I honestly can't believe how beat I am, and have been.

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Oh, I've gotten some things done this summer.  Far fewer than I had hoped.  Sometimes I just pushed through, other times I breezed through.  Overall, though, I've been getting my ass handed to me.  I've been down a lot.  On the good side, I realize to my satisfaction, that it hasn't been laziness.  And, even when down, I haven't just stopped.  These have been some of my best down times.  Sure, there is a general disassociation with the outside world, fairly strongly.  But inside, which is sometimes all I have, wasn't also empty, void, quiet.  Plus, I keep trying.  I don't think I have just sat back, on the inside.  What's the difference between a sleeping turtle and an awake turtle?  A lot, actually.

I'll keep working at it.  I do fear fall and winter a bit more than usual.  Then again, this summer was much cooler.  More clouds, more rain days, it added up.  I am fragile to change, it seems, and the cool more than heat, up to a point.  We'll see.  I would really like to try out the snowshoes.  Sure, a lot of work.  But if you can get the hang of it?  It's... still a lot of work.  However, the snowshoes aren't just for their own use.  There is an end to them.  I have dreamed of camping up there, in the mountains, in the winter.  Might only do it once, or maybe even for a season.  But I have to do that, if I live long enough to get it all together.  I still want a solid four season tent.  I believe I have the rest of the gear.  I just need to learn to use snowshoes, at least.  Well, and where to camp more safely, avoiding avalanche lanes and such, as much as possible.  The gig is not to die out there.  And it isn't about risk.  It is merely to, for several nights, look out over the scenes before I sleep.

Yeah, but...  We'll see.  I do have to do it alone, for a number of reasons.  Though it wouldn't be horrible to have camping neighbors not too far away.  Just dreaming, for now, but...  Nap time.  I think I've been up all night?  I can't honestly remember.  I know I took a "nap" yesterday early to mid afternoon.  Hmm...  My naps have been my sleep.  Two four hour stretches, with somewhat longish wake times.  Just odd...  Anyway, on to a nap.  Perhaps I can get out this afternoon.  I'll check to see if I have taken my medicine, and do so if not.  I've actually been doing alright with those, somehow.  Yeah, later.