I am thinking.

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Which means I have been quiet.  It is why I have been quiet.  As I tabulate possibility, probability, reality, so as to chart a set of contrary courses, figuring out what can be done to clear the way for both without impeding either, at this point, I have been away from blogging, and life to some degree.  I stepped out for a bit.  Reality, of course, isn't what you make it.  It is, however, exactly what you make of it.  Where that line that divides truly exists, however, is... a fluid thing.  For some it is more of a semi-solid.  For others it is as a river.  The only thing that, for those who know the water, is needed to be understood, is that a foot can never be placed in the same river.  What is will be gone, so timing, as with jokes, is everything.  Though, for those of severe fluidity, even that often means very little.  Usually.

Yes, plans are being drawn.  Notions fleshed out, recovered, integrated, and derived.  The paths are being scouted, methods are being devised, sight is being freed to see, without blinders or obstructions, including those of self.  This... takes a bit out of a being, any being, so other things must suffer.  Have you ever watched an Olympic pole vaulter?  Look, if you haven't.  The concentration isn't just on the face, you will see it in their movements, running, a bit on the face, and in their... ways.  Now, make it a bit more interesting.  Make it as if there is a jump to the right and to the left, but they won't know which way they will have to go until they are into their sprint.  That is what I am seeing before me.  Fail?  Not an option?  Oh, it's an option, and more.  It isn't even a possibility, so much as a requirement.  Whether I clear either bar, or the correct one, in a long enough time line, which for those drawing breath is quite short, failure is guaranteed.  Zero-point on a bias is the only way to claim some small victories.  No, I am not perfectly satisfied with the idea, but it is what it is.  Still, that is the way.  How successfully I can navigate the choices will decide how much success at the future I will see.

So, as I figure things out, and begin laying the foundations for whichever future it is to be, I am otherwise indisposed.  The thinking is heavy, the doing... the crafting of reality, will be a bit more... tedious.  As I have suggested, all the planning, preparation, practice, and thought that goes into life often comes down to a few critical moments.  How, in other words, do you catch a bullet?  Most can't.  Those who can do it very slowly, painstakingly, and through time, and then very very quickly.  Which... sort of... is what I am doing, or preparing to do.

On the good side, just this morning... I think... or yesterday morning(?)...  I beat my new old and older sudoku record.  I have completed a puzzle in 9 seconds.  My old best was 12 seconds, the one before it was 13 seconds (from the day before).  The one before that was 15 seconds, set quite some time ago.  Oh, nothing fancy.  I am sure there are those, with quicker, smaller, fingers... and younger or better minds... or both... who can do them much faster.  And it isn't every puzzle or all the time.  Some days my body isn't right, sometimes my mind isn't right, and there are times when neither is right.  My usual, for that level, is around 25-32 seconds.  That is still, usually, at the 100% mark, compared to thousands of other players.  Though whether usual players, or just stoned hipsters with no real clue or interest, are fair or true tests of my ability, is another thing.  I just don't know the quality of the competition. 

Just letting you know that I haven't died, or gone missing, yet, or such.  I'm... thinking... as I wrote.  Today?  I am going to try to take my mind off the process and do some work.  Or, at least, split that up a bit.  I should be able to kick out the dishes, I have taken a shower, maybe I'll do another load of laundry, and manage the cat litter.  Time only tells what will be, regardless of plans.  Later.