Some things come to mind...

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On days like this. I was actually starting to pick up and do well. Days were my domain, exercising was beginning, cooking was beginning, the kitchen and house were beginning to be maintained, and at worst I had an occasional hiccup. The last few days prove effort has nothing to do with it. Sleep and wake cycles have been completely tossed in the air. I have been completely unable to control when I go to bed or wake up, snapping awake at random times, unable to fall back to sleep, and my efforts have been true, solid, and pathetically ineffective. All I get for my efforts is deeper exhaustion and this wonderful mini-migraine that might be about to mature. Ah, well, what else was happening? I cannot say I am bored. Much like being at sea in a heavy storm, it has moments which are at least... breathtaking.

Still, there are things I would like to get to doing. It is much more difficult when the battering from the loss of control leaves me unable to focus, makes work many times more difficult than it should be, and complicates the simple idea of maintaining the focus to pick up my butt from here and put it over there. I have to take something for this headache today. I have been ignoring them, for the most part. They started, perhaps, a week ago. They have been intensifying. Though not quite nauseating, they are brutal.

The good news? Besides Jesus Christ? (just covering the bases) That would be that even if life is a little confusing, memory is good, clarity of notions is good, etc. I may lose focus, but I remember losing focus. And, yes, memory is that important and more. It does not matter what else you do if you remember nothing. You cannot set goals, you cannot push, you cannot change directions.

Some Tylenol down the gullet, a cup of coffee being introduced, and I will see about today. The only thing I changed was my consumption of (Splenda based) diet Coke. I do consume coffee, perhaps not as much. But then I thought coffee had more caffeine? I may, simply, have to go back, then ease away from the junk. Perhaps that is all there is to it?

Anyway, I might be all junked up, but I still think about you all. Your little mouse lives, walk through the stars, or whatever you want to term your life here is of interest to me. Must be cool, if sometimes sad, to be God. If he knows the bad in all of us, he also knows the good. The stuff no one else knows. I think if there was too little of that, if not by flood, He would again destroy man. He really would. So, be good for goodness sake? Yep. :) Later.