Not today.

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The vehicle is mostly loaded.  My suit cases are almost finished.  It isn't just laundry, but the fact that the day was already stretching far too long to get a good long sleep in.  Time simply slipped through my fingers.  A good effort was put in though.  I even remembered to stop my mail at the post.

I still have two loads of laundry, one drying.  I might be able to do the dishes.  I got the cat water system reset, and will probably reset litter.  After sleep.  I am overheated, plum worn down.  I can't quite just finish or simply go.  Too late, tired, with too much to do.  I'll get there.

I was thinking... couldn't save the ones I most wished to save.  No matter what else a man does, failing at the one personal thing any decent, right, good man would give his life to save... woman and child... is a special sort of hell.  Not truly a sin, it wasn't an act or even inaction.  In some ways that makes it worse... no forgiveness can be found.

I do wonder, through time and finally finding God, perhaps my eventual purpose as well, if... the loss was to add her to my weaponized nature... to complete the bastardization of all things.  I like to believe darkness may have purpose.  Maybe, just maybe, she will be the key to specific battles through living in me.  A price I would never have forfeit of my free will.  So be it?  Amen.

Good night, and day.