A tough week, I am not sure how to break the cycle.

This week has been brutal. I will also say that in spite of it being a week of exhaustion, I did more this week than I have at times during peak times prior to this new regimen. I suppose that is good, but it shows me how hard digging out from 20 years is going to be. I have lifestyle issues, I have health issues from my disabling conditions (I believe there are two problems, trauma and that odd super need for sleep) to being out of shape, as well as not having enough education or experience to just pick something up and begin being professional, or even earning money or providing services, etc. I looked into charity work, but much of it is very light weight work offering only a few hours a day. Now, I understand that it needs to be, but for someone who can move hundreds of pounds physically and has some mathematical skills up to engineering calculus III, it is difficult to connect with very light simple tasks. I am a people person, but not in as heavy a way as might be needed in some of the other tasks.

So, what I am left with is finding things I like to do, and then doing them. Most frequently, I need to do them alone. This is complicated, it can be expensive, and I can usually only go so far in any skill, interest, or hobby before I come up against too many unknowns to feasibly learn more independently. Fishing is a skill, some of it may be understood through reading, some of it can be gained by experience, but much of it almost requires a guide. Hunting is similar. And, almost anything is better with some company. Yes, I am grumbling. But never worry, I am still working on these things.

I am just a bit frustrated. I cannot seem to get out of bed on time in the mornings. I set my alarm, and I try to get to bed as early as I can. I try to push, and I have been taking at least my morning medicines regularly and well. Even when I am awake and doing things, I am quite often very tired. Then again, if this is an actual low, it is miles above the “best” low I have ever had. I am doing my weights, doing laundry, cleaning up, reading (about pi right now), maintaining my blog, and still finding other reasons and ways to get out of the house, on top of planning for my trip. Yeah, ok, perhaps I should be tired given I do have an issue with exhaustion and I have been busy. But darn it, I am Super Man, right?