Woot!

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I am awake! It is 5:45 (but my watch is fast, it is actually 5:35). I have been awake since 5:00 (again with that time thing). I wanted to start this week off right. Last week was so dragass I could not believe it. It was depressing and hurtful even. And, resting only made me tired! I could not get going, I could not even enjoy being inactive. So, last night, I put all my effort into getting up today. I did give away last week, perhaps to my old self? It was not a loss, it was not a retreat (if it felt like that), it was a week off that I thought I needed. We will see. But not this week, this week is mine and must be mine. I have too many things going on and working out is back on the menu. So are social activities, appointments, some business, and a few extras!

As always, when starting things back up again, there is always that fear of failure (and success). There are the nagging doubts. The uncertainty about being able to do what I have planned in the short run, and in the long run. There is always a nagging uncertainty about what I should actually be doing, as well. How much can I do? I have a whole mind full of questions, doubts, concerns, and complications. I decided to set that aside, and again, today, begin the rest of my life. I am curious if a week off has hurt me a great deal. I will see with the swim, and then when I lift weights tonight I will have a full picture. Either way, I begin, again, wherever I am. That is as it has always been. Yes, I am excited!

I have a doctors appointment today, though I am not sure what time it is. I will have to call when I get back. If it is later this morning, I may stop by my Barber’s shop, I have been negligent. I will be wearing my weights to the recreation center, the vest weights, 75 pounds of them anyway. I figure that will give me a short and sweet preview of the item. I have become somewhat comfortable with it here around the house. I must admit, it is a pretty serious load. I may wait to add the last 25 pounds for some time. I am very serious about getting up early each day this week, even my off days. I would like to start walking on my off days, with the weights and maybe with a friend. I also have an appointment with the VA voc. rehab. this coming Thursday. He sounded pleasant, this time. We will see. Either way, it is pretty much a done deal, school that is. Now, however, to see if I can make it.

Off weeks are full of boogeymen. I am one, but that does not help. I think I have to stay busy, and at it, or I fall. That frightens me, though, as I am not sure how long I can tread water. And I think treading water is all life is. *huff, huff, huff…* *Go!!! Go!!! Go!!!*