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Not sure what happened, but... I did not lose track of everything. Oddly, I have been dysfunctionally functional. I have been, if still slowly, moving stuff from place to place, meeting and greeting people, and this and that. But I totally became blind to much else, like posting. I am not getting everything completed which I would like completed. And I am doing nothing as timely as I should like. And yet, bit by bit, the stuff that gnaws at me is tended. I just became deaf and mute in a way. It is like my ability to communicate, online and in real life, turned off mostly. It is different here, if I have not quite been able to corner the market on the better aspects fully yet.
Nothing new or newsy to report. Well, I am not dead. I do not know what is wrong, xactly, so fixing it is a thing for time. I think not having the apartment cleaned out is bugging me and some things which where bothering me but have been cured still slog the machine somehow (like not having the apartment rented, someone will be taking it over in December (yeah!), but it is still messing with me, maybe because I cannot seem to get out! Trapped, confused, waiting, hoping, unsure, quiet, patient, befuddled... That is all I see, it is all I know, and yet... bit by bit anyway. Not bad, I will give it a solid F for effort, with the possibility of improving that with the completion of the project. I will give it an A+ for the fact that I am still walking, working, driving, loading, eating, and grooming as is possible, in spite of having no seeming connection with the world, no taste for life let alone goals, nothing going in this cold dark place in my mind but a want for sleep. Oh, and my sleep is fairly good, dreaming ended (that I remember). I am eating twice a day (though I am not, oddly, having bm's, yet I am not impacted either). I wonder if it just takes a lot more energy to run here, in the winter, in the arid climate, at this altitude. Everything is being used. I have been eating good, but only a few bm's a week. (maybe more information than you cared to know, butt...) :0
That is it. No nut shell needed. My world is smaller than a peanut. But it is a tasty one, I am sure, if I could see flavor!
Trapped, confused, waiting, hoping, unsure, quiet, patient, befuddled...
ReplyDelete...and that's all it takes sometimes--a bit of above-normal stress--for you to dissociate a bit.
Thanks for posting. I was worried a bit, but praying on the way home this evening, I could see that you were relatively okay. Nice to have that confirmed.
Keep plugging. You're doing ok. Once you're finished moving and you have the old place rented, the triggers ought to abate.
A-and yes. That was TMI :D
:)
ReplyDeleteYeah, but it is amazing. I should be holed up in a little corner of my bed right now, and I am not... if too, everything isn't perfect. Imagine a blind man figuring out how to walk, safely, anywhere. That is what is happening. Oh, and deaf and dumb a bit too. Which is different, the deaf and dumb sort of part, or I am able to notice it, not sure which... from this side.
Prayers are good. I remembered to look at my blog. Could have been just that.
Up and about some. Good.
ReplyDeleteI was worried, too.
Sparrow's haiku topic this week is 'sleep'... made me think of you and come back to check up. *g*
Hope things are settling down as you complete the move.
I've been wondering what happened to you Doom. Glad to hear you're still alive and kicking mate, hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI too go through periods where i just can't bring myself to say anything or do much. Maybe i just get empty, have nothing left to vent or something. Who knows.