Pretty rough still.

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It can't just be the medicines, can it?  Maybe.  I'm thinking probably not though.  My diet might have something to do with it, though that can't be all of it, or even a large portion.  Achy, headaches, temp fluctuation, flu-like but definitely not the flu.  Just not the right collection of extra symptoms.  Never mind.  I'll keep resting as I must, eating as I can, taking medicine, and praying.  Oh, right, and dark thoughts and dreams seem to be making their presence known.  I won't tell you there is any truth in there.  I will only tell you that I believe there is.

Having the devil want you in his club is a seriously bad thing.  What he seems to have on offer, however, is... well... anything worldly or of flesh.  Empty, dead, no matter how sexy seeming, addictive, or seeming wanted by the many.  Oh, trust me.  The grandest heaven he can offer truly is smaller than my pride, and I believe I will skip.  If I were to go that way I would eliminate the middle man, and don't think I'm not up to it.  At least an attempt.  Yeah.  I could and I will skip, just not in his direction.  I used to have it, anyway.  I'd rather be a gardener in heaven, or even a statue outside the gates if my kind aren't fully welcome.

Dark things in those dreams, visions, daydreams, and such.  And light too.  God is always there, if I ask.  And I do.  I hide nothing from Him, not even my worst.  I just show and ask.  Trust me, He knows what I don't dare tell you, and I tell you much.  Cool with it?  Nah.  But He does love me, and is patient.  More so than I, though that's not saying much.  Hmm... Not sure... something or other or good night... or day.  I just can't figure things out.