That did not work either.

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I was up until 10:00. I simply could not get to anything. I then crashed so hard and fast I do not remember fighting the pillow, let alone seeing it. Blindsided I was. I woke around 17:00. I have eaten today. That is it.

Beyond having trouble getting to things, I have been avoiding phone calls. My home (landline) phone rings often, though I discount that completely. I have only ever received calls to the wrong number on it. I will not continue that phone, I will cancel that when the deal is up. I cannot believe I would receive 8 to 10 wrong calls... a DAY! Something is up with that, if I may never know what. I may have suspicions though.

The only phone calls I have been taking are from my mother, rare as those have been. I suspect she had hoped I would take her up on her offer to move here, ostensibly for financial gain on my part. I need no financial assistants, even if a bit shy this month. I see that as a trap. If she wants to move here, she may. But I do not believe she would be a financial boon. I suspect she would be an expense. Which, to a smaller degree, is acceptable. But I will not ask for her help as that would limit my ability to set rules. Her smoking is not permitted, there are culinary difficulties with her, there are certain rules I would lay down, and this would be my home not a shared enterprise. I know if I asked her to come, she would see that as a need, and in need she would see my rules and order as something to be set aside or taken more lightly. I will not abide that. She must surrender to move here. That sounds draconian, and to a degree it is, but I must watch myself in this. I would love to have her, but not without leverage. It is the way of women, or at least her.

Anyway, tonight I took a call from my friend. Seeing that I could not get to SLC by myself, I asked if he would go along tomorrow. Supper would be the prize, something good. Though low on cash, I have enough for supper out for two, the trip, and groceries for the remainder of the month. Having someone going along will help me stay awake. And having someone in on the planning will help make sure the trip happens. I did find out that my push to get him into the doctor who fixed his nose the last time he had that done has worked. He is set for surgery the 19th of next month. This has stopped his blood loss before, several times, and for several years. The doctor saw that the space is now open again, obviously, to allow for bleeding. He thinks that can be fixed quite easily and again. Further, my friend has sinus problems, which need to be cleared regularly due to some disorder or other. Those may be causing some of his severe halitosis. We will see. If that works well, I will remind him to go in once in a while. I think it has been some time since my friend had a friend who steered him to care for himself.

If I can figure out how to get going I will put the supplies up tonight. It is dark but I do have lights and flashlights. Wow what a mess I am in. And yet I keep trying. I have pulled back to the confines of my cranium, and stomach. Sam and Sassy do keep me somewhat more in this realm than the nether of mind and feral corpse though, and their needs are being met well to boot. The funny thing is, like when I was a child and grounded to my bedroom... I am oddly comfortable here. So there is at least that. It is frustrating though, knowing I have all the materials needed to do the roof on the hen house and to construct my reloading station and get that going with enough consumables to reload many bullets, only to find myself frozen. *vapor lock!* I want to TINKER, man. I want to play, dude. I want to work, bud. Still, it is nice to know that in down times caused by my nature or of the greater world around me I can indeed survive, and even thrive in an odd little gimp way, the certainty that there may, often, be little to do.

Heh! I just remembered. When I entered the Navy, in bootcamp, our C.C.s suggested that "nukes" (those who enlisted in the nuke program) were easy to deal with. We were fair minded and capable, only varied with the rules every so slightly and in a gentlemanly way (like figuring out how to obtain and supply chewing tobacco to our cohorts and ourselves in a well planned, group activated, properly executed military manner despite the ban), and could be set aside to entertain ourselves with things as simple as a pencil and rubber band. Heh. The description still fits, in it's own way... maybe even directly? Nah. I do not need a pencil and rubber band anymore... I graduated!

Sorry for the long list of nothing, but such is the way of it. I added that last to let you know that, in spite of some recent darker psychprints written here, I am in good shape for the shape I am in. Those menacing mindscapes are merely thoughts which arise and how I treat them, think about them. Or, to put it in a graduated manner, they are my rubber bands and pencils. Weee! :p