Down hard.

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I think some weather pattern went through last night.  Clear skies this morning, though quite brisk even now.  I slept very long this morning.  I didn't wake until 9:00, when I should have been awake by 5:00-7:00.  I woke a few times, just to stir, fuss, and go back to sleep... and once for business.  No worries, some days that is going to happen.  Sleep was very good.  Dreaming seemed about normal, if only one remains.  I felt good enough going to sleep and feel "normal" this morning.  No complaints.  Everybody needs to sleep in once in a while, I suppose.

The dream was about my brother.  We used to have a pretty rocky relationship, still do but at a distance so it isn't noticed.  We aren't blood kin, and at times have denied much else.  We have gone through several variations on power structuring.  To be honest, most favored me.  However, when their is favor, their is cost.  He did not know of this aspect until I left.  He didn't understand that no matter how big or powerful I was, shit rolls down hill.  What I got, I gave.  There was only one of me to hand out what I was getting from multiple sources.  What I gave was harsher than any single source, but lessor than the combined.  He did not know, understand.  Still, probably, doesn't.

We spoke of some things.  Our past, our present, and perhaps the future.  You never can know how those will work in a dream.  And, while I can change dreams, I rarely do these days.  Even when, as with this one, some parts of it hurt.  Real life hurts.  Pain is part of the process.  And since this dream was a look at our life, I had to take the bad to see the good in proper perspective.  Now, of course, dreams are merely my mind, at least this sort of dream.  I was looking the events of our lives over, deciding how I think they fit, using as much objectivity, but not denying subjectivity either.

I came to the conclusion that, like it or not, appreciate it or not, we are brothers.  We will always be brothers.  I have room to ask for forgiveness for the sins of my youth, and other parts of my life.  But that is from my side.  I honestly don't know if he has room to offer forgiveness.  That isn't my problem, however.  Nor is the request a trick or a trap.  He has his own side of things, too, if I don't know that he sees them.  I can't deal with that part.  If two people sin against each other, only the sins each has performed is necessary for each.  If you steal my coin at one time, and at another I beat you, I am only able to deal with having beat you.  You must deal with your sins.  And, so, in time, I will deal with my sins.

I'm not getting the dream exactly right, the nuances and flow.  The general notions are there.  Without avarice, or being thick-necked, however.  Just... understanding.  It was a satisfying dream.  Though, I believe, it won't stop there.  I have... things to do.  I may get a chance.  I hope I am putting this out right...  Just woke, and the dream was quite complex.  This is a much reduced form.  I'll review after I have been awake for a while.

Trash today.  Perhaps dishes.  Maybe laundry.  A shower in the early afternoon as well.  Most likely.  Spring has sprung, for sure.  Hmm.... maybe, if I can kick a shower out by noon, a trip up to the river and a bit of a hike.  Nothing fancy, only a couple of miles of scouting each way...  A small pack just to add some extra to the notion.  Yes, maybe.  Later.