As expected, a late and slow start.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 15:47
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Waking in the middle of the night to deal with cooling off the place and myself really takes a toll. I costs more than just a little lost sleep, it using up my weak reserves. I will just have to figure things out, and I will. Money is tight, but I may look around for a humidifier, or whatever they are called, as I think that is the ticket. Then I will tinker with everything to get this all under control. The key here is money and credit, I am not sure how much of any of it is left. Though there is always next month and I can easily suffer through a bit. I might even just get used to it, but I do not think so.

Internet will be arriving tomorrow, between 8:00 and 12:00. That will be of great use. And, as I said, I am getting wireless. I would install it myself, but I am just not up to it. A few extra dollars is worth having the thing working and secure from the start. I have not started rearranging the old computer or getting this one to work as a Linux machine. I have had too many other things going and no access, really for doing the Linux downloads and setup. I am not sure I trust the hot spots for more than minor blogging and email, if even that really.

Not much has happened today, and not much is likely to happen. My bed, as I had hoped, and on top of the heat, is lumpy. *laughs* Be careful for what you wish! Though in truth, I am pleased that it is an uncomfortable bed. It just does not allow for sleeping more than what I really need. Although today I might finally begin working out. It will not be an epic start with a meteoric scaling up. It will be in with a whimper, onward with a shrug, and maybe someday to a reasonable strength training regimen. Along with swimming, eventually, I may begin that long climb out of sloth or obesity, or both. Whatever. It will simply be the first stirrings in the reawakening of the dragon. It really is time.

Life is pretty good whatever minor complaints I have. I have made it to a place I believe I can enjoy and where I might begin being alive again. I must be honest, there are things about Iowa I will miss. There are people there I love a great deal, friends, family, and associates. It is one of the lands of my childhood. It is all I have known for a goodly part of my life. And there are things I will not like here. I will have to adapt, change, and grow here. All of those last come with a price. But in paying the price, the chance of a quickening is greatly enhanced too. The Lord knows I am a fool, but the fool knows the Lord loves fools almost as much as He loves children.

My mother called. My brother has had emergency back surgery. His slipped disc has ruptured, if I have it right. He is in pain like he has never known. She has been through this twice, I was with her for her first two weeks this last time. She describes now how desperately painful it was, but other than being sometimes bitterly grumpy (and painfully so to my delicate nature), she never really let on how much pain she was in. She amazes me, more so as time goes on. I was so glad to be there for her, even if I needed a break of a week or two before coming back for a month. She said that having me there, and near, and willing to help her in any way was a Godsend. Now, she is going to be with her son.

My brother has been harsh to my mother. As have I at times. Our youth was a difficult one, and it is difficult not to lay that suffering at her feet. Though too, she was a loving mother, if a bit of a stickler for propriety. I still say thank you and you are welcome quite often. I even toss in a ma’am, or sir, from time to time. My brother and myself have both gone through our own maturing and forgiving processes. I think, because I have died a few times and new it was my mother I wanted most of all, I matured the quicker, and found a way to forgive and love again. He was given a choice of who he wanted by him, while he recovers, and it was our Mom. I know that pain, I know that primal need. And bless her, she will be flying out to be with him as he needs. Like him or not, I will pray for him if pain has brought him to this understanding. I hope they find a way to mend bridges and find peace, as she and I have. But, too, I simply pray for his quick recovery, for a realignment of priorities, and that he may find grace in his newfound and extreme humility. It is humbling being unable. But too, it really can be a grace. I have let her know, if she, or he, needs anything, I am a short distance away now. I would not want to go, but I would if called. The rejection from my brother is quite fresh. Humility in duty, I guess, that is what I would have to face and accept.

Actually, I am using my smart phone to clear up old emails an try and begin making sense of things internet wise. It will not allow me to post on my blog, but it does allow me to see if anyone has commented, to tend some business, and to keep a few personal email contacts fresh. I am sure I could use it as a modem, but I am not sure where the cords or instructions are. And, I am not sure exactly how secure that is. So, till tomorrow, what I have will do.

Have a great day!