.
.
I could not get to sleep last night. I am beginning to hate doctor appointments, so either through stress, resentment, frustration, or all of that and more, getting to sleep the night before is tough. Still, I got up and am actually chucking along at a goodly pace, with or without considering the situation. My goal is to be out of here by noon. Could happen, though I am eyeballing 13:00 as the most likely scenario and somewhere between those numbers as the next most likely time I will be out. That is just the way it works.
Strange dreams have been painting my eyelids of late. Much of it themed around people from the high schools I attended, and mostly the girls. Well, all about some of the girls. No, not so much sexual, though how can one dream of women and not have a little bubble gum and sex notion going on? Especially when we were all young. Quaint memories? Hmm, I did not have a quaint life. I suppose I idealized such though. Yeah, something like that. The dreams have also been dissecting human decision making. Looking through the strata, causes, getting into the 'moment' of the decision maker, pulling back and seeing the big picture, looking at the micro-aspects, evaluating the outcomes based on the outcomes, the reasoning, emotional value, religious teaching, and many other ways. I would call it something like full blown thought autopsies. My decision stands, most people are stinker thinkers and should not be allowed to handle money or their own lives even. Thank God we have the government and credit card companies! (snark -off)
I do have an appointment today. I am looking forward to it similar to the manner in which most look forward to seeing a dentist and taking their automobile in for repairs on the same day. Oil, blood, and money to be drilled on the same day. I do not mind the dentist, though I have come to dread the shop. Those blood suckers cannot be trusted by their mother. Doctors seem to have decided it is better to see me dead than possibly functioning. It may literally be political. One less staunch conservative in the economic world is considered something which allows them to set aside the (probably defunct now anyway, considering abortion) "...do no harm..." part of their creed. Well, it is all I have. Today we will decide if we will go forward or if I will simply complete the dying process unhindered. Yeah, I know what it means.
Best to get moving. On to waking a bit then out the door. A shower first, so I am dry and clean before I walk out the door. The sun is up, out, and smiling like the blazes. It should be a great day for a drive. Have a good day.
Ha! My dentist's office called me today to remind me of an appointment tomorrow.
ReplyDelete"Ah...I have a car in the shop and a cat in the hospital, a rental car racking up dollars by the day, money for none of the above, my HBP is through the roof and I think I'm growing an ulcer. Howzabout we put off that dental thingy, eh?"
Well, it's nice that someone understands. I will put you on my prayer list, your cat too. As for the rest of it, at least with me, I let go. Not a quitter, just knowing I am not in control. I can't do it. I can't force my doctor to give me what works, I can't change my blood pressure as is, I can't grow money in my garden. So... Not that God is responsible, merely that I know what must be and trust in Him because or in spite of it.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up, don't give out, and do not think it will all work out. Just enjoy it when it does. Start where you are, go from there, and walk with faith.
Sounds trite, and just might be, but it's still the truth if it isn't all fancy and wordsome. Therapy would be easier, more successful, and shorter term if they started and stopped there.
The car left the shop successfully, due to some creative thinking by my mechanic and I. It is not every day you find a mechanic willing to try, if not "duct tape and bailing wire", at least an unconventional solution to an intractable problem.
ReplyDeleteThe cat left the vet hospital with diabetes diagnosed, and also after a minor surgical procedure to lance a nasty infection and pull some bad teeth. Twice a day shots for life, plus glucose monitoring. Well that makes her cat number 2 on the high maintenance list.
All told, this was an expensive week, but my "mattress money" held out. I'll be sleeping on bedsprings until I renew it tho...
Thanks for the prayers. It all could have been worse.
Mattress money... That reminds me. Of course, I have some other bills to tend before I add a few more nickels to the pot though. Sure is nice when your rainy day fund handles the rain.
ReplyDeleteI am afraid, like myself, if one of my cats becomes high maintenance... she will die. It is not a matter of lack of care, concern, or such. It is simply a matter of not even being able to care for myself in such a way.
I am definitely going to have to ask around for a good trustworthy shop, for my auto. The dealership I had before was rather good. Very good, oddly. Some things do not transfer.
And prayers are gladly given. That is often all I have to offer, but to those with faith who know, it is not a small thing.