Awake a bit late, but good enough.

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To bed by 22:30, but not really comfortable for no specific reason.  I dreamed much but lost it.  It was a mixed bag of good and bad dreams, if memory serves even that far.  Rocking and rolling, sleep seemed just a bit off, if that wasn't a real issue.  Perhaps just the change in time, along with all that, is throwing me a bit.  I heard the alarm at 8:00, whatever time that really is/was.  I don't have a close association with the world of flesh as is, so changing things doesn't help.  I thought I would get up, turned off the alarm, went to roll out of bed, and did... at 10:00 or so.  It's... sort of funny though too, at least since I wasn't late for anything.  If you can back out of a failure, and just see it objectively, the human and human like creature is sort of a cute creature.  Trying, succeeding, failing, sleeping, napping, odd little habits...  Imagine if that was a bear that went to wake up, then fell back to slumber for a bit, in an odd position.  Same same, only I'm not ever, and won't ever be, hunted for my fur or for eating cattle (without permission).

I fed the girls first thing, since woke so late.  I did try to set my mind to wake at 5:00-6:00 but that simply fell through.  I am hoping, today, to get to some of what I missed yesterday.  I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, which I think I will be able to make.  Other than that, not much else going on.

I am still simply in a blah part of medicinal titration.  I'll get through it.  I will go through these times quite often though, even on medicines.  Sometimes the medicines will cause it, sometimes my body will.  Even with a heart function up to 30-38%, I'm not exactly healthy or fit.  That I can lead an independent life, as unfit as that may be at times, is a minor miracle.  That I can do even more, at times, is simply beyond unusual as well.  That I pay a price for it, even should I have stayed on medicines, is just the reality of the gig I live.  If I were heavily into working out, I would go through down spells as well.  World class athletes have to take down times.  The harder they train, the shorter is the period in which they can train at top level.  It's a simple reality check and limit.  Pushing that brings strains, injury, pain.  How many pro level athletes are unfit to rake their own lawns now?  You might be surprised.  Just a reality, and within my condition, actually a fairly high functioning one.  I need to be careful of pushing, and understanding of the price is all.  Burning Man was worth it.

My next appointment is the 18th.  I am hoping to be on, or close to, full medications by then.  I don't know where my bp is, or blood sugar.  I simply haven't been able to keep on tracking that.  I'll keep trying to keep that in the menu options.

Life is good, just a little slow.  I still get up to the plate once in a while, and take a crack at the ball.  I simply can't round the plates right now so no one will put me in the game, including me.  Do what you can.  There is always the hope that medicine will bring me to some level of greater capacity.  Before it stops being available.  And, yeah, I think that is coming.  Even 50% heart capacity would give me a better chance.  Something, anything, to not have them put me down, or escape if I see that coming, or survive without them if that is the way it breaks.  I do believe, if just in my mind, that I have an idea what the Jews who couldn't get out of Germany must have been going through.  Zerocare, and death boards, are coming folks.  Like the unfinished Deathstar, it will be ready before one may actually know it.  But when it is ready, there may be no one able to dismantle it.

I honestly suspect that NSA spying is why liberalism is winning.  They have used the data to throw elections, influence judges *cough* Roberts *cough* cause senators and congressmen to water down their attempts to fight things, and vote in specific ways, perhaps even pushing the last pope out.  I don't know, no proof I mean, I simply suspect.  Like the IRS, EPA, and the rest, the NSA is being used for pro-big government activities and undermining the will of the people, both in the US and abroad.