Well? Awake, I suppose.

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I did get to bed earlier, but... not all that much earlier.  I think it was around one?  A bit after.  I did set the alarms.  Blew through the first one, but the second one, in time, eventually woke me, or... lead to my waking.  Ugh.  Brutal.  The girls tried to help too.  They know when they want me up, but they also seem to know when I want, or am able (possibly) to wake, and will help.  Still, it was quite difficult to be awake before noon, I think before eleven.  But I did it.

A shower first thing, well and turning the heat up.  I treated the girls, as well.  Hmm... then rested as I wake.  Next I will get their litter, do chores, and... maybe make something to eat?  Yes.  I think that would be good.  A handful of pistachios already, but that's not best to eat as a whole meal.  A started snack, and occasional snack.

It looks like I am beating the ringworm.  A thick layer of desiccated skin has been coming loose.  I tried to peel it, but that... didn't work the best.  So I have been clipping it off, carefully.  Under is a fresh layer of underskin, as perhaps with a popped blister, which will have to grow out.  That is the price of getting rid of that, and a price easily paid.  I am still spraying it two to three times a day.  And will until I feel that the recovery will happen uncontested by the fungi... at least a few more days.

I think I pissed off a friend a while back.  He suggested he always felt like the adult, when around me.  He doesn't prefer that.  I suggested that that was the plan, but not the truth.  He... didn't like that, nor understand it.  He may not have believed it, either.  It is a mindful... and it isn't a comfortable notion.  The truth is, I only take over when there are no options.  And, should I do so, it is merely to an exacting end which I see a path.  As well, as much as possible, I will not reveal my involvement.  It was always your idea.  Trust me.  Though, often, I am unsure I should do so, only feeling compelled occasionally rightly or wrongly.

Well, that could all just be a story... or at least the parts I didn't actually state... the last parts.  Perhaps I am delusional.  Or, maybe, I really do... certain things in certain ways, and only when I see necessity.  Either way, that would be uncomfortable for some.  If what I say is true, it is in part because being in charge takes a great deal of energy.  I don't have it to spend on a permanent stake in life.  As well, I have always hated leadership, so not wanted to be a party to it.  If it is untrue, well... so be it.

I dreamed of having this conversation, carried out, last night.  How can you believe that?  Why would you do that?  Etc.  Not happy was the youngling.  Though, I have to say, until you understand to let go of the steering wheel most of the time, possibly even right to an accident?  That is beginning to know some aspect of God.  I am no where near so good, but... I am far closer than most of you would understand.  Or... that is my story, and I am sticking to it.  Be at peace, younglings.  And elders.  Though... I should add... even when I take the wheel?  I... realize it is not I who is in charge.  Even then.  It... causes me... wonder... about God too.  What... just exactly what... how? does He do, and not do, as He does?  ...or doesn't?  Amen.

I best get socks, shoes, and else on, and get to chores.  It's running late.  But... such is life for the near dead.  Ugh.  Have a good day.