.
.
Yeah? Yeah. But it was kind of fun! If I didn't have things I desperately wanted to get done it would be a lot of fun. No, really.
I was having trouble getting to sleep last night. The moon was arranged just so with one of the planets and some of the star clusters so that they meant exactly what they did. Nothing. No, I drank too much caffeine or more was jazzed about something. I finally figured it out and spit out a notion of it. The news cycles seem to be supportive of the notions, all around, on too many fronts for comfort. Surrounded? Yep, I've got them right where I want them now.
After I figured the thing out and coughed it up, putting it to virtual paper, I was free to do a bit more exploring. Some areas mix and match, you know. It isn't so much that we taint or bless or control our environment as that as a sort of hub to our existence, we are a part of everything around us. Sometimes rather closely, other times at a bit more of a distance. It just so happens that whatever we are then goes on to influence that to whom and which we are attached, in a reciprocating manner. We are the engines of our fate. Some of us, I would argue, within the confines of reality, are even the masters of it or at least have that potential.
It is why I lean very strongly toward individual, if not completely isolationist, choices and responsibilities. I trust, even myself, less than most. My faith, while beyond potent, won't carry my belief in self, it actually, to a degree, precludes it as a fullness. However, within the domain of the child, servant, tool? I will use all the room there is to set up and develop what I understand of the ideal. I expect credit for it when correct, in the secular though not true, and I will take responsibility for my failures, in both spheres. It is the way it works.
Women came to mind. Call me sexist, neanderthal, or such, just don't call me... insensitive. :p I think of myself as a poor lover. A taker, not a giver. I run at the sounding of the dinner bell, or to sound it, then scarf and then nap. That is how my mind sees it. When I first saw this next, I blanched and sputtered. I don't call 15 times a day or that other stuff, either. One call a week, maybe. Are you really supposed to call?
I've spoken with some of my longer term women about the topic. I expected to be shamed, mocked, ridiculed. I wanted to... improve, or learn, or something. And I... just wanted to know. Since they never talked about it, I brought it up. A facefull of warm fuzzies is usually what I got. I have even been laughed at, but not the hard kind. Even my last, the meanest woman I have ever met, given an opportunity to shred me, fairly or not... and... no. She didn't always care about being fair, or right, even when I thought she was in a placid mood. She... I think that was the one thing about me she had absolutely no complaints regarding. And yes, it seemed to make up for a LOT of things she didn't like. I still don't get it. As with my real swords, I drag all my tools. I'm lackluster and selfish. Plus, remember guys, I could be on the heart transplant list and could have been for most of my adult life. I shouldn't have been good in bed? That it seems to work? I'll take it, for nothing too, Bob. Hmm, then again... I don't like head.
On war and women though? I can't get this song out of my head. Not literal mind you, though the lyrics bear that out. And, I have come to the conclusion that I create the problem, or share it? But then... I don't think of it as a problem. It's one of life's little joys for me. Further, I am fireproof. Girls are meaner, they just aren't as good at aiming... or something. Ah, the memories... very fond memories.
Gosh she reminds me of one of my girls in this. Regina, I think... back in the mid 90's. We never got to this point, but I just knew she would have been fantastic at this. I'm a... connoisseur on some things. Oh but she was an angry women, just looking for someone to be angry with, together, at. No actual physical violence, just enough peevish anger for it, which fueled... other pursuits. Being a safe target of a woman's anger is as good as listening to them speak, maybe more so? It's definitely a part of it.
Not bragging, just... reminiscing and... putting the puzzle together as I wake and things catch my attention. I don't even think there is a brag in there. The good stuff just seems to be something I've lucked into. I have, as I have suggested, no clue. I would almost prefer to keep it that way. Knowing what is going on I might mess it up? Yeah.
In any case, trying to stay up all day overnight last night, with all this running through my mind, I hit a wall. Was it 6:00? 7:00? Can't recall. All I know is that I was doing fine until I realized I wasn't doing very well. Something about something, then... *Bam* Lights out. I did open the curtains for the little green growy things. Nothing else was done yesterday. I woke at 16:00, or a bit before. But dinner was set to arrive and I didn't have the phone number. So... I didn't want to try to make it to the shop and back in time... tomorrow.
Tomorrow? If I can get to bed in a bit I will set the alarm for about ten hours. I should be awake well before that. The alarm just gives me a... fence, a boost, a scare, if I happen to sleep that long. In the condition I am in if I try to use the alarm to literally wake me in seven or eight hours I will end up hitting the snooze, changing it, and otherwise fighting it all day and still missing. I have learned, a bit, from time to time, how to negotiate with my sleep and how to use alarms. It's an odd thing but I'm okay at it, when I need it and can at all use it, that is. Anyway... if I can get up early enough, a little heat in the place to wake up to, a warmer bath, and a trip to the plumber supply store... before 17:00. I am hoping to be heading in before 13:00. There are some other things I want to investigate. And I would like to be back in time to monkey with it all and maybe have a hot shower before midnight. Well... that's the goal. Hushutup. I heard that! :p
Later.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Backsass Here