Holding off.

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Sometimes, no matter my intent, I find that holding off is for the better. In regards to starting Church attendance and involvement again, despite the strong urge (which remains), I realized the timing was bad. Not for me so much, but for the community. While going through Lent and nearing Easter, I realized the priest and any one else whom I might wish to make an acquaintance might well be quite busy. Of course I decided to wait just a bit. And, next Sunday will be the last of it, as I see things. Calling for an appointment for next week is a goal of mine. I have to see if I am a fit for the closest Church. If not, I will have to review the options. As well, I need to consider other means of receiving the host. While I hate the idea that sometimes I may need to have this done in my home, due to incapacity, I think it might be time to simply humbly ask for this along with trying to get in on my own. Pride can be an awful thing, so to shame.

After having found two books I was looking for, I am now searching for another. I found my bibles and the missal, I am still missing my catechism. And, yes, I have read it, several times. Beyond wanting to read it again, along with the bible (Old and New Testaments), I want to have it available for reference. I used to keep it right next to my dictionary and thesaurus. Lame, perhaps, but my memory is not all that good, in any of those areas. Actually, I still do not have my dictionary or thesaurus handy yet either... or my little brown book for English writing. More books to find. I am... right on that. As usual, boss. (Meaning I am right on it, if taking weeks to find it is allowable). I have 500 books down and on shelves and a thousand books scattered through a dozen or more boxes. Add in my inability to remember to do simple chores, let alone 'unnatural things' (like looking for books), and so it goes. But, as I said, within my variances, I am right on that.

I do enjoy my cats. Sassy is no longer allowed the run of the place. She has outlived the speed and agility of her youth, taking on a girth, height, and weight which preclude that, and further she has lost her cute innocent helpless appeal, so that Sam has put her paws down and created dominance. I did fear for real damage, but as often as I hold and pet them, I realize no serious damage or cuts are taking place. And, from my own experience, I know that should either want, or lose concentration and do so thoughtlessly, they can both inflict serious harm. Sam, again, is queen of the land. While Sassy may be the princess, she knows not to cross the 'ol' witch'. Papa can be toyed with, so long as she scatters when he hollers and then comes back later and re-wraps him around her... paw. Lord knows she has pegged me, and rightly, for a sucker for her charms.

I am feeling rather good today. I was in bad shape before I ate a bit, tired, headache, sore. The food did help, this time, oddly. Then again, I was not looking forward to today's appointment. I suspected he would try to bring high blood pressure into this again. Just leave the scab alone unless you intend to actually do something, I say. And I know they will not and cannot. In any case, I am hoping the good sense of self and all lasts. I would like to... I do not know for sure... get out for a walk? Do some yard work? Look over a few more washing machines? Preferably a mix of those events. I just want to do something while I feel up to it. I fear waking tomorrow to another zombie day. I wish I could turn this feeling on and off, saving it for a time where I can use it. At 20:30, there is little I can do and it was raining earlier. Oh well, I will do something outside soon.

I must say, things are looking rough. Gas and food prices are seriously going up. They suggest food prices have only risen 6.5% since last year. I suggest someone is pulling someone's leg about those numbers, but not mine. I would say, since I moved from Iowa, food prices have risen more like 30% or more, as much of that in this last year as before and probably more this year. Going to the store went from being a little hairy to being outright frightful. Meat, milk, and soda. Even if I liked veggies, I am not sure I could really afford them. Certainly not the salt free fresh frozen type. And I really do not believe I could afford to eat three proper meals a day. And fruit... well, if I remembered to eat it, or ate it in a timely manner, I might do that a bit more. Too much fruit goes bad too often, and buying less since I rarely shop would merely mean nearly as infrequency of consumption as I get now.

I have not moved a bit on storing more food for the long term and I have used my short term supplies. Between the fear of the expense of a new or used washer, the tree limb conundrum, and getting tickets so my mother can leave her broom at home and fly with class (I did not write that, if you are reading mom... I've been hacked), plus the simple costs of life as is, I have been holding back on any and all other spending. Until I get sorted out, I am stuck, sort of. But I feel the pull. I see the problems, and they are only going to get worse and for some time to come. Even if the jackboots are shoved out of office, cleaning up the mess (if the replacements can or will go there) will take a decade or more. Further, cleaning this mess will be like getting barbed stingers out of the skin and meat of our economy, and personal lives. It will hurt more, possibly, in the short term, than simply letting the morass continue. No matter what, we have some bills coming due and what we have to pay that with is worth less, times are about to become tough(er).

One last post for the night. Not sure if anyone is reading anymore. Then again, that is not why I write. I ought to put a nickel for every word into my piggy bank? No, I would quit writing, I cannot afford it! :p

Good night.