A little more suffering.

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I woke this morning at 6:00 or so. I had to push to stay in bed until then, but I think it was worth it. It is difficult to sleep as long as I should or stay awake as I would have it, sometimes it is just not possible. But, out of bed I am and with some normal type of sleep. The rest was not good, and I am tired, but I think I will push on. I had best concentrate on one or two things at a time. If they seem minor, they do help sort things in my mind. It is sometimes, though not always, my mind which backs away from a seemingly overwhelming problem or group of problems. One thing at a time, maybe two. Then I can start adding things in, as I see the need, as I regain function, and as I find the satisfaction of small successes.

I shaved before I went to bed last night. The barbarian look is gone, for the year. I have been growing my beard the last two winters, and I really doing that now. And, I have been and will probably continue to shave it off in the summer. To be honest though, I think it is as cooling in the summer as it is warming in the winter. As with seasons, I enjoy a bit of change from time to time. It is odd, now, when I go to scratch or fidget with my beard only to find skin.

I made a few eggs and a few slices of bacon for breakfast. It is so good to have a clean kitchen. With the plumbing fixed, and the dishes done, I believe I will have a much easier time of staying on top of that. At my worst, a few weeks may pass, and a few things will get lined up for cleaning. This was more than that by a lot. I am still waking up. Yeah, I know. But like I said, I did not sleep well. This is where the title comes in… a little more suffering.

When things get arranged so that I may begin my trek back to worldly concerns, I always have to suffer. It is no different than when one sits wrong, or for too long, and a limb falls asleep. Or when one has not exercised in a while and then they begin again. Pain seems to be a part of all life, from birth, to teen years, to middle age, and finally in death. And, it is often a good thing. It indicates that the body mind and soul are functioning properly, for the most part. Without it, in any case, joy would be that much less sweet, we would not sense a problem, and we would not grow. And, so, I am glad for this difficulty. I do not go seeking pain, but when it is presented as a normal healthy part of life, like life itself I accept it with gratitude.

I think today’s schedule will be light. A visit to the bank, a call to HP, a little more cleaning and the trash out, and maybe some sorting of CD’s. I want them in alphabetical order, though some of them perhaps, will go into their own cases, by theme (such as classical music). As well, I plan on cleaning up from breakfast more completely (though there is little to do since I prepared and served efficiently), and making another meal which will last a day or two.

I am still unsure about what to do about an apartment. To be honest, I may have to do something far different than what I have been planning, in the short term. I have several notions in mind, I will hold those for a bit. It does weigh heavily on me. Time, money, other resources, and such, are making this a real drag. Oh, and not knowing what to expect of costs associated with the move. I really need to call Pods.

I have been thinking about some things. I have been questioning whether I should comment on other people’s blogs, again. This revisitation of the old theme is a bit different now, however. It is no longer about whether I or what I have to say is of value or any of that jazz. What I wonder about is whether I should be applying my notions of life to the world around me. Should I, as a Catholic, indicate that I believe marriage is a holy union? Should I, as a man, indicate what I perceive to be the truth regarding men and women and cultural norms? Should I, as a conservative, pen my name to ideas which sometimes do and sometimes do not follow some “perfect vision” of that association? At this time, I think I should, though perhaps I could go about it differently.

For now I will continue. And, I believe, I will not ever stop commenting. However, what I would like to do is speak more sincerely, less cynically, and perhaps less abrasively. Some things cannot be said differently, much like if you are in a fight you cannot tap your opponent. What I have learned about fighting I believe will apply here as well. If you do not want to fight you can certainly avoid that. Do not go to bars with a rowdy reputation, do not speak out of turn, if you see trouble leave, and such. Well, that is the idea. And though I have given up fighting for the most part, it will be more difficult to leave reading certain blogs which incite such. These are blogs I use for news, as information regarding cultural and social issues which are important to me, and for linking with like minded individuals. This is where, perhaps, prudence may play a part. Thinking before I write rather than reacting would be a good play. Looking at the source of what excites me in what I am reading and breaking it down into the fundamentals and debating those rather than arguing some vague point or exception would be good. Lord knows, I love red meat. But should I love it with a hook in it? Yes, maybe I have been a bit too easy.