So, God, I was thinking...

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Everyone once in a while, for no apparent reason, I get on some topic or other dealing with God.  Well, sure, I have questions.  And I do have curiosity.  And I deal with those, if usually more analytically or prayerfully.  But this type of thing is a little different.  It is more like a little documentary slash movie pops onto my "screen", an interactive one.  No, God doesn't come down and direct the thing, directly, but hints pop 'on-screen' once in a while, leading me, I think, to a better write of the thing.

In this case, I was thinking about God, as He did and has instructed men.  Like an old Father to a young son, He would, for example, give a token to us and suggest we use it to purchase camels for the trip we need to take across a desert.  We take the token, head to the livestock barns, and return... with a string of mules.  No, my son, He says, they will not serve you.  They will perish for want of water, and you along with them.  We had thought ourselves clever, taking the extra saved from spending on the camels and spending it on wine and women.  He, again, sends us back to the merchant, with enough to cover what we had foolishly spent, to cover the loss and get camels.  This time, on the way, we see other men on horses, and watch as women swoon at the sight.  So, we decide to buy horses, instead, our vanity leading us astray this time. Over and over God has set us aright and sent us back to the merchant.  Eventually we get what we actually need.  We have done this as whole groups of people and as individuals.  Some of us refuse His advice and wander to our 'deaths'.  Some of us simply, eventually, set ourselves to following Him as best we can.

God must be quite patient, and rather lenient.  While it is said that God does not change, that when we describe an angry God, or a pleased Lord, or such, we are describing our actions which either are within or without His realms of thought, spirit, or action, I have to think that, at times, God has to laugh.  Men try to abide His will, but in our way, and pitch our tents right on the exact border, so that our head is in His realm but our feet seem to us to give us... freedom, from Him, too.  We think we can negotiate, as if putting our head in the sun for warmth and our feet in the shade for cool, hoping that will somehow work as we please.  And it never does.  Laws, and lawyers, fiddling with sin while trying not to actually sin, we are like sons of all the ages of men and boys.  Patient indeed.

I had an older foster father.  He was just at 60 when I came into that family, at 12 myself.  I see so many similarities.  And he was not a good father, but a great one.  His patients, and insistence, but too his strength.  He was even, for his age, a giant type, standing six foot from the floor.  As a WWII vet, he had to have been considered possibly more of an oddity than even myself, in his time.  But he wasn't just tall, he was actually quite a powerfully built man, too.  And, for my fighting prowess even at that time, I pegged him as the probable winner in any... potential... urhm, disagreement.  Not that this matters, mind you, I have fought and lost knowingly and will do so today if right to do so, if too I trusted he would not wrongfully... disagree.  I do remember, at times, when I would do something foolish, something he had told me not to do, and would have to pay some price.  And, quite often, he would have a grin on his face.  I am quite certain, a time or two, as I headed up to my bedroom to contemplate on my woes, or while in my bedroom, I would hear a boom of laughter when he thought I was out of earshot.  He definitely had a booming laugh, I could feel it through the floorboards right from the basement up to my second story room.

The two things are not, and were not at the time, lost on me.  And yet, ever so often, I failed and continue to fail to live up to my commitments and promises and principles of wisdom, in fact or spirit.  Today, God is the only Father left to me.  And I STILL think the horses would look cooler!  If too, for the most part, I do choose the camels.  Actually, that is why I drive an Xterra instead of a Camaro SS.  While a used vehicle might be wiser still, without the skills and tools to keep it up... I do what I can.

One thing I do, if I have a question... if it is a real question, I bring it to God in prayer and thought.  I won't say He always answers.  Some questions aren't to be answered.  And I won't say He answers how I would have it, leaving me breadcrumbs to follow and piece things together rather than just handing me the data, usually.  But the litmus test for the legitimacy of a question is... can I in all honesty ask the truth of this to God.  If I can't, then I already know the answer and I am just trying to play fast and loose with what He has already taught me.  He... isn't very tolerant that way, and I have learned as much this way as by the breadcrumb trails.  First, I have learned, that I have... much to learn.  I have also learned that even a son who attempts to do his Fathers will... is given some allowances for play.  God's laughter, though, rings even louder than my foster father's laughter.  Hurtful or relieving, I hear it to this day.  And it, too, is comforting.