Four Weeks and a tough start this morning.

Wow, I have made it tobacco free for 4 weeks as of this morning. Not a pipe, cigar, chaw, or cigarette. It has not been easy. It has been difficult, nerve wracking, and something I have had to concentrate on while needing somehow to also ignore! It is still difficult. I do not fear, as much, restarting my usage. That is not the problem. The problem is that I still feel tough. I still have not ridded myself of the withdrawals. I am a bit amazed. I swear, the first time I did this (for three months, about 6 or 7 years ago), I was better at this point. Oh well, on I go. Though I will not make the same mistake I made last time, that is, staying with my mother for a month. That undid me, as she chain smokes.

I went to sleep right after I posted that last post yesterday. I was absolutely shot. I do not even remember making it to bed, only waking at about 1:00 to use the restroom, which I had been too tired to remember to do before going to bed. Too tired to even think about staying up, I went back to bed. Then, at about 4:30, I woke up in pain that most people would have difficulty dealing with. My right leg, from toes to upper thigh, was a complete charlie horse. I could not feel the difference between bone and muscle. The whole leg was in spasm, my joints at the knee, ankle, and even toes, plus the bones in my feet, were twisted out of shape in an attempt to find ease from the spasms. I forced my mind to relax, and found a quietude of nature. It was not easy to maintain, with beads of sweat popping out on my forehead, back, and chest at least, in spite of the chill of morning. After massaging, manipulating, trying to warm, and doing everything I could for about a half an hour, I finally, through increased pain, pulled a wool sock onto the foot somehow, and then just pulled from my flesh as it tried to recover. After another 10 minutes or so, it became safe to rejoin my corpse. Well, like a bad dream, it has past. Though my joints and foot bones hurt a bit, and the muscles seem to be a bit sore for the event.

Hmm, I better check outside. I swear I just heard thunder, and believe I saw flashes of lighting. I hope we do NOT get rain. There is no real place for it to go and on top of the snow, it is the only winter weather I truly despise.