Reflections from the nether.

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(or, What comes to mind while doing my duty without reading material.)

I just realized that I have a problem that runs throughout much of my life and impacts projects, chores, and other tasks. I seek perfection. I am not so sure I would call it perfectionism, though it might be or perhaps is simply a kissing cousin of some sort to it. I think what interested me, initially, about electrical engineering was the idea that electrons and the equipment which uses those are digital. Digital, in theory, is discrete, exact, quantities of matter which act in a rather exact way. Scaling is simple, more digits (give or take). As defined by my understanding in a rough limited manner, but enough for a place to bring a reader in.

After reading history, this reminds me of the same revolution which brought about the metric system. It was the secular French Revolution to be exact. This revolution also brought many other changes, actually undoing much of culture, religious belief, and law. From a complete calender revision to every aspect of life, these perfectionists who lead the revolution attempted to correct everything. The most notable change that lasted is the metric system. The measurement the meter was based upon was a measurement that was incorrect, by the way. I do not know if that has ever been corrected. What I realized from this was that the patients of the Church to the imperfections of life was wiser than some fool, like the revolutionaries or myself, trying to make perfect sense, take perfect measures, or to lead perfect lives. And still it is there, this need for things to be simple (albeit through sometimes extremely complex (improbable) theories and givens and measures and sums).

When I was working on the bench, I had a notion of how it should all fit. The instructions were quite simple. The measurements were straight forward. It should have been simple to take raw goods and produce and exact system, as prescribed. I knew, of course, that using wood already made that a bit off, but of course this was dealt with through the design of the solid components. And I knew that without precise cutting and measuring tools, the thing might end up messy anyway. I did not even note the possibility of mistakes, especially with two people doing various things on the project. In the end, all of those things became a factor, and still the thing went together well enough that no one will know, not upon casual inspection or by function.

It was the notion of perfection, regardless of my conscious considerations, that made getting to the project daunting. Nothing is perfect or even truly standard, not even digital mechanics. Everything that goes into making digital appear perfect makes that seeming perfection more of a dream than a reality for most. Beyond that, the perfection for those who can seemingly know it, when viewed at the correct aspect, disappears and is once again replaced by the reality of imperfection. Such a large thing, imperfection, to overcome in order to achieve.

Why all this fuss about this and that? Ah, because I realize, as I dig through the imperfections to develop something from nothing (or even a desk from components), that wisdom is to be found and that idealism does indeed fail in the face of simple, humble, creative, effort. Even when that effort is carried out with the realization that perfection can't be had, perhaps more so because of the realization. Something I knew, or believed, after reviewing the history of some long past mostly forgotten revolution and yet had failed to be able to implement in my secular life. It is odd how we fight God, even when we know He is right. Even when we believe in His wisdom. Even now, even on this, even in me, the war continues to wage. How... odd.

Then again and too, what I just wrote is the summation of a few moments, less than a minute, less than twenty seconds, only a few seconds actually, of thought. Imagine if I wrote the full version, or even the full version of a full day of such thought. So many revisions and corrections as I think through things, logic dead ends and mazes which must be navigated as I explore an area or corollary or such. Thinking does occupy my time. Less thinking, more doing, I suppose. My limits should expand in the doing?

Well, back to getting ready to do something... in theory.