Such a dark and hard place, time.

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Life, here and now, that is.

Bills were finally sorted.  Breathing room seemed to have been developed.  Then the other shoes started to fall... or become apparent to me?  Some of each.

My mother called.  A check I wrote not only failed, the account was gone?  I knew it was in slight arrears, but the social security check should have both fixed that and covered the check.  Also known, social security wrote saying they would be cancelling my arrangement this January, unless information could be offered.  Did they cancel early?  I simply don't know.

It took massive focus, and three days, for me to get things aligned then applied.  Out, today.  Plus shopping and medicine.  Doc didn't have a prescription for my main heart medicine and only one refill (now expended) for the other medicines.  Carvedilol is still in slim supply, so it is doable.  And they faxed him about this.  I just saw this joker in August ffs!  He would write insulin script in a second.  Even give them until I am hooked, dependent, and eminently expendable, but won't mess with the cheap life saving stuff? It sure looks that way.  Anyway, I sent what was owed, and double for guilt.  I will tackle mother in some ways.  I... won't wantonly harm her.  Even when we spat, trust me, she gives better than I can give, or more frequently... and that tangle of a woman has some seriously thick skin... who do you think taught me?

Nothing to be done for the shuttered account.  But they had gone rogue and were murdering with fees, fines, taxes, and who knows what else.  Greedy nasty monsters, kicking a dying animal after over a decade of business.  I expect a bill from them.  I will begin working on social security Monday, or thereabouts.  Ffs!  At least my conscience is as clear as it can be w/r to mom, at this point.  Even an unintentional bad check to mom?  Especially putting her in a bind?  She forgave, without even a curse.  Not fair.  Even with God, that is my most difficult event.

Later.