Though it would seem…

and other thoughts…
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Though it would seem I am a harsh man. Though it would seem I am judgmental. Though it would seem I look darkly upon all people, groups, organizations, and most ideas ideals and beliefs. Though those things are not untrue that is not the whole of it. When you see me cast an aspersion, understand, it is usually not without great thought. Understand it is not without some real merit. And know that I cast much harsher aspersions here at home, in the mirror. I expect perfection if I know that is not possible. I expect honesty yet I know mortals cannot handle the truth, not all of it. I speak more truth than I should, simply because how I deal with myself is much more intense so I do not even realize when I go over the edge of civility, sometimes, usually.

The one I worry about hurting the most, however, is my mother. Beyond my harsh nature, I have emotional ties there, some of which are quite dark and angry. And yet she is just a woman, she was simply a mother. She did some things right, some things wrong, but she did do her level best. I would say she did very well, for my brother and myself, within the constraints of what she could do and what the world was at the time. She has received so little gratitude for that for much of her life. And, though I write some of my darker thoughts and feelings about her here at times, I really have nothing but goodness that I try to share with her personally anymore. This is not in sympathy for her aging, it is not for fear of her death, it is because she has finally be judged as good and she has asked for and received forgiveness for her wrongs, some of which she really could not have changed due to her life, the times we lived in, and the realities that exist in any time.

The truth written in the last, if to much lesser degrees, flows to many other people, objects, and systems which receive my wrath here in these pages. I do not hate academics or schools, if I see them as terribly flawed, preferring their old flaws to these newer ones. If I see things in all schools which are flawed merely because the people who run them are people. If I despise them for their “open mind” which treats me, as a conservative and Christian, as minorities in the past have always been treated, precisely because it is based upon the new age “open mind”. These flaws have always been present, but at one time, those flaws were based upon incapacity rather than politics, philosophy, or religion (though I think Catholics have always been against it a bit). I do believe in education, if I do not necessarily believe in the way that is being presented today or the fact that political agendas are pushed more than rote and fact. However, that there are alternatives and they are being used, gives me some hope.

About politics, I am free from such things at this point. With Obama and Palin as the two political movers at the moment, I see that my affiliations with politics has come to an end. This is not necessarily a bad thing as it gives me more focus upon that which is important. I suppose with the slide of politics in the direction it has taken in the last 50 to 70 years, this was an inescapable eventuality. For anyone who holds truths to be self-evident and who believes rights are derived from God, not men, governments, or any other source, this had to happen. I am currently registered as “none of the above” political party and I probably will not vote again, if I maintain my registration. I am not looking for a politician who will do for me, or give me this or that, even if I believed them, I am looking for a politician who knows the difference between right and wrong (I think they all do) but then who chooses rightly (I do not see many who do this last). Christians have, around the world, been a minority, and a poorly treated one, for most of Christian history. That we have come back to it is no surprise. And, again, it is freeing in it’s own way.

These last may seem negative, but only if you choose to look at them that way. And, perhaps, I am being to harsh again. I look at this as objectively, from within principles, laws, and truths, as much as I am able. I then add subjective points, whether consciously or not. What I end up with is simply what I see, what I have calculated, and nothing more. If I am faulted for that, I suppose that will just have to be the way of it.

I ought to give my Mom a call. I have not spoken with her in a bit. I certainly miss her, if living with her is going to be tricky (for both of us). I think we might end up having a good 6 months or year though, if we can negotiate a lot. We are so alike in some ways though, our faults are shared. She has a mind of her own and I am stubborn. She is moody and I am variable. Both Leos, if you believe in such things. And though I do not, astrology in this case does tend to sum up our difficulties well enough. I suppose we ought to try and figure out how to make that work for us. Then again, I might be able to say, at this point, at least at distance, we have made it work for us. She is still a nag. :p

I ought to get breakfast and begin studying. Right after I try to give the nag a call. Ha.