Remember when I said my libido was turned on by unregulated swim? Yeah, well, I decided to write about it. I live an honest humble life but that does not mean I lead a sheltered life, lie about my realities, or hide in a prudish realization I attempt to actualize. I suppose what I am saying is that I am and I write about what and how I am, to include material that is adult and based in truth.
After the River, a capital letter seems appropriate as that River was alive and named, and after a few days of recovery, my body came alive like I have never seen. Sure, my sex drive has always been healthy. For a 40 plus year old man, I am more like a 20 something that way. No woman who chooses to take my hand will walk away with unmet needs regarding marital affections. Hmm, my guess is even before this she would be hoping for something to save her from those affections… a phone call (not), a baby crying in the night (not, they need to learn independence), but she might well have hope and I would grant that as possible. But now I have the drive I had as a teen, a strong healthy hardy male teen.
I could not get sex off my mind the rest of the trip, and to this day, my little friend does not remain in his place. Whether it is my mind or my body which refuses my control techniques, I cannot be sure. Why, yes, if you ask, I have spent years practicing control of my manhood and for many and varied reasons. For one thing, an always on sex drive drains my mind and body. It is a massive user of concentration, memory, and decisiveness. I wanted material control of my flesh. As well, I made some mistakes in my youth, and I was set to not repeat them. Wives of unknown men were one thing, but when I destroyed two friendships at once (hers, and because of this her husband’s), I decided to change my ways in my early 20’s. For the most part, if not perfectly though definitely better through time, I became a more civil gentleman. Now, I worry, but so far so good even after the trip (if that last just barely).
Still, on the way back, I decided to buy condoms just in case. I remembered how uncomfortable condoms were from my past, and probably why I rarely used them. So, this time, I looked through the selections carefully. My last gal had said I was small, which had always worried me, but I let that go and started my search my way. In looking, I found they had different sizes! In the first place I looked, feeling like a guilty teen, I saw a large size. I bought three, the smallest group I could find. Later, I tried one. With little effort to rise to the occasion, actually with no effort, I tried the device. Still too tight! Had my girlfriend just been being mean? In any case, through the end of my travels, I began looking for bigger. In the end, the largest I could find was XL, from Trojan. Still too small, I can tell. I am now on a bit of a quest to find what size really fits and if they make them.
Luckily, happily, sort of, I have had no use for these. And, at this time, I have no intention of becoming intimate. *prays to God* I have a hope that I will not be intimate again until I marry, and then it will be only with her, again, God willing. But, I would like to know just how big this thing really is. I am now looking for a size 2XL and 3XL. I am pretty sure one of those will fit. I still have no idea why my last lover said this thing, other than to be mean. Do not worry, she has paid for her meanness. That story would be too much information and had nothing to do with my will or any misdeed on my part, but it does give me some small pleasure. Okay, grudges are bad, but…
Wow, did I really write that? Yep, and it is true. If you read this far, and have any kindness and propriety left to you, pray with me. Pray that I can resist these youthful urges and keep my pen in my pocket until I have the correct medium upon which to pen my future! Oh, and if you might know where such sizes of devices might be acquired, send me an email. This is not for pride, call it a scientific inquisition.
A blessing and a curse at once.
ReplyDeleteWishing I had some shopping tips for you.
Well, it is not really a curse or a blessing (?). Thankfully, at least to my knowledge and in my efforts, I have always tended to be a gentle lover. Perhaps I instinctively knew? But, other than this last love having teased me, I have never had comment on size before, so I am guessing that size really doesn't matter or that women have no more clue than men (we don't know because we do NOT compare everything, unlike guns, cars, cigars, whiskeys, etc., our privates are just that).
ReplyDeleteOh, by the way, I did speak with my last love. She said she meant that it was small when not enlarged. But, that is NOT how she said it or inferred at the time. She never forgot my "verbal missteps" but seems to have forgotten her own well enough. :P Still, she was a fine love and remains a dear friend, even if things didn't work out the rest of the way. I guess, at many times, she was an adult all grown up Lucy to my Charlie Brown... "Why's everybody always picking on me?"... "You promise, you will hold the football steady this time? this time? this time?" Gack! But it is something to fondly smile upon in retrospect.