Bits and pieces.

.
.
No sleep last night and I have been able to run all day. I got my neighbor around to six or so places and we called some other potential renters. There was only one place which indicated it had a place to rent where he actually filled out an application, the rest were gone. What adds to the difficulty is that he is a smoker. Beyond being a college town (typically anti-smoking) we are in the middle of Mormon country, it is simply the way it is. He does honestly smoke outside, but that does not matter and there is no trust of that. Beyond, sometimes that is not enough, some places have signs saying "No smoking within 25' of the building". Every place I have seen for rent has these two, usually three, groupings of two letters... ns, np, and often nd. That is, no smoking, no pets, and usually no drinking. He cannot drive because he has a DUI on his record (though technically he is beyond that, until he pays of his DUI school, gets insurance, and gets his driver's license back, he is still on probation for that... which is held up by 7 or 8 medical bills, adding to thousands, that he has to pay $25 a month toward or face receiving no medical if he needs it... yeah, a mess, but).

His sister has agreed to let him stay with her, for what she terms a few days. I am not sure how that is going to work but if he can keep quiet and stay out of trouble, he might be able to stow away some cash while there and waiting. Perhaps she is in a better position to get him an apartment as an upstanding local than I. I am having doubts about how easily he will be to place. The apartments for the disabled and needy have a year and a half waiting list and, as government properties, are strictly no smoking. He may be there a while. If he is fair about food money, and saves his money, he has a better chance at things.

I was able to speak with our landlady and suggest she give him a simple endorsement, saying that he paid regularly but that he merely needs to move because he does not fit in with having four young college students as next door neighbors, rather than giving him a very negative review for whomever might call regarding a reference. I suggested it would be better for the apartment, as this would get him out a bit more smoothly (and soon) and that it would be good for my neighbor. I did not suggest outright lying, only simplifying and abbreviating the situation. She agreed, and thanked me for the heads up. She is a busy woman, quite often doing more than one human should here, so I appreciated her giving me some time to speak.

I did get him to go with me to Surrogates, starring Bruce Willis and a bunch of talking heads. It was entertaining, if not too deep. But hey, it was action, and of course superior action considering the super human nature of machines. It also had a real human element as well. I will not call this Bruce Willis' greatest work, but it was a good one. I think I saw strong parallels to what is actually occurring. People are hooked on t.v., dug into the internet, snuggled up to electronica, and simply have no time for each other in real terms. When is the last time you were simply walking down the street (walking down the street? Oh, yeah, cars too) and met someone you had never seen before who either appreciated you for some unknown but very human reason and said "Hello, how are you?", or you did the same? Yeah, some of you maybe, but really, how many and how often?

Me too. I simply do not go outside unless I am in my vehicle. When I do go in somewhere, I like to interact if I am able. I look people in the eye. I speak to them as though I had known them for all of their lives (and pretend I did). I see the lowly quite as esteemed as the 'noteworthy', without casting aspersions on either, nor on the average Joe or Jane. I enjoy watching couples (if I would rather see fewer tattoos and piercings), but still, I enjoy young foolish ardent love. I enjoy older couples more, especially when they hold hands or smile at each other with young eyes. I know what I am missing, but I seem unable to fix it. I might as well, for most of my time, have a surrogate. At least I COULD get out more if all I would see was a fraud. Well, okay, I like it better real and rare than never.

I plan on going to the other movie soon. My neighbor is done in, so I will let him alone. His sister suggested we move him tomorrow as it is predicted to rain Wednesday. So shall it be. After this last show, I should be quite ready for bed. I may blog about it.

I did try, again, to get my tags. I did get the inspection completed, but they would not even bother with what I had. This time they gave me a more complete list and more explicit directions. Each woman I have spoken with there has indicated slightly different things. Perhaps this will be finished tomorrow, if I can get the Iowa City tags office to fax a copy of my registration to the Utah office here in Logan. It is not their fault, I just want it to be. I did actually receive my Utah driver's license today though, finally. Well, the temporary one, the regular one will arrive in the mail in... 1, 2, more(?) weeks.

I am feeling so bad for some reason. Perhaps it is what is going on with my neighbor, maybe it is all the work I seem to be doing to earn so very few fruits, it could be exhaustion, I have wondered how much dropping off medicine I had had to work so hard to get on and became sick going on and coming off it (medicine which still has not arrived). All that causes me doubts and leaves little to trust. Trust myself? You must be teasing. I am not sure what to do about the feeling except to go watch the movie tonight. Then come home and read myself down a bit if needed or simply go to sleep. And, then, tomorrow, to get up, take a shower, put my pants on one leg and a time, and step back out the door and see what is next. I am hollow. I am not sure I exist. But I will do it anyway, tonight, tomorrow, and as long as my hollowness keeps allowing me to push it around.

Bah, never worry. I am a hollow man. But I am God's hollow man, too. When I cannot, I will leave it to him to guide blind fools. I will simply trust to Him. It does not fill me out, like some atheists think it does. It does not make the pain, fear, or confusion leave me. It merely IS. I guess, I hope, that is faith.

I may blog in a bit about the next movie, or not, when I return.

Sleep well.