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Nothing. I feel no pain or pleasure, I taste nothing like less, I just am. I'll try to figure some things out. For now... I don't even know what to say. It's been heading this way for a bit. When I try to work out of it, eat out of it, play out of it, I just end up right back here trying to remember how I got here. I've definitely had worse. The music from yesterday, was it, reminded me of those times. This is more like purgatory versus a form of hell on earth. Denuded of good and evil, a time out to gather. But there is no way to gather. So this isn't the spiritual, but physical, form of a spiritual place. I've certainly had worse, and I am all but certain I'll make it back to better before too long.
Dreamed of women last night. There were a number of women who, when I was secular and busy, slipped my grasp. Women who were interested, but either had real reasons to not accept my invitation, or from whom I was called away early by duty or command. It happened, often. In my dreams I... got another chance with them. Yeah, that kind of dream. I woke several times through the night, as I often do anymore. I prayed for chastity, out loud once, unless that was a dream, or part of one, too. I think I was awake though. When the dreams are so real it can be difficult to parse from wakefulness, especially when just barely awake. I was granted my prayers, if I had to use all my self-control as well. God only helps those who help themselves. Though, true enough, sometimes I can't or won't call, or won't follow through.
I don't know about today. I will be checking on some business. My schedule is all over the place. I never know when I will be awake. I can't plan... anything. I do need to check things, and perhaps push to be awake at specific times. Bleh. No sun, and it turned back to cool. I am loving it, in one sense. I fear the blazing heat. That's always rough. Still, if I want to get going, I suppose I am going to have to depend on that happening... whenever it does happen. A shower already. Perhaps some cleaning, dishes, and/or laundry. We'll see. Later.
Hmmm... Praying for better days for you. Be well, Doomster.
ReplyDeleteI worry, ya know?
ReplyDeleteI do appreciate the prayers. For both of us. Oh, but no need to worry. What is the worst that could happen? And the best? In practical terms, mind you. I don't think wasps can even live there! :p
ReplyDeleteOn the cool side? I really am losing weight and muscling up a bit. If I can get to 260, or 240, things will mellow quite a lot I should think, and my travels would be easier to start. I'm not sure how much stronger I am, but it is... a third over what it was. If I can get back to it, and keep up a bit better, I think I can triple it this summer. Something... is changing. There just happens to be a bit of a price right up front, and I'll probably plateau from time to time... or even stumble back off the edge, as it seems I have now.
Oh. OH. That kind of worry. Don't worry about that. I made a promise to be true. That was then, this is now. Besides, now I know what is wrong. And I am over the pride issue regarding being broken.
ReplyDeleteI worry about your physical health, Doomster. I gave up worrying about your mental wackiness a looooooong time After all, who am I to talk? I'm right there with you on my that stuff. And the other stuff? Oh never mind.. I haven't even had a cuppa Joe yet.
ReplyDeleteAh, okay. Yeah, the physical... it is wackier than anything else by far. I think you, and others, might be extremely surprised at how stable my mind is. Now, when the body is in such pain, that chewing off the offending part is beginning to seem reasonable, sure... I probably get a bit off track. And still I have all my parts. As to the other things? Either you believe some people have sight, or you don't. You believe what they tell you they see, or you don't. What they see makes sense, it doesn't, or even if it does you run away in horror. I've never completely denied that I might be a little buggy. We all are. I only don't think the bugs are what they seem.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest that most people believe in science, psychology, medicine, and some other things over what I see and suggest. Not because those things are true or right, even they know they aren't. It is because those things are small enough to seem safe to their minds, for their bodies. Much of those things are outright lies. Being told it is all okay, over and over, until it is believed... while hiding as much of the truth, as deeply as possible, so as to not have to deal with it.
Well... Joe helps. Tea, anymore, in my case. Though I might begin having a cuppa once in a while. Oh, I figured out why I like darjeeling so much. It is much easier to consume. The black(er) teas hit my system like hard water does a home system. I may try whole whipping cream with black tea, to... ease that, much as I do with coffee. If you want something lighter, much lighter, but pretty good, other than coffee, hit darjeeling up. If you want a tea that is more like coffee, try the various black teas. Darjeeling is considered a black, but it's of a solid medium, not heavy, body. Oh... just thinking out loud.