Nice.

.
.
I do need to get to bed earlier if I am going to try and keep a day schedule. I was able to wake up at 7:00, the time the alarm was set to go off anyway. But it is becoming tough to stay awake during the day. I know, as do you, that I will fall at some point. Nothing I do will change that. I can hope, I can try, I can pray, but I know I will fall off this schedule, any schedule, and sleep long hours, days, weeks, perhaps even months again. I will try, every day I have breath though, to maintain a day schedule. How odd that such a simple thing is so very difficult.

I am not doing much, just hanging onto my schedule. I have a few projects I need and want to attend, things that cost no money. Staying awake IS my chore, for the moment, however. I would like to get my reloading stand put together, assemble my reloader, organize the station, and begin churning out my own "roll your own" bullets. If nothing else it is something mechanical to do, something new, a project that requires a little bit of everything I like to do rolled into one large project but is really a number of puzzles and mechanical mind games. All new, all the way. I would also like to go through the last of my boxes, sort what to keep, discard a good deal of stuff, and organize the place a bit more. Well, we will see.

Grumpy, I say. That is what I am today. No, not grumblingly grumpy, just not cheerful. Well, when I say cheerful, I mean like being able to be chipper and jovial while going over a cliff waterfall. Telling jokes on the way down, maybe doing some flips and twirls while airborne as a last hurray for life. I am not ever really cheery about the world or the truth of our reality here, only I see no reason, generally, not to find what joy, mirth, and pleasantry which is here and in abundance. Today I just cannot wake enough to find my little mental nirvana. Maybe it will come in a bit, or tomorrow. The good thing is that I know it will return before long. It has replaced my once felt need for suicide, something I have not felt a need for since... 1993 I believe. My last great attempt at embracing death with a 12 gauge kiss. *click* So be it and good riddance to such a notion. Ha!

On to doing more staying awake. Hmmm, lunch almost sounds good enough to do something about. Not yet but I am getting there. Be well and have a blessed day. In the storm of life and the world, may that one streak of sunshine come into your day, your life, your heart. Do not reject it, God only offers. We must accept.