Much to say, not much to say after that.

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So, here it goes. Some of the good news first.

I did not get a B in my coursework. I worked very hard, and did what I could. I got two B’s! Well, one was a B+, but I count it. I received a B+ in physics and a B in probabilities and statistics for engineers. School, for sure, is at an end. Still, it was good to receive a letter releasing me from academic probation. I was on that due to a substantial failing when they first tried to put me on high blood pressure medicine, and could not stay awake more than 6 hours a day. That complicated school. In any case, that chapter of my life is closed and as successfully as I could have hoped in the end. I wrote my physics professor and asked for advice about digging further into physics. He offered a small list of suggested readings and some tactics. If I can get to it, I will. I enjoy the topic. And, as and if I find the way, I would like to tinker more with statistics. It is a powerful tool when used wisely and correctly, plus, it can be just plain fun.

My reloading equipment has arrived. I have not tinkered with it since I will be moving by April, barring some calamity. I have found some resources for finding a rental. My neighbor is from the state and has been a great source for doing research. I have found some help for the move, and though I am not looking forward to the event itself, I am comforted that the outcome is highly desirous. My mother will be helping me pack. I am also trying to bribe another friend into slave work. Ha. I have no idea about these things. The help is vital. They will get some mighty fine cast-offs, I should think. But I do prefer to give cold hard cash as well. Green works where maybes only tease. The deal for the AK’s fell through. The guy seemed shady, and the more I checked and tried to work with him, the worse it got. Perhaps he had “problems”, perhaps he was a cheat, either way, I could not do that. And I have not found a reasonable deal since.

Oh well, I may end up needing the money anyway. Still, it would be very nice to have a couple of those devices. They are handy, and though a cripple in ways, what I can do when against it might impress even the most notoriously doubtful. I just cannot do things for long stretches of time. Then again, I think most people are more impressive than they think. They have just never had that tested.

Bad news? Yeah. I will start slowly and work to the crescendo.

I have not been blogging for a number of reasons. My machine took a dump, and I really do not have the money for new or repair. Like I said, I cannot even really afford a gun I believe to be vital. This machine is hacked, bugged, broken a bit, and frustrating. When it fell down, I was able to half mend it, but my email was broken and some other things are still messed up. I was able to do enough to sort of do email, and hopefully, now, blogging again. It has been quite a difficulty. I am hoping to get going, as soon as I move, on figuring out my finances and how to procure a few things, including a machine and what it takes to keep it clean and clear. Till then everything internet, including blogging, will be spotty.

Now, the hard part. I realize, at this point in life, it is over. My life has ended if I yet breath. I will do nothing to hasten my end, nor will I avoid it. I will be playing computer games, sleeping odd hours, and doing the little things that life absolutely requires. The rest seems beyond my grasp. I will not be checking my bp, glucose, or even seeing doctors. They cannot or will not help, or muck it up when they are actually successfully helping. I guess that is it. I am pretty sure I will have no way of leaving my house often to do the things I want, like climbing, camping, hunting, or such. I enjoyed school, understand. Frustrating as it was, it was always an exploration of subjects, challenged my intellect, pushed some of my limits, and brought various areas together as a focus through which I began to see larger ideas and possibilities. No, I am probably going to be homebound. At least I will able to look out of my window and hopefully see mountains. I will see snow, rain, wind, and be in clean air. I will live near people who are grounded, earthy, natural, and conservative. And, I will die that way. Soon or late, probably sooner. There are worse places and more difficult situations to end though. I will not complain. I guess I had just hoped I could recover, come back to life, be a part of society, or a profession, and be useful. This is as painful for me as life has been in a decade or more. Here I sit all broken-hearted... Yeah, laugh damn you!

So, that is the story to now. If this works, I will try to blog a bit more. Oh, and the other part of the story I was going to tell? I will save that for when I move and then when I have a secure machine. Then you will know, as one ornery and interesting old fart liked to say… the rest of the story.