Maybe bloat jostles it all in there.

I was surprised to wake shortly after 14:00.  It's good enough.  I'll check on the birds in a bit, change their water container wash the used one.  Hmm, not today, but... dig down so the tub is low enough for them to enter.  I don't think they would drown, if I will watch to make sure they can get out.  Yeah.  As cold as it is getting, I will only use it occasionally, and for part of the day.  I still can't believe it got that cool today.

A day of surprises already.  Later.

Stuck in a game for the moment.

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It isn't a great game.  I won't get it's ultimate prize for game completion as I won't do what is required.  Morality is real, even in a game.  Even so, I have not finished with the game to my satisfaction.  So... I continue to game.  The end, however, is nigh.  Then?  Then, as I suggested, something useful.

Have you ever...

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I find myself struggling.  Struggling to work.  Struggling to play.  Struggling to live.  I look for something or someone to blame.  Even myself.  At least until I can disengage, rest, sort feeling and thought.  I then realize it isn't anyone's fault.  The sheer weight of life and time.  I know I'm not the only one.  If I think it is happening to younger and younger people.  It seems more severe for the young?  Or was that always true.

An ugly night.

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I got to bed earlier but couldn't sleep.  I gave it two hours, then got up.  Back to gaming.  It is something.  I am thinking of crochet or knitting.  At least you have something when you are done, assuming you can get the hang of it.  Most games are politically correct garbage, preachy, stupid, and rigged on top of being useless.  The only way to rig knitting or crocheting would be to choose options outside the guidelines.  Dishrags to start, and it costs less than a new triple A game to get heavily set up, or lightly set up in each.

I did wake about 10:00.  A call I didn't take.  The nice thing about about having a phone in the wrong area code is that I know when I am being called by a fraudulent scammer.  They can't tell what code I am in.  Yet.  Anyway, I used it as an opportunity to open things up for the ducks.  It's a bright shiny day.  I'll change their water trough tomorrow, putting in the fresh, cleaning and drying the old one.

Is it getting darker?  I'll check shortly.  I may go to the post, or later?  A shower, laundry, the bathroom, and kitchen could all use some effort.  It's a matter of getting a start, on anything.  Ugh.

I see the Rep party hasn't kicked Kav to the curb yet.  Yes, they will, as with Judge Moore.  They just want to raise hopes they will do the right thing so as to quash more people's belief that this is still a just, right, lawful land.  At least they didn't let Cosby off too.  Now to go after the church and public schools.  There are real, and unreal.  Don't even think Kav has a chance.  If he does get in, it will be as a broken, limited, man... much as the chief justice.

As well, for me?  No wall.  Zerocare is still law.  No trust.  But that is why I stopped supporting Republicans.  All talk, or worse.  McCain is dead, Flake is flagging, but the bad women and others remain.  At least they have the excuse of lady parts.  Which is why most women don't vote for women.  Only really through force of conflicting confounding efforts ans subterfuge do women get elected.

Bleh.  Later.

Another slow day.

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No nap, as it turned out.  Sweat pants and shirt warmed me enough.  Should have added socks.  Summer house footwear will no longer work, less so if I have things to do.  Today, other than ducks, cats, and food, it was a day off.  Tomorrow, hopefully, a letter will be available to add to the rest of the paperwork to be sent.

The ducks had a regular day.  I think, rather than just stopping in, I'll begin using an outdoor chair and go in and set with them.  They haven't been taught about people, so it will take a bit more to imprint.  All good.  I just don't want them to fear me too greatly.  While making dinner I had cabbage trimmings.  I took those out.  I think they ate most of it.  I will chop such better from now on.

Kefir are moving along.  A bit slowly as it is just keeping at right under 70 in here.  It sounds warmer than it is.  At this altitude it is a good bit cooler than it might sound.  I decided to have cabbage and a potato for supper.  Remember how potatoes weren't troubling diabetes?  That has changed.  My blood sugar jumped 100.  I know it wasn't cabbage, butter, or volume consumed.  Damn.  Not sure if potatoes vary by when the are harvested, or my body is the variable that changed.  It has dropped 74 points, but it's still high.  I really have to go back to keto and fasting.

I'll also try to go to bed earlier.  That is easier, as it is getting dark so much faster.  Not just for the ducks, though there is that.  But for business and a few other things.  It sounds like an opportunity to help butcher chickens and turkeys may be fast approaching.  It is so much better than just watching a vid and trying myself from there.  I am told that they will be in charge, and demanding, but not to take anything personal.  Perfect!  That is how I learn best.  And is the best way to learn something as vital as food.  When it comes to the business of life... I'm good with hardtack.

I am thawing meat, since potatoes won't do.  I don't have all that much, but with eggs it should last.  A keto meatloaf togmorrow.  I'd love one of the last steaks for a while, won't be thawed... probably.  And more pork.  Soon.  Out of fresh veggies until payday, or much later actually.  I have to button down what isn't baked in.  Fresh meat and veggies are... a stretch for now.

Yeah.  I'll make it.  Later.

A bit of a struggle.

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Nothing too serious.  More that it seemed dark and felt a bit chill.  Waking took two tries, then warm pj's.  I need to at least have those ready, if not wearing them to bed.  And I need to add blankets.  At least one or the other.  I want to try to wake earlier to get the ducks fresh air and breakfast.  I'll work it for them as possible.  I find that I wake, and start my morning, much better if warm.

Two cups of food this morning, more later if they do well.  It's starting to look like right at two to three cups a day, and fresh water every three days.  Food alternates, two one day, three the next, basing it on what they ate.  If more remains, I don't feed again.  With a day or two to spare beyond, regarding water, using one water trough... if I will be filling it every day from now on, cleaning once or twice a week.  I wanted to see rough limits without taking it to the nubs.

I really want to open the hutch earlier.  I think they really enjoy it open.  I'd really like to get a secure run for them.  That has to wait.

Still drowsy.  Not eating much.  Should put on socks.  May still go nap.  Later.

It's the weather.

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It is at the beginning of my favorite weather, if rather cool for this early?  It is staying in the 60's outside, just broaching sub-70's inside.  The furnace is set at 66.  I should make sure it is actually on.  As singular as I seem I am far from alone.  Alarm clocks get set, lights are turned on and off, strange things happen, and when no one could have been involved.

I really do enjoy this weather.  I used to enjoy it right down to -20 F.  Not sure, with diabetes and heart stats being more controlled, whether that remains true.  Age might play a factor too?  It doesn't get toward the bottom edge of my preference range often.  If just not having even colder weather, sub -20, to sharpen my resistance may simply weaken it?

The good thing about where I live is that the weather is generally much more stable.  It drops ten to twenty a month, in a tiered downward trend.  The upward climb is the only serious period of chaos.  It might stay chill until it burns, or be smoother.  Sometimes spring is long, even to extending winter.  It's the only real uncertain season.

I have been checking on the ducks.  They are eating between two and three sixteen ounce cups of food a day.  They drink about a third of an eight gallon container per day.  I may use the big tub a couple times a week, if I can figure a platform for them to get in it.  With no ducklings, I don't think there is a drowning issue.

I took Sam in with me.  She... wasn't very happy.  No, I didn't put her in with the ducks, just carried her in while visiting.  Sam certainly won't bother them.  Especially as herd animals.  I hope the ducks don't bother her, if she... has means of escape and defense. I think Sam is abit old to try to make new sorts of friends.

I am hungry.  I just don't want to mess with it.  I don't have any meat thawed, and not much meat left.  Low on money, don't want to shop.  I think I'll go on to bed.  Soon?  It's been a good relaxing fall day.  Later or good night.

A good thing.

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Some days trash can go out after noon and still get picked up.  Not today.  Which is fine.  I didn't think I'd be awake this early, otherwise I might not have put it out.  The funny thing... it was the garbage truck, stopping to pick up trash, which woke me.  Further, it usually only wakes me if I didn't put the trash out.  I... it's funny to me.

The ducks have their coop opened, earlier today.  The actual goal is to open the coop as soon as the sun hits the ground, then to close it an hour before dusk.  Which is earlier than sunset.  Dusk and dawn are strange... birds.  A time, a moment, or a single instant?  Needs to be defined by the user for the listener or reader.  For me, day cracks or ends when day starts and stops being full sun.

Medicine has been taken.  First thing.  Several days of three water pills, to make sure I don't flood, drown.  That looks and feels good, no swelling or sense of wet lungs, if it can take a day or three for medicine taking failure to show up corporeally.  So, a bit of extra caution, extra pills.  Hmm, a fat coffee shortly.

Ah, to the post.  Hopefully for a signature and letter.  If I can get going.  Oh, but for some things, morning in greetings, there is more flexibility.  From 4:00 until 11:59, a good morning, or day, may be wished... with two caveats.  First, the well wish may depend on where you or I am, geographically.  The other is some leeway offered for when you or I actually wake.  Are your eyes watering from boredom yet?  Later.

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Focus.

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Or, rather, no focus.  Just could not pull it together.  Still, in the light dimly the efforts I could remember where completed.  I only need to take medicine, then go to bed.  Trash and recycling were set out, if it looks to be only a trash day.  So only trash went to the curb.  I checked on my fowl friends.  It looks like another piece of wood has been removed?  The ducks were calm, other than when I went in.  The panel being worked is too solid, other than a few sliver pieces, to yielding.  Glued, cross members glued, each panel and cross piece screwed with two wood screws as well.  There are two crosspieces, and both crosspieces and panels are full length.  Still, I worry.  A bit.

Milk kefir went in.  I now have mesh baskets, so as to keep the kefir colonies whole, inviolate.  At least the larger part of it.  I am hoping to see how well it really does multiply, and keep better track of the larger parts.  I am excited to see if this really works.  It should ease the process, no more rooting around, possibly tearing the colony apart.  Plus, just maybe, that mongo cauliflower sprig sized colony!

A last meal, which was just supper revisited... beans, burger, corn chips, sour cream, and salsa.  Plenty good, if probably a bit carby.  Ugh.

Yes and know, for paperwork.  I did the copy, in prep for filling the original.  It... should work out, make it easier to fill out when time.  The goal is to write a letter tomorrow, at the library so I can definitely print it.  Then send it priority plus requiring a signature to receive.  Can't play with these people.  Ought to get letters to my congressman and senator.  Not sure even Republicans care for us despicables anymore though.  Still, it's what I can do.

I... did some other things?  Anyway, nearly time to crash.  I'll check meds first, then some music to... come down a bit first.  Good night.

An easy day.

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I fed the ducks twice.  Checking their water, which remains plentiful if probably will need refilled... or exchanged and washed out... tomorrow first thing.  Visited them about four times?  I don't want them to only associate me with food.  Three weeks, inside, to get used to their new home.  I just talk with them, whistle a tune a bit, let them see and hear me.

I found a strange piece of wood detached from one of the windows.  No bite or claw marks that I could see, on the piece or from the window.  Not sure, but will be watching much more closely.  Can't get a fenced run together this month.  Perhaps not this year depending on other things.  I would sure like to, especially after that.  I just... don't like it.

I am brewing kefir water... bottled seven, reset the two half gallon jars.  Three days and I'll reset the big jars, pour another halfish dozen pop-top jars, and refrigerate today's run, which should be ready two or three days later.  Making healthy soda is a slow process.  I'd like to get dairy kefir going again, maybe yet tonight.  And sourdough again... though not that tonight... probably.  Ugh.

I've not been doing well with medication.  I've been missing days at a time.  I have limits.  Though my foster father often forgot his medication too.  My foster mother really had to push, if even then... taking medicine is difficult.  I am back on it.  I keep it right here, but if travelling, pushing to get in town with things to do, or completely drained from such, it is easy to forget.  Even without those things it can just get lost.

Ah, right, paperwork.  Then trash, recycling, that out, kefir and sourdough, then to bed?  I'll look the coop over while out.  Good night.

So very late.

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To bed.  Then to wake.  It wasn't because of heavy work, hard work... maybe too many projects?  The excitement, trepidation?  Maybe.  Like when learning to shift, keeping track of the feet, thus peddles, and stick, are clumsy as a system initially.  I'll get over it.  Need to feed the critters and open things up.

Trash, recycling at least out to the bin, and paperwork, beside feeding, is the plan for the day.  I made three copies.  I will fill out one copy, as practice and backup.  Then I will hit the original, sending that tomorrow, with a requirement that someone in their office has to sign for it.  I will also send letters to several politicians concerning the matter and continued harassment.

Other than that, maybe a shower, and possibly hitting the plants with diatomatious earth, that is all planned.  I need a little down time.  Then try to get back to things this week.  The kitchen and bathroom are good.  Still, want to finish them this week, paint a second coat on the roof accessible windows, build a front screen door for the coop... not sure about screening the windows to the coop?  Since the can be solidly closed at night, not sure it is needed?  I know nothing, if sort of like everybody else.  *smile*  Such really is life.

Later.

A twisting pirouette?

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I used this song so differently that when I saw it as a potential response I almost ignored.  She uses it much more rightly, literally.  As she would, if she did?  Who ever knows.  It... well... it is there, true, her, or not.  Just a gaslighter, spoiler.  Yeah, maybe.  Well played either, any, way.

Sweetcheeks was here.

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I actually thought I could smell her perfume earlier.  No, not some manmade contrivance, she wore no such thing.  She did have her own nutty, coffee, woman scent I always liked.  Actually, I smelled it yesterday "morning", last night, and then again this morning.  Initially I thought it might simply be my own mind.  If it was, it created a response.

I also suspect Drambue may have been involved.  And chocolate?  Hmm.  Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen...

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Let the quacking commence!

The ducks are home, their new home.  I did go with two drakes.  One of the two he liked best, of the three.  A ton of questions, some offers of future trade and help, and good business.  Paid and well.  I hated to see the other fella go home alone.  His fate is all but sealed.  And his whole brood just went away.  I know that well.

The watering system won approval.  The smaller door too.  The rest?  We'll see how it works out.  Watered, fed, nesting material in place, windows and the front, but not short door all open.  Will close it all by 18:00... If that time will scale back with the shortening of the day.  I'll just feed and check water when I feed the cats.  Can't just say girls anymore.

Oh, I might have been talked into meat turkeys next year?  We'll see.  I sure miss turkey.  Four would do me for the year,  say six to eight meat ducks, and about twenty chickens.  Though maybe a few extra for incidental attrition.  And... they prefer breast, while I am all about hinders, love some of that dark meat.  We may well trade portions.  I'll keep some, and some whole, but two thirds would be parted and trading available.

The ducks seem rather relaxed, at least on their own.  They still aren't sure about the ogre.  I'll spend time with them, get them used to me.  It'll work out.  Have yet to see how the cats and ducks work things out.  Should be fine.

Oh, as for cold brew coffee?  Hells yea.  Count me in.  I used an half gallon jar this time.  But mum sent two gallon jars she no longer uses.  I'll just use one at a time, essentially.  The other will be let fly when the first gets low.  Hand ground in conical burr, very course... which also means no grinds broke containment.  Yikes, was thinking I'd have to refilter.  Nope!  Later.

Awake.

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Shouldn't be.  Shouldn't be.  I am sure something woke me.  Heart wasn't racing, just unnaturally wakened.  It is what it is.

I am working on cold brew coffee.  Not sure if it really works.  It has to run until either 13:10 or 15:10... I wrote the time on tape I then put on the lid as I knew I would forget.  So tea this morning.  One really good thing about cold brew is that I will have a goodly amount on hand, as it lasts for weeks (or so it is told).  So that I won't feel compelled to drink a whole or even half pot in a day or two... brewed coffee gets too gnarly for even me in a few days, refrigerated or not.

I'd like to do that with tea, but I drink too much of that for a sixteen hour brewing cycle.  It's difficult enough to keep up.  As is I keep three half gallon jugs of the stuff, plus one in the repurposed coffee pot.  As soon as I burn through one jug, I start over immediately.  I am down to one and an half to two gallons a day, as the weather cools. Still, that is making three to four pots a day.  I... might try a pot of cold brewed tea, just to see.  Though I fear leaf tea usage might increase too terribly... not sure it is as reusable that way.

Tea sounds good.  And meds.  Later.

In a word?

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Everything.  Plus.  Had to drop coin, which is becoming sparse.  Had to spend on variations, in case.  Could be returned if they don't work out.  I set up the sprinklers for tonight.  I also need to clean the coop.  Not for a bit though, several hours down first.  I remembered cash, too, for milk... late on that... plus for ducks and feed.

Pleased.  Broke, or closer than years, but...  one small potential step closer to self sufficiency.  Next year, or the next, meat birds... perhaps.  Though not flocked, just a seasonal brood.  At least to start.  Chickens are probably easier to butcher, if I do hope to get to raising meat ducks.  I will keep the flocks separate, or at least meat from egg.  Perhaps three of them.  Only four ducks, and perhaps eight hens (hens for meat, or roosters? or does it matter... ducks or chickens?).

A strange little life.  It is what I  have left.  Later.

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A bit dark, but I got the coop ready.  If I wake early enough, perhaps more work in the morning.  I am excited and nervous.  I need to tie the feeding and watering to that of the girls.  No cats have been starved in the writing of this blog.  Still, it's different.  Outside, in all weather, trying to keep fresh water?  Yeah.

Only four hens, it turns out.  I'm just not sure if two drakes is one too many.  I may take two and hope.  If he raises more I would like to get two more hens.  Only another drake if I get more, but have to cull one I get now.  I'll just have duck breast dinner.  And, really, if I don't, he might have to anyway.  This would at least offer another drake a shot at life.  Plus, one drake to four hens and he might end up daffy.

The lawn has been watered, and the sideyard, with the veggies, is being hit.  I have found a setting on the variable sprinkler that works.

Later.  Perhaps good night.

Time to go.

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I'm not sure I can get everything done in town I wish, need, to do.  Today.  What has to happen is a watering trough, deep enough for them to clean their bills, shallow enough for them to enter and exit, perhaps with a minor ramp or stones around.  As well, copies of some blank paperwork.  Groceries, registration, and such, are if I can.

Blood sugar is odd.  It was 150 after dinner last night, 250 this morning.  I ate nothing, drinking only tea, taking care with the artificial sweetener.  Three to five drops for between a quart and two.  I really...  Yeah, I have some guesses as to maybe why.  I'll... do some checking, figure it out.  Might come down to dehydration of the fluid sweetener.

Being shaved and clean is good.  It's been a bit.  I'll keep at things, see what else can be done.  I need to clean the coop yet, and water the lawn.  Just a short run, tonight or tomorrow.  Maybe sprinkle grass seed.  Later.