Oh, really?

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Maybe or maybe not.  I remember conversations I have had with folks about nephilim, demons, angels, God and the like.  Some have read what I have written, others haven't.  Belief?  Yes and no.  Some really think these things, and my understandings, are just stories.  Entertaining, fairly well constructed mostly, with an ear to 'myth' and some follow up into reality.  Linear, just a bit too far.  Others have a much stronger belief, usually limited to areas of mutual agreement, leaving off large chunks where there isn't common ground.  And, then, there are the folks who don't want to believe.  People who's doubts are as much with their doubt as their belief.

The stories seem to be good enough.  Even if they must be doubted.  And, some doubts... I understand.  For example, the notion that the four horsemen, or one of them at least, heard the call to God?  Many believe the horsemen are damned.  Hell following with the pale horseman might be an indication.  And, of course, the notion that one of them is Satan himself.  Could be.  But something that might be missed is free will colliding with fate and God's will.  Well... and confusion and misunderstanding... even for those who participate, as sheep or the actual bringers of the end.  Could one or all of the horsemen be Christian, in the true sense of the word?  Or even, how could they not be.  Either way, they are doing God's will, work.  Then again, Satan is doing God's work, and will, just not... consciously willfully?  Something.  Notions, just like any normal man or woman... something to consider.  I don't reap doubt, mind you, I just have and live it, on some things.

People want someone to know all, tell it.  Truth is?  Only God knows.  No, not even angels know.  Not St. Michael, not St. Gabriel.  It doesn't work like that.  They don't even have souls.  Usually they don't have flesh.  As I have said, that is why good intentions are not enough.  It takes good intentions, coupled with positive follow through, ending in a good result.  Or it simply doesn't matter.  Patting yourself on the back for giving an alcoholic bum a $20 spot, so he can continue to drink?  It's the bricks the road to hell is paved with.  Feeding, clothing, finding housing for, a family who has had a fire gut their home, until they can get back on their feet?  Until they do?  Without a price?  That's more like it.  Even visiting a filthy criminal in prison, and telling them that you are praying for them, or visiting the sick.  These are good when done for goodness' sake.  There is more.  Church, for example, will not save.  Only Christ can, and knowing Him.  And... Him knowing you.  Meet and great Him, let Him into your life, then go to church.  Church will not save you anymore than sin can damn you, save the one.  But if you go there, do that once and for all damning sin, you will know it beforehand.  No one does that by accident.  That's a part of that sin, to do it knowingly.  It is doubt in God's forgiveness that will damn many, most actually.  For that is doubting the power of Christ's sacrifice, which is one aspect of the unforgivable sin.

I don't know it all.  I have spent a hard life looking.  For truth, which turns out to be Truth.  I have made, make, and will continue to make, mistakes, to sin.  Big, small, known, and unknown.  But my faith isn't in my deeds, knowledge, wisdom, it is in Christ.  I used to believe I was strong enough to be my own.  No one is, save God.  Period.  I understand secularism, spiritualism, and even an attempt at atheism.  I have been past the veil, seen that there is Truth beyond it.  Took a long time to finally bow.  In humility, in reverence, in awe, and not just for what I will get.  I have some doubts if I have a soul.  Even so, I bow.  Belief about the rest of it?  No more required than a belief in angels, or demons.  Not required, though... strongly advised, as I see things.  The bible isn't a story book.  My blog may be, but the bible isn't.  Is the bible understood?  I think, mostly, but still yes and no, not even by the faithful, not even by angels, certainly not by demons.

Anyway.  Yeah, I understand doubts.  I commend them, recommend them at times, have them, and share them.  But I have seen what I have seen, done what I have done, and share it... if... not always absolutely directly, or accurately.  I am not sure we can, yet, share like that.  We don't even know our own minds, not fully.  How are we going to share what we don't know?  Will?  The faithful give that to God and yet still sin. 

Yeah... I saw doubt in a young man's eyes, one who reads here from time to time.  He won't question me, not directly.  And, I was thinking...  I am glad he cannot believe.  I hope he never learns what would allow him to believe.  But I don't want him to die young, either.  He will know, or the possibilities, should he live long enough.  Innocence is lost, in life, and only the Redeemer can find it and return it.  I just hope that, when the pains of some of the truths of life find him, that he will find the humility to kneel.  And pray.  And surrender to the understanding that he can't know and isn't strong enough to... be his own man.  Not without God.

Oh... well... yes... I'm not just an ogre, or nephilim, hiding away.  I think, live, breath, hope, and pray.  And I probably have seen and done things that really aren't possible.  Either slightly deluded, a bit mind and soul weary, perhaps open to suggestion, but maybe, just maybe... telling some truths that are uncomfortable.  I remember much, but so little too, at times...  Later.