Yeah? I have had worse.

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Going back on medicine is more achy than the flu.  I am almost sure the flu, or whatever virus, has left the building.  The aches I'm going through are typical medicine start up aches and no fever or other symptom.  Timed that just right.  Who wants to ever feel better!  Actually, this summer has been pretty good.  My garden, and flowers, are gone.  My lawn is in dire straights, I still have a faucet, then whole bathroom to fix.  And a thousand other things on the menu.  Next year?  The watering system goes in first.  THEN I put plants in.  But if I don't have something in by May?  Forget about it.  The season is simply too short to fuss.  I suppose the next thing for me to do is take the drip feed system down, and pack it in until next year.

That will lift some stress and demand, and a whole failing set of projects off my shoulders.  Perhaps that will help me to kickstart something else.  I think, the next thing I am hoping to work out, is the mess of a cave I am living in.  An attempt to get back to some semblance of humanity.  I was starting summer fairly well.  The shows aren't what brought me down.  I was stumbling well before that.  I had hoped they would give me some... directed down time.  And I suppose they did.  But there simply hasn't been a way back up since.  Going off, and slipping on, medicines, for a while now.  As I said though, is it medicines, or illness, that lobs the first shell over the bow?  I'm leaning toward illness being the culprit this time.

Whine.  I do.  Or so it might seem.  Truth is, these are just the facts.  What I am doing is, clearly and precisely taking a look and my realities so I can assess where I need and want to go and how I can get there.  It seems rather like being in a life-vest... somewhere a dozen miles from shore, heading out to see, far from the shipping lanes.  It's the way it's been for a very long time though.  It's 2014?  Hmm... since 1987, I believe.  That's not when it all finalized, just when I started seeing the signs that something bigger than my consciousness and will was wrong, and with me.  It was coming for me and I had no way to escape, or defeat, it.  And it wasn't even until 2010-11 until I knew what all was involved.  It could be worse.  There are people who really don't know, perhaps can't.

I may have mentioned, I set up a new anti-virus program on my system.  Since it tends to completely gobble resources on this old system, I have set it up to ask me before it hiccups or farts.  It completely ignores.  I really do hate these punk nose programmers who think they will defend my machine at all costs, ignoring my input.  That's the same type of hubris that hackers have, and, essentially, they are using the same tools to "defend".  Essentially, and beyond, they are no more trustworthy than who they face.  Just as likely they are picking up data and selling it, just like hackers.  It's only a dog eat dog world when everyone is a dog.  As is the case with computer security and hackers.  Both just want the data to themselves.

Later.