Fear.

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I had some worry, when I went to sleep, that today would not go forward as planned.  That's, actually, not a problem, by and of itself.  Simply put, an off or down day is bound to happen.  Heck, a week may eventually go by without me being in the pool.  I am not naive.  I have my whole adult history, mostly, to peruse.  That says failure is imminent and unavoidable.  The question, of course, is when a failure will occur and how well, or to be strictly honest IF, I recover from it.  I am just being absolutely honest.  So, one day I don't make it, while it would stick in my craw, is just something I know will happen.

I went to bed right at 21:00, after reading through the second or third introduction to the book I will be reading.  Really?  Never mind.  I realized I wasn't to the actual book, and I am not sure why there seem to be several introductions.  Some of that was interesting, however, as it covered some of St. Thomas' life.  It also included information about the sources of information that St. Thomas would have had and used, and noted, but noted in a manner that a modern reader may not be familiar.  I was familiar with what they were talking about, just not what it was called sometimes, such as the reference to the Gloss, and various versions of it.  I was surprised how many of those names I have heard and read before.  Not having, directly, read any of the old masterpieces, I have certainly... become familiar, somehow, with many of these men.  Chrysostom, I think, is rather common to many.  But the others, at least some of them are rather obscure, including some of the authors of various Glosses and other such.  The names rolled off easily.  I couldn't always place them, just... I seem to have read about them somehow, sometime in the past.  Which explains my affinity for Vox's novel, and Lord of the Rings, and a few other like novels.

I went in hard, if I had trouble sleeping.  Rolling and tossing, my bed looks like it tried to contain an upset walrus.  I did sleep well, dreaming if that is lost to memory, and woke before the alarm by a goodly bit.  I am sore, as well.  One shoulder feels like it dug into a titan I was trying to tackle.  If so, that tackle was a losing bid.  Little aches and pains all over my body this morning.  And I am sleepy, if not actually tired, still.  All good.  I think I will make it to swimming today.  I think my fear was that of the bedtime variety, not of reality, thankfully.

I keep considering a workout here at home.  Truth be told I do not trust myself to do a workout at home.  It is simply too comfortable and I am too patterned here at home.  Plus, I don't have a workout I am sure I could do.  Which sort of sucks, as even with gas prices lower it is still a hefty cost to drive in to town this often, considering that I am coming from only traveling to town a few times a month.  I don't think, yet, that I am in the kind of shape, as well, that would allow me to quite put together a calisthenics routine that would be effective, either.  Therefore, I do believe I will stick to swimming until I fill that half hour, then begin exploring a calisthenics routine on top of that, and maybe there, before trying to do some of my exercise at home.  I know me far too well.  I am also considering adding an half hour of pedaling some machine or other while there.  I don't want to push things too far, or too hard.  Perhaps starting on Friday and seeing how well I recover, then maybe adding it on Monday, too, if it works?  Just thinking, for now.

I am also going to begin looking at the cracked wheat breakfast again.  It is rather heavy, but it truly stays with me.  It would serve as a solid breakfast a few times a week.  Along with oatmeal, boiled or otherwise eggs, and toast, I should be able to begin having a regular and solid morning meal.  And I need it as I become more active.  Hmm, rice would be fine, and that stores really well too, as well.  All whole grain, of course.

I do notice guys drinking protein after workouts.  I have heard both pro and con on that.  I do have a protein drink mix, if it is more of a prep thing than a regular thing.  For my notions, if I want or need protein after a workout, I would rather have it in food form.  I must admit I have been hitting up fast food regularly after workouts.  I think what I am going to start doing is boiling eggs in bulk, and taking a half dozen or so for my lunch after the swim.  I, simply, never believed in the hype of using more proteins than what a diet provides, if I, for my part, believe in a protein heavy diet.  Certainly when I am working out.  Odd how this stuff comes back to my mind from so very long ago.  I remember conversations, if not with whom.  Just that there was a group of us who discussed these things and often, then compared notes.  I am not even sure the paleo diet, or carb loading, where terms we really knew, if we knew the principles of them.  Some guys preferred carb heavy, and carb loading, some of us even then were mainly meat-eaters, I don't think we had a vegetarian type, though we discussed that without too much... rankle.  I had no prejudice back then, just a preternatural hunger that matched how meats work with me, for me.  Yeah, I tried carb heavy and carb loading, but I didn't see that it really worked.  And we knew that what worked for one didn't always work for the next.  Whole grains was a consideration, but it really wasn't available to most of us, so it was theory.

Rambling, again.  Hmm, now to wake and figure out my cranky body day.  Youch, found a kink in my neck!

Good morning.