A behaving life.

.
.
With many things which had been biting into my mind solved yesterday, sleep was really good.  I was to bed before 20:00.  Sometime in that hour before.  Beyond that, the accuracy of my recall is too weak to rely upon.  I didn't remember to set the alarm.  It wasn't so much that I didn't see the need, as that I hadn't been able to tally a nine hour sleep window (remember, the alarm is a failsafe, not my preferred method of waking) before falling to sleep.  Now, I probably slept through what would have been that sleep time, and cushion past that, if only by a few literal minutes if I had to guess, and by the law of averages.  I'll take that.  Pretty much, the last few days, sleep and wakefulness have been exactly what I would hope of them, without having to do much about it.  As things really heat up that will change.

Neither dream or worry bothered my sleep last night.  I tended so many things yesterday to boot, that I suspect even my waking hours will be a bit more fit.  It isn't that those things were day terrors, but they were concerns, and concerns tend to rupture the eardrums of the psyche the way a herd of children might cause real ear drums to bleed.  The more, time or children... or in my case bothers, the quicker the pace to a rupture.  That's why nap time, learning time, and some other things.  Well, for children.  No way to escape duties and responsibilities, other than tending them, not legitimate ways.  Good to have taken care of so many things.  No, I didn't list them all.

One of the other things was to call the utility, to ask about the refund.  Nope, the review committee was "reviewing", I was told.  Bunk.  They are waiting for the automatic payment form I sent.  But they weren't going to tell me that, they would just keep reviewing until they got it.  Oh, I knew.  So I... fished for a bit.  I think, in the end, they knew that I knew.  And, as stated, I knew they knew, and finally that I knew.  Not much deeper, but... we all knew everything, even what wasn't stated.  :p  Being as it was, I didn't tell them I had sent the form.  Stubbornness can offer a short joy, but may have slowed the process of getting the check sent.  Though it may not have mattered if I had told.  Something about "in the hands" is the response after... dealing with me on some things, by some people, eventually.  Yeah... I push things.  Not always on purpose, but...  SOME people!  There is a multiplicity of meanings with "SOME people", one of them being that only because not all people "get to" work with me.  :)  Yes, my mother was (is) a troubled woman for it.

Although, if you ever wish to be in charge, do and say very little.  If you wish to break a woman's, or even man's, will... only be a mirror, or coordinating opposite.  Don't let them, make them make all decisions, do all actions, make everything happen.  Most people think they want that until they can't escape it.  Don't be an anchor, but don't be a propeller, be what they wish, but force them to make you exactly what they wish to within your capacity.  Drives them to distraction.  First they begin to despise you.  But when they see you are being, in flesh and spirit, just what they wish... they begin to see the problem.  I have experimented extensively in life, consciously, since childhood.  I didn't know what it meant, at the time, but by the time of my grandfather's funeral, in 1976 I believe, I had already learned to use Zen methods to keep secrets.  I built a tank in my mind, and became it.  All that could be brought from my lips was the construction methods and what the tank was doing.  Nothing could break that.  I taught my mother, through it, what I would and would not divulge.  That first time, she thought I had gone into a fever.  But with no temp, or other signs of illness... it baffled her greatly.  Eventually, she learned that there are some things I would not tell her.  She learned, as I did, what pleading the 5th, correctly or otherwise, was indeed a God given right.  *blink blink*

Just... enjoying opening up a bit, after a time of being psychically cloistered because of an ongoing concern.  Well... and morning song-monster (bird) chatter.  Later.