It's either a train or the sun.

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I seem to be approaching the light at good speed.  I was awake until 17:30(ish) last night, the latest I have been up in a long time.  Or was it 19:30(ish)?  Yeah, I think it was the last.  As I recall, I set the alarm for 5:00, after rounding up, adding eight hours for sleep, then tossing in another for good measure, using the alarm, it was hoped, as a backstop, not a primary means of waking.  Huh?  Yeah.  I ended up waking at 1:00 or 2:00?  Maybe 3:00?  To be expected when I make a huge jump in my schedule.  I think the latest I have stayed up, beside that, was 15:00 yesterday, but more like 13:00 the last few days before that.  My effort is the same, day to day.  The effects just happen.  I'm honestly not sure all of my effort actually means a damn.  That doesn't mean I'll quit, it's just being honest.  Hey, as the widow who offered her coin, and was praised for having given all she had... so it is with me and my will.  I might not change the world, or even myself.  I will die trying.  And, you know what, like my schedule coming around of late?  Sometimes it does work.

Now, pushing my schedule as I have has left me pretty much busted up.  I won't be doing much else.  I can't, really.  Gaming, to push the hours.  And for something simply to do.  I haven't even been blogging.  There simply hasn't been anything to say.  I haven't even been thinking.  Though I had a wonderful dream about some of my various "brothers".  Men and boys who at one time were kin of one sort or another.  Some of them ended far worse, some of them are far worse and not dead.  I have known some fine men.  Even those who have failed... where good in ways, to a point.  Even the ones who did wrong, start to stop, taught me.  I have lead, trained, learned, followed (to a degree), laughed, and even cried with my companions.  I pray for the living and the dead.  And that they might find forgiveness, as I surely do.

My friend has called, several times by the look of it.  A message has been sent.  I need to get in to town for other things, getting him out would be good too.  I would like to get him to the men's group.  Though I am having great troubles attending myself.  If nothing else, getting in a couple of times a month.  Oh, and perhaps, since he talks all day (not judging, definitely not judging), making a meal when I go in.  I will be ordering ducks to replace those I lost.  And I am going to plan on buying a whole beef this spring.  Then, three months after that, half an hog.  I'll be giving some of the beef out.  It would also be good to feed folk.  He said he owes a woman or two.  If not both at the same time, perhaps having a choice guest to eat with us from time to time might work as well.  Just some thoughts.  Oh, and food pictures... he might be able to help or tinker along with me on that.

I am back, well, on medicine.  I am trying to eat more regularly.  I do slip here, while doing well there, always something.  I'll keep at it.  I'd love to be out in the snow, even once in a while.  Taking pictures, snowshoeing, perhaps even winter camping.  I'll... I'll get there.  Later.  *wink*