Awake and home!

.
.
I wrote a bit last night.  Under the darkness of weariness with the voice of strain.  Having an air conditioned sleep for the first time since I left... no, hotels simply do not count, they have huge limits on how fast and cold their units work... I wake to a very new day.  The burn of the event was still with me, and to a degree remains.  Actually, I left the comfort of cool as soon as I left my home, traveling from desert to desert, some of them horribly humid to boot!  Yes, a night of cool to begin taking the flame from my flesh... and tongue?  Well, and rest.

Now, I wasn't meaning anything harsh about what I wrote.  Merely observations, possibly right, potentially wrong, if at times with an air of disappointment.  Further, you know that I am a doubter, a pessimist.  Further, and I hope Desert Cat knows this personally now... though I doubt, if it sounds like a good plan I will let you know of my doubts I will set them aside and try at my full pace, strength, and wit, to prove me wrong.  So... don't worry children.  My doubts, paranoia, and personal foibles are what they are... trinkets from an era where they had been honed, necessary, and used so that I may write to this day.

The trip to and from Burning Man took me over the brim of the world.  There were places where some flat driving was as high as 8k to almost 9k.  Much of where I traveled was at least 5k.  It was all desert, starting from here at home and moving on, perhaps more so on my incorrect trajectory last night.  One would think boredom could come from driving through desert.  And, stuck with the temps, dew points, and such, and stretched over many days, more weeks, and certainly months, that might become harshly true.  Driving in what until less than a century ago became a common instrument for modern man, and with air conditioning to boot, and being able to see several of these various versions of the desert per day made the exploration much more profound... a study rather than a drudgery.  I won't say I got it all but I did see some of the miracles of His will embodied into stone, flora, and fauna.

The trip to 'The Jug' was quite a thing on it's own.  The last spit of road into the camp was quite rutted.  Going in I kept it to 25-30 mph.  There was no listed speed.  The ruts made controlling the vehicle, even weighed down with kit and carcass, a bit of a trick.  As I mentioned, four wheel drive is not a requirement.  A slow pace will see you to a better experience.  I never employed four wheel drive myself.  I still can't get over the views.  I did not go all that close to that edge.  If I go again, however, I may take something to... anchor.  Something I am more sure of, that has been tested otherwise, and get some pictures over the edge, vertigo or no.  Alone, I will do that, I do believe.  There are few I can be sure... won't do what the world of stone and men seem to mostly want.

I fret about Desert Cat, but the truth is he has one of the better possible responses.  Whether I said it or not, his reactions were quite close to my friend, the physics graduate student.  Both had, or have had, similar... troubles with women.  Both have been, and have to be due to employment to a degree, open to things I have set aside.  No kicks meant, just a ground place to start.  I fluster both.  Hmm, my other friend was an only child, so did not really create a tier.  I was always the youngest.  I can clearly see where Desert Cat fits in that part of life, and what, itself, could lead to problems.  While age is only slightly different, this might be a large part of things.  I frustrate people, in general though.  I am only partly civilized.  Then again, this is as close to it as I have ever been.  I told my last lady that she would have truly, absolutely, without a doubt, hated me if she had met me when we were both younger.  I also told her we still would have been to bed.  I was much... harder... when younger.  Rather than dealing with a great white, which often releases upon realizing a mistake, it would have been more like dealing with a bull shark.  Physically, emotionally, mentally.

I don't know if that soothes anything.  Not sure that is the point, either.  I am not sure I can do such things.  But the hope is that understandings, at a bit of a level so as to function, can be... expressed.

The girls are good.  They were quite happy to see poppa.  All I had for them was a bit of vocal greeting, some petting and scratching, and easily not being grumpy at their clamoring.  My little ladies, for their part, were quite happy to see me.  They weren't quite sure.  Sam, the bold and friendly, had to look me over, listen for a bit, sniff around, and even then she approached with caution.  Well, she probably knew right away.  Like any woman, cat or know, feeling abandoned, she may have simply held a bit of reserve.  Short lived, but she let me know I was bad?

Today?  I got the bike off, right away, thinking that would allow me to back into the garage.  Not so much.  Oh, no, the bike came off with no fuss.  But the stuff on top has to come out of the carrier, then the carrier has to be removed before the Xt'er will fit the space.  That would be my first move, should I move in that direction yet today.  I do not know if that will happen.  I honestly need a little time to adjust, to get back on medication, and to... figure out my life back and here in the cave.  Aye, and I need a bit of rest.  Have no doubt that I spent every penny of my accumulated life energy, and then some, in this endeavor.  If you find another man who has the potential to be on the heart transplant list who can do these things I should very much like to meet him.  A woman?  More so, if she did this solo, not if she was dragged along or pampered.  I do need... rest... coolness... sitting... something.  The burn needs to be excised, though I may just push when most of my reset conditions are met and let that tend to itself over time.

No, I will try to push through with unloading the carrier today.  I will then work on restoring order to my castle, in an ongoing set of small task groups, resting much, over the next few days.  By Monday I hope to be in condition, along with the cave, to begin processing the load in the X.  I did bother with the cooler already, not wanting things to go bad and smell bad.  Yes, a plan.  A true plan?  I won't know until it is time.  Hmm, a song... yes... a tune that was on my mind while in the heat and dust and sun.  Later.



By the bye...  I was known as Doom out there.