As I was closing up shop...

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I finally reviewed finances, if rather roughly, last night.  I forgot one bill, at least.  But was rather blocky when counting.  Money is, to say the least, tight.  Further, I am behind on several accounts.  It... will take a month, or three of great care and some luck, to catch everything up.  I will begin soon.

Even when caught up, it will be extremely tight.  I thought about trying for a job, but with my schedule shifting as much as twelve hours a week, especially when tiring myself as prep, travel, and the function of a job would exacerbate that... I might make a paycheck, perhaps two.  I've done this rodeo before.  Even college, with just a few classes four days a week, with showering most days first and travel, homework and test stress...  I couldn't keep up.  Even ritalin couldn't always push me over the line.

I don't think I could handle ritalin now.  It was like trying to use rocket fuel in a propeller plane, for me, back then.  Far from becoming an addiction, it was a horror to take.  I... never could take it daily, every day.  Every three day weekend I went without, every holiday I could go without, I did.  A few times a week when I absolutely couldn't get going, or knew I 'had to' do things, more if I could take them.  If I needed down time, I wouldn't touch the stuff for a week or however long needed.  Brutal.  My physical body is truly mostly dead.  Nothing will undo that.  Nothing can sneak me past it.

So, no other stream of income actually possible, it's... down to... very few options.  To be honest, selling the cave, then renting, wouldn't save all that much.  As little privacy and security as I have now, even that would decrease.  Finding a place, with two cats, is impossible.  So... just leaving them.  And, more, trying to sell the house as things are?  Only economic propagandists believe the economy is good, improving.  Anyone in what had been the middle class knows our spending power is closer to the working poor than anything like even the dregs of the former middle class we had been a party.  Gold isn't going up in value, the dollars which purchase it are drowning in their increased volume.  Even then, gold is being kept from actual market value by central planners, because if it were allowed to tell the real economic story about inflation WWIII would happen so fast people would get whiplash right before they became toast.

Yea.  So... my problems aren't... all that.  Still, double double toil and trouble.  It is what I have to my lot.  The world elite are too busy thieving and backstabbing for what will end as a pretty sparkle of space dust and lure for the hellbound than to deal with... anyone else's problems.  Cold, dark, dangerous, and treacherous.  I had missed one.